What’s Your Learning Style?

Exams, Finals, and Tests: The Ultimate Guide to Supporting Stressed Teens (and Staying Sane)

Exams and tests can feel like monumental events for teens, even though as a parent, you might see them as A STEP in the larger journey of life. Understanding why this phase feels so overwhelming—and how you can support your teen effectively—can help ease their stress and strengthen your connection.

Why do exams feel like a big deal to teens?  What happens in the brain when teens are stressed, and how do we help them navigate these moments? 

>>> FREE DOWNLOAD: Depression & Anxiety Toolkit for Parents Raising Teen Girls <<<

Why Exams Feel So Big to Teens

During the teenage years, the brain is in a phase of rapid growth and development, particularly in the prefrontal cortex—the part responsible for decision-making, impulse control, and understanding long-term consequences. Because this area isn’t fully developed, it means teens often feel like the stakes are incredibly high in the present moment.

Combine this with heightened emotions, peer pressure, and their own internal expectations, and it’s no wonder exams can feel like a “make or break” moment of their lives. As adults, we know that one test won’t define their future, but for teens, this perspective is harder to grasp fully.

>>> FREE DOWNLOAD: Depression & Anxiety Toolkit for Parents Raising Teen Girls <<<

What Happens in the Brain During Stress?

When teens experience stress, their brain activates the amygdala, the part responsible for the fight-flight-freeze response. This increases endorphins and cortisol- all those wonderful natural chemicals that prepare them to deal with a threat, which can make them feel anxious, irritable, or even panicked.

In this state, it’s harder to focus, retain information, and think clearly. So understanding this can help you approach their stress with more calm and empathy. 

>>> FREE DOWNLOAD: Depression & Anxiety Toolkit for Parents Raising Teen Girls <<<

3 Ways to Support Your Teen Through Exam Stress

1. Listen First, Fix Later

As much as you might want to jump in and encourage better study habits, the most impactful thing you can do is listen.

• Ask questions like, “What’s feeling overwhelming right now?” or “What do you feel is putting the most pressure on you?”
• Be curious about their expectations and what’s driving their stress.
• Avoid minimizing their feelings. Instead, validate them by saying, “That does sound like a lot to handle right now.”

By creating space for them to express their worries, you show them that you’re in their corner, which can instantly relieve some of the weight they’re carrying

2. Take a Breath (Literally)

Teens don’t just learn from what we say—they absorb our emotional states too. This is called co-regulation. If you’re feeling calm, their nervous system picks up on that and starts to mirror it.

Before you respond to their stress, take a moment to breathe deeply and ground yourself. This simple act helps you model calmness and reinforces a sense of stability for your teen.

3. Validate and Empathize

You may not know exactly what it feels like to be a 15-year-old girl about to write a social studies final today, but you do know what it’s like to feel stressed, overwhelmed, or misunderstood.

• Acknowledge their feelings without judgment.
• Maybe try, “I can see why this feels so big to you right now,” or “It makes sense that you’re feeling this way.”

Validation builds trust and shows them that you’re not dismissing their experience, even if you view it differently.

Practical Tips for Supporting Study Habits

Once you’ve connected emotionally, your teen might be more open to exploring with you ways to study effectively. 

Want to know more about your teens, dominant learning style, and how to best study accordingly?  Download our quiz and information on representational systems here. 

Here are a few ideas based on their dominant learning style:

>>> FREE DOWNLOAD: Depression & Anxiety Toolkit for Parents Raising Teen Girls <<<

Visual Learners

With this learning style teens can benefit from:

• A clean, organized study space with minimal distractions.
• Color-coded notes, diagrams, or flashcards.
• Using mind maps to organize information.

Auditory Learners

With this learning style teens can benefit from:

• Background music (without lyrics or the same song on repeat) to create a focused atmosphere.
  Reading notes out loud or recording themselves and playing it back.
• Studying in a space where they can talk through concepts aloud.

Kinesthetic Learners

• Using colorful pens and tactile materials like sticky notes.
• Incorporating movement into studying, such as pacing while reviewing notes.
• Writing and rewriting information to help it stick.

Helping Teens Find What Works

Many teens are still figuring out how they learn best. The traditional education system teaches for the masses, but learning is highly individualized. Encourage your teen to experiment with different methods and environments to discover what feels most effective for them.

For example, instead of long hours of studying, they might benefit from shorter, focused sessions with frequent breaks. Some teens benefit from a body double or studying with friends while others find that super distracting. 

Celebrate small wins, like when they retain information more easily or feel less stressed during a study session.

>>> FREE DOWNLOAD: Depression & Anxiety Toolkit for Parents Raising Teen Girls <<<

Shifting the Perspective

Exams might feel high-stakes for your teen, but they’re also opportunities for growth. With your support, they can start to see these moments as learning opportunities—not reflections of their worth.

By listening, staying calm, and helping them experiment with tools that work for them, you’re showing them that success isn’t about perfection. It’s about resilience, effort, and having trusted allies by their side.

With so much love,
Chantal

Chantal Cote
I am a registered psychologist and teen coach working with teen girls around the globe (and their parents) to help them build Unbreakable Mindsets.

I was born in Ontario and raised in Alberta. As a result of my family encouraging us to speak French growing up (I didn’t always love it as a teen though!), I am bilingual. I love being close to the mountains and am in awe every time I see the beautiful landscapes. One day I might trade my winter jacket in for a bathing suit and a pair of flip flops, but for now Calgary is home.

I look at mental wellness as part of a Whole System. “After food comes mood” and “You’re the average of the five people you spend the most time with” are sayings that make a lot of sense to me. Therefore, when I work with teens, I collaborate with them to get a clear picture of how their lifestyle, experiences, and biological makeup influence how they feel every day. I also believe it is so important to mine for their strengths and resources. Bringing those to life for teen girls, results in them becoming their most resilient and confident selves.

I help teen girls who are struggling with their confidence, are feeling anxious, overwhelmed, or shut down a lot of the time, and want things to be different. Most certainly the struggle is affecting their self-image, their relationships, and so importantly their mental wellness.

Over the years, I have given myself permission to explore my creative side. I’m also drawn to physical fitness and sport and feel so at home in nature. I work really well with teens who have some creative connections (whether that’s drawing, painting, writing, acting, fashion, playing and making music, etc.). I also get the world of sport and connect well with teens who have an athletic side.

If you’re curious about the specialized areas of training I have:

• Acceptance and Commitment Therapy
• Expressive Arts Therapy
• Compassion Focused Therapy
• Trauma focused (through the expressive arts, progressive counting, trauma sensitive yoga, and narrative approaches)
• Grief and Loss
• Functional Family Therapy
• Nutrition for Mental Health
• Attachment based parenting
• Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction (MBSR)
• HeartMath

Chantal is registered for direct billing with the following insurance providers:

• Canada Life
• Manulife
• Green Shield
• Blue Cross
• NIHB
• Medavie Blue Cross
• Lethbridge School Division benefits

Other insurance providers may have the option for reimbursement. Please check with your provider.