athlete supportFeelingsGuidanceinjury recoveryMindsetRelationships
I Don’t Want Sympathy. I Want to Feel Like Me Again.
“If I hear one more ‘I’m so sorry,’ I’m going to lose it.”
What?!
As an elite teen girl athlete, It’s not that you’re not grateful to have people who care when you’re recovering from an injury.
On the outside, “I’m so sorry” or “how are you doing?” sounds like such a right thing to say. It comes from a place of care and empathy. From wanting to acknowledge that something hard is happening.
But there’s a part many people don’t see-
When you’re in the middle of recovery, unsure of the outcome, hearing “I’m sorry” over and over again can start to feel like a spotlight on everything you’ve lost.
Working Through Recovery is Heavy Lifting
Most teen girls I work with will say some version of this:
“I know people mean well… but I just want to feel normal.”
It’s not that they don’t appreciate the support. They truly do.
It’s that the constant checking in around the injury can unintentionally turn into a reminder that:
- You’re not playing.
- You’re not performing.
- You’re not where you used to be.
And when that message gets repeated enough, something inside can start to happen.
You begin to wonder:
- Is this how people see me now?
- As the injured one? The struggling one?
- Am I becoming that?
The Risk of Becoming “The Injured One”
Teen athletes don’t just do their sport, they are their sport!
Your sport is part of how you know yourself, your connections, and your place to vent out energy and shift your focus. It can also be your happy place, the place where no matter what’s going on outside of it, you can trust this thing has your back.
So when something interrupts that like an injury, burnout, or anxiety, it’s way beyond the physical disruption. It’s so deeply personal. And when every interaction centers around what’s wrong, it becomes easy to over-identify with being the injure one.
Instead of:
- “I’m an athlete who’s recovering”
It can shift into:
- “I’m the injured one”
- “I’m the one who can’t”
- “I’m behind”
Now we’re messing with your confidence. And confidence shapes how you show up in your recovery.
Why “Normal” Matters So Much
There’s something incredibly regulating about being treated like… yourself.
Sure, you want to know people care and that they are there for you.
But you also don’t want to feel
Isolated.
Left out.
Like someone people need to tiptoe around.
We see this not only in sport, but in grief, in mental health, in any season where life feels complicated.
Teens often say:
“I don’t want people to avoid it completely… but I don’t want it to be the only thing they see.”
What helps most is a balance of:
- Care without over-focus
- Support without pity
- Acknowledgment without defining you by it
And this, well, is kind of unique for each person.
So What Actually Helps If You’re The Athlete
This part is so important. You might not know what you need every step of the way and that’s OK. Here’s a few things that will help you be treated like you and also cared for.
- Notice and Observe
Notice when people say and do things. What feels supportive? What drives you crazy? What are they not saying you wish you heard? Take the time to be the curious observer, watching for what feels ok for you.
- Give yourself permission
This can be tough at first, but will definitely help you out along the way on your recovery. Give yourself permission to feel all that you’re feeling. Give yourself permission to not know all the answers. To ask as many questions as you want. To be ok and to not be ok. To decide what you share with who. Give yourself permission to ask for help. To still have moments of joy and laughter and definitely moments of frustration and tears. If you can make yourself a doctors note off of Canva and write yourself a permission slip and post that somewhere where you see it every day, even better.
- Lean in
Find your people that are really there for you and let them be there for you. You might have one friend who is great at distracting you with laughter and fun times. Another person in your life might be a great listener with no judgement as you say what’s on your mind. Have trusted people to help you work through the complex moments that show up, a great coach or therapist can be tremendously helpful.
If you’re a parent, coach, teacher, or friend, this is where your role is incredibly powerful.
Here’s what can land best:
- Treat them like a whole person
Talk about their life outside of the injury or struggle.
Ask about school, friends, shows they’re watching, random things that make them laugh. - Follow their lead
If they want to talk about what’s going on, be there.
If they don’t, don’t force it. - Show care in subtle ways
It doesn’t always have to be verbal.
A check-in, a shared moment, sitting beside them these often go further than repeated “I’m sorrys.” - Keep them included
Invite them. Ask them. Keep them part of the group.
Disconnection is often more painful than the injury itself. - Reflect who they are, not just what they’re going through
Remind them of their strengths, their personality, their impact.
Not just:
- “That must be so hard”
But also:
- “I love how you handled that”
- “You’re still such a big part of this team”
- “I see all of you and you’re great”
You’re Not Too Sensitive
If this resonates with you, you’re not too sensitive. You’re going through something real.
You’re going through:
- Loss
- Change
- Uncertainty
- A temporary shift in identity
Of course it’s going to feel like a lot sometimes.
Wanting to feel like yourself again doesn’t mean you’re avoiding the reality of the injury.
You’re holding onto something important:
You are more than what you’re going through.
Support is more than words of sympathy
Widening the idea of support looks like:
I’m more than the injury.
I have so many other parts beyond the struggle.
I’m a full person with ups and downs.
Because at the end of the day, most athletes in recovery aren’t asking for more sympathy.
They’re asking for something much simpler and much more powerful:
To feel like themselves again.
Let’s Keep Walking Together
If this message resonated with you, you’re already part of the community.
I appreciate you!
I’d love to invite you into our email community, a caring online space where we share 2–3 thoughtful notes each week with resources, tools, and real-life encouragement for raising (and being) resilient teen girls.
No pressure. No perfection. Just support, insight, and a lot of “oh wow, that makes sense.”
Let’s walk this path together with presence, courage, and a little more ease.
Join here and receive your free download:
No More Walking on Eggshells: A Guide to Courageous Conversations with Your Teen
