ExpectationsIdentityPerfectionismPressure
Stress From School Expectations
The other day, a teen girl told me that if her grades slipped below a certain mark, it would ruin her whole winter break. Just the thought of her upcoming exam made her feel sick. Stress so intense it was paralyzing.
And I see this all too often.
Usually, I write from a place of sharing tools and strategies. Today, I’m writing more reflectively.
Because honestly, I have more questions than answers.
I’m not talking about the healthy sense of pride that comes with hard work, or the normal stress of preparing for a test. I’m talking about the heavy burden of pressure that so many teen girls are carrying. Pressure strong enough to bring even the brightest, strongest young people to their knees.
Why are our teens obsessing over results? Why is her nervous system that is designed to protect her from danger, firing into overdrive at the thought of handing in a paper?
Many of them tell me it’s not just about others’ expectations. Yes, they don’t want to disappoint people, but often it’s self-imposed. A standard so impossibly high that falling short feels devastating.
Has this pressure gotten worse? In recent years, so much has felt out of control for teens. And when life feels chaotic, grasping for control anywhere possible makes sense. For some, school performance has become that anchor, the thing they can measure, monitor, and try to perfect.
But what messages are we sending about achievement? In a world of endless opportunities, are we blind to the hidden costs? Options can create possibility, but they can also create crushing pressure.
And how are teen girls measuring their worth? Too often, it’s external validation tied to numbers, labels, or identities: The Kind Child. The Smart One. The Girl for Whom School Comes Easy. What happens when those labels feel like the only markers of value?
So I wonder, how do we, as parents, helpers, and communities, nurture messages that inspire effort, growth, and resilience… without raising a generation whose identities are tangled up in achievement alone?
It feels like a question worth sitting with.
With gratitude, Chantal
Chantal Côté
Registered Psychologist & Teen Coach
Hi! My name is Chantal. I am a registered psychologist and teen coach working with teen girls around the globe (and their parents) to help them build Unbreakable Mindsets.
I look at mental wellness as part of a Whole System. “After food comes mood” and “You’re the average of the five people you spend the most time with” are sayings that make a lot of sense to me. Therefore, when I work with teens, I collaborate with them to get a clear picture of how their lifestyle, experiences, and biological makeup influence how they feel every day. I also believe it is so important to mine for their strengths and resources. Bringing those to life for teen girls, results in them becoming their most resilient and confident selves.
I help teen girls who are struggling with their confidence, feeling anxious, overwhelmed, or shut down a lot of the time, and want things to be different. Most certainly the struggle is affecting their self-image, their relationships, and so importantly their mental wellness.
Want to book a free consultation, click here.
