22 Sep

Anxiety, Confidence, For Teens, Friendships, Relationships

3 Ways to Help Your Teen Through Social Awkwardness

January 31, 2024
By admin

3 Ways to Help Your Teen Through Social Awkwardness

If you have a socially awkward teen daughter, know that it’s totally normal for her to experience this. And she can actively work through it with this blog article and your help!

>>> FREE DOWNLOAD: Depression & Anxiety Toolkit for Parents Raising Teen Girls <<<

10 tools you can immediately use to improve your female identifying teens’ mental health & build resistance against depression & anxiety:

Anxiety & Depression Toolkit for Parents Raising Teen Girls

‘Never Have I Ever Felt socially awkward’ is a statement NO ONE would win in the game “Never Have I Ever”. Everybody experiences moments of feeling kind of out of place. But when you combine the hyper-awareness of yourself that comes with being a teen it can feel 100 times worse.

What leads teens to feel like every move they make highlights all their flaws? If you guessed their brain 🧠, you got it!

Photo by Norbu Gyachung on Unsplash

Teen brains are fascinating and undergoing some major changes well into their mid-20’s. The limbic system (emotion centers) are in full swing and the prefrontal cortex (reasoning, executive functioning, and problem-solving centers) are working hard to wire. This can lead teens to misinterpret facial expressions and emotional tones more negatively (read more about this HERE).

Teens are also at the peak of egocentrism. Ok sometimes this gets a bad rap – thinking that teens are only utterly self-involved. It’s not quite that. Their brains are so self-aware during adolescence, that it makes it hard to see the differences between their own perceptions and that of others.

This can sometimes lead to self-consciousness and insecurities. Your teen is also experimenting in the in-between worlds of letting go of some childlike behaviours and stepping into adult-like behaviours. This includes how to use different social skills in different settings. Your teen probably acts and speaks quite differently around their friends than they would with their grandparent.

It’s like those little whispers we sometimes have running in the background, “what if they don’t like me”, “what if they think I’m basic”, “what if they make fun of me”, “what if no one talks to me”, are full on shouting. Those thoughts can make anyone feel like they are under the microscope with their every move.

So there’s a lot of stuff going on and I haven’t even mentioned the social and internal pressures to fit in, differences in abilities to interpret social cues, unique experiences, history, sociopolitical factors, and more.

So how does one move from socially awkward to gracefully nailing every social interaction. Um…..If I figure that one out, I’ll be the first to share it! The reality is social stuff is not always going to be perfect nor pretty, but I can share a few things that can make things a little easier for your teen as she navigates this time in her life.

Photo by Yanapi Senaud on Unsplash

3 Tips to Share With Your Socially Awkward Teen Daughter:

Tip #1 – Building confidence- Trusting that you can get through challenging things and make it to the other side somehow is key to feeling less socially awkward. You might stutter, go blank, mess up someone’s name, but if you know that it’s going to be ok in the end and that you’ll figure it out, it goes a long way to continuing on.

If you’re struggling to feel confident in social situations, here is a blog article with 10 rules to live by:

10 Rules for Being Confident When Talking to Others

tip #2 – Finding your people- This doesn’t mean only liking those that have similar interests (‘cause where’s the variety in that). It’s more about connecting with people who you feel kind of comfortable with, those who leave you feeling good most of the time, people you can have

Photo by Mi Pham on Unsplash

fun with. In order to meet these people, sometimes you have to have a few (or many) fails. In the end it’s so worth finding your people.

Refining your social skills- yeah some people seem to just have the hang of this social thing a little easier than others. However, it’s good to know that social skills are very teachable, so even if you didn’t win the lottery on it coming naturally, there are ways of learning how to make social interactions breezier. Important Note ***I want to make a distinction between learning social skills and encouraging masking behaviours in teens who are neurodivergent. Social skills will enhance communication, ability to read social cues, understanding of social situations, and a sense of connection to others. If you’re learning skills that make you feel like you’re forcing, faking, hiding yourself, unsafe, or exhausted, you might be more in masking territory and this could even make things worse.

REMEMBER- everyone else is working through their own stuff about social interactions and are likely more in their own heads rather than noticing your little mistakes.

>>> FREE DOWNLOAD: Depression & Anxiety Toolkit for Parents Raising Teen Girls <<<

10 tools you can immediately use to improve your female identifying teens’ mental health & build resistance against depression & anxiety:

Anxiety & Depression Toolkit for Parents Raising Teen Girls

And to finish, here is a list of movies and shows where the socially awkward characters are actually pretty freaking “adorkable” (wish I had coined this word!)- If you have some other suggestions, send them our way.

Movies and Shows With Socially Awkward Characters

Peter Parker – Spiderman
Mary Catherine Gallagher- Superstar
Allison Reynolds- Breakfast Club
Mike Drinkwater- Drinkwater
Wednesday Adams – Wednesday
Nadine Franklin – The Edge of Seventeen
George McFly- Back to the Future
Mia Thermopolis – Princess Diaries
Josie Geller- Never Been Kissed
Fogell McLovin- Superbad
Minnie goetz- Diary of a teenage girl
Kayla Day- 8th grade
Napoleon Dynamite- Napoleon Dynamite
Jess Day- New Girl
Daria Morgendorffer– Daria
Amy Santiago- Brooklyn 99
Kevin Arnold- The Wonder Years
Emma Nelson- Degrassi Next Gen
Jenna Hamilton- Awkward
Hannah Horvath- Girls

Love,
Chantal
Psychologist, Teen Life Coach, and Founder of Pyramid Psychology

Chantal Côté (she/her) is a psychologist and teen life coach living in Calgary, Alberta. After over a decade in non-profit and community mental health, Chantal started Pyramid Psychology, a practice dedicated to supporting teens – a population she is constantly amazed by. Chantal is on a mission to help 100,000 teen girls (and their parents) build bulletproof mindsets so they can weather the ups and downs of life. As part of this goal, Chantal has had the privilege of speaking at various events – virtual and live – to support teens and parents.

Outside of this passion, Chantal is often in nature, writing poetry, playing ball hockey and hanging out with her loved ones.

Each week, Chantal writes a blog article in response to issues she hears from the parents and teens she connects with.

If you have something you’d like to read more on – email ideas and questions to info@pyramidpsychology.com or DM us via Instagram or Facebook.

01 Sep

Anxiety, Emotions, For Parents, Teen Joy

The Impact of Test Pressure for Teen Girls

September 25, 2023
By admin

The Pressure on Teens to Achieve

Last June, one of my clients, a teen girl was telling me if her grades dropped below a certain mark, it would ruin her whole summer and the thought of writing her upcoming exam made her feel sick… I’ve been thinking a lot about her, as teen girls are re-entering the school year and feeling the pressure of another year. It is a stress so severe that it paralyzes the brightest young people I know. And I see it all too often.

And usually, I write from the perspective of offering tips and ideas. Today, I’m writing more of a reflective piece.

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6 Weeks of group coaching to help teen girls navigate big emotions like anxiety and overwhelm, feel confident from the inside out (including with her body image), and handle social anxiety like a BOSS.

The Happiness Pill

I have more questions than answers.

I’m not talking about the feel-goods that come with accomplishments or natural stresses associated with performance. I’m seeing the burden of pressure and high demands that teen girls carry on the rise. And it’s enough to make the strongest humans collapse.

Photo from Canva Pro

Why are our teens obsessing over results? Why are her survival mechanisms, the ones meant to keep her safe from serious threat, kicking into full gear when it comes to taking a test or handing in a paper?

They tell me it is not because someone expects them to get high-achieving results. (I mean it is a factor of not wanting to disappoint or let someone down). But for many, it is a self-imposed expectation. One that is placed at such a high value that if it is not met, it feels devastating.

Is this something that has gotten worse over time? In recent years, we have had a lot of distressing things come to light that have probably left many teens feeling like their lives are out of control. And when there is chaos, finding ways to gain a sense of control is a natural response. Taking control of how often you study, what grades you can achieve, what results you can pump out has probably become a focal point for some.

What kind of messages are we sending as a society about achievement? In a world of many opportunities, could it be incredibly naïve to think there wouldn’t be consequences? Having endless options brings along its own set of problems and pressures.

How are teen girls measuring their worth? External validation based on a number…. Holding onto labels like precious cargo, “The Golden Child”, “She’s so smart”, “School is easy for her”.

What measuring stick does she use to know her value in this world?

How do we as helpers, parents, society, nurture messages that encourage youth to thrive and put in solid effort in what they do without creating a generation whose identities are so tied up in (academic) achievement or getting it right. It’s worth questioning.

When I ask myself questions like this, I immediately look at the work I do for teens every day. What am I doing to guide teen girls in this world?

Photo from Canva Pro

The answer?

To create and build on their own resilience skills, from the inside out.

If teen girls are self-imposing high expectations for their grades and exams, it only makes sense (to me) that they be taught to recreate those expectations internally.

The Happiness Pill is a 6-week group coaching experience I created to do exactly that.

While building community with other teen girls just like them, your daughter will learn how to feel confident from the inside out – regardless of her grades or exam results. She will learn how to navigate big emotions like anxiety and depression. And she will also walk away with skills to deal with the social pressure of making friends, fighting off bullies, and staying true to herself.

We start our next round in mid October 2023, with early bird pricing on until September 30th. Get all the details and register HERE.

Love,

Chantal
Psychologist, Teen Life Coach, and Founder of Pyramid Psychology

The Happiness Pill: Teen Coaching to Build Resiliency Against Anxiety & Social Awkwardness CLICK HERE FOR DETAILS <<<

6 Weeks of group coaching to help teen girls navigate big emotions like anxiety and overwhelm, feel confident from the inside out (including with her body image), and handle social anxiety like a BOSS.

The Happiness Pill

Chantal Côté (she/her) is a psychologist and teen life coach living in Calgary, Alberta. After over a decade in non-profit and community mental health, Chantal started Pyramid Psychology, a practice dedicated to supporting teens – a population she is constantly amazed by. Chantal is on a mission to help 100,000 teen girls (and their parents) build bulletproof mindsets so they can weather the ups and downs of life. As part of this goal, Chantal has had the privilege of speaking at various events – virtual and live – to support teens and parents.

Outside of this passion, Chantal is often in nature, writing poetry, playing ball hockey and hanging out with her loved ones.

Each week, Chantal writes a blog article in response to issues she hears from the parents and teens she connects with.

If you have something you’d like to read more on – email ideas and questions to info@pyramidpsychology.com or DM us via Instagram or Facebook.

26 May

For Teens, Friendships, Relationships

5 Ways to Fortify Your Parent Relationship With Your Teen Daughter

May 27, 2023
By admin

5 Ways to Fortify Your Parent Relationship With Your Teen Daughter

The #1 question I get from parents in sessions is “how can I strengthen (AKA fortify) my parent relationship with my daughter?”. Your daughter’s teen years are an exciting time or growth and independence… And it can also be a terrifying time when you feel like you’re in the dark and disconnected from her.

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9 tools you can immediately use to improve your teen’s mental health, strengthen her relationships, and boost her confidence.

Guide to Raise Unbreakable Teen Girls

Raising a teen is not easy and I’m smack dab in the middle of it as I write this. I remind myself every day that the relationship with

Photo created with elements on Canva Pro

him matters more now than ever.

And yet… As I wait for my my son in the dentist’s office, ocean dreams with colourful fish swimming through the waters playing on the TV monitor, I find myself strangely at ease.

Words you need to hear as a parent of a teenage daughter:

5 Ways to Fortify Your Parent Relationship With Your Teen Daughter

#1 – Give yourself some grace and kindness

The world of adolescence is complex and filled with more questions than answers. How do you know if you’re doing the right thing? How do you guide them to make smart decisions? How do you help them when they’re struggling?

Wheeewwwww – take a breath with me – it can be heavy. You are not alone and you are doing the best you can with what you know right now. Start there 🧡

#2 – See the world through their eyes

Remember what it was like to be 12? 16? Imagine what it’s like to be 12 or 16 today…. Imagine what it’s like to be your daughter right now.

Photo from Canva Pro

I become like the grinch at the end of the movie when I think of this. My heart grows 3 times bigger.

#3 – Learn to Speak her love language

Not everyone shows and receives love in the same way. Even in families, there can be big differences in how each member displays their affection and care towards each other.

Take a minute to learn yours and your teen daughter’s love language. It’ll go a long way in bonding your relationship. You can both take a free quiz here to get started: Love Languages Quiz.

#4 – Say yes to connecting

Her timing might be off sometimes. Her desire might be little. Her sharing might be spontaneous. What’s more, you might not be in the mood for a heart to heart.

But I promise those moments, no matter how small or brief, make such a huge difference.

Whether it’s a high five, a smile, sharing a Matcha tea together, or talking about her hopes and dreams while lying side-by-side in her bed, say yes to connect.

#5 – When all else fails, Laugh.

Photo by Joel Mott on Unsplash

Humour has the power of diffusing tense situations. It has the potential of opening doors around sensitive topics. It has the possibility to

change moods and uplift. It has the potency to release stress. It has the power to connect and the gift of perspective.

Obviously, laughter is not the solution to everything but bringing some levity and lightness to any relationship can bring more ease.

Find that playful part of you, maybe tucked away deep inside. Give yourself permission to laugh at yourself once in a while, make light of something that brings the two of you together, and help your daughter find the “not so serious” about things at times.

Some final words that stuck with me the other day-.

“You will teach them to fly, but they will not fly your flight. You will teach them to dream, but they will not dream your dream. You will teach them to live, but they will not live your life”.- Raising Teens Today

Love,

Chantal

Psychologist, Teen Life Coach, and Founder of Pyramid Psychology

FREE DOWNLOAD: Mental Health Handbook for Teen Girls

An eBook with 10 mental health exercises every teen girl needs to know to:

Improve focus

Boost happy hormones naturally

Cope with trick feelings

Develop self-compassion

I Want the Handbook!

Chantal Côté (she/her) is a psychologist and teen life coach living in Calgary, Alberta. After over a decade in non-profit and community mental health, Chantal started Pyramid Psychology, a practice dedicated to supporting teens – a population she is constantly amazed by. Chantal is on a mission to help 100,000 teen girls (and their parents) build bulletproof mindsets so they can weather the ups and downs of life. As part of this goal, Chantal has had the privilege of speaking at various events – virtual and live – to support teens and parents.

Outside of this passion, Chantal is often in nature, writing poetry, playing ball hockey and hanging out with her loved ones.

Each week, Chantal writes a blog article in response to issues she hears from the parents and teens she connects with.

If you have something you’d like to read more on – email ideas and questions to info@pyramidpsychology.com or DM us via Instagram or Facebook.