FriendshipRelationships
Teen girls often talk about how other people in their lives should be a good friend. And yet might often exempt themselves from the same expectation. (Adults do this too). SUPER HONEST REALITY CHECK- when you are pointing the finger to others 3 fingers point right back at cha! But not to worry, it happens to everyone. If you’re willing to read on, this is how can you be better at this friend thing in life.
3 ways to be a good friend
Things I have learned (sometimes the hard way) through life experience and working with families and teen girls.
If you already know this is an area you would like support in, know that I pride myself on a compassionate approach to caring for your mental health. I come from a trauma informed background that considers all parts of your identity to give you the best personalized services. You can book a free consultation with me here
How to Be A Good Friend Strategy #1: Self Compassion
It starts with you… Everything starts with the self. You! How do you treat yourself? Do you treat yourself with care, love and support? If you are overly critical towards yourself, you may have a tendency of being overly critical with others. What would treating yourself a little nicer even look like? Noticing the criticizing part is a good starting place. Also, changing your self-talk to things like, “true I may not know how to do this yet” , “I know I put in the effort there even if it didn’t turn out, I’ll survive this”. And from there, you might notice you extend the same level of grace to others in your life. If you’re willing, try asking yourself- What would being more curious over judgemental be like?
Note: this does not mean tolerating disrespect, being bullied, pressured or allowing others to flake on you. Extending grace and tolerating being mistreated are different things.
How to Be A Good Friend Strategy #2: Be Your Authentic Self
Do you show up as your true self? Or is there some sort of code switch in order to fit in? What’s the worst that could happen if you showed up as you? People might no longer like you or be friends with you. Is it possible they were not real friends to begin with? I mean who hates authenticity? Someone’s true self without all the layers of masks.
Being your authentic true self does not mean opening yourself up to everyone. It means being able to show up as you, the person in the mirror, flaws and all, embracing your complete sense of humanity – being imperfectly perfect.
Your life and existence is not a performance (although it may feel like it some days!). Show up as you and the world and everything else will adjust. Your self-worth is not tied to other people’s views or expectations of you. It’s an independent construct so treat it as such. You are worth it just because you are.
How to Be A Good Friend Strategy #3: Communication
What’s your communication style like? My way or the highway? Is there room to hear each other out, ask for space when needed, or carry on with the conversation at a later time? Do you socially and emotionally distance yourself when things get hard or when you don’t get your way?
Get curious to know why you respond the way you do to the above questions. What are some responses from others that you’ve appreciated? If they’ve been patient or really caring about what you have to say, this is probably a quality you have also!
What does healthy and effective communication look like to you?
At the end of the day it takes two to tango, including yourself. So you are not exempt from communicating.
Are you jumping into conclusions or do you make space to ask for clarity in order to avoid assumptions and confusion?
I want you to know this is not a personal attack. This is simply a personal reflective practice or journal entry you can engage in. Even for myself as I write this, I am holding space for my triggers (cringe).
If you want to dive further into this exercise, here are a few more questions:
- Are you assertive with your boundaries…. being able to express or communicate your needs and wants and also allowing space and room for others to do the same?
- Is there space to hold feelings, have difficult conversations, and resolve conflict? Or people are no longer good because they made a mistake?
- Do you respect your boundaries and those of others? Are you vengeful and passive in your setting of boundaries or do you create them in order to take care of yourself and keep the relationship strong?
- How do I become more accountable, empathetic and constructive growth?
If these questions brought things up for you, felt like an attack, or made you react defensively, there is something there we can work on to make your life easier.
I offer a non-judgemental space to work through your friendship challenges. Book a call with me- Get to know Chipo
Just remember, the most important thing:
Be the friend you want to have.
Chipo is a Registered Social Worker with a Master’s in Clinical Social Work, providing compassionate and culturally competent therapy to teens, adults, and families. With advanced training in Trauma-Informed Therapy, Narrative Therapy, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT), Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), and Mindfulness, Chipo helps clients address a range of challenges, including anxiety, depression, trauma, grief, and life transitions.
MYTH: social workers only get involved with child welfare cases. TRUTH: Some social workers offer therapy and bring a holistic experience for teens fighting systemic barriers to mental health.
Learn more about Chipo Here
