How to Handle When Your Teen Is Self Harming

Many of the teens I work with have used self-harm as a coping behaviour. Teens sometimes feel full of emotions and thoughts and don’t know who to turn to or how to express them. They might try a range of coping behaviours and sometimes feel like self-harm is one that gives some temporary relief. Like with any coping strategy, there are those that are more effective, those that are less effective, and they all have some tradeoffs (aka consequences). It can be terrifying for parents who discover this and feel unsure of how to help with their teens’ pain and suffering, so it is very beneficial for parents to know how to handle when their teen is self harming.

If you are a concerned parent of a teen who is self-injuring, this information will share some of the what’s, the why’s, and the how’s behind self harming.

WHAT IS SELF-INJURY AND SELF-HARM?

Self-harm and self-injury can be used interchangeably and they are behaviours such as cutting, hitting, scratching, pulling out hair, punching hard objects, etc. that cause injury to one’s body in some way. This is different from participating in a high risk activity that may cause self-injury in that the purpose of self-harming behaviours are to cope with psychological/emotional pain, numbness and overwhelm.

>>> FREE DOWNLOAD: Depression & Anxiety Toolkit for Parents Raising Teen Girls <<<

10 tools you can immediately use to improve your female identifying teens’ mental health & build resistance against depression & anxiety:

WHY DO PEOPLE SELF-HARM?

We know that self-harming behaviours are used as a coping method to deal with psychological and emotional suffering. Some teens know what thoughts, emotions, and situations trigger the urges to self-harm, others are less aware, or less able to articulate. Feeling numb or void of sensation can also lead to self-injuring behaviour. Sometimes parents will ask me, “is my teen doing this to get attention?”. The short answer is: Yes. But not attention in the way of “look at me” but more so as a plea for support or a way of saying “I’m really struggling right now and I’m not sure how to deal with these emotions/thoughts”. 

Parents have also asked me if this means their teen is thinking of suicide. A lot of the time suicide is not the desired outcome. Teens who are self-harming may also have thoughts of suicide, but the self-harming behaviour is not usually intended as a lethal means. 

>>> FREE DOWNLOAD: Depression & Anxiety Toolkit for Parents Raising Teen Girls <<<

10 tools you can immediately use to improve your female identifying teens’ mental health & build resistance against depression & anxiety

In short, self-harming behaviours are often used as a way to get relief in managing emotional and psychological pain of sorts. Whether it is to numb, express, or release pain or a way of gaining a sense of control over emotional overwhelm. With that being said, nobody knows better than your teen about what their experience is and what is leading them to self-harm, so approaching them with care, compassion and curiosity is the best way to understand. 

 

Some of the tradeoffs (or consequences) of self-harm as a coping method is that it provides temporary relief, meaning the psychological and emotional pain comes back and sometimes with a vengeance, which keeps a person in a cycle of self-harm. Also, physiologically there is a release of neurotransmitters and endorphins that are linked to that sense of relief. The more a person engages in self-harming behaviours, the more the body habituates and people tend to do it more in order to get the same physiological response.  This means higher risk in the behaviour which can lead to more dangerous outcomes and unwanted consequences (e.g. infection, scarring, etc.)

HOW YOU CAN HELP WHEN YOUR TEEN IS SELF-HARMING?

The first thing is to take it seriously. The sooner you can respond with caring, compassion, and curiosity, the quicker you can turn around this coping strategy. If your teen is scraping their legs or rubbing themselves really hard in response to a situation, this still warrants your attention. You can help early on and avoid the behaviours from escalating. 

 

Responding with caring, compassion, and curiosity can include: 

  • Letting your teen know you have noticed the behaviour
  • Letting your teen know you love them no matter what 
  • Letting your teen know you are there to support 
  • Letting your teen know you are concerned
  • Letting your teen know they do not have to feel shame about this but it is important to get some help and get to the root cause
  • Letting your teen know you are there for them and want to help
  • Letting your teen know a therapist or trained coach can be additional resources
  • Asking your teen to tell you about what is leading to the behaviour
  • Asking your teen about what’s going on in their world, what’s going well, what’s feeling heavy, etc. 
  • Asking your teen about what they’re enjoying these days and what’s annoying them

>>> FREE DOWNLOAD: Depression & Anxiety Toolkit for Parents Raising Teen Girls <<<

10 tools you can immediately use to improve your female identifying teens’ mental health & build resistance against depression & anxiety:

Coming up with a plan (with your teen) to help them stay safe and reduce the risk of self-harm is an important step in how to handle when your teen is self harming. Consider bridging a professional into this conversation if it makes sense for your family.

 

Try the TTURN acronym to help TTURN things around. 

When I feel _______________________________ and I have the urge to self-harm, I can: 

 

T – Tell a trusted adult 

(have your teen name 1+ adults they can talk to if they have the urge to self-harm, e.g. parent, teacher, coach, relative, etc.)

T – Tag your triggers 

(ask about things, people, situations, thoughts, and emotions that increase the urge to self-harm)

U – Up your self-care 

(have your teen collaborate on a list of things they enjoy doing or people that bring them comfort, e.g. reading, listening to music, going for tea, hugs, doing their hair, exercising, hanging out with friends, etc.)

R – Replacement behaviours 

(understanding why your teen is using self-harming behaviours will help you come up with alternative behaviours that have less risky consequences. For example, if it is about numbing pain which releases endorphins, look at some behaviours that release endorphins such as, exercising, punching a pillow, eating dark chocolate, laughing, etc.)

N – Negotiating Harm Reduction 

(come up with ways to reduce the risk such as making sharp objects less accessible, having them paint or draw on the body parts instead of injuring, using rubber bands or ice instead of sharp objects, etc.)​

 

You don’t have to go at this alone. Working with a therapist or trained coach for additional support can be super helpful for you to handle when your teen is self harming. The root cause of self-harming behaviours may be related to managing feelings such as anxiety, fear, stress, anger, depression etc. It may also be related to larger mental health concerns or a lack of coping tools and strategies. A therapist can work alongside your teen (and your family as needed) to help them develop other strategies and offer them a safe place to express their thoughts and emotions.

 

Information is empowering. If you found this helpful, pass it on by emailing it to a friend or sharing it on your socials- Thanks!

 

With love, 

Chantal with Pyramid Psychology 

Helping Teen Girls Build Unbreakable Mindsets

www.pyramidpsychology.com

 

 

Chantal is a registered psychologist and teen coach working with teen girls around the globe (and their parents) to help them build Unbreakable Mindsets. She helps teen girls who are struggling with their confidence, are feeling anxious, overwhelmed, or shut down a lot of the time, and want things to be different. Most certainly the struggle is affecting their self-image, their relationships, and so importantly their mental wellness. She specializes in:

  • Acceptance and Commitment Therapy
  • Expressive Arts Therapy
  • Compassion Focused Therapy
  • Trauma focused (through the expressive arts, progressive counting, trauma sensitive yoga, and narrative approaches)
  • Grief and Loss
  • Functional Family Therapy
  • Nutrition for Mental Health
  • Attachment based parenting
  • Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction (MBSR)
  • HeartMath

To book with Chantal: BOOK HERE

Why should I choose coaching over therapy?

There is a lot of misconception and confusion out there surrounding life coaching and traditional psychotherapy. Many people are not sure what life coaching even is- they may have never heard of it. Some people think it’s something to do with getting fitness or health expert advice, some think it’s really just therapy in disguise with someone that may not be licensed, and the list goes on. Traditional psychotherapy is certainly a very popular option (and probably the default option) for most people out there. You have a problem, you talk to a therapist who helps you work through the issue, you feel better. But have you considered that there may be something out there that is even more refined to suit your needs and could help you progress further than you had initially thought?

This is where life coaching comes in.

While traditional psychotherapy can certainly be necessary and needed, it’s not a one-size-fits-all solution; and sometimes it can be better to branch off and explore different avenues for healing. The two can certainly be done at the same time, and sometimes coaching actually cannot even commence until psychotherapy has taken place. It depends on the client, and the situation. A good example of a client who may require both a therapist and a coach could be: a teen that may have gone through a traumatic event, now suffers from many symptoms of PTSD, and her sense of self worth and confidence is so low that she does not feel motivated anymore- but her goal was to be able to speak publicly in front of a large audience.

Therapy can be much more beneficial in treating mental health conditions (including depression, anxiety, PTSD, etc) and focusing on working through that to help bring clients to a healthy and functioning level.

Coaching can be thought of as an action-oriented healing modality where the client is already at a functioning level, but wants to progress much further in life than where they are now. It can be thought of as more focused on the future, where therapy can be focused more on the past. There may be stuck points that coaching clients also need to work through, and a life coach can certainly help with that. Perhaps the client is able to function in their day-to-day tasks, but inside feels disempowered and not living their full potential. Maybe they are limiting themselves, or not even sure of what step to take next in life. These are all things a life coach can dive into with you. Life coaches can help you perform better mentally and emotionally. They can help you work through emotional discomfort and achieve your goals.

A life coach will assess you and your needs and determine if they can assist you with their services. If not, they will refer you to a therapist or another healer that would be more suitable. It is important to note that life coaches are not medical professionals and cannot diagnose or treat mental health conditions. 

However, a big benefit to life coaching is that coaches can meet with anyone, anywhere. Therapists are only able to meet with clients in the province where they live and practice therapy.

There are certainly some crossovers and similarities between therapy and life coaching.

The main thing is that both therapists and coaches share a common goal, and that is to see you succeed! We want to help you better yourself, so you can build a bulletproof mindset and thrive.

If you’ve made it this far and think that coaching is more in alignment with your needs- click here to book a consultation (offered in English or Spanish) with our Teen Life Coach, Kari:

Book Online | Pyramid Psychology (janeapp.com)

Why Teen Girls Will Love The Happiness Pill 

Navigating the teen years can be one of the most challenging yet rewarding experiences for both you and your daughter. If you’re looking for a way to support her in building confidence, resilience, and supportive connections during this important time, let me introduce you to The Happiness Pill (THP)—our signature 6-week support group coaching program for teens.

Here’s why The Happiness Pill support group coaching program for teens could be exactly what your daughter needs to thrive this start of the school year:

1. Discover Inner Strengths

The Happiness Pill is all about helping your teen daughter uncover and embrace her own inner strengths. We are not teaching girls passively, we are engaging them in activities, simple reflective art, games, and discussions about real topics they face every day.

be strong confident support group coaching for teens

2. Build Meaningful Friendships

One of the greatest gifts of The Happiness Pill is the opportunity for your teen to connect with other teen girls who are on similar journeys. Our program is all about creating a safe, welcoming, and supportive community where she can build lasting connections with peers who understand and support her. 

3. Enjoy a Fun and Engaging Experience

We believe that personal growth doesn’t have to be dull. That’s why The Happiness Pill support group coaching program for teens blends learning with fun. From creative art activities to interactive games and lively group discussions, the program is designed to make the process of self-discovery enjoyable and dynamic. Your daughter will look forward to each session and leave feeling things like calm, inspired and uplifted.

confident girl

4. Practical Tools for Everyday Life

The Happiness Pill isn’t just about talk; it’s about equipping your teen daughter with practical tools she can use in her daily life. She’ll learn mindfulness techniques, self-care strategies, and coping skills that help manage stress and boost her mood. These practical skills will not only enhance her well-being but also prepare her for future challenges with a healthier mindset.

5. Step into Her Best Self

Our goal with The Happiness Pill is to help your daughter become the most confident and resilient version of herself. Gaining tools and practicing the mindset needed to grow healthy relationships to self, others, and her environment. It’s all about helping her shine brightly and embracing her full potential.

masterclass

6. Parent Masterclasses for Extra Support

We understand that supporting your teen daughter’s journey is just as important as the program itself. That’s why we offer weekly Parent Masterclasses alongside The Happiness Pill. These masterclasses are designed to provide you with insights and strategies to better support your daughter’s growth and well-being. You’ll gain a deeper understanding of the program’s content and learn how to reinforce its benefits at home, creating a nurturing environment that supports her development. As well as being able to celebrate the wonderful things you are already doing as a parent! 

If you’re interested in learning more about how this program can make a difference in your daughter’s life, or if you’re ready to enroll, check out this link. Together, let’s empower your daughter to embrace her potential, thrive with confidence, and create a joyful and fulfilling future.

With so much love and gratitude, 

 

Chantal and the Pyramid Psychology Team. 

The Power of Language to Communicate with Teens

Language is powerful. The words we use with our teens can shape their self-esteem, influence
their decisions, and either strengthen or strain our relationships with them. As a parent, the way
you  use language to communicate with teens matters more than you might realize.

1. Words Have Impact

Imagine telling your teen, “You are getting fat.” While you might intend to motivate them to be
healthier, these words can damage their self-esteem and lead to long-term issues with body
image. Instead, try using the language, “Let’s focus on being healthy together.” This shifts the communication
to positive action without shaming.

2. Listening Over Lecturing

Teens often feel misunderstood, which can lead to shutting down or acting out. Instead of
lecturing, try active listening. When your teen communicates something, listen fully before responding.
This simple act shows that you value their thoughts and feelings, making them more likely to
open up in the future.

3. Validate Their Feelings

If your teen says, “I hate school,” the natural response might be to dismiss it with, “You have to
go; it’s important.” But validating their feelings and changing the language—“I hear that you’re frustrated; let’s talk about what’s bothering you”—can open up a productive dialogue and help you understand what they’re truly experiencing.

4. Stay Calm During Conflict

During arguments, it’s easy to let emotions take over and say things we don’t mean. Instead, try
taking a deep breath and responding calmly. For example, if your teen says, “You never
understand me,” instead of reacting defensively, you might respond with, “I want to understand;
let’s figure this out together.”

Why This Matters

Positive communication builds trust, promotes emotional well-being, and strengthens your
relationship with your teen. It’s not just about avoiding negative language but actively choosing
words that encourage, support, and uplift.

A Personal Note

As a mental health therapist with a Master’s in Social Work (clinical specialization), I’ve seen
how the right words can make all the difference in a parent-teen relationship. If you’re struggling
to connect with your teen, I’m here to help.

Taking New Clients

If you’re ready to improve the way you use language to communicate and strengthen your relationship with your teen, I’m currently accepting new clients. Let’s work together to create a more open and supportive family dynamic.
Chipo Bvindi
To book a session with Chipo please click here:
 

Anxiety and Tests, How to Cope?

 

Well, it looks like it is that time of year again! End of a school year. And you know what that means, right? Tests! Lots of tests. The unfortunate reality of tests is the dreaded test anxiety that can sometimes go with it. But its ok, we know how to help you cope!
Most often test anxiety is produced by the apprehension and pressure to do well on an evaluation. Test anxiety can show up in both physical (fight or flight) and mental (worry about information recall). However, some anxiety is normal and can help one in a test while for others it can be debilitating. So, what can we do as parents to help support that test anxiety?
Well, step one: talk about the test with your teen, what is causing worry? Perhaps it’s the material, maybe it’s the setting? Has your student studied the material; do they understand it? Talk about the worry, talking about it can help it become much smaller. Here are some other tips parents can use to help their teen with test anxiety and help them crush their goals.
Visualize the test day, what does your student need to have to be prepared, have them imagine walking into the test and feeling positive and prepared to write it. Talk about the test with them and go through how they want the test to be, and how they want the outcome result to be.
Talk about rational expectations. If your teen has not been present in class or is missing key components, they might not be able to get the grades they wish for. And that is ok, try to work through any catastrophizing thoughts they may have, and discuss the reality of the situation.
Mindfulness is a good strategy for how to cope with stress during tests. Talk about being in the present moment with your teen, especially when they begin to feel overly anxious. Focus on one task at a time. Stay in the moment and with each thought that appears don’t judge it, just recognize that it is just a thought and let it go.


Practice replacing negative self-talk with more rational thoughts. Take a moment to acknowledge how far you have come and give yourself praise.
Name your test anxiety, naming it creates the idea that it exists outside of yourself, putting distance to the uncomfortable thought.
Self-care, acknowledge that this time will pass. Plan something to look forward to do after the test.

anxiety stress coping tests
Celebrate those small achievements, congratulate them on trying. Celebrate that they did something that was hard and uncomfortable.
As parents we really want to focus on the basics here as well, good sleep hygiene, a healthy diet, and the inclusion of some moderate to light exercise to keep healthy. Look at other stressors in your teens life and look to reduce anything for a bit to help take some of the pressure off.

I hope that some of these ideas, and skills can help you parents work with your teens through some of these big academic challenges so that they can cope with stress and anxiety during tests. I know June can be a busy time for parents, and kids alike. If you would like any further support, please contact us here at Pyramid Psychology and we would be happy to help.

Guided meditation for test anxiety
https://youtu.be/AtF0T2fPvbI

>>> FREE DOWNLOAD: Depression & Anxiety Toolkit for Parents Raising Teen Girls <<<

10 tools you can immediately use to improve your female identifying teens’ mental health & build resistance against depression & anxiety:

 

 

This topic came up from one of our parents, who suggested that kids are being ‘bubble wrapped’ these days. I started to think about what this really means and how this could be the perception from some adults. I wanted to address what this could possibly means and look like. As a parent and someone who works with youth, I think that the mentality of them being bubble wrapped may be coming from a place of diverse experiences from ourselves as parents and what our kids are experiencing. I know when I look at my childhood experiences and life compared to what my kids have and their experiences, there is a big disparity. The world has changed and is continuing to do so at a rapid rate. Some differences I have noticed, well social media and access to knowledge is huge. There is a period of possible trauma during covid…
A lot of homes have dual income parents leaving a lot of kiddos with time to themselves. Parents wanting to keep up with what their kids want and what expectations are perceived through society.
So, what do we do as parents, how to we help our kiddos to see the world and experience life without wearing rose colored glasses.
 I think that as parents having our kids involved in finances is a big life learning
experience. Let them know what some of the bills are, and rent.
 Let them fail, as humans we learn through practice and trying things that ultimately
don’t work all the time, celebrate the fact for trying and normalize failures.

exam stress test anxiety coping
 Encourage new experiences, friends.anxiety stress coping tests
 Give them more responsibilities, what can they do to help themselves and the family
out. Can they make dinner for a night, are they maintaining certain areas of the house?

Raising teens is not easy, and the world can be a tough hard place for even the strongest of individuals. Learning about ourselves is a constant process. By taking some time for yourself as a parent and stepping back at how you communicate with your teen can be a useful way to look at how you’re connecting with your teen. I know sometimes I hear my parents when I am parenting, and I need to ask if this is what I am in line with or if this a learned way of thinking?
I hope that this can help some parents gain some insight and perspective into helping your teens learn to navigate the world. There is a lot out there to offer and I know your teens have so much to offer the world. Let’s help them get out there and live more experiences!

 

Tara Aldie

 

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How to Thrive Past Trauma or Unstable Environments

Hi everyone, I’m Chipo Bvindi, a mental health therapist dedicated to helping young people navigate life’s challenges. Today, I want to talk about something close to my heart; “How to Thrive Past Trauma or Unstable Environments.” Growing up can be tough, especially if you’ve experienced trauma or lived in an unstable environment- but I want you to know that thriving is possible, and I’m here to guide you through it.

Understanding Trauma and Unstable Environments

First, let’s define what we mean by trauma and unstable environments. Trauma can be any distressing experience that overwhelms your ability to cope; such as abuse, neglect, loss, or witnessing violence. An unstable environment might involve frequent changes, lack of support, or unpredictability at home or in your community.

These experiences can leave deep scars, but they don’t have to define your future. With effort and the right strategies, you can overcome these challenges and lead a fulfilling life.

Steps to Thrive

  1. Acknowledge Your Feelings

It’s okay to feel hurt, angry, or confused about what you’ve been through. Suppressing these emotions only makes them stronger. Acknowledge your feelings and give yourself permission to feel them without judgment. This is the first step in healing.

  1. Seek Support

You don’t have to go through this alone. Reach out to someone you trust—a friend, family member, teacher, or therapist. Talking about your experiences can be incredibly freeing and helps you process your emotions. Support groups can also be a great resource.

  1. Practice Self-Care

Taking care of yourself is crucial. This means getting enough sleep, eating well, exercising, and finding time for activities you enjoy. Self-care also includes setting boundaries to protect your mental health, such as limiting time with people who bring negativity into your life.

  1. Develop Healthy Coping Mechanisms

Instead of turning to harmful behaviours to cope, find healthy ways to manage stress and emotions. This might include journaling, drawing, playing sports, or practicing mindfulness and meditation. Experiment with different activities to see what works best for you.

  1. Focus on Your Strengths

Everyone has strengths, even if they’re not always obvious. Identify what you’re good at and what makes you feel strong. This could be anything from a talent in art or music to a knack for solving problems or helping others. Building on your strengths boosts your confidence and resilience.

  1. Create a Vision for Your Future

Trauma can make it hard to see beyond the present moment. Take some time to think about what you want for your future. Set small, achievable goals and work towards them step by step. This helps create a sense of purpose and direction.

                                  

  1. Seek Professional Help if Needed

Sometimes, professional help is necessary to fully heal. Therapists and counsellors are trained to help you work through trauma and develop coping strategies. Don’t hesitate to seek out professional support if you need it.

 

About Me

I’m Chipo Bvindi, a mental health therapist with a passion for helping teens, young adults, and adults. I specialize in anxiety, depression, borderline personality disorder, life transitions, instability, trauma, and grief. My goal is to provide a safe and supportive space for my clients to explore their feelings, heal, and grow. I believe in the power of resilience and the importance of doing the work to move past challenges and build a brighter future.

Thriving is a Journey

Remember: thriving past trauma or an unstable environment is a journey, not a destination. Be patient with yourself and celebrate your progress, no matter how small it may seem. Every step forward is a victory.

You’re stronger than you think, and with the right tools and support, you can overcome your past and build a bright future. Keep going, and never give up on yourself.

Take care,

Chipo Bvindi

This Article: “How to Thrive Past Trauma or Unstable Environments” was written by: CHIPOPyramid Psychology

Screen time blog creative

Screen Time Wisdom

Screen Time Wisdom

Screen Time Wisdom from Teens Who Know Best…..But Might Just Need a Little Help Implementing.

Screen time.

As the parent of a teen girl, those two words might conjure up thoughts nightmares are made of.

  • Phone.
  • No phone.
  • Social media.
  • No social media.
  • Limitations.
  • Restrictions.
  • Overuse.
  • Addictions.
  • Permanent digital footprint.
  • Cyber bullying.

Just to name a few things you might be considering when it comes to your teen and her screen time. 

I, like many, am navigating this world with my teen right now. A world where it seems like technology is master. I’m also a psychologist who’s been working with teens for over 10 years so I’ve gotten to see the many faces of technology. 

Whether you’re thinking about the impact of her online content consumption or the way others behave towards one another online, there’s no doubt It’s a complex issue- 

Where to draw our line as parents? How do we encourage and teach our children (teens) to use technology in reasonable and safe ways? 

For more information from some leading experts talking about these issues try checking out: 

What I want to share with you today is inspired by the teens I’ve worked with over the past 10+ years. Teens of all ages who have questioned, evaluated, and taken action on their screen time choices. 

Lessons from your daughters:

  • Going on regular “tech detoxes”. The teens I’ve worked with have tried a variety of detoxes including reducing their screen time by a small amount each day, choosing a weekly tech free day, and even deleting social media apps altogether for a month.

detox image

  • The benefits of gaming and being online. In-depth reflection and conversation has led some of the teens to realize that their online presence has helped them in many ways. Helping them break through social anxiety, getting really good at a craft or skill, discovering stuff about themselves, and connecting them to a like-minded community. It’s not all bad.
  • Parental guidance. OK this one, they may not have ever admitted saying, but quite a few of the teen girls “appreciate” the guidance and the little nudges to be off their devices and doing other types of things.
  • Technology for mental health. I love when a teen introduces me to an app or an online community that is focused on their wellness. I have had the privilege of being introduced to platforms teen girls actually use to improve their mental health. Apps, such as Finch, CalmHarm, Breeze, Habitica, Mindshift, and many more.
  • What I would tell my younger self (younger sibling). When I ask this question 9 times out of 10,  teens tell me their advice for their younger person would be to wait as long as they can before they start using social media, to avoid platforms that constantly show them videos and pictures they compare themselves to, and to enjoy things outside of screen time.

Pretty wise right!

That being said, you might appreciate the strong pull towards being on your screen, and how habit forming it can be. So even if your teen may already have some great ideas and insights; she will need your support, encouragement, and guidance to turn those wise ideas into wise actions.

Sometimes the most impactful thing we can do is simply start by questioning, evaluating and taking action with our own screen time choices to start that ripple effect. 

Love, 

Chantal

This Article: “Screen Time Wisdom” was written by: Chantal | Pyramid Psychology

What is EMDR and how will it benefit my daughter?

What is EMDR and how will it benefit my daughter? I had the opportunity to become trained in eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) last summer, and it has been cool to see how effective the approach has been for some of my clients. EMDR uses some type of bilateral stimulation, which is a fancy way of saying both sides of the body are being stimulated.

EMDR article creative

The classic stimulus is moving your eyes back and forth from left to right, but it can also be crossing your arms and tapping your;

  • Shoulders

  • Tapping your knees

  • Holding buzzers that buzz in your hands

  • Auditory tones…

While undergoing bilateral stimulation, I guide my clients through a process of remembering a traumatic memory and reprocessing said memory in a more healthy and positive way. Depending on the client, there may be only one memory to process, whereas others will have 10 or more.

While no one knows for sure how EMDR works (there are several theories out there), the research and client feedback continues to prove that it does work. What does “work” even mean, you may ask? That would be a good question.

At its core, EMDR therapy is based on the theory that previous unprocessed traumatic experiences are showing up as symptoms in the present.

The symptoms may be;

  • High anxiety

  • Panic

  • Triggers

  • Feeling overwhelmed

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When the previous traumatic experiences are reprocessed, the nervous system no longer responds in an over-reactive way to stimuli in the present. There are a lot of fascinating studies out there that show a remarkable difference in brain activity between before completing EMDR therapy and after if you’d like to see! 

A common response that I hear from clients is that when they think about the previous traumatic memory after completing EMDR.  They say that they no longer have an emotional reaction to it.

An incident or experience that previously resulted in sensations of anxiety or panic is now remembered in a more factual, calm manner. Clients also share that after several EMDR sessions (the number of sessions varies by client and circumstance), they notice that they are less triggered in the present. EMDR is not hypnosis or changing the facts, it’s just helping your brain process a previous experience that it was not able to at that point in time.

EMDR is not the best fit for everyone, and some of my clients prefer more traditional talk therapy over EMDR sessions. There are many paths to better health and wellness, and I am happy to take the client’s lead. I will say, however, that for clients who may not want to express previous traumas verbally, EMDR can be an incredible tool.

If you would like to learn more about EMDR and if it may be a good fit for you, please book a consult call or first session.

BOOK AN EMDR APPOINTMENT

This article: “What is EMDR and how will it benefit my daughter?” Written by:  Jessa Tiemstra 

 

talk about depression

Tips to Talk to Your Teen About Depression

Tips to Talk to Your Teen About Depression

Learning how to talk about depression with your teen is not an easy task; as a parent of a teen girl, and therapist working with teens too – I KNOW this can be a challenge! But when we recognize that are teens are struggling and something doesn’t feel right, as parents we need to step in. We want to step in because we want to help! Also, lot of us did not grow up with all this new mental health knowledge, our teens probably have a pretty good vocabulary and awareness on more than we give them credit for. As parents we know our teens best, we can often recognize when they are not themselves. So what do we do and how can we approach our kids when we begin to see them struggle. 

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The Happiness Pill: Teen Coaching to Build Resiliency Against Anxiety & Social Awkwardness  CLICK HERE FOR DETAILS <<<

6 Weeks of group coaching to help teen girls navigate big emotions like anxiety and overwhelm, feel confident from the inside out (including with her body image), and handle social anxiety like a BOSS.

The Happiness Pill

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talk to your teen about depression

Photo by Yuris Alhumaydy on Unsplash

If your teen seems to be struggling with some intense feelings or their mood has visibly changed, maybe they have habits that seem different. It could all warrant a conversation. I would recommend approaching your teen when things are calmer in your house, i.e not right after school when chaos could be prevalent. You want to make sure that you are also in a good headspace, take a minute to make sure that you are coming from a place of love and concern. Once you have a calm atmosphere and you are calm yourself, I would try asking them if anything has happened lately. Mention that you have noticed that they are not spending time with their friends as much or doing the activities they love. Coming from a place of love tell them that you are concerned and want to know if there is anything that perhaps that could have occurred at school or an incident with friends. If your teen cannot pinpoint anything directly, it is a good time to open the discussion about mental health. You could ask them if they want to go for a walk or a coffee or play a game. By engaging in an activity, you kind of take the pressure off of your teen, and it can also help relax your teen making them more likely to engage in conversation. 

 

Depression and anxiety are very common, and everyone experiences feelings of sadness and anxiety at some point. Teens often don’t realize that this is normal and can get really worried about it. Telling your teen that this is normal and that it is ok to feel anxiety and depression, and just because they feel sad or anxious, does not mean you are depressed or have anxiety. Discussing these feelings in a safe place and space will help your teen feel more comfortable. Let them know that it is ok and that you are always there to help and to talk. Talking about it

talk to your teen about depression

Photo by Eric Ward on Unsplash

can help so much on its own! If your teen struggles with being open with you, that’s ok, try not to take it too personally. It may be a good time to look up a counsellor for your teen, as having someone trusted and confidential can really help. Let them know that seeing a counsellor is really just part of keeping your health in check. At Pyramid Psychology we are here to help, listen and provide tools for your teen when they are experiencing times of distress. Good luck, and please reach out for a free consultation HERE if you would like further support.

 

Love,

Tara Aldie

Graduate Student in Counselling offering affordable counselling for teen girls (11-18 years old) online, and in person in Airdrie, Alberta

*1:1 services available for teen girls living in Alberta, Canada – $40 per session. Free consultation here.

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About Tara

Hello, my name is Tara, and I am a graduate student in counselling, I will be doing my practicum at Pyramid Psychology and I am very excited to practice all the skills I have learned as well as develop new relationships.

I have experience working with youth and teens and I also navigate parenting to four of my own kids. I tend to work with a solution focused, client centred and cognitive behavioural approach. I know that being a teen is tough, and sometimes are problems exasperated by social media and technology.

I struggled with fitting in as a teen, and I really felt that I didn’t belong. After years of soul searching and many personal ups and downs, I realized that my uniqueness was a strength. My goal is to help navigate through these difficult times while promoting self-discovery and personal strengths.

I understand that parents can often feel confused and left out of their teen’s life. I look to bridge the gap between these differences through positive communication. Teens need all the support they can get; the world and relationships can often seem crazy and unrelatable. I work to help bring closeness within existing supports and help develop and foster relationships.

With art, music, writing, play and movement we can work together to help promote self-discovery. I look forward to creating a positive and healing journey with you!

Book a free consultation with me here.

Serving teens in Alberta age 11-18, online or in person (Airdrie, Alberta).

5 Holiday Mindfulness Tips for Teens

5 Holiday Mindfulness Tips for Teens

It’s the most wonderful time of the year!

 … Except that it is also a time that comes with a long list of things to do: presents to buy, recipes to perfect, family relationships and social commitments to navigate, creating a welcoming and festive home, and covid considerations as well. Even writing this list I am reminding myself of all the things I have yet to do before Christmas arrives!

I don’t know about you, but for myself, these high expectations and competing demands can cause stress. This stress comes from originally setting good intentions for the holiday season to be full of warmth, meaningful connections, and elevated spirits. However, things can get warped when you lose sight of what you find truly important.

Ironically, becoming stressed is completely counterproductive to these original intentions of presence and connection.

 

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Photo by Canva

With this in mind, here are five points of reflection for you and your family this holiday season:

1. Mindfulness Over the Holidays: Determine Your Priorities

What is important to you this holiday season? Recognizing the key points of the holiday can shift your focus away from things on your to-do list that aren’t a priority.

Here are some priorities that come to my mind or have been shared from clients:

  • Spending time with family and loved ones is more important than the setting.
  • Gift giving is a form of love during the holidays.
  • Hosting a family dinner and perfecting a new recipe is a source of holiday joy.
  • Slowing down for self-care is important over the holidays.
  • The holidays are a time to try new things and go on an adventure!

Whatever your priority is this season, know what it is for yourself and focus on that the most.

Photo by Canva

2. Mindfulness Over the Holidays: Set Boundaries

Setting self-care boundaries is essential, especially during a busy season like Christmas where there are numerous events, opportunities, and expectations.

Take a moment to check in with yourself to make informed decisions about what is best for you and your loved ones. If you are “running on empty” and finding yourself stressed, tired, or easily frustrated, maybe the best choice is to sit one of the social engagements out and spend some time “filling up your tank”.

Think of a few strategies that work best for you when you are feeling stressed, whether that be time with others, time alone, a specific activity, exercise, etc. Whatever destressing looks like for you, go for it!

It can also be helpful to have a discussion around holiday expectations and preventing stress with your family.

 

Photo by istock

3. Mindfulness Over the Holidays: Watch Your Thoughts

Thoughts can be tricky and can easily affect your feelings and behaviours if you are not mindful of them.

Some thoughts I’ve heard come up over the holidays that won’t necessarily serve you include: thinking that the house needs to be spotless, food needs to be extravagant, every social event must be attended, or that every loved one should get an individualized, thoughtful gift so they know how much they are love, etc. These are thoughts that can cause stress for the whole family over the holidays!

Notice the word choice in these statements – needs, must, should, every, everyone – words like these lead to black-and-white thinking and can place a lot of pressure on a person. 

While none of these are bad things to want, you can change your thought process by altering your statements around these words. Some examples: “it would be nice if…” or, “I will try my best, but what I really value here is connection over cleanliness”.

This small shift can do wonders in reducing the stress experienced from high expectations.

Your teen daughter can learn how to shift her thoughts in presence, too. Our team has written a blog article on it for your pleasure here.

Photo by Canva

4. Mindfulness Over the Holidays: Be Open to Different Ways of Doing Things

Just because something has always been a certain way does not mean it needs to continue to be that way.

If there are aspects of the holiday season that are causing you stress, consider other ways of doing things. Maybe that looks like a gift exchange or going to an event instead of buying gifts for each family member. Perhaps it looks like a potluck or ordering in instead of one or two people feeling pressure to host a big meal.

The sky is the limit!!

Better yet – what ideas do your kids or partner have for changing the routine? What a great family discussion!

 

Photo by Canva

5. Mindfulness Over the Holidays: Be Present

Once you know your priorities, have healthy boundaries, and are intentional with the time you do have, it becomes easier to be present in whatever relationship or activity you are engaged in.

Worrying about whether or not everything will be perfect on Christmas day or meet everyone’s expectations will not have a significant impact on the outcome and will only drain your energy.

Let tomorrow worry about itself and try to find those silver linings in the moment.

 If you have a teen that struggles with anxiety over the holidays (perhaps perfectionism) and/or depression, you can download our free Anxiety Toolkit for Parents Raising Teens. It comes with 10 tools you can immediately begin implementing for your family this holiday season, as well as a series of mini webinars.

Our gift to you!

 

Photo by Canva

And don’t forget that it is OK to need some extra support, at any time of the year. I offer therapy for teens and young adults, creating lifelong strategies to get through anxious times. You can find my availability and booking link here:

 

Book an Appointment

From all of us here at Pyramid Psychology, we wish you a happy holiday season!

Email us with any questions, any time: info@pyramidpsychology.com

Love,

Jessa

 


Jessa

Jessa is a provisional psychologist living and servicing teens and young adults in Calgary, Alberta.

Jessa is passionate about helping people become the best version of themselves and is continually learning how to best support her clients. She has experience with acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) and cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), but most importantly she emphasizes the therapeutic relationship.

A safe, authentic relationship is key for therapy to work. Jessa prioritizes compassion and nonjudgmental curiosity. Together, she can find out what matters most to you and how to get there.

If you think Jessa may be a good match for you, please feel free to reach out and set up a free consult or book a session. She is looking forward to hearing from you!

Once a month, she writes a blog article in response to issues she hears from the parents, teens and young adults she connects with. If you have something you’d like to read more on – email ideas and questions to info@pyramidpsychology.com or DM us via Instagram or Facebook.