05 Dec
Uncategorized

How Wearing Star Spangled Glasses Can Help Teens Clean and Improve their Grades

As a psychologist and teen life coach, I have some of the best conversations with teens every day! They are sometimes raw and full of emotion. They are witty and contradictory and they are also some of the most hilarious conversations I have ever had, such as how wearing glasses can help teens clean 🙂 

I wish I could record every one of my sessions to disperse the insights, reflections, and Ah-ha wisdom that comes from these conversations. Other than that being HIGHLY unethical lol, there is something pretty sacred that happens in the space when a teen is able to be vulnerable and share their truth with someone they feel will not judge or jump to solve what’s going on for them.

What do star spangled glasses have to do with clean rooms and better grades?

Let me tell you a story about the power of perspective.

>>> FREE DOWNLOAD: Depression & Anxiety Toolkit for Parents Raising Teen Girls <<<

10 tools you can immediately use to improve your female identifying teens’ mental health & build resistance against depression & anxiety

Once upon a time, there was a young girl whose grandmother had asked her to clean up her art supplies.

This young girl was so creative and loved to paint.

She painted faces and landscapes non-stop. She painted using acrylics and watercolors. And when she painted, she lost track of time and her surroundings (a few spilt paint bottles and water later). She loved to paint so much that most of her clothes had little bits of Startling Orange, Snugglepuss Purple, and Hazy Blue clinging to the fabric wash after wash.  

This young girl felt at peace when she painted and couldn’t wait for another moment to cover a canvas with her creations.

Her grandmother had been looking after her ever since her mom died two years before. She loved her granddaughter so much and saw much of her own daughter when she looked at her.

But she had not had a teenager in her home in a long time and the loud daily chat with friends, dirty dishes and cosmetology bar where there was once a bathroom, were a challenge at times. 

Requests to clean up were often met with “I will” only to ask again in an hour or the next day. 

This sunny afternoon, grandma had guests coming to visit and there was no question about having canvases and paint all over the dining room table. After having asked for the third time, she sternly said, “either you clean up now or all of your paint supplies will be going into the trash”. This angered the young girl, who stormed off to her room. 

>>> FREE DOWNLOAD: Depression & Anxiety Toolkit for Parents Raising Teen Girls <<<

10 tools you can immediately use to improve your female identifying teens’ mental health & build resistance against depression & anxiety

After a few moments, grandma decided to give it another try, maybe explaining why it was important for it to be done now would help. As she walked down the hall towards the girl’s bedroom, she passed a box of her daughter’s things as she did many times each day. But this day, a little glimmer caught her eye. She bent down to see what was shining underneath the college degree certificate to find a bedazzled pair of star spangled sunglasses with tinted blue shades. Perhaps wearing glasses could help teens clean?..

She remembered buying these for her daughter during a trip to Montana when she was just a little younger than her granddaughter was now. She smiled at the memory. It softened her heart. She clung to the glasses as the bedroom door opened. A stormy teenager emerged “I’m going to clean it now” she muttered as she passed her grandmother. 

As the teen stood by the dining room table about to pick up the first canvas, grandma slid the glasses across the table and said “wear these to clean”. The young girl grimaced at the ridiculous shades in front of her and popped there on her face almost to say “There! Are you happy?”.  

Standing off in a moment of silence, the two broke out into laughter. The words barely came rolling out- “You’ll be able to 
. clean
. so 
 much better this way!”. 
. “I 
.look
.great
. don’t
.I?”

The art supplies were cleaned and the inside joke birthed. Any time the young girl faced a boring task or lacked motivation, the invitation to put on the special lenses was suggested and the mere thought of it made her smile and brought a little play to the mundane. 

It’s all a matter of perspective – perhaps wearing glasses could help teens clean.

>>> FREE DOWNLOAD: Depression & Anxiety Toolkit for Parents Raising Teen Girls <<<

10 tools you can immediately use to improve your female identifying teens’ mental health & build resistance against depression & anxiety

Inspired by some special teens in my world. 

With love, 

Chantal

Chantal is a registered psychologist and teen coach working with teen girls around the globe (and their parents) to help them build Unbreakable Mindsets. She helps teen girls who are struggling with their confidence, are feeling anxious, overwhelmed, or shut down a lot of the time, and want things to be different. Most certainly the struggle is affecting their self-image, their relationships, and so importantly their mental wellness. She specializes in:

  • Acceptance and Commitment Therapy
  • Expressive Arts Therapy
  • Compassion Focused Therapy
  • Trauma focused (through the expressive arts, progressive counting, trauma sensitive yoga, and narrative approaches)
  • Grief and Loss
  • Functional Family Therapy
  • Nutrition for Mental Health
  • Attachment based parenting
  • Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction (MBSR)
  • HeartMath

To book with Chantal: BOOK HERE

19 Nov
Uncategorized

How to Handle When Your Teen Is Self Harming

Many of the teens I work with have used self-harm as a coping behaviour. Teens sometimes feel full of emotions and thoughts and don’t know who to turn to or how to express them. They might try a range of coping behaviours and sometimes feel like self-harm is one that gives some temporary relief. Like with any coping strategy, there are those that are more effective, those that are less effective, and they all have some tradeoffs (aka consequences). It can be terrifying for parents who discover this and feel unsure of how to help with their teens’ pain and suffering, so it is very beneficial for parents to know how to handle when their teen is self harming.

If you are a concerned parent of a teen who is self-injuring, this information will share some of the what’s, the why’s, and the how’s behind self harming.

WHAT IS SELF-INJURY AND SELF-HARM?

Self-harm and self-injury can be used interchangeably and they are behaviours such as cutting, hitting, scratching, pulling out hair, punching hard objects, etc. that cause injury to one’s body in some way. This is different from participating in a high risk activity that may cause self-injury in that the purpose of self-harming behaviours are to cope with psychological/emotional pain, numbness and overwhelm.

>>> FREE DOWNLOAD: Depression & Anxiety Toolkit for Parents Raising Teen Girls <<<

10 tools you can immediately use to improve your female identifying teens’ mental health & build resistance against depression & anxiety:

WHY DO PEOPLE SELF-HARM?

We know that self-harming behaviours are used as a coping method to deal with psychological and emotional suffering. Some teens know what thoughts, emotions, and situations trigger the urges to self-harm, others are less aware, or less able to articulate. Feeling numb or void of sensation can also lead to self-injuring behaviour. Sometimes parents will ask me, “is my teen doing this to get attention?”. The short answer is: Yes. But not attention in the way of “look at me” but more so as a plea for support or a way of saying “I’m really struggling right now and I’m not sure how to deal with these emotions/thoughts”. 

Parents have also asked me if this means their teen is thinking of suicide. A lot of the time suicide is not the desired outcome. Teens who are self-harming may also have thoughts of suicide, but the self-harming behaviour is not usually intended as a lethal means. 

>>> FREE DOWNLOAD: Depression & Anxiety Toolkit for Parents Raising Teen Girls <<<

10 tools you can immediately use to improve your female identifying teens’ mental health & build resistance against depression & anxiety

In short, self-harming behaviours are often used as a way to get relief in managing emotional and psychological pain of sorts. Whether it is to numb, express, or release pain or a way of gaining a sense of control over emotional overwhelm. With that being said, nobody knows better than your teen about what their experience is and what is leading them to self-harm, so approaching them with care, compassion and curiosity is the best way to understand. 

 

Some of the tradeoffs (or consequences) of self-harm as a coping method is that it provides temporary relief, meaning the psychological and emotional pain comes back and sometimes with a vengeance, which keeps a person in a cycle of self-harm. Also, physiologically there is a release of neurotransmitters and endorphins that are linked to that sense of relief. The more a person engages in self-harming behaviours, the more the body habituates and people tend to do it more in order to get the same physiological response.  This means higher risk in the behaviour which can lead to more dangerous outcomes and unwanted consequences (e.g. infection, scarring, etc.)

HOW YOU CAN HELP WHEN YOUR TEEN IS SELF-HARMING?

The first thing is to take it seriously. The sooner you can respond with caring, compassion, and curiosity, the quicker you can turn around this coping strategy. If your teen is scraping their legs or rubbing themselves really hard in response to a situation, this still warrants your attention. You can help early on and avoid the behaviours from escalating. 

 

Responding with caring, compassion, and curiosity can include: 

  • Letting your teen know you have noticed the behaviour
  • Letting your teen know you love them no matter what 
  • Letting your teen know you are there to support 
  • Letting your teen know you are concerned
  • Letting your teen know they do not have to feel shame about this but it is important to get some help and get to the root cause
  • Letting your teen know you are there for them and want to help
  • Letting your teen know a therapist or trained coach can be additional resources
  • Asking your teen to tell you about what is leading to the behaviour
  • Asking your teen about what’s going on in their world, what’s going well, what’s feeling heavy, etc. 
  • Asking your teen about what they’re enjoying these days and what’s annoying them

>>> FREE DOWNLOAD: Depression & Anxiety Toolkit for Parents Raising Teen Girls <<<

10 tools you can immediately use to improve your female identifying teens’ mental health & build resistance against depression & anxiety:

Coming up with a plan (with your teen) to help them stay safe and reduce the risk of self-harm is an important step in how to handle when your teen is self harming. Consider bridging a professional into this conversation if it makes sense for your family.

 

Try the TTURN acronym to help TTURN things around. 

When I feel _______________________________ and I have the urge to self-harm, I can: 

 

T – Tell a trusted adult 

(have your teen name 1+ adults they can talk to if they have the urge to self-harm, e.g. parent, teacher, coach, relative, etc.)

T – Tag your triggers 

(ask about things, people, situations, thoughts, and emotions that increase the urge to self-harm)

U – Up your self-care 

(have your teen collaborate on a list of things they enjoy doing or people that bring them comfort, e.g. reading, listening to music, going for tea, hugs, doing their hair, exercising, hanging out with friends, etc.)

R – Replacement behaviours 

(understanding why your teen is using self-harming behaviours will help you come up with alternative behaviours that have less risky consequences. For example, if it is about numbing pain which releases endorphins, look at some behaviours that release endorphins such as, exercising, punching a pillow, eating dark chocolate, laughing, etc.)

N – Negotiating Harm Reduction 

(come up with ways to reduce the risk such as making sharp objects less accessible, having them paint or draw on the body parts instead of injuring, using rubber bands or ice instead of sharp objects, etc.)​

 

You don’t have to go at this alone. Working with a therapist or trained coach for additional support can be super helpful for you to handle when your teen is self harming. The root cause of self-harming behaviours may be related to managing feelings such as anxiety, fear, stress, anger, depression etc. It may also be related to larger mental health concerns or a lack of coping tools and strategies. A therapist can work alongside your teen (and your family as needed) to help them develop other strategies and offer them a safe place to express their thoughts and emotions.

 

Information is empowering. If you found this helpful, pass it on by emailing it to a friend or sharing it on your socials- Thanks!

 

With love, 

Chantal with Pyramid Psychology 

Helping Teen Girls Build Unbreakable Mindsets

www.pyramidpsychology.com

 

 

Chantal is a registered psychologist and teen coach working with teen girls around the globe (and their parents) to help them build Unbreakable Mindsets. She helps teen girls who are struggling with their confidence, are feeling anxious, overwhelmed, or shut down a lot of the time, and want things to be different. Most certainly the struggle is affecting their self-image, their relationships, and so importantly their mental wellness. She specializes in:

  • Acceptance and Commitment Therapy
  • Expressive Arts Therapy
  • Compassion Focused Therapy
  • Trauma focused (through the expressive arts, progressive counting, trauma sensitive yoga, and narrative approaches)
  • Grief and Loss
  • Functional Family Therapy
  • Nutrition for Mental Health
  • Attachment based parenting
  • Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction (MBSR)
  • HeartMath

To book with Chantal: BOOK HERE

27 Sep
Uncategorized

Why should I choose coaching over therapy?

There is a lot of misconception and confusion out there surrounding life coaching and traditional psychotherapy. Many people are not sure what life coaching even is- they may have never heard of it. Some people think it’s something to do with getting fitness or health expert advice, some think it’s really just therapy in disguise with someone that may not be licensed, and the list goes on. Traditional psychotherapy is certainly a very popular option (and probably the default option) for most people out there. You have a problem, you talk to a therapist who helps you work through the issue, you feel better. But have you considered that there may be something out there that is even more refined to suit your needs and could help you progress further than you had initially thought?

This is where life coaching comes in.

While traditional psychotherapy can certainly be necessary and needed, it’s not a one-size-fits-all solution; and sometimes it can be better to branch off and explore different avenues for healing. The two can certainly be done at the same time, and sometimes coaching actually cannot even commence until psychotherapy has taken place. It depends on the client, and the situation. A good example of a client who may require both a therapist and a coach could be: a teen that may have gone through a traumatic event, now suffers from many symptoms of PTSD, and her sense of self worth and confidence is so low that she does not feel motivated anymore- but her goal was to be able to speak publicly in front of a large audience.

Therapy can be much more beneficial in treating mental health conditions (including depression, anxiety, PTSD, etc) and focusing on working through that to help bring clients to a healthy and functioning level.

Coaching can be thought of as an action-oriented healing modality where the client is already at a functioning level, but wants to progress much further in life than where they are now. It can be thought of as more focused on the future, where therapy can be focused more on the past. There may be stuck points that coaching clients also need to work through, and a life coach can certainly help with that. Perhaps the client is able to function in their day-to-day tasks, but inside feels disempowered and not living their full potential. Maybe they are limiting themselves, or not even sure of what step to take next in life. These are all things a life coach can dive into with you. Life coaches can help you perform better mentally and emotionally. They can help you work through emotional discomfort and achieve your goals.

A life coach will assess you and your needs and determine if they can assist you with their services. If not, they will refer you to a therapist or another healer that would be more suitable. It is important to note that life coaches are not medical professionals and cannot diagnose or treat mental health conditions. 

However, a big benefit to life coaching is that coaches can meet with anyone, anywhere. Therapists are only able to meet with clients in the province where they live and practice therapy.

There are certainly some crossovers and similarities between therapy and life coaching.

The main thing is that both therapists and coaches share a common goal, and that is to see you succeed! We want to help you better yourself, so you can build a bulletproof mindset and thrive.

If you’ve made it this far and think that coaching is more in alignment with your needs- click here to book a consultation (offered in English or Spanish) with our Teen Life Coach, Kari:

Book Online | Pyramid Psychology (janeapp.com)

19 Sep
Uncategorized

Why Teen Girls Will Love The Happiness Pill 

Navigating the teen years can be one of the most challenging yet rewarding experiences for both you and your daughter. If you’re looking for a way to support her in building confidence, resilience, and supportive connections during this important time, let me introduce you to The Happiness Pill (THP)—our signature 6-week support group coaching program for teens.

Here’s why The Happiness Pill support group coaching program for teens could be exactly what your daughter needs to thrive this start of the school year:

1. Discover Inner Strengths

The Happiness Pill is all about helping your teen daughter uncover and embrace her own inner strengths. We are not teaching girls passively, we are engaging them in activities, simple reflective art, games, and discussions about real topics they face every day.

be strong confident support group coaching for teens

2. Build Meaningful Friendships

One of the greatest gifts of The Happiness Pill is the opportunity for your teen to connect with other teen girls who are on similar journeys. Our program is all about creating a safe, welcoming, and supportive community where she can build lasting connections with peers who understand and support her. 

3. Enjoy a Fun and Engaging Experience

We believe that personal growth doesn’t have to be dull. That’s why The Happiness Pill support group coaching program for teens blends learning with fun. From creative art activities to interactive games and lively group discussions, the program is designed to make the process of self-discovery enjoyable and dynamic. Your daughter will look forward to each session and leave feeling things like calm, inspired and uplifted.

confident girl

4. Practical Tools for Everyday Life

The Happiness Pill isn’t just about talk; it’s about equipping your teen daughter with practical tools she can use in her daily life. She’ll learn mindfulness techniques, self-care strategies, and coping skills that help manage stress and boost her mood. These practical skills will not only enhance her well-being but also prepare her for future challenges with a healthier mindset.

5. Step into Her Best Self

Our goal with The Happiness Pill is to help your daughter become the most confident and resilient version of herself. Gaining tools and practicing the mindset needed to grow healthy relationships to self, others, and her environment. It’s all about helping her shine brightly and embracing her full potential.

masterclass

6. Parent Masterclasses for Extra Support

We understand that supporting your teen daughter’s journey is just as important as the program itself. That’s why we offer weekly Parent Masterclasses alongside The Happiness Pill. These masterclasses are designed to provide you with insights and strategies to better support your daughter’s growth and well-being. You’ll gain a deeper understanding of the program’s content and learn how to reinforce its benefits at home, creating a nurturing environment that supports her development. As well as being able to celebrate the wonderful things you are already doing as a parent! 

If you’re interested in learning more about how this program can make a difference in your daughter’s life, or if you’re ready to enroll, check out this link. Together, let’s empower your daughter to embrace her potential, thrive with confidence, and create a joyful and fulfilling future.

With so much love and gratitude, 

 

Chantal and the Pyramid Psychology Team. 

10 Sep
Uncategorized

The Power of Language to Communicate with Teens

Language is powerful. The words we use with our teens can shape their self-esteem, influence
their decisions, and either strengthen or strain our relationships with them. As a parent, the way
you  use language to communicate with teens matters more than you might realize.

1. Words Have Impact

Imagine telling your teen, “You are getting fat.” While you might intend to motivate them to be
healthier, these words can damage their self-esteem and lead to long-term issues with body
image. Instead, try using the language, “Let’s focus on being healthy together.” This shifts the communication
to positive action without shaming.

2. Listening Over Lecturing

Teens often feel misunderstood, which can lead to shutting down or acting out. Instead of
lecturing, try active listening. When your teen communicates something, listen fully before responding.
This simple act shows that you value their thoughts and feelings, making them more likely to
open up in the future.

3. Validate Their Feelings

If your teen says, “I hate school,” the natural response might be to dismiss it with, “You have to
go; it’s important.” But validating their feelings and changing the language—“I hear that you’re frustrated; let’s talk about what’s bothering you”—can open up a productive dialogue and help you understand what they’re truly experiencing.

4. Stay Calm During Conflict

During arguments, it’s easy to let emotions take over and say things we don’t mean. Instead, try
taking a deep breath and responding calmly. For example, if your teen says, “You never
understand me,” instead of reacting defensively, you might respond with, “I want to understand;
let’s figure this out together.”

Why This Matters

Positive communication builds trust, promotes emotional well-being, and strengthens your
relationship with your teen. It’s not just about avoiding negative language but actively choosing
words that encourage, support, and uplift.

A Personal Note

As a mental health therapist with a Master’s in Social Work (clinical specialization), I’ve seen
how the right words can make all the difference in a parent-teen relationship. If you’re struggling
to connect with your teen, I’m here to help.

Taking New Clients

If you’re ready to improve the way you use language to communicate and strengthen your relationship with your teen, I’m currently accepting new clients. Let’s work together to create a more open and supportive family dynamic.
Chipo Bvindi
To book a session with Chipo please click here:
 
02 Jul
Uncategorized

Anxiety and Tests, How to Cope?

 

Well, it looks like it is that time of year again! End of a school year. And you know what that means, right? Tests! Lots of tests. The unfortunate reality of tests is the dreaded test anxiety that can sometimes go with it. But its ok, we know how to help you cope!
Most often test anxiety is produced by the apprehension and pressure to do well on an evaluation. Test anxiety can show up in both physical (fight or flight) and mental (worry about information recall). However, some anxiety is normal and can help one in a test while for others it can be debilitating. So, what can we do as parents to help support that test anxiety?
Well, step one: talk about the test with your teen, what is causing worry? Perhaps it’s the material, maybe it’s the setting? Has your student studied the material; do they understand it? Talk about the worry, talking about it can help it become much smaller. Here are some other tips parents can use to help their teen with test anxiety and help them crush their goals.
Visualize the test day, what does your student need to have to be prepared, have them imagine walking into the test and feeling positive and prepared to write it. Talk about the test with them and go through how they want the test to be, and how they want the outcome result to be.
Talk about rational expectations. If your teen has not been present in class or is missing key components, they might not be able to get the grades they wish for. And that is ok, try to work through any catastrophizing thoughts they may have, and discuss the reality of the situation.
Mindfulness is a good strategy for how to cope with stress during tests. Talk about being in the present moment with your teen, especially when they begin to feel overly anxious. Focus on one task at a time. Stay in the moment and with each thought that appears don’t judge it, just recognize that it is just a thought and let it go.


Practice replacing negative self-talk with more rational thoughts. Take a moment to acknowledge how far you have come and give yourself praise.
Name your test anxiety, naming it creates the idea that it exists outside of yourself, putting distance to the uncomfortable thought.
Self-care, acknowledge that this time will pass. Plan something to look forward to do after the test.

anxiety stress coping tests
Celebrate those small achievements, congratulate them on trying. Celebrate that they did something that was hard and uncomfortable.
As parents we really want to focus on the basics here as well, good sleep hygiene, a healthy diet, and the inclusion of some moderate to light exercise to keep healthy. Look at other stressors in your teens life and look to reduce anything for a bit to help take some of the pressure off.

I hope that some of these ideas, and skills can help you parents work with your teens through some of these big academic challenges so that they can cope with stress and anxiety during tests. I know June can be a busy time for parents, and kids alike. If you would like any further support, please contact us here at Pyramid Psychology and we would be happy to help.

Guided meditation for test anxiety
https://youtu.be/AtF0T2fPvbI

>>> FREE DOWNLOAD: Depression & Anxiety Toolkit for Parents Raising Teen Girls <<<

10 tools you can immediately use to improve your female identifying teens’ mental health & build resistance against depression & anxiety:

 

 

This topic came up from one of our parents, who suggested that kids are being ‘bubble wrapped’ these days. I started to think about what this really means and how this could be the perception from some adults. I wanted to address what this could possibly means and look like. As a parent and someone who works with youth, I think that the mentality of them being bubble wrapped may be coming from a place of diverse experiences from ourselves as parents and what our kids are experiencing. I know when I look at my childhood experiences and life compared to what my kids have and their experiences, there is a big disparity. The world has changed and is continuing to do so at a rapid rate. Some differences I have noticed, well social media and access to knowledge is huge. There is a period of possible trauma during covid

A lot of homes have dual income parents leaving a lot of kiddos with time to themselves. Parents wanting to keep up with what their kids want and what expectations are perceived through society.
So, what do we do as parents, how to we help our kiddos to see the world and experience life without wearing rose colored glasses.
 I think that as parents having our kids involved in finances is a big life learning
experience. Let them know what some of the bills are, and rent.
 Let them fail, as humans we learn through practice and trying things that ultimately
don’t work all the time, celebrate the fact for trying and normalize failures.

exam stress test anxiety coping
 Encourage new experiences, friends.anxiety stress coping tests
 Give them more responsibilities, what can they do to help themselves and the family
out. Can they make dinner for a night, are they maintaining certain areas of the house?

Raising teens is not easy, and the world can be a tough hard place for even the strongest of individuals. Learning about ourselves is a constant process. By taking some time for yourself as a parent and stepping back at how you communicate with your teen can be a useful way to look at how you’re connecting with your teen. I know sometimes I hear my parents when I am parenting, and I need to ask if this is what I am in line with or if this a learned way of thinking?
I hope that this can help some parents gain some insight and perspective into helping your teens learn to navigate the world. There is a lot out there to offer and I know your teens have so much to offer the world. Let’s help them get out there and live more experiences!

 

Tara Aldie

 

12 Apr
Anxiety, For Teens, Uncategorized

What is EMDR and how will it benefit my daughter?

What is EMDR and how will it benefit my daughter? I had the opportunity to become trained in eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) last summer, and it has been cool to see how effective the approach has been for some of my clients. EMDR uses some type of bilateral stimulation, which is a fancy way of saying both sides of the body are being stimulated.

EMDR article creative

The classic stimulus is moving your eyes back and forth from left to right, but it can also be crossing your arms and tapping your;

  • Shoulders

  • Tapping your knees

  • Holding buzzers that buzz in your hands

  • Auditory tones…

While undergoing bilateral stimulation, I guide my clients through a process of remembering a traumatic memory and reprocessing said memory in a more healthy and positive way. Depending on the client, there may be only one memory to process, whereas others will have 10 or more.

While no one knows for sure how EMDR works (there are several theories out there), the research and client feedback continues to prove that it does work. What does “work” even mean, you may ask? That would be a good question.

At its core, EMDR therapy is based on the theory that previous unprocessed traumatic experiences are showing up as symptoms in the present.

The symptoms may be;

  • High anxiety

  • Panic

  • Triggers

  • Feeling overwhelmed

happiness pill program banner

When the previous traumatic experiences are reprocessed, the nervous system no longer responds in an over-reactive way to stimuli in the present. There are a lot of fascinating studies out there that show a remarkable difference in brain activity between before completing EMDR therapy and after if you’d like to see! 

A common response that I hear from clients is that when they think about the previous traumatic memory after completing EMDR.  They say that they no longer have an emotional reaction to it.

An incident or experience that previously resulted in sensations of anxiety or panic is now remembered in a more factual, calm manner. Clients also share that after several EMDR sessions (the number of sessions varies by client and circumstance), they notice that they are less triggered in the present. EMDR is not hypnosis or changing the facts, it’s just helping your brain process a previous experience that it was not able to at that point in time.

EMDR is not the best fit for everyone, and some of my clients prefer more traditional talk therapy over EMDR sessions. There are many paths to better health and wellness, and I am happy to take the client’s lead. I will say, however, that for clients who may not want to express previous traumas verbally, EMDR can be an incredible tool.

If you would like to learn more about EMDR and if it may be a good fit for you, please book a consult call or first session.

BOOK AN EMDR APPOINTMENT

This article: “What is EMDR and how will it benefit my daughter?” Written by:  Jessa Tiemstra 

 

28 Mar
Anxiety, Emotions, For Parents, Uncategorized

Teen Anxiety: The #1 Thing Teens Are Worried About

The #1 Thing Teens Are Worried About

Photo by Canva

The Future. 

Does it fill your teen with excitement and possibility? Does it stress their brain out with worry and uncertainty? 

Many of the teens I work with say to me that the future is the Number 1 thing they worry about. The number 1 thing! More than friendships, more than what’s happening at school, more than 
.well everything. How am I going to make money? What do I want to do? Do I take a gap year or go straight to school? What if I make the wrong decision?

Today’s teens are so informed and connected to possibilities that it can spin them into overwhelm so quickly. And if you’ve ever tried to make a decision from the place of emotions only (that chocolate cake looks so yummy and will taste so good and pleasurable)- you might know that it often ends up not being the best outcome (ooooiiii 
. I really shouldn’t have had that last piece of chocolate cake). 

I’m joking and not joking- when teens make decisions from that place of fear and worry, they often get stuck, procrastinate, get sick, self-sabotage or just downright avoid.   

The point of this blog is not to alarm you. Instead, I would like to give you nine tools to support you (a parent of a teen), and your teen to welcome the future with a little less worry and a little more tranquility.

Teen Anxiety & The Future Tip #1: Set small goals
Having goals – things you want to accomplish, change, improve, or just try can be a great way to spark motivation and excitement over fear. Yes, some goals may feel scary or stretchy, like when I decided to leave my non-profit job after 15 years in the industry to pursue my passion to help teen girls build bulletproof mindsets- sssccccarrrryyy! And exciting!

Even the stretchiest biggest goals are made up of a series of smaller goals to get you there. Start by brainstorming goals for yourself (e.g I’d like to run a 5km marathon, I want to raise money for the local animal shelter, I want to make a new friend, etc.) that you’d like to accomplish over the next few months up to 1 year from now. Then identify 2 or maybe 3 goals that feel like small, achievable ones. You might even find some smaller goals hidden within your larger goals (e.g. talking to the person next to me in class next Monday, putting on my running clothes and run/walking for 10 minutes, researching animal shelters in my area, etc.). These are your targets to start taking action on.

Teen Anxiety & The Future Tip #2: Road map with lots of refueling breaks

Photo by Canva


Having a plan can be helpful. Knowing that you have a roadmap to refer to or fall back on can help put your mind at ease. Less in the worry zone- more in the “I’ve got this” zone. You might go off course or choose to ditch your map, but just knowing you have one can be a great tool. If you think you might want to be an engineer and move to another city- great- What would that look like? Who could you talk to? What steps would you need to take to start heading in that direction? 

Plan for breaks along the way. Who knows what life is going to bring, so plan to refuel along the way. Take the time to map out some fun things you see in the roadmap, people you can go to, ways to relax, and so on.  

   

Teen Anxiety & The Future Tip #3: Use the wise mind strategy

A concept in DBT (dialectical behaviour therapy) teaches that you can look at a situation from 3 perspectives.

The first is to look at things from the perspective of your emotional mind
Kind of like tapping into the emotion parts of the brain which is fine tuned for survival, fight/flight/freeze and reactivity. Great for when you need to hide or run from a bear! 

Then you have your reasonable/rational mind
Your ultra logical thinking brain that relies on what has happened in the past to make decisions today; what information you can access, and what logic is telling you. Great for analyzing and calculating the possibility of something occurring. 

Now if you tune into where the emotional mind and reasonable mind overlap, you get the Wise Mind- the part that is aware of your feelings and is able to reason. It’s the sweet spot in your thinking.

Source: 7 cups

Now think about your thoughts of the future – are you considering it solely from your Emotional mind? Your Rational mind? What would happen if you looked at it from your Wise mind? 

Teen Anxiety & The Future Tip #4: Talk to the experts

There are folks who specialize in helping people sort out options for their future. Career counsellors, guidance counsellors, teen career coaches,  just to name a few. This article has some great tips on where to begin and who to talk to. 

Having a third party person can be helpful in many ways, including a coach or therapist. I offer teen coaching with a parent element, as well as 1:1 therapy. You can get to know my services HERE.

Teen Anxiety & The Future Tip #5: Get to know yourself

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When I was younger and magazines were a big deal (aging myself here, haha), I was all over taking the quizzes. So many quizzes. I don’t know how accurate the information was or how valid for that matter, but it was about getting to know myself better- and having some fun. 

Here are a few neat online tests that can give you a perspective on you (or your teen): 

 

Teen Anxiety & The Future Tip #6: Self-reflect on your values

What really matters to you? When you live according to the things that are most important to you- things just flow a little more. There is less room for anxiety, worry, and uncertainty when you are doing, saying, and behaving in ways that are in sync with what you value.

If you’re not sure what your values are yet, you can start discovering them with this Values Card Exercise.

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Teen Anxiety & The Future Tip #7: Enjoy the NOW

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Growing your mindfulness skills will definitely help with future worry. Being mindful helps you tune into your experience in the “right now” moment. The brain can’t be slipping into the future or dwelling on the past when it is being mindful of the ‘now’. This can help you become more aware of your thoughts and feelings and bring some compassion and acceptance to your experience. 

I wrote a blog article all about mindfulness for teens that you may find helpful: Mindfulness for Teens: The Good, The Bad, The Ugly!

Teen Anxiety & The Future Tip #8: Schedule worry time

It’s normal to experience worry. Everyone does. If worry and anxiety about the future are taking too much real estate in your brain, consider scheduling it in. 

Sound weird? 

Kim Pratt, LCSW shares that “whatever we do as humans over and over again, we get better at.  If we give in to our mind’s pull to worry, at random intervals throughout the day, then the ability to worry will grow stronger”. You can read more in this article.

So, in turn if you limit or schedule worries to a certain time, your brain gets better at processing those worries during those time periods.

Note: I would highly recommend avoiding close to bedtime as one of those worry times. Opt for times that are convenient for you to have time afterwards to chill, connect, and do something enjoyable.  

Teen Anxiety & The Future Tip #9: Ask helpful questions
When worry strikes, it can be all too easy to start asking questions. But are those questions helpful? Or are they getting you stuck in the pit of despair?

Here are a few examples of flipping worry-creating-questions into calm-the-worry-questions.

 

Worry-creating-questions Calm-the-worry-questions
How will I make money???? How many ways can I come up with to make a buck?
What if I don’t get into my top College pick? Where else would be interesting to go if I’m not going to my top College pick?

Which options have the best programs of interest for me?
What if I can’t figure this out? How can I figure this out? 
Do I take a gap year or go straight to school? I wonder what I’d come up with if I did a Cost Benefit Analysis for each of these options? 
What if I make the wrong decision? Most people don’t figure out their future in a straight and narrow- how can I have fun and learn along the way?

Anxiety, including worries about the future, is on the rise for teens. With the access they have to social media, the news, etc., they are carrying worries that you and I never had to. I have developed a 4-month program, The Happiness Pill, to counteract some of the anxiety your teen daughter is dealing with.

The program starts with a road map for you and your teen of what you want life to look like – both for her future, as well as your relationship with her going forward. There are then several parent coaching sessions – an opportunity for you to build a relationship with other parents, 1:1 sessions just for your teen, adn weekly group sessions for your daughter to meet other teens dealing with similar things. I give your teen the tools to handle her anxiety in a healthy way that leads her to a life of presence and joy. It will give her tools well beyond her current worries; tools that will carry her into the future. 

See the FAQ section on The Happiness Pill website for more information. You can email info@pyramidpsychology.com to get on the waiting list for the next intake as well.

 

The Happiness Pill

 

Here is to a future you enjoy.

Love,
Chantal 

 

Chantal CĂŽtĂ© (she/her) is a psychologist and teen life coach living in Calgary, Alberta. After over a decade in non-profit and community mental health, Chantal started Pyramid Psychology, a practice dedicated to supporting teens – a population she is constantly amazed by. Chantal is on a mission to help 100,000 teen girls (and their parents) build bulletproof mindsets so they can weather the ups and downs of life. As part of this goal, Chantal has had the privilege of speaking at various events – virtual and live – to support teens and parents.

Outside of this passion, Chantal is often in nature, writing poetry, playing ball hockey and hanging out with her loved ones.

Each week, Chantal writes a blog article in response to issues she hears from the parents and teens she connects with.

If you have something you’d like to read more on – email ideas and questions to info@pyramidpsychology.com or DM us via Instagram or Facebook.

21 Mar
Anxiety, Emotions, For Parents, Uncategorized

7 Tips to Discuss World Events With Teens

7 Tips to Discuss World Events With Teens

‘How do I discuss world events with my teen?’ is a question that has come up a lot lately for the parents we work with. Topics are coming up for teens around things like the ever changing restrictions (or removal of them) with the pandemic, the war in Ukraine, various demonstrations in Canada, etc. 

Simply ignoring these topics right now isn’t always the best solution, because your teen is hearing about it anyways – from the media, at school, through their friends, overhearing adults, etc.

Instead, it is important to open a line of communication with your teen where they can feel safe discussing some of their feelings, and asking questions.

We came up with 7 tips to discuss world events with teens for you. You can download a printable version for free HERE.

Discuss World Events With Your Teen Tip #1: Acknowledge the situation (circumstance/event) with your teen in a way that works for them.

It is important to keep in mind where your teen is developmentally. Consider these points when acknowledging the topic at hand:

✅ sticking to facts as much as possible
✅ going into less detail with younger youth
✅ starting broad and following their lead

Discuss World Events With Your Teen Tip #2: Invite your teen to share what they are thinking and feeling.

Creating space for your teen to sort through what they’re taking in and how they are feeling about it can help them make meaning and express what’s going on for them. This can be done during family time, while going out for a drive, or by creating opportunities to check-in with them individually.

Note: It is also okay if your teen doesn’t say a lot, especially if they are less talkative or verbal in general!

Discussing World Events With Teens Tip #3: How can you help if your teen is feeling helpless?

If your teen is experiencing a feeling of helplessness and wanting to help in some way, but unsure how, you can support them… Encourage them to take action in a way that fits them. You can brainstorm different ideas together!

Discuss World Events With Your Teen tip #4: Remember that this conversation does not have to be a “one and done”.

With challenging or emotionally difficult topics, sometimes it is better to break up the topic into more manageable conversations. This helps reduce the likelihood of your teen feeling overwhelmed and helps them process the information.

Discuss World Events With Your Teen Tip #5: Use self-regulation and co-regulation strategies.

Self-regulation and co-regulation strategies can be used to keep the conversation calm, open, and nonjudgmental. Regulation is a big topic, but if you need some tips or ideas to get started check out THIS ARTICLE.

Here are a few top tips:

  • Take a few deep breaths before and during the conversation.
  • Pay attention to the sensations in your body (is your head pounding, stomach turning, etc.)
  • Acknowledge, label, and share your feelings “I’m feeling so sad about this right now:

Discuss World Events With Your Teen Tip #6: Thank your teen

Let your teen know that you are thankful they were willing to talk with you about the difficult topic. Having hard conversations can be intimidating, and it can take a great deal of bravery, honesty, and vulnerability.

Acknowledge that the topic is difficult and also your teen’s strengths in being willing to talk about it!

Discuss World Events With Your Teen Tip #7: Let your teen know it’s okay to take a break.

Steeping themselves in constant information and stories about what is going on is often not helpful and creates more stress and anxiety. (And yes we acknowledge that this is a privilege that we get to turn off the TV or put the phone down.)

Encourage your teen to take breaks to connect with others, do something they enjoy, or share a talent or skill and put something beautiful out in this world.

If you found these tips helpful, share with a friend and download your free printable version HERE.

It is also okay to recognize if you need outside help to ensure your teen’s mental wellness is doing well. We offer 1:1 counselling virtually, or in-person. You can get to know our team and book a free parent consultation with us HERE.

Love,

Team Pyramid Psychology – Chantal, Jessa, and Ally

 

Counselling (or therapy) is a support that helps people who are facing difficult situations. It’s not meant to “fix you” and it does not mean “something is wrong” with you. It’s about offering a safe place to try new ideas, resolve problems, make changes, and move towards the life you want to live. Different therapists can help people work towards personal, relationship, athletic, educational, and career hopes and go​als.

Counselling is a combination of expressing yourself, being witnessed (listened to), discovering resources, and learning new things. There will be times when you will be sharing about your experiences and your counsellor will listen. There are other times when you will be discovering things that will support you to get through difficult situations. Sometimes your therapist will share information, ideas, and resources with you.

We help teen girls build bulletproof mindsets through:

  • Transforming negative self-talk into confidence, clarity and strength
  • Embracing self-love and stepping into the spotlight
  • Learning who to let into their squad of BFFs

You can learn more about each of our team members HERE or book a free consultation HERE.

If you have something you’d like to read more on – email questions to info@pyramidpsychology.com or DM us via Instagram or Facebook.