AwarenessCommunicationGrowthrecoveryRelationshipsSafe Space
Teen girls often subscribe to judging themselves harshly to motivate change in academics, their looks, & how they fit in.
There’s a belief a lot of us grow up with:
That if we want to change…
we have to be hard on ourselves first. It’s true that we need to be detemined and decided. But often times we think it needs to look something like this:
- “When I push myself harder, I’m better.”
- “If I criticize myself, I’ll finally do it differently.”
- “Not liking who I am now, helps me want to become someone better.”
And on the surface, it seems to makes sense.
If something isn’t working, shouldn’t we fix it?
But here’s what often happens instead:
We become stuck.
Discouraged.
Disconnected from ourselves.
Because it’s really hard to grow…
when you don’t feel safe being who you are right now.
A Different Way to Think About Growth
What if growth didn’t come from tearing yourself down?
What if it actually starts when you learn to love, trust, and believe in yourself enough to grow?
Definitely not done in perfection.
And not without taking breaks to rest and smell the roses.
But enough that your inner voice becomes supportive instead of critical.
Enough that you can hold two truths at once:
- “I want to grow and change”
- “I can appreciate who I am right now”
That combination is powerful.
3 Questions That Change Everything
You might be thinking it sounds exhausting just thinking about changing your inner talk. To make things a littl easier here’s an idea. These three little questions are simple but can open the door to a completely different relationship with yourself.
1. Who do you admire?
Think of someone you look up to. It can someone alive or dead, that you know or don’t know personally.
Write down what you admire about them.
We’re often quick to see the good in others…
and slower to recognize it in ourselves.
What do you notice about what you admire?
What kind of qualities are on your list?
Do you notice any of those qualities in yourself (even a little bit)?
How is the way you are talking about this person similar/different than how you talk to yourself?
Admiration can be a mirror, not just a spotlight.
2. What do you want to be remembered for?
Imagine it’s far in the future And you’ve lived a full, meaningful life. Full of relationships you’ve loved, dreams brought into reality.
The people who know you best are speaking about you.
What do you want to be remembered for?
Maybe it’s not what sounds impressive. Not even what others might expect.
What actually matters to you?
This question builds clarity.
It helps you connect to your values the things that give your life direction and meaning. And when you’re clear on what matters, it becomes easier to make choices that align with it.
3. What do you love doing?
Write down five things you love (or even just enjoy).
They can be simple:
- laughing with friends
- going for walks
- creating something
- playing a sport
- spending time with people you care about
Now ask yourself:
What parts of me allow me to do these things?
Your hands.
Eyes.
Mind.
Your motions.
Energy.
So often, we focus on what’s wrong with ourselves, what we want to change, fix, or improve.
This question brings you back to what’s already working.
To what’s already supporting your life.
The Foundation for Real Change
If you look closely, these three questions are building something important:
- How you speak to yourself (self-care, respect, trust, and love)
- Knowing what matters to you (clarity,values, your compass)
- What you appreciate about yourself (appreciation and gratitude)
These aren’t just nice ideas. They are the foundation that makes growth possible and sustainable. They are the difference between surviving and thriving. Because change doesn’t happen in an environment of constant self-criticism (check out the moldy rice experiement). It happens when you feel supported, especially by your own thoughts.
The Truth About Growth
You can want more and different for yourself
and still appreciate who you are today!
It’s possible to work toward change
without making yourself the problem.
And you can know that when you learn to love, trust, and believe in yourself
You create the kind of inner environment
where growth and change are actually possible.
Unforced.
Not fueled by shame (or mold!).
But truly supported.
Let’s Keep Walking Together
If this message resonated with you, you’re already part of the community.
I appreciate you!
I’d love to invite you into our email community, a caring online space where we share 2–3 thoughtful notes each week with resources, tools, and real-life encouragement for raising (and being) resilient teen girls.
No pressure. No perfection. Just support, insight, and a lot of “oh wow, that makes sense.”
Let’s walk this path together with presence, courage, and a little more ease.
Join here and receive your free download:
No More Walking on Eggshells: A Guide to Courageous Conversations with Your Teen
