Managing Teen Anxiety: High School Graduation

Managing teen anxiety around high school graduation – what an emotional rollercoaster! I remember the hallways were buzzing with nervous excitement, each day more than the last…

I was looking forward to my high school career coming to an end but this was often overshadowed by anxiety surrounding the unknown. Many of my friends seemed so sure of what they were doing, with some of them planning on moving across the country for school. Although I was excited to gain more independence, I also felt a ton of pressure. Every thought seemed to end with a question mark.

This uncertainty and sense of being out of control caused some pretty overwhelming anxiety. Just as uncertainty can lead to anxiety, anxiety can lead to avoidance, and I was a pro at it! I avoided looking up admission requirements and application deadlines because I was worried I wouldn’t have the grades to get it. Unfortunately, this only caused more anxiety over the thought of missing the deadline and panic when realizing I was giving myself less time to get things sorted and submitted.

 

If you’re a teen (or a parent of a teen) and your high school graduation is coming up, I have created some tips I found useful during my own graduation. These are tips I share with teens in therapy with me as well.

 Teen Graduation Anxiety Tip #1 – Embrace Exploration

Career quizzes are not only fun but informative. They can be a great way for you to hone in on your interests and reveal careers related to them. You could even do them with your friends or family for fun!

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There are a lot of quizzes out there, but if you’d like to take one right NOW here is one to get you started: Your Free Career Test

Teen Graduation Anxiety Tip #2 – Examine Your Values

Values reveal what’s important to you, and can provide direction in your life. Understanding and getting to know your values can be another way to help with decision making; Living in alignment with your values helps you to live a more fulfilling life. If you’re not sure where to start, Values Discussion Cards by Therapist Aid is a hands-on exercise you can try!

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Teen Graduation Anxiety Tip #3 – Steer Clear of Avoidance

While it can be scary to look into admission requirements and submission deadlines, knowing the answers can relieve anxiety and prevent it from snowballing. I found a really great article for you that outlines 30 great questions you can ask to really get to know the schools you are looking into. You can read the article by Foothills College in California HERE.

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Teen Graduation Anxiety Tip #4 – Practice Self-Compassion:

For many teens (and even young adults like myself), thoughts may lead towards the negative, while what you’re saying/doing on the outside is more like an Instagram or TikTok reel – bright, shiny, and ‘perfect’.

I wanted to remind you of this because, even though it might not be discussed out loud, many of your peers are also feeling nervousness surrounding the uncertainty of graduation. They just aren’t saying it.

Sometimes, having a third party person to discuss your thoughts with, and provide known tools for anxiety, can be a really helpful addition to your graduation plans. I am available for 1:1 appointments all across Alberta (online) or in-person in Calgary, Alberta. Your parents will need to be involved in the process – they can book a free consultation with me HERE.

 

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Book A Consultation with Ally

 


 

Hi there! My name is Ally and I am a MA student therapist working with teens, parents, and young adults in Calgary, Alberta. I am passionate about helping others and one of the greatest honours of my life is being able to listen and hold space for other people’s stories. 

 When I am not working, I enjoy listening to music, spending time with family and friends, hiking, and indoor cycling. I love exploring new places with some of my favourites being Costa Rica, Nicaragua, Spain, Iceland, as well as Vancouver Island. 

 Calgary is home, but I will take any opportunity to travel!

Planning For The Future After High School Graduation

 

Ahh, future planning for after high school graduation… You know those people who have always known what they wanted to do?

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I am not one of them.

I remember having friends in high school who were so certain about what job they wanted to do and had thought of all the steps to get there – attend university X in city Y, and if that does not work then university A in city B. Plan A had plan B, and plan B had plan C. I admired the passion and certainty. However, I also couldn’t help but wonder if there was something “wrong” with me because I did not have that same level of passion or certainty.

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Everyone’s journey is different, and I have learned that that is a beautiful thing. My journey has taken twists and turns, many of which I could not anticipate, and through a mix of choice, circumstance, and consequence, I have ended up where I am today. With this in mind, here are three tips for teens struggling with planning for after high school graduation:

Planning For After High School Graduation Tip #1:  Let Go of Unhelpful Expectations

Not everyone has that “Ah-ha!” moment or knows their dream job since they were little. There is likely no job that is 100% perfect for you, but rather a list of potential options. With every option, there will be things about the job that you like and things that you don’t. The idea of the “perfect job”, and the expectation that you need to know it at 17 or 18 years old, are beliefs that are likely not serving you well. 

If you are unsure of what direction to take, perhaps a better way to look at planning for after high school graduation is to view it as a treasure map. You don’t know exactly how to get to the treasure, and you may not even know what the treasure is, but there are always steps to take and stones to turnover along the way. Even a “dead-end” can provide you with valuable information and experience!

Planning For After High School Graduation Tip #2: Be Intentional 

Whatever you are considering after high school graduation, it can be helpful to be mindful and try to make your choices with intention. If being mindful is a new skill for you, my colleague here at Pyramid Psychology wrote an article that you may find helpful: Mindfulness for Teens: The Good, The Bad, The Ugly!

There is no single “right way” to live your life or pursue your dreams, and there are so many ways to learn, grow, experience, and discover more about yourself and the world around you. Life after high school graduation could look like going to university or college right away, but it could also look like spending time working or travelling, taking a gap year (or two), getting hands-on experience, volunteering, or even taking a range of courses to see what interests you.

It is important to recognize that indecision is a decision. Indecision is not inherently right or wrong, but it may lead to discouragement and regret if it is your default state for a long time. It can end up feeling like your life is happening TO you, instead of you being in the drivers seat.

Planning For After High School Graduation Tip #3: Keep Moving Forward

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With so many options and paths available, it can be easy to fall into “analysis paralysis” – dwelling, overthinking, and having thoughts spin and swirl around with no real progress or clarity. 

When this happens, try to narrow your focus, even if it is just by a bit. What interests you, makes you feel alive, or gives a sense of purpose?

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Some of the teens I work with have found it helpful to take interest tests, personality tests, and/or career tests to begin narrowing the scope of options… This is probably the psychology part of me speaking, but I think they are also kinda fun! Here is a list of potential quizzes to try out: The 13 Best Career Tests and Quizzes to Help You Find Your Dream Job.

Whether you know your dream job, have potential ideas, or have no clue at all, I hope this blog has provided encouragement and given you something to think about. I have a variety of tools available to help you through the emotional side of planning for after high school graduation; it can be helpful to learn skills for handling this, and get a new perspective on things. You can book a 1:1 appointment with me through my booking link:

 

Book an Appointment

 

 


Jessa is a provisional psychologist living and servicing teens and young adults in Calgary, Alberta.

Jessa is passionate about helping people become the best version of themselves and is continually learning how to best support her clients. She has experience with acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) and cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), but most importantly she emphasizes the therapeutic relationship.

A safe, authentic relationship is key for therapy to work. Jessa prioritizes compassion and nonjudgmental curiosity. Together, she can find out what matters most to you and how to get there.

If you think Jessa may be a good match for you, please feel free to reach out and set up a free consult or book a session. She is looking forward to hearing from you!

Once a month, she writes a blog article in response to issues she hears from the parents, teens and young adults she connects with. If you have something you’d like to read more on – email ideas and questions to info@pyramidpsychology.com or DM us via Instagram or Facebook.

 

 

Six Ways To Handle Change For Teens

Six Ways To Handle Change For Teens

Although change for teens is inevitable, it often doesn’t feel easy or straightforward to deal with, especially in the moment. Change can be scary because we’re often afraid of the unknown. Uncomfortable thoughts or emotions can come up when we feel like we’re not in control of our lives. With so many changes going on during junior high and high school, it’s important to develop skills that can help during these times.

The following tips can be helpful when dealing with change:

Tip for Dealing with Change #1 – Acknowledge and Validate your Feelings: While it can be uncomfortable to consider difficult emotions, particularly when they’re happening, it’s incredibly helpful to start identifying shifts in our mood/emotions. Know that it’s normal to feel many different and intense emotions when there’s changes going on. If emotions wheel for teens you’re not sure how you’re feeling, using a ‘feeling wheel’ can help you identify your emotions. You can read an article on the benefits of a feeling wheel HERE.

Tip for Dealing with Change #2 – Consider Control: Something I’ve found incredibly useful for myself and teens I’ve supported through change, is to consider control. There’s a ton of useful strategies you can use to figure out what you have control of. Imagine you have a hula hoop around your waist. The space between your body and the hula hoop is what is within your control. These are things like your emotions, your responses, your attitude, your opinions, and your behaviours or responses. Everything outside of the hula hoop are things that you cannot control, such as other people’s beliefs and opinions, and other people’s feelings or what they think. When experiencing change, take the time to consider and focus your attention/energy on the things you have control over.

Tip for Dealing with Change #3 – Maintain Consistency and Routine: After considering control, you can take action on some of these things and one of those areas is your routine or schedule. Changes can impact so many aspects of life, keep your routine or schedule in place, wherever it’s possible. Consistency and routine can help you feel more organized and in control.

Tip for Dealing with Change #4 – Celebrate Wins: Since change isn’t easy, it’s important to praise yourself for successes, no matter the size.

Tip for Dealing with Change #5 – Seek Support: From my own experiences, this step can be a difficult one. Asking for help may make us feel like we aren’t able to handle things on our own or maybe it’s because we don’t want to burden others. When I’m feeling this way, I remind myself that I would always want to know if my family or friends were struggling, so I can offer support in whatever way I can. Taking on overwhelming change(s) can feel far less overwhelming when you have someone beside you (literally or metaphorically).

Tip for Dealing with Change #6 – Recharge your Battery: With change being so stressful, it’s important to take the time to recharge! Have fun with friends or family, listen to your favourite music, or watch a nostalgic movie. You can also practice mindfulness to recharge. ‘Mindfulness for Teens: The Good, The Bad, The Ugly‘ is a blog article you can read for tips on mindfulness.

If you’re a teen experiencing overwhelm or other concerns during these difficult changes, you can book a free consultation with me HERE. Sessions with me are private between you and I. They are an opportunity for you to let go of what’s on your mind, and develop tools to handle hard situations going forward.


 

Hi there! My name is Ally and I am a MA student therapist working with teens, parents, and young adults in Calgary, Alberta. I am passionate about helping others and one of the greatest honours of my life is being able to listen and hold space for other people’s stories. 

When I am not working, I enjoy listening to music, spending time with family and friends, hiking, and indoor cycling. I love exploring new places with some of my favourites being Costa Rica, Nicaragua, Spain, Iceland, as well as Vancouver Island. 

Calgary is home, but I will take any opportunity to travel!

You can learn more about me on Instagram, or book a Free Consultation.

7 Ways to Support Teens Through Change

Change for teens, a guaranteed part of life – and rarely easy. Teens have had to face crazy amounts of change over these past few years. As parents, witnessing this may have resulted in many sleepless nights and you stressing over what they’re doing locked away in their bedroom all that time. 

 In the middle of grade 8, my dad was promoted to a new role at his company, meaning we would have to move from Edmonton to Calgary. As my shy, anxious 14 year old self, with a sense of adventure, my brain was working overtime. Moving houses, cities, leaving my friends, and sports club behind in the middle of a school year was terrifying (and a teeny bit exciting). 

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Whether your teen daughter is changing schools, changing friend groups, undergoing body and brain developments, or adjusting to the ever flip flopping social situations, change is on her radar. Teens can be excellent maskers and may not share with you how they’re feeling. Your daughter may not even know exactly what she’s feeling. Instead, she might constantly distract herself from real life, feel things and not be sure why, and shut down or lash out at the people around her. 

When we first moved, I protested with a food strike to share my disdain of my life feeling like it was turned upside down. I spent many lunch hours hiding in the school bathroom crying. It gave me a little release from some of the confusion, anxiety, and fear I was feeling. 

 One lunch hour the hot tears came before I could make it to the bathroom stall and at that very same moment, a group of the more popular girls walked in. I tried my best to look like I was doing anything but crying, but my mascara streaks and red face betrayed me. My 14 year old self was thinking- 

What could be worse?! 

To my surprise the girls huddled around me and sang “You are my sunshine” until we all burst into awkward laughter. I never became close with that friend group, but that wasn’t the point- some time shortly after that moment, I just kind of knew I was going to be ok.  

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Even though change isn’t easy, it is often necessary and can even lead to some pretty amazing experiences. Below are 7 ideas to help make a world of difference in your daughter’s life as she steers through teen years full of unknowns.

Change For Teens Tip #1 – Validate her experience by being curious, asking questions, and listening you can offer your daughter a space to share her experience and make sense of what she is thinking and feeling. You might even share a story of your own change and ask how hers is different or similar.

 

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Change For Teens Tip #2 – Plan where you can some change comes at us more suddenly, but even in those circumstances, we can do some planning. Invite your teen to examine the situation to see how she (and maybe you together) can plan for things that might come up.

Change For Teens Tip #3 – Help her hone in on her choices As Jessa (provisional psychologist here at Pyramid Psychology)  talked about in her blog last week How to Handle Change for Teens’, even in the most dire situations, there are always choices that we can make. Finding choices can help your teen have a sense of control when external circumstances are feeling pretty out of control.

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Change For Teens Tip #4 – Support them to form meaningful connections feeling connected to people who get it, who your daughter feels safe with and can trust can ease stress felt from transitions. Nothing like a good dose of empathy to help possibilities blossom. The Happiness Pill program is a unique online group coaching experience (with some 1:1 coaching too!) that was designed to give your daughter a safe space to build these types of meaningful connections. If the idea of seeing your daughter build relationships while working on her own joy lights you up, you can get the details for the program HERE.

Change For Teens Tip #5 – Give yourself some of that support sugar- If your teen is experiencing change, you are feeling it too. Whether it’s her behaviour or your own experience of change, the impacts are felt. Take some time to fill your cup with love and care before you try to pour from an empty cup in support of your teen.

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Change For Teens Tip #6 – Highlight past victories- You can ask your teen daughter about some past changes that she has gone through and how she can use those to help her now. How did she survive or even thrive? What are some things she learned about herself in the process? About others? She may have learned tools to manage change, too!

Change For Teens Tip #7 – Create opportunities for joy and optimismChange is stressful- so it’s important to offer a different landscape once in a while. Coming up with ideas on how to take breaks, have some fun, and do things that bring her joy, can be a great way to manage some of the stress that comes with change. 

Love, 

Chantal 

 


Chantal Côté (she/her) is a psychologist and teen life coach living in Calgary, Alberta. After over a decade in non-profit and community mental health, Chantal started Pyramid Psychology, a practice dedicated to supporting teens – a population she is constantly amazed by. Chantal is on a mission to help 100,000 teen girls (and their parents) build bulletproof mindsets so they can weather the ups and downs of life. As part of this goal, Chantal has had the privilege of speaking at various events – virtual and live – to support teens and parents.

Outside of this passion, Chantal is often in nature, writing poetry, playing ball hockey and hanging out with her loved ones.

Each week, Chantal writes a blog article in response to issues she hears from the parents and teens she connects with.

If you have something you’d like to read more on – email ideas and questions to info@pyramidpsychology.com or DM us via Instagram or Facebook.

How To Handle Change For Teens

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The topic for this month at Pyramid Psychology is how to heal and handle change for teens. Significant changes have occurred for most of us in the last few years, many of which we have never experienced before.

A lot of the change has had to do with Covid-19 and all the change that has occurred at the personal, family, and societal levels. But even if Covid-19 was not actually the most significant or meaningful recent change in your life, handling change is important for you as a teen.

If the changes in your life are stopping you from living life the way you normally do, or you are feeling anxious or depressed, you can book a free consultation for 1:1 therapy with me here:

Book a Free Consultation

Here are my top two tips for handling change as a teen:

Change For Teens Tip #1: Acknowledge

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Tip #1 for dealing with change for teens is to acknowledge that the change is happening, as well as all of the associated thoughts and feelings that are coming up as a result. Change is often bittersweet and may include feelings like hopefulness, relief, excitement, and peace, but also anxiety, uncertainty, sadness, and loss. Whatever your experience may be, try to give it room to just be. It is so easy to immediately judge whatever thoughts and feelings may be coming up.

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One judgement I hear a lot from the teens I work with is, “I shouldn’t be feeling this way because other people have it so much worse.” While this may be factually true, this line of thinking isn’t particularly helpful for anybody. Rather, these thoughts serve to add negative judgement and guilt on top of the existing struggle with change. It’s like another tablespoon of salt on top of an already too salty pizza.

Other people can have it worse AND you can still be struggling with your own experience; there does not need to be a competition for “who has it the worst”. Giving room for your own experience may actually help you support those around you who may be struggling. This is similar to the idea of filling your own cup before you can pour out to others. Acknowledging your experience does not mean that all the thoughts and feelings that come up are true, but it does give you the choice to be curious about them and make better-informed decisions.

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Change For Teens Tip #2: The Boundary of Control

An idea I often introduce in my sessions is the boundary of control, which encourages teens to think about all the things that they can control or influence in a situation and all the things that they can not. In getting clear about this distinction, you can redirect your focus and energy into those things that you can do. Examples of things you can control when it comes to change, include your own words, actions, boundaries, beliefs, and self-care. In contrast, examples of things that you cannot control include the behaviours and words of others, what others may think, and the priorities of other people.

As an activity or point of reflection for yourself, think about what factors are inside of and outside of your control when it comes to Covid restrictions in Alberta being loosened. You can draw a circle and create a photo like the one below to add to this exercise:

Website: Laurahutchingstherapy.co.uk

Whatever change you may be facing, remember to acknowledge your experience, be curious and non-judgmental, and invest your energy into those things that you can control or influence. I believe in you!

Sometimes when you acknowledge what’s going on, you may realize that the emotions you are experiencing are a lot to handle. It’s perfectly normal to need an outside perspective or safe person to speak to. I specialize in supporting teens like you (through therapy) to navigate change in a positive way that builds ok your confidence. I would love to meet you. You can book a free consultation with me on our website:

Book a Free Consultation

 


Jessa is a provisional psychologist living and servicing teens and young adults in Calgary, Alberta.

Jessa is passionate about helping people become the best version of themselves and is continually learning how to best support her clients. She has experience with acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) and cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), but most importantly she emphasizes the therapeutic relationship.

A safe, authentic relationship is key for therapy to work. Jessa prioritizes compassion and nonjudgmental curiosity. Together, she can find out what matters most to you and how to get there.

If you think Jessa may be a good match for you, please feel free to reach out and set up a free consult or book a session. She is looking forward to hearing from you!

Once a month, she writes a blog article in response to issues she hears from the parents, teens and young adults she connects with. If you have something you’d like to read more on – email ideas and questions to info@pyramidpsychology.com or DM us via Instagram or Facebook.

 

 

Perfectionism – 5 Questions To Ask Your Teen

Perfectionism

What is this thing anyway?

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The research defines perfectionism in a variety of ways. Without diving into the substantial research that exists on the topic, here are two perspectives on perfectionism, with links for further research.

Some perspectives view perfectionism as being a personality trait –  People with perfectionism have a tendency to be more conscientious and also score higher in neuroticism. (Neuroticism is a fancy word in the psychological literature that essentially describes a person’s tendency to experience negative emotions such as anxiety, anger, and self-doubt.)

Other perspectives view perfectionism as a combination of beliefs and behaviours

No matter how you define it, perfectionism seems to be a complex trait that consists of a dynamic mix of genetics, personality, beliefs, thoughts, and behaviours.

In addition to what perfectionism is, the focus of perfectionism can differ. You can read about three different types HERE.

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Most often though, perfectionism is talked about in a way that is directed inward. Your teen can set high expectations for themselves across contexts such as school, sports, hobbies, performances, or relationships. Having high self-expectations can come from a place of internal motivation to succeed but can also come from pressure from others or from societal expectations. In the former, your teen is running toward a goal, whereas in the latter, they are running away from a fear of failure or judgement.

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Perfectionism can also be directed outward and can be seen as rigid, high standards your teen places on others OR they are having placed on them. In this other-oriented perfectionism, there is an expectation for others to be perfect (or close to!) and subsequent negative judgments when they are not.

So, what do I do with this information?

Knowing the underlying factors influencing perfectionism can help you support your teen, or maybe even yourself – knowledge is power! Consider the following prompts for self-reflection or in conversation with your teen:

  • Where are the perfectionist tendencies coming from?
  • Are they tied to my genetics or personality traits, or have I picked up some perfectionist tendencies from somewhere else?

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  • Is my perfectionism directed at myself or others?

o   How would I like to be treated?

o   Where does the idea of compassion fit into my strivings for perfection?

  • What is the root of my perfectionism – am I striving toward something I genuinely care about or am I running away from the potential of judgement, embarrassment, or sense of failure?
  • When I “fail”, what am I telling myself? Are these thoughts true or kind?
  •  Since being perfect is impossible (we are human after all), what is a more realistic and helpful value to live by?

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If you are struggling with perfectionism yourself, our team at Pyramid Psychology compiled our knowledge and wrote a blog specifically for you: Why Trying To Be A Perfect Parent Isn’t Serving You.

If you’re watching your teen struggle with perfectionism, Chantal Cote – psychologist, teen coach and Founder of Pyramid Psychology – wrote a blog article with tips to help your daughter through it: 3 Ways To Help Your Daughter Stop Perfectionist Thinking.

 

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 Perfectionism is often linked to feelings of anxiety or depression, particularly in teen girls who are already prone to these emotions. We have developed a toolkit with 10 tools to help you build resilience for your daughter. You can download your free copy here:

 

Free Anxiety Toolkit for Parents Raising Teen Girls


Jessa is a provisional psychologist living and servicing teens and young adults in Calgary, Alberta.

Jessa is passionate about helping people become the best version of themselves and is continually learning how to best support her clients. She has experience with acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) and cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), but most importantly she emphasizes the therapeutic relationship.

A safe, authentic relationship is key for therapy to work. Jessa prioritizes compassion and nonjudgmental curiosity. Together, she can find out what matters most to you and how to get there.

If you think Jessa may be a good match for you, please feel free to reach out and set up a free consult or book a session. She is looking forward to hearing from you!

Once a month, she writes a blog article in response to issues she hears from the parents, teens and young adults she connects with. If you have something you’d like to read more on – email ideas and questions to info@pyramidpsychology.com or DM us via Instagram or Facebook.

 

 

Teen Perfectionism Has You Stuck in Thinking Traps

“I could have done better.” “I’ll never be good enough.”

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 Many individuals experience these thoughts from time to time, however, when they become excessive, it can be incredibly overwhelming and take a toll on your functioning – especially for a teen whose brain is developing so many things at once.

My own journey with perfectionism started by gaining a deeper understanding of cognitive distortions or “thinking traps.” Thinking traps are unhelpful patterns of thought that can prevent us from seeing things as they really are. There are several types of thinking traps. Here are some more common thinking traps with teen perfectionism:

Teen Perfectionism Thinking Trap #1: All-or-Nothing Thinking:

Viewing situations or events in absolute terms: good or bad, success or failure.

Example: You get a bad grade on a test and believe you will fail the subject.

 

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Teen Perfectionism Thinking Trap #2: Personalization and Blame

Taking responsibility or placing blame on oneself when an event is completely or partially out of your control.

Example: Someone is talking about qualities of a bad friend and you believe they are calling you a bad friend.

 

Teen Perfectionism Thinking Trap #3: Labelling

Making an extreme judgement about yourself or someone else without considering other factors.

Example: You label yourself as stupid for getting a bad mark on a test.

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Anxiety Canada shares some more examples of thinking traps HERE.

 While perfectionism can feel motivating and like it is helping you achieve your goals, being particularly self-critical can be harmful to your self-worth… Perfectionism itself is a trap because perfection doesn’t exist!

 Understanding and recognizing these thinking traps is a great place to start! My top two tips for continuing to tackle teen perfectionism are:

#1 Keeping a diary can help track thoughts and emotions that are connected to perfectionism thinking traps. It can increase awareness.

#2 Practising self-compassion is one of the most helpful ways to tackle your inner critic. Be kind to yourself! You can read more about how to develop self-compassion for yourself in another blog from our team: Self-Compassion: How Caring Can Stop Teen Depression In Its Tracks.

Working through the emotions around perfectionism, and helping you to decide whether it is really helpful or not to you, are some of the ways I can help you in one to one counselling. Sometimes, having an outside ear to listen can be so helpful with these thinking traps! I am currently offering 1:1 sessions for Alberta teens – online or in-person (Calgary) for the very affordable price of $40 per hour. You can book a free consultation to get to know me better HERE.

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Counselling (or therapy) is a support that helps people who are facing difficult situations. It’s not meant to “fix you” and it does not mean “something is wrong” with you. It’s about offering a safe place to try new ideas, resolve problems, make changes, and move towards the life you want to live. Different therapists can help people work towards personal, relationship, athletic, educational, and career hopes and go​als.

Counselling is a combination of expressing yourself, being witnessed (listened to), discovering resources, and learning new things. There will be times when you will be sharing about your experiences and your counsellor will listen. There are other times when you will be discovering things that will support you to get through difficult situations. Sometimes your therapist will share information, ideas, and resources with you.

We help teen girls build bulletproof mindsets through:

  • Transforming negative self-talk into confidence, clarity and strength
  • Embracing self-love and stepping into the spotlight
  • Learning who to let into their squad of BFFs

You can learn more about each of our team members HERE or book a free consultation HERE.

If you have something you’d like to read more on – email questions to info@pyramidpsychology.com or DM us via Instagram or Facebook.

 

 

Why Trying to be a Perfect Parent Isn’t Serving You

What do the words ‘Perfect Parent’ mean to you?

Many parents who come to us have experienced perfectionist thinking traps. Recognizing that you are in a ‘perfect parent’ trap of thoughts is the first step to empowering yourself as a parent.

Here are the three most common perfectionism thinking traps that parents have shared with our team at Pyramid Psychology:

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Perfect Parent Thinking Trap #1:

As a parent, you likely have an ideal in your mind of how parenting is supposed to look. Oftentimes, the vision you have includes very hard to reach (AKA unrealistic) standards for yourself. 

The ‘perfect parent’ ideal is usually a combination of messages you’ve heard consciously or unconsciously from many possible sources. Here are some common sources of parenting messages:

  • The beliefs and values your parents had when you were growing up.
  • Watching your friends become parents.
  • Online or in-person parent groups, clubs, etc.
  • Social media.

A lot of the messages you have heard, and place on yourself, are putting a lot of pressure on you and aren’t serving you or your family.

This is a reminder to take a look at the parenting message you withhold for yourself: is it empowering to you? Or is it chipping away at yourself? If you’d like to dive into this concept more, Colleen O’Grady wrote a powerful book – Dial Down the Drama – that talks about powerless versus powerful parenting messages. You can read the synopsis HERE.

 

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Perfect Parent Thinking Trap #2:

Another Perfect Parent Thinking Trap is when you tie your teen’s success (or failures) directly to your own self worth, or your ‘grade’ as a parent. When you’re in this perfectionism trap, you will feel like your teen’s failures or mistakes are a direct reflection of you as a parent – you will also see their success as a reflection of your parenting as well.

Although you do influence and impact your teen’s life, you are also not directly linked in such a way that whatever your child does is a direct reflection of you, and vice versa. They are their own human, and so are you. Connecting your ‘success’ as a parent to your teen is a risky thought pattern to get into.

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Perfect Parent Thinking Trap #3:

There can often be a lot of pressure put on you as a parent – internally and externally – to be a ‘super’ parent. This can create a trap of perfectionism thinking; a belief that you must be a perfect parent and show up for everything for your teen and be fully engaged + present.

You may be stuck in this trap if you feel you need to do everything you can for your teen and be your very best. You feel you must go the extra mile every time you show up for your teen.

The reality is that things are going to come up and your attention is going to be divided. You have other responsibilities – a partner, friends, work, other siblings etc., are just some of the things that need your attention too! Setting such a high standard for yourself to be a ‘super parent’ is putting a lot of pressure on you, and is setting yourself up for failure.

You may notice that your teen struggles with perfectionism as well – she is also being inundated with messages around who she ‘should’ be and what she ‘should’ be achieving in life. These thinking traps can lead to anxiety, depression, and disconnection for both of you. The Happiness Pill Teen Coaching program is a 4-month coaching program developed by our Founder, Psychologist and Teen Coach – Chantal Côté that focuses on developing skills to handle these thinking traps.

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In the program, you will work with your teen to discover what she wants most in her life – and how to get there. You will get on the same page as her, and then learn how to support her along the way (including how to battle your perfectionism thinking traps). There is 1:1 coaching AND group coaching for your teen, so she can build relationships with other teens who are experiencing the same pressure she is. You can get the details here:

The Happiness Pill Teen Life Coaching Program


Counselling (or therapy) is a support that helps people who are facing difficult situations. It’s not meant to “fix you” and it does not mean “something is wrong” with you. It’s about offering a safe place to try new ideas, resolve problems, make changes, and move towards the life you want to live. Different therapists can help people work towards personal, relationship, athletic, educational, and career hopes and go​als.

Counselling is a combination of expressing yourself, being witnessed (listened to), discovering resources, and learning new things. There will be times when you will be sharing about your experiences and your counsellor will listen. There are other times when you will be discovering things that will support you to get through difficult situations. Sometimes your therapist will share information, ideas, and resources with you.

We help teen girls build bulletproof mindsets through:

  • Transforming negative self-talk into confidence, clarity and strength
  • Embracing self-love and stepping into the spotlight
  • Learning who to let into their squad of BFFs

You can learn more about each of our team members HERE or book a free consultation HERE.

If you have something you’d like to read more on – email questions to info@pyramidpsychology.com or DM us via Instagram or Facebook.

 

 

 

3 Ways to Help Your Teen Daughter Stop Perfectionist Thinking

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“I’m a perfectionist,” she said, breaking her gaze with me to look down at her feet, slightly turned inwards, careful not to crease her sneakers. The smile on her face suggested this was a kind of badge of honour, but the way her shoulders slumped forward as if rocks were stacked on either side, shared a different story, a kind of heavy burden. 

Teen perfectionists, driven by thoughts of meeting an ideal, whether it be an ideal grade, an ideal body image, an ideal way of being or performing, results in a constant “falling short” in the person’s eyes.

Fed by negative self-talk, unhealthy comparisons, and unrealistic  expectations teens who struggle with perfectionistic thinking tend to:

1.Get blocked from starting tasks, leading to things like procrastination or incomplete assignments, as they contemplate the right or perfect thing to say, do, or write

2.Put a disproportionate amount of time and energy on the tasks they are trying to accomplish and when they are not working on them, it is like a constant radio static in their brain reminding them that they should be.

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(Tackling the Perfectionism Monster is a great podcast to listen to on this topic).

**Tina imagines the way her body “ought” to look. Every day she spends hours looking at images of what she considers the ideal body type. She spends most of her day thinking about or planning around activities that will lead her to this “perfect” image. Even when she’s hanging out with friends or reading her book, her brain constantly tries to pull her into these thoughts and feelings. Perfectionism has Tina trapped in a cycle, pulling her away from much of the enjoyment of her life and consumes her with feelings of stress, guilt, and shame.

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**Evelyn calls herself a procrastinator and most of the time manages to get her assignments in but often right at the deadline or after her mom asks her teachers for an extension. Lately her English assignments have been piling up. Every time Evelyn opens her laptop, she stares blankly at the page, her brain arguing with itself between putting something down and shooting the idea down before her fingers can start typing. The white page stares back at her, a reminder that if her ideas aren’t great enough, she may as well put nothing at all. 

 3 Ways to Help Your Daughter Break Free from Perfectionism

Teen Perfectionism Tip #1: Swing and A Miss

In order to learn how to walk as infants, we needed to start by getting our body to move in different ways, working our way up to standing, and eventually finding our balance to take small steps. No one expected us to start off knowing how to master this skill. Learning any skill requires practice in order to improve. When teens are stuck in perfectionistic thinking, it can paralyze any attempt to get started on tasks, believing that if they don’t get it right the first time, it’s not worth the risk. Helping your daughter recognize that learning happens through successive approximation, by reinforcing behaviours that resemble the desired behaviour. In other words, whenever your teen takes an action that gets them moving in the direction of what they are trying to achieve, and that action is somehow being reinforced (e.g. your teen seeing improvement, a good grade, praise, words on the page, etc.), the more likely they are to keep taking action. If your teen struggles to get started on a writing assignment, encourage them to start by copying a nursery rhyme or a favourite quote a couple of times on the page. They can delete it afterwards, but by starting there and seeing that there is something on the page, it can help them build momentum to continue writing. 

 

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 Teen Perfectionism Tip #2: OWN

This one comes from The Wellness Project with Des podcast episode, “Overcoming Perfectionism With Sarah Herd. The acronym OWN stands for Only What’s Necessary- this is great for teens who struggle with constantly putting most of their focus and energy into specific accomplishments they desire. Helping your teen step back and think about what’s most important to them and what fills their wellness cup is a good place to start. Once they are aware of what matters most to them, they can map out where the majority of their time and energy is spent throughout the week and see if they line up. If perfectionism is a factor, chances are this will be out of sync. The OWN acronym encourages teens to take a look at what would be absolutely necessary in accomplishing a task and letting go of some of that extra to free up time for more things they truly enjoy. 

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Teen Perfectionism Tip #3: Failing for perfection 

Perfection is a trap. Having something be absolutely free of defects, flaws, and imperfections is completely unrealistic. The more your teen can learn to accept failure and mistakes as part of being human, the sooner they can begin to let go of this idea of perfection. This isn’t to say your daughter can’t have goals she is striving for. Nor, that she is doomed to a life of endless failure. Sometimes this means as parents, needing to step back in some places to allow for failure. This can be a frightening prospect, where your parents’ imagination might go to the worst case scenario of mistakes and failures that are irreparable and life altering. 

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Shifting to see most failures and mistakes as opportunities to build your teen’s resilience by teaching them things like changing the script on their self-talk and failing forward, learning from their mistakes, can really help your teen start to step away from perfectionistic thinking.    

Perfectionism can be really tricky and tied to your daughter’s beliefs about her self-worth. The Happiness Pill Program is a 4-month coaching program designed to help your daughter build her confidence, develop healthy and meaningful connections, and learn to get in the driver’s seat of her emotions. If this sounds like the answer you’ve been looking for, please email us at info@pyramidpsychology.com to find out more about our Happiness Pill Teen Life Coaching Program. Our next intake is March, 2022.

**Please note: the people referred to in this blog are a composite of various stories I’ve heard throughout the years and do not represent one specific person.


Chantal Côté (she/her) is a psychologist and teen life coach living in Calgary, Alberta. After over a decade in non-profit and community mental health, Chantal started Pyramid Psychology, a practice dedicated to supporting teens – a population she is constantly amazed by. Chantal is on a mission to help 100,000 teen girls (and their parents) build bulletproof mindsets so they can weather the ups and downs of life. As part of this goal, Chantal has had the privilege of speaking at various events – virtual and live – to support teens and parents.

Outside of this passion, Chantal is often in nature, writing poetry, playing ball hockey and hanging out with her loved ones.

Each week, Chantal writes a blog article in response to issues she hears from the parents and teens she connects with.

If you have something you’d like to read more on – email ideas and questions to info@pyramidpsychology.com or DM us via Instagram or Facebook.

6 Teen Motivation Tips When You Have Big Goals

Teen motivation is something that comes up often in the work I do, because I am often supporting teen clients with goal planning.

While it’s easy to chalk up lack of motivation to laziness, there’s much more to it.

When you are feeling unmotivated, a good place to start is exploring why you are feeling that way.

For example, your attendance may have gone down because you’re feeling unmotivated to attend school when there’s other factors contributing to this. Once we have identified the root of “lack of motivation”, it’s time to work towards some solutions, which is more fun than it sounds!

After being in school myself for several years, I’ve had lots of opportunities to develop my own strategies. I have included some of these for you below!

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Teen Motivation Goal Tip #1: Develop Small and Clearly Defined Goals

Accomplishing goals feels much more manageable when they are broken down into smaller ones. 

Personal Tip: Make note of the goals in a way that works best for you. As much as I love finding a new day planner or agenda, the convenience of creating a to do list on my phone works best for me. My phone is always close by if I need to add to or check something off my list. 

Teen Motivation Goal Tip #2: Get Organized

With a busy schedule, it can be easy to forget even the most important things. Add any important due dates to your paper or online calendar, so you do not forget.
Personal Tip: When I have an assignment due, I add “alerts” into my calendar app. To really be sure I don’t forget, I’ll add 2 alerts including a day before the assignment is due, so I can start if I have not already. The second alert to reminds me to submit the assignment, so it is not late.

 

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Teen Motivation Goal Tip #3: Set The Environment

Create a space that encourages you to accomplish your goals. You can look around the house for things to add to or repurpose for your space. This is one of my favourite ways to get motivated because it allows me to get creative and personalize my environment!

Personal Tip: If I have a big assignment, I make sure my surroundings aren’t cluttered before I start because it can be incredibly distracting for me. It also checks something else off my life – chores ☺

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Teen Motivation Goal Tip #4: Lean on Others 

Keep others informed of any big goals you have or ones you find particularly challenging. Support systems are there for that reason!
Let the people in your support circle know what support looks like for you. This can ensure that support comes in the way that’s most helpful for you. This could be asking a parent to provide gentle reminders or completing goals with friends who are working on similar things.

It is okay to need outside support as well – sometimes your immediate circle may not be quite the right people for the motivation you need. I am offering 1:1 support specifically for teens, at a lower rate. You can book an appointment with me HERE.

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Teen Motivation Goal Tip #5: Reward and Recharge!

It feels good to check things off your list, but life is all about balance. Be kind to yourself and give yourself credit when you’ve accomplished your goals, no matter how small.

Remember that you need to consistently integrate activities into your life that recharge your internal batter. 

Personal Tip: What recharges your battery is personal to you, but a personal favorite of mine is listening to my favorite songs, especially 90s/2000s pop ☺ 

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Teen Motivation Goal Tip #6: Revisit Your Goals

Life can get really busy and sometimes it can cause you to forget your goals or why they’re important to you. Revisiting your WHY behind your goals can kickstart your motivation. It also serves as an opportunity to try out new strategies if you find that others aren’t working anymore. 

Personal Tip: Ask a friend what works for them! 

You aren’t alone in your struggles! One of the biggest sources of motivation buzzkill I’ve come across with teens I work with, especially when it comes to school, is falling behind. When homework and extracurricular activities pile up and get overwhelming to manage, your stress levels rise. This is when avoidance kicks in and it becomes easier to not do anything at all because it seems impossible to know where to start.

Following the tips above can help you not get to this point… If you do get there, though, these tips will allow you to let the people around you know how you feel! The weight of expectations can feel much lighter when there’s others to help you carry it.

Getting an outside perspective can often be helpful when you feel like you’re drowning in your struggles to keep motivated. Therapy is one source of support that can guide you to your own strategies, and provide some of that outside perspective. You can book me in here:

BOOK TEEN THERAPY

Before I let you go, I also encourage you to check out The Happiness Pill Program – this is a 4-month program designed to support you AND your parents to keep you moving towards the life you want for yourself, full of motivation and joy. Take a look here:

The Happiness Pill Program


 

Hi there! My name is Ally and I am a MA student therapist working with teens, parents, and young adults in Calgary, Alberta. I am passionate about helping others and one of the greatest honours of my life is being able to listen and hold space for other people’s stories. 

 When I am not working, I enjoy listening to music, spending time with family and friends, hiking, and indoor cycling. I love exploring new places with some of my favourites being Costa Rica, Nicaragua, Spain, Iceland, as well as Vancouver Island. 

 Calgary is home, but I will take any opportunity to travel!