04 Mar
Anxiety, Emotions, For Parents, Self-Compassion, Uncategorized

When Your Teen Won’t Discuss Self-Harm

Discovering that your teen is self harming can be a really shocking experience. Moreover, you might be thinking: why would they do this to themselves? Or, don’t they see that I love and care for them?
Likewise, as a parent, your first instinct is to want to help your teen and to stop the harmful behavior. But, what happens when your teen won’t discuss self-harm? Firstly, I want to let you know that you are not alone and that this is a very common subject. 

1. Stay Calm and Approach with Compassion When Your Teen Won’t Discuss Self-Harm

Your teen is already dealing with overwhelming emotions. Because of this, the self harm acts as a way to help combat the overwhelming feelings and provide some relief. Therefore, they do not want you to project your negative emotions of fear, sadness, anger, shock, etc onto them. It is far more beneficial to approach from a place of calmness and compassion. So, try to empathize with your teen, and let them know you are there for them.
when your teen won't discuss self-harm

2. Create a Safe Space for Communication

Furthermore, let your teen know that you are not there to judge them. And, they may need time to come to a place where they are feeling ready to open up. So, give them that time to process things. Subsequently, most people can sense when a conversation feels forced, including your teen. Therefore, ensure that when the conversation happens, it is done when your teen feels safe and comfortable.


>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>to download our free self-soothe kit for self harm click here<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

3. Educate Yourself About Self-Harm

Meanwhile, it can help you provide better support when you’re aware of the full scope of what self harming entails, when your teen won’t discuss self-harm. However, it is not usually a suicide attempt, but more about relieving overwhelming emotions. Also, there are lots of books, and information on the internet related to this topic. Besides, we also have other blogs written in order to help educate you. For further reading on this topic related to self harm and why it happens in teens, click here!

4. Offer Alternative Ways to Express Emotions

There are many safer alternatives for relieving overwhelming emotions. Specifically, ice baths or cold showers can provide a similar feeling by shocking the nervous system, making your teen more adaptable to stress over time. Also, you could also suggest punching bags for overwhelming feelings of anger or rage. Additionally, crying or screaming into a pillow might also help. Some meditative options could be painting or drawing, or even something like dancing or lifting weights. Of course, having a session with a therapist or coach is a great place to express feelings and emotions. Essentially, suggest healthier options and see which one works best for your teen.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>to download our free self-soothe kit for self harm click here<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

when your teen won't discuss self- harm

5. Seek Professional Support When Your Teen Won’t Discuss Self-Harm

If your teen refuses to talk or their self-harm continues, consider reaching out to a professional. Such as: therapists, coaches, or support groups. These professionals can provide a safe and neutral environment for them to open up. In addition, let your teen know that seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness.

6. When Your Teen Won’t Discuss Self-Harm, Check-In Without Pressuring

Although your teen doesn’t want to talk, it’s better to still maintain contact with them with check-ins. Such as, a simple “just wanted to see how you were feeling today”. or “is there anything I can do for you?”
or, “is there anything on your mind you’d like to talk about?” could potentially initiate a conversation. 

7. Finally, Take Care of Yourself Too!

Supporting a teen who self-harms can be very tiring emotionally. Therefore, ensure you have a support system for yourself, whether it’s talking to a friend, joining a support group, or seeking professional guidance. Moreover, your well-being is crucial in providing the best care for your teen. Also, it’s better to set a good example for your teen. Similarly by showing that you are able to care for yourself and are coming from a place of peace and wellness and not a place of stress and burn-out.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>to download our free self-soothe kit for self harm click here<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

when your teen won't discuss self-harm

 

Final Thoughts

In summary, don’t lose hope and stay strong throughout this difficult time- even when your teen won’t discuss self-harm. Likewise, continue showing them love, patience, and understanding. Above all, although they may not say it, knowing they have someone who cares and won’t give up on them can mean the world to them. Finally, keep the door open for conversation. Also remind them that they are not alone in their struggles.

About Kari

I am a life coach at Pyramid Psychology. In addition, I have several diplomas applicable to life coaching; including Coaching for Adolescents, Women’s Empowerment and Gender Equality. Also, I’ve taken several webinars from Gabor Mate on Trauma/Family Trauma, the Somatic Institute for Women, and have studied extensively about narcissistic personality disorder and histrionic personality disorder. Empowering girls is a passion of mine, Moreover, I am blessed to be able to help and inspire other girls to break societal norms and follow their dreams as well.
To book a session with Kari click here 

22 Feb
Anxiety, Counselling, Emotions, For Parents, Self-Compassion

Why Does Self Harm Happen in Teens?

Self-harm among teenagers is a growing concern that many parents, caregivers, and educators struggle to understand. It can be alarming to discover that a teen is engaging in self-injury, and the immediate reaction is often fear, confusion, or even frustration. Therefore, many parents wonder, why does self harm happen in teens?
In effect, self-harm is not simply about seeking attention—it is a coping mechanism that signals deep emotional distress.

Why Does Self Harm Happen in Teens?

Self-harm, such as cutting, burning, or scratching, is often a response to overwhelming emotions. Additionally, while the reasons behind it can vary from person to person, common factors include:

  1. Emotional Distress & Regulation

Because of emotional distress, many teens use self-harm as a way to cope. So, they may not have the skills to express these feelings in a healthy way, and they turn to self-injury as a means of relief.

>>>>>>To download our self sooth kit for teens struggling with self harm: click here <<<<<<<<<<<

distressed teen

  1. A Sense of Control

In addition, for some- life can feel unpredictable and chaotic. Therefore, engaging in self-harm gives them a sense of control over their pain, especially when they feel powerless in other areas of their lives.

  1. Relief from Numbness

Surprisingly, some teens self-harm not because they feel too much but because they feel too little. Therefore, emotional numbness or dissociation can lead them to self-injury as a way to feel something—even if it is pain.

  1. Expression of Inner Pain

Also, teens who struggle to verbalize their emotions may use self-harm as a way to communicate their distress. Furthermore, it is often a silent cry for help rather than a deliberate attempt to seek attention.

  1. Peer Influence & Social Pressures

With the rise of social media, self-harm can sometimes be normalized within certain online communities. So, teens may be exposed to others engaging in self-injury and feel encouraged to do the same.

self harm group

  1. Underlying Mental Health Concerns

It is important to realize self-harm is often linked to conditions such as depression, anxiety, trauma, or borderline personality disorder. Therefore, addressing these root issues is key to helping a teen move toward healing.

>>>>>>To download our self sooth kit for teens struggling with self harm: click here <<<<<<<<<<<

How Can You Help Your Teen That is Self Harming?

In summary: if you suspect a teen in your life is self-harming, it is specifically crucial to respond with compassion rather than judgment. Here are some ways to support them:

  • Start the conversation – Let them know you are there to listen without pressure or criticism.
  • Encourage professional help – Therapy can provide teens with healthier coping mechanisms and emotional support.
  • Help them develop new skills – Journaling, art, mindfulness, and exercise are all positive outlets for emotional expression.
  • Create a safe environment – Reducing stress and providing reassurance can make a significant difference.

conversation

Seeking Support for Self Harm in Teens

Likewise, if your teen or someone you know is struggling with self-harm, and you’d like to dive further into why does self harm happen in teens- professional support can help them navigate these emotions in a safe and constructive way. Moreover, as a therapist specializing in adolescent mental health, I offer a compassionate and non-judgmental space where teens can explore their feelings, develop coping strategies, and begin their journey to healing.

With this in mind, you don’t have to go through this alone. Reach out today to schedule a session and take the first step toward understanding and support.

>>>To download our self sooth kit for teens struggling with self harm: click here <<<<<<<<<<<
For other blogs related to self harm: How to Handle When Your Teen Is Self Harming • Pyramid Psychology

 

About Chipo
Chipo is a Registered Social Worker with a Master’s in Clinical Social Work, providing compassionate and culturally competent therapy to teens, adults, and families. With advanced training in Trauma-Informed Therapy, Narrative Therapy, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT), Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), and Mindfulness, Chipo helps clients address a range of challenges, including anxiety, depression, trauma, grief, and life transitions.
Through a trauma-informed, anti-oppressive, and intersectional lens, Chipo creates a safe and inclusive environment where each client feels genuinely heard and understood. To book a session with Chipo click here

11 Feb
Emotions, For Parents, parenting teens

Helping Your Teen Build Friendships

Helping Your Teen Build Healthy Friendships: The Power of Perspective-Taking

Parenting a teen girl is like navigating a constantly shifting landscape. One of the most valuable skills they can develop during this time is perspective-taking. The ability to see the larger picture beyond their experience.  Being that a teen’s nature is to be egocentric (focused on themselves) your support as a parent to model and ask curious questions goes a long way in helping your teen build friendships.

At this age, friendships and social interactions take center stage in their minds. So when challenges arise—whether it’s a difficult friendship, a social letdown, or a situation where you clearly see the red flags—it’s natural to want to protect them by pointing out the negatives. However, jumping into this often creates backfire. Moreover, your teen daughter might be even more sunk into the drama and the toxic friendship. Shifting the conversation to get curious about what qualities bring happiness and fulfillment can be a powerful tool. Also, it can work towards helping your teen build friendships.

How to Raise Unbreakable Teen Girls: A guide for parents wanting to raise confident, resilient young women in today’s world. CLICK HERE FOR FREE DOWNLOAD <<<

helping your teens build healthy friendships

The Power of Perspective to Help Your Teen Build Friendships

For example, highlighting why a particular friendship may not be serving them might not be beneficial. Instead, you can try inviting your teen into a different kind of reflection:

“Which friends bring you the most joy? Who do you feel good around most of the time?”

This subtle shift encourages them to observe their own emotional responses.  Therefore, it doesn’t focus on perceived external judgment about their friend choices. This also starts to fine tune their listening to their own internal guide for healthy relationships. So it’s no longer about saying, “This friend is bad for you” but rather, “You get to decide what makes a friendship fulfilling.”

Imagine your teen beginning to think:

“Friend A and B are both in my life. However, I feel positive emotions 90% of the time with Friend A, while with Friend B it’s only about 10% of the time. The 10% of frustrating moments with Friend A aren’t a dealbreaker because there’s a lot of good brought into my life. Moreover, if I only feel positive feelings around Friend B a small fraction of the time, maybe that’s not enough to outweigh the negativity.”

This kind of self-driven reflection leads to natural boundary-setting, rather than a parent-imposed rule of who to hang out with.

How to Raise Unbreakable Teen Girls: A guide for parents wanting to raise confident, resilient young women in today’s world. CLICK HERE FOR FREE DOWNLOAD <<<

Building the Muscle of Perspective-Taking

Being there for her in tough moments is invaluable so this is not about trying to see the bright side all the time or looking through rosy coloured glasses. This is about validating and being supporting WHILE helping broaden their lens to empower their growing perspective taking skills. 

Helping your teen daughter develop this mindset requires gentle, consistent practice. In addition, here are a few simple ways to reinforce perspective-taking in daily conversations:

Ask Curious Open-Ended Questions
Instead of focusing on the difficult aspects of relationships most of the time, encourage curiosity:

  • “What was the best part of your day today?”
  • “Who made you laugh the most?”
  • “What’s one moment you really appreciated?How to Raise Unbreakable Teen Girls: A guide for parents wanting to raise confident, resilient young women in today’s world. CLICK HERE FOR FREE DOWNLOAD <<<

helping your teen build healthy friendships

Shift the Narrative from Problems to Patterns

  • If they’re venting about a friendship, you can validate their feelings while guiding them toward a bigger picture:
    • “I can see why that was frustrating. Do you notice this happens a lot in this friendship, or was today just a tough moment?”
    • “Who in your life makes you feel the opposite of this?”

Encourage Reflection, Not Immediate Action

  • Teens don’t always need to act on an issue right away. Sometimes, a simmer to notice the pattern first is the next helpful step. A simple check-in like, “Let’s pay attention to what you notice and how it feels over the next couple of weeks,” can help them process things at their own pace, which can go a long way in helping your teen build friendships.

helping your teen build healthy friendships

Why Perspective-Taking Matters

Developing this skill is about more than just friendships. It’s about emotional regulation, resilience, and self-awareness—all key tools for navigating life’s challenges. The ability to step back and make intentional choices will serve your teen in school, relationships, and eventually, in adulthood.

And the best part? You don’t have to have all the answers.


Just by modeling this approach, validating their experiences, and redirecting the focus toward the relationships and experiences that bring them joy, you’re helping them develop the internal compass they’ll use for years to come.

What’s one small way you could practice perspective-taking today to work towards helping your teen build friendships? We’d love to hear what’s been working for you.

Further Reading

If you liked this blog, be sure to check out our other blogs about communicating with teens such as this one: The Power of Language to Communicate with Teens • Pyramid Psychology

About Chantal

helping your teen build healthy friendships

Hi! My name is Chantal.

I am a registered psychologist and teen coach working with teen girls around the globe (and their parents) to help them build Unbreakable Mindsets.

I was born in Ontario and raised in Alberta. As a result of my family encouraging us to speak French growing up (I didn’t always love it as a teen though!), I am bilingual. I love being close to the mountains and am in awe every time I see the beautiful landscapes. For now my RV is home and I offer virtual sessions.