11 Jan
Emotions, For Parents, For Teens, Self Image & Body Image, Teen Joy

Beauty’s in the Eye of the Beholder – How to Help Your Teen Get Past Thinking They Are Ugly

Photo by Alexander Jawfox on Unsplash

​A parent was saying the other day “my daughter thinks she’s ugly and thinks when I say she’s not that I have to say that as her mom”. I thought to myself-

“Ooohh this one hits home”

As I teen, I was so self conscious about my “puffy” (curly) hair and acne ridden forehead. There was one kid in my class that used to tell me how bad my forehead looked on a regular and I let it make me feel terrible.

​ ​I would flip through magazines and see examples of beauty in the form of flawless skin, silky hair, and long lean bodies. I had none of these and quickly internalized messages about my physical appearance.

“My eyes are too big”
“My hair is ugly”
“My face is ugly”

There were moments I looked in the mirror and saw glimpses of beauty but that was quickly replaced by judgemental self-talk and a harsh inner critic.

Being a teen is hard. Looking in the mirror can be like holding up a magnifying glass over each imperfection and thinking it is out there for the whole world to see.

Mamas if you want to help your teen see their unique beauty by boosting their confidence and self-love, here are some things to consider.

Photo by Jonatas Domingos on Unsplash

Explore the Way

Your first instinct might be to rescue and say something like “if only you could see what I see” or “but you’re beautiful!”. While these are coming from a heart centered place, these comments may be met with rejection (you’re lying) or dismissal (you need to say that!). Approach your teen’s comments from a place of curiosity and empathy.  Be curious about why your teen thinks she’s ugly. What does she see? What doesn’t she like? How is she seeing herself? Where did she get that idea of beauty? This will give you a pulse on some of her inner world which serves two fold:

1. An understanding of your daughter’s experience
2. An opportunity to model empathy

The more you listen as a parent, the more you understand. Teens want to be understood and heard – I mean isn’t that what we all want?

Empathy, as explained by Brene Brown is: “Connecting with a person so they know they’re not alone, by connecting to the emotion they are experiencing.”

As Brene highlights,  you don’t have to have experienced the same situation they are going through but I’ll bet many of you (like me) have similar experiences.

The 4 pillars of empathy are:

1. Perspective taking
2. Staying out of judgment
3. Recognizing emotions
4. Communication

(You can learn more about the 4 pillars here.)

​An empathetic response could sound something like “it’s not easy to be a teen”, “I remember feeling really critical of my body, still am sometimes, I’m sorry you’re struggling right now”, or “I wish I could do something to take away the pain, I’m here to talk if you need”.

Photo by Omar Lopez on Unsplash

Defining Beautiful

I was listening to my Teen Wisdom Fundamentals course (thanks Tami!) and there was a part on getting clearer with teens about their definition of things. This really stood out to me as something that I could start doing more of. For example, when a teen says they want to be happy, what is their definition of happy? I’ve heard things like “having lots of friends”, “feeling good when I wake up”, “having a boyfriend”.

What is the definition of beautiful? What is your teen’s definition of beautiful? One definition that I came across is “possessing qualities that give great pleasure or satisfaction to the senses such as what we see, feel, hear, think etc.” What do you think of this? Where did you get messages and information about what beautiful meant?

The documentary Beauty CULTure (2012) covers some thought provoking ground when it comes to beauty in western society.

Photo by Kate Hliznitsova on Unsplash

 

Role Models

Does your teen spend hours on social media? If your teen is scrolling Instagram or other photo based social media, they are not alone. Research has shown there is a link between our interaction with social media and our negative view of our body. (You can read more here.) The more we do the scroll and compare, the worse our view of our body becomes. 

Having role models around beauty is critical for teens. These can be celebrities that look like them, adults in their lives who model self-love and healthy interactions with their body, and peers who are confident and self-compassionate.

Photo by Charisse Kenion on Unsplash

Hold a Critical Lens

Societal and cultural norms are constantly feeding us messaging about beauty through channels such as social media. The message is often some form of “you are NOT enough”.  Not enough beauty, not enough money, not enough friends, not enough smarts etc. Your teen may not be fond of the fact that a bunch of adults with a lot of money are dictating how they feel about themselves.

This is where the critical lens comes in. You could look at any advertising message out there around beauty and do one of 3 things: accept it, reject it, or change it.

Invite your teen to stop the scroll (sometimes… let’s real about this also). To pause when they are fed an image of beauty or a message of not good enough. To stop, pause, and ask themselves:

Do I accept this message?
Is this what I agree with?
Does this seem off to me?
Is this what I think describes me?
What I think describes other girls (boys, other identifying genders)?
What’s missing?
How is this message generalizing/sexist/racist/prejudice?
Who else believes this?
What do I believe?

By using a critical lens and not just letting rich marketing companies dictate your beliefs around beauty, you can empower your teens and see real change.

Photo by Erin Minuskin on Unsplash

3 Things You Can Do to Support Your Teen on Their Journey With Beauty

1. ​Download our Body Image Tips document

2. Bring gratitude and appreciation of your bodies (yes yours also!) capacities to the forefront (rock a new outfit, take a picture that makes you feel beautiful, post an inspirational self-love quote on your mirror, etc.)

3. Indulge in some extra special treatment together (a spa date, going for a hike, a massage, etc.)

I came across this saying “Butterflies can’t  see the beauty in their wings” but it doesn’t stop the world from appreciating them. Your teen illuminates the world with their gifts and if they need some help to see that, send me an email or a text with the “contact me” button below.

Love,
Chantal

Chantal Côté (she/her) is a psychologist and teen life coach living in Calgary, Alberta. After over a decade in non-profit and community mental health, Chantal started Pyramid Psychology, a practice dedicated to supporting teens – a population she is constantly amazed by. Chantal is on a mission to help 100,000 teen girls (and their parents) build bulletproof mindsets so they can weather the ups and downs of life. As part of this goal, Chantal has had the privilege of speaking at various events – virtual and live – to support teens and parents.

Outside of this passion, Chantal is often in nature, writing poetry, playing ball hockey and hanging out with her loved ones.

Each week, Chantal writes a blog article in response to issues she hears from the parents and teens she connects with.

If you have something you’d like to read more on – email ideas and questions to info@pyramidpsychology.com or DM us via Instagram or Facebook.

19 Dec
Emotions, For Parents, For Teens, Teen Joy

The Pandemic is Making Teens Sad: What To Do About It

Photo by Aliyah Jamous on Unsplash

So many parents have been saying to me lately, “my teen is just really sad” and “my teen just doesn’t have any motivation”. Their lives have been flipped upside down with the lack of social interaction with friends, group programs and sports teams on hold, constant changes happening in their schools and here in Calgary contending with a lockdown. It is not an easy time for anyone, let alone teens who are developmentally wired to be seeking independence from their families and social engagement with their peers. To add to this, we are in a time of mass communication and teens are fed information at lightning speed on all kinds of topics and important issues that their developing brains somehow need to make sense of.

There are many things at play that are impacting how teens are navigating and coping with the current state of things. I am just skimming the surface. This is not the first generation to face massive changes and hardship.

We are in a time of opportunity; the opportunity to look at how to help teens learn new ways to cope with what is going on in their world and learn how to surf the waves instead of drowning. If you are ready to seize this opportunity, here are a few ideas that you can try.

 

Photo by Kristina Tripkovic on Unsplash

Grief and Loss

As 2020 winds down, I am aware of such a level of grief and loss of the way things used to be. Although some days, my hope remains that things might go back to being how they were, I also recognize there will be changes that are here to stay. Acknowledging the losses felt by teens over these past months can help put those sad feelings into context. Along with the sadness is probably some anger, numbness, confusion, anxiety, and so on. Teens have experienced losses in all areas of their lives throughout the pandemic. Loss of school structures that were familiar, loss of face to face time with friends, loss of group interactions, loss of a sense of control and predictability, loss of some of their independence, loss of some future plans and dreams, just to name a few.

What you can do: Acknowledge the losses. Let your teen know you see the suck. Create some space to allow your teen to share about what’s been hardest for them or what they miss the most.

Photo by Tim Marshall on Unsplash

Self Compassion

In moments of suffering and hardship,  being kind and caring towards ourselves, the way we would be with a close friend, can be a powerful coping tool. Studies, like this one, that focus on teens and self-compassion have found it to be a strong predictor of health, achievement, social connections, optimism, positive affect, and overall life satisfaction.

​On the other hand, these studies have also found that practicing self-compassion reduces feelings of depression and anxiety, rumination, cognitive distortion (inaccurate thinking), social anxiety, fear of judgement, internet addiction, and goal avoidance. 

Self-compassion is not about strictly having good feelings or feeling sorry for yourself. It is based in good will towards yourself and being supportive through the suffering and human experience.

What you can do: Try a few self-compassion exercises yourself and share with your teen the ones that were supportive for you or the ones that you think might be easiest for them to try. Here are a couple places to start looking: ​

Photo by Kulli Kittus on Unsplash

Seeing Through the Weeds

It is super important not to gloss over the suffering and hardship part. Acknowledging and offering some empathy (putting yourself in their shoes) is the first step for sure. Saying that, if you are only looking at the weeds, it is easy to get caught and stay there. The next step is to help teens see through the weeds and grow some of their coping skills. The more resources your teen accesses, the better they are able to pull themselves out of those difficult moments of thoughts and feelings. The trick here is practice, practice, practice and repeat. It is like learning to play an instrument or riding a bike, you have to really practice and you need to do it often to get better.

The other thing is to use strategies that work for them and go with those. Each person will have their go to tools and they will change with time, so it is a great idea to often try new ones and kind of do a spring cleaning of mental health strategies.

What you can do: Do a little inventory of coping strategies to get through tough moments. I like to use ESD as an acronym for my resources. If you and your teen use this tool – it’s interesting to notice which category you have more and less of.

​Challenge yourself to find 5 (or more) in each.

E – Express – Journaling or writing down feeling and thoughts, making a mood playlist, writing a poem, exercise, writing a letter to my future self, talking to friends

S – Settle or Soothe – Gratitude practice: write 3 things I’m grateful for every day, walking my dog, making an inspirational or relaxing playlist, getting outdoors, taking a bubble bath, snuggling with a pet and soft blanket 

D – Distract – Doing something for others, hanging out with friends (virtually I guess), watching videos, skating, exercise, setting a goal

If you and your teen want to learn more about how to cope with difficult thoughts and feelings, follow me on Instagram @therapywithchantal for weekly tips, ideas and resources.

Chantal Côté (she/her) is a psychologist and teen life coach living in Calgary, Alberta. After over a decade in non-profit and community mental health, Chantal started Pyramid Psychology, a practice dedicated to supporting teens – a population she is constantly amazed by. Chantal is on a mission to help 100,000 teen girls (and their parents) build bulletproof mindsets so they can weather the ups and downs of life. As part of this goal, Chantal has had the privilege of speaking at various events – virtual and live – to support teens and parents.

Outside of this passion, Chantal is often in nature, writing poetry, playing ball hockey and hanging out with her loved ones.

Each week, Chantal writes a blog article in response to issues she hears from the parents and teens she connects with.

If you have something you’d like to read more on – email ideas and questions to info@pyramidpsychology.com or DM us via Instagram or Facebook.

09 Nov
Emotions, For Parents, For Teens, Teen Joy

10 Tips For a Smooth Morning With Teens

Gone are the days of 6am wake ups because they want to play with you and here are the mornings of whines and moans to get them out of bed and ready for school. A dad was sharing how every school morning is a 45-minute battle, ending with a stressed out dad and teen.

Photo by Vladislav Muslakov on Unsplash

If you would rather be making your smoothie in the morning, here are 10 ideas that you can try:

1. Lights, Camera, Action – This one works well in our house (most of the time!). About 10 minutes before my kids need to get ready, I turn the lights on and I am talking to them about their day and about getting up. It’s kind of like a monologue because no one replies but the stimulus gets them to start that process of waking.

2. Prepare Ahead of Time – Anything that can be the night before is worth doing. Have your teen make their lunch, pick their clothes out for the next day, charge electronics, and pack their bag. The less there is to do in the morning, the less stress on both you and them.

3. Think about Sleep First Thing in the Morning – Your quality of sleep is impacted by all the choices you make throughout your day (thanks Brittany for sharing this information with me!) Have your teen consider things like how much caffeine they are having throughout the day and when, what kind of food they are consuming, other substances that might affect sleep, how much stress they are exposed to, if they have a consistent bedtime, etc. See where they can clean it up a bit.

Photo by Rob Hampson on Unsplash

4. Turn Down the Blue Light – Screens emit blue light which suppresses the body’s natural melatonin production (gets us ready for sleep). Ideally, screens should be turned off an hour before sleep. Realistically, this can be a challenge to put into practice. Consider reducing exposure to blue light before bed, whether it’s turning off screens or using something (like blue light blocking glasses) that helps filter out the blue light.

5. Sleeping in your Tomorrow Wear – This is not one I have personally tried, but some teens swear by sleeping in the clothes they will wear the next day and this avoids a ton of morning stress.

6. Nightmares of Being at School in your Underwear – Natural consequences may be the way to go if you’re not getting any traction. The thought of arriving at school in pajamas (or underwear) may be enough to motivate a morning routine that works. 

Photo by Mohd Zuber Saifi on Unsplash

7. Throw the Alarm Clock Across the Room – Get an alarm clock (definitely wouldn’t recommend using a phone – way too tempting) and place it just far enough so they have to get up to turn it off. The biggest downside to this is that it might drive you crazy before it actually wakes your teen up lol. ​

8. Negotiations at the Table – Is your teen looking for an extra 30 mins to hang out with their friends in the evening? Some extra screen time? Have a discussion with them. Be clear on what expectations you have for them in the morning to reduce stress for everyone. Negotiate around incentives that might motivate a cheerful (ok perhaps not quite cheerful) morning disposition.

Photo by Jonathan Borba on Unsplash

9. I like to Move it Move it! – Bodies need to be in motion every day. It helps relieve stress, improve mood, and establish healthy sleep patterns. Have your teen aim for 30 minutes a day of movement and exercise and see if they can get that to an hour. (Strong Girls Fitness Society is a good resource.)

10. Consult a Sleep Expert – Folks like Brittany Andrejcin are experts in teaching people how to optimize sleep. Check out online resources or consider working with someone to help improve the quality of your teen’s sleep, which ultimately will lead to stress-less mornings.

​What is one thing that works well in your family to reduce the stress of school mornings?

 

Chantal Côté (she/her) is a psychologist and teen life coach living in Calgary, Alberta. After over a decade in non-profit and community mental health, Chantal started Pyramid Psychology, a practice dedicated to supporting teens – a population she is constantly amazed by. Chantal is on a mission to help 100,000 teen girls (and their parents) build bulletproof mindsets so they can weather the ups and downs of life. As part of this goal, Chantal has had the privilege of speaking at various events – virtual and live – to support teens and parents.

Outside of this passion, Chantal is often in nature, writing poetry, playing ball hockey and hanging out with her loved ones.

Each week, Chantal writes a blog article in response to issues she hears from the parents and teens she connects with.

If you have something you’d like to read more on – email ideas and questions to info@pyramidpsychology.com or DM us via Instagram or Facebook.

03 Nov
For Parents, For Teens

3 Reasons Why You Want To Let Your Teen Clean Up Their Own Room

The way your teen keeps their room can be so hard to leave alone. A mom was saying the other day how every time she walks by her teen’s room, the urge takes over to look inside and as soon as she sees the dirty plates, laundry on the floor, and chip crumbs, her orderly instincts kick in and away she goes cleaning her teen’s room.

Can you relate to “I’ve asked them 10 times already”, “it’ll be faster (and better) if I do it myself”,  and “it just drives me crazy” when it comes to the way your teen keeps their space?

​Whether it’s their room, their gaming area, or a space in the home, learning how to organize, clean, and manage their space is an important part of teen development.

Photo by Canva

Ok disclosure (and sorry Mom because I know you hate bugs!!) – when I was a teen I had a hamster, and I kept his food in my dresser drawer. The food was in a bag. Well, sorta kinda in the bag, and kind of in my drawer… and kinda on the floor.

​I had been told by my parents that leaving food around would attract bugs, but wasn’t bothered to clean the hamster food trail I left behind. One day, I went to feed my hamster and his seeds appeared to be moving. Yeah, maggot city 🐛🐛🐛 in my drawers! It was such a gross natural consequence that it got me to keep it clean and sealed up forevermore.

Photo by Canva

Here Are the 3 Reasons Why You Want To Let Your Teens Clean Their Own Spaces:

1. Putting the relationship first. If this is a constant source of tension in your relationship, consider taking a step back to see the bigger picture. In stepping back and not cleaning their room, you’re avoiding the scenario of still doing all that stuff for them 5 years from now.

By stepping back, you can replace those urges with something rewarding for yourself. And although you might be thinking, “I’ll enjoy the reward much more if they have a clean room”….having an extra 20 minutes for that bath or that juicy novel has the larger payoff (remember the goal is to have them clean the space so that niggling thought for you to clean it yourself will eventually be gone).

2. Motivation for growing independence and confidence.  As part of the privileges of independence in our family, we have adopted the ‘Everyone is a Contributing Member‘ motto. Everyone is an important member and their contributions are valued.

Celebrate independence by allowing them to care for their own space. This may include cleaning it, but also personalizing and organizing it in a way that is functional for them. There will be natural consequences to how they keep that space (i.e. hamster maggots).

3. Future ready skills such as Accountability and Responsibility. Clarity of your family rules and expectations will be super helpful to navigating this part. One rule that can be helpful is that all common objects must be brought back to that space or cleaned (for example dishes).

You can try looking at the privilege/responsibility scale where privilege is a direct result of responsibility. An example of this is in exchange for the privilege of Friday night extra screen time, the expectation (responsibility) is that their room is to be tidied once a week with all laundry off the floor and all dishes returned to the kitchen.

Photo by Canva

It is also helpful to be clear on rules and expectations for their room vs. other spaces in the house. Check out this post on “𝗛𝗼𝘄 𝘁𝗼 𝗚𝗲𝘁 𝗧𝗲𝗲𝗻𝘀 𝘁𝗼 𝗵𝗲𝗹𝗽 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗖𝗵𝗼𝗿𝗲𝘀 𝗪𝗶𝘁𝗵𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗮 𝗙𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁 𝘀𝗼 𝗬𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗵𝗼𝗺𝗲 𝗰𝗮𝗻 𝗿𝘂𝗻 𝘀𝗺𝗼𝗼𝘁𝗵𝗹𝘆⁣”
​
If you empower them to care for their spaces and take on that responsibility it will pay off in many ways!

And now, I’m going to walk right past my son’s room and pour myself a hot bath while listening to favourite tunes!

Photo by Canva

Have a great night.

If you found this post helpful, pass it on by emailing a friend or sharing it on Twitter or Facebook – Thanks!

Chantal Côté (she/her) is a psychologist and teen life coach living in Calgary, Alberta. After over a decade in non-profit and community mental health, Chantal started Pyramid Psychology, a practice dedicated to supporting teens – a population she is constantly amazed by. Chantal is on a mission to help 100,000 teen girls (and their parents) build bulletproof mindsets so they can weather the ups and downs of life. As part of this goal, Chantal has had the privilege of speaking at various events – virtual and live – to support teens and parents.

Outside of this passion, Chantal is often in nature, writing poetry, playing ball hockey and hanging out with her loved ones.

Each week, Chantal writes a blog article in response to issues she hears from the parents and teens she connects with.

If you have something you’d like to read more on – email ideas and questions to info@pyramidpsychology.com or DM us via Instagram or Facebook.

11 Oct
Anxiety, Emotions, For Parents, For Teens, Friendships

The Hate Kids Give in School – How to Help When Your Teen is Being Bullied

Your daughter comes home in tears because a peer said some nasty things about a picture of her on social media. Teens will be teens? No. This kind of thinking isn’t going to cut it. ​Whether it is verbal, social, physical or cyber, Bullying Canada states if someone is hurting or scaring another person on purpose and that person is having a hard time defending themselves- This is bullying. ​

I’ve definitely heard the concerns from parents- if I get involved will I not making make it worse?  If I get involved, am I not just enabling them to never learn how to figure out their own problems? There are ways to get involved that can empower teens while letting them know they are not alone.

As a parent you might notice a gut wrenching feeling taking you back to your teen experiences with bullying. Whether you were a bystander, the one doing the bullying, or the one being bullied, everyone has a story of bullying.

Just the other day, I was sharing with my kids about my experiences of being teased about my curly hair when I was younger. My kids responded to this story with empathy and a desire for justice. This reminded me that as parents, you and I can be a part of the solution when it comes to bullying.

If you want to help your teens stand against bullying, even though it’s a complex social issue, here are some things to consider:

SHARE YOUR EXPERIENCES AND VALUES

You can use your experience, even if you were a bystander or the person bullying. There are lessons and insights you can put forth for your teens to consider.

Focus on sharing your values and on how you want to behave as a human and let those guide these conversations (e.g. kindness or caring). Actions speaks loudly- consider how you are showing and living your values daily.

Photo by Helena Lopes on Unsplash

TEACHING ASSERTIVENESS AND CONFIDENCE SKILLS

Assertiveness is different from aggression. Being assertive is standing up for the things you think, feel, and believe by expressing yourself in a way that is honest and respectful of others thoughts, feelings, and beliefs.

This includes being open, listening to others, being accountable, apologizing for mistakes, expressing yourself, seeing your fellow humans as equal, sharing your appreciation of others. The best way to do this is by modeling it!

Consider the way you talk about others in front of your teen (or in general). Think about the interactions between your teen and yourself- are you open and listening? Do you name it when you make a mistake? Are you ok with disagreeing on viewpoints? Do you let them know when you appreciate something they’ve done or the way they’ve behaved?  

It’s a work in progress.

The next best thing to modeling is capturing teachable moments and jumping on those brief  but important conversations.

Remember teens are really orienting to their peers so knowing their friends and the groups where they spend their time will also help you have an idea of what they are learning and being influenced by.

Photo by Thought Catalog on Unsplash

BUILD ALLIES

Always encourage your teen to tell someone they trust if they are being bullied or witnessing bullying – you, a teacher, coach, guidance counsellor, etc. It can be really hard to share if someone is hurting or scaring you, so be patient with your teen and keep those invitations open.

Remind your teen they are not alone- and reassure them that you are part of their squad. Proceed in a collaborative way with your teen by asking them how they would like to handle the situation and who they think could help support.

*** Ok this may sound contrary to what I just said but it is important to know there will be times when your teen will ask you to tell no one. Listen to them and their concerns about sharing, show them compassion, and let them know that you may still have to reach out to others in order to change things and support them.

Encourage your teen to find friendships that are supportive (on-line and in person). If your teen does not have those friendships already, consider how you might support them in that area. Encouraging them to join a group, club, trying a new hobby or volunteering can be great ways to meet new people.

Photo by Maria Teneva on Unsplash

CHECK OUT ONLINE RESOURCES

The internet has so much information on bullying as well as specific steps to take to help resolve situations. Do some research and share the really interesting stuff you find with your teens. Here are a few ideas:

There are also great resources online with the aim of letting teens know they are not alone in their experiences. Here are a few resources you can check out:

​*** This is nowhere near an exhaustive list- please find and add in the comments what you find 😊

portrait of Chantal outside in a fieldChantal Côté (she/her) is a psychologist and teen life coach living in Calgary, Alberta. After over a decade in non-profit and community mental health, Chantal started Pyramid Psychology, a practice dedicated to supporting teens – a population she is constantly amazed by. Chantal is on a mission to help 100,000 teen girls (and their parents) build bulletproof mindsets so they can weather the ups and downs of life. As part of this goal, Chantal has had the privilege of speaking at various events – virtual and live – to support teens and parents.

Outside of this passion, Chantal is often in nature, writing poetry, playing ball hockey and hanging out with her loved ones.

Each week, Chantal writes a blog article in response to issues she hears from the parents and teens she connects with. If you have something you’d like to read more on – email ideas and questions to info@pyramidpsychology.com or DM us via Instagram or Facebook. 

31 Aug
Emotions, For Parents, For Teens, Teen Joy

When Thin is the Fashion Statement – Teens and Body Image

I was reading an article about this amazing “new” summer dress that was circulating on social media, you know the one with the strawberries?!  Only to find out it wasn’t new at all as it had been worn by plus size model Tess Holliday at the beginning of 2020.

​The dress had been mocked at the time and now is a big hit. ​

The primary difference: the body types wearing the dress!

Photo by Canva

I was struck by this realization although I know I have been seeing this socialization my whole life. It reminded me that when I was young, I really wanted to wear short shorts but when I did, I was always tugging at them and looking behind me to see if my cellulite was exposed. I have come a long way with body image and self-love.

The messages social media pumps out about style is that it is depends on your body type and not about what you love.

BUT IT DOESN’T have to end there.

I want to help you take those “I’m not (insert defeating adjective here- e.g. beautiful/curvy/thin/sexy/good) enough” thoughts and STOP letting them control your choices.

If you agonize over your clothes, skipping out on those pieces you would love to wear because you are afraid they won’t fit you, check out these 5 body image tips.

Photo by Drop the Label Movement on Unsplash

Find Positive Body Image Role Models

It can be your Mom, auntie, Bff’s Mom- anyone who is putting out the vibe of loving their body in its imperfect form.

Be critical of what you see in the media and find models and celebs that are similar to you.

Know Where to Get Information About Bodies and Body Changes

Talk to your trusted adults and ask questions. They have likely been asked by someone before.

Get your information from reputable sources such as teen talk, teens health and mindyourmind.

Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

Take Social Media Breaks

Unplug, turn it off, step away, stop scrolling those feeds and let your eyes and brain take in other stimuli.

Get out for a walk, hang out with a good friend, immerse yourself in your life and the enjoyable moments.

Practice Body Acceptance

Notice what your body can do and how it can move.  Whether it’s dancing, stretching, running, being still, etc.

Compliment yourself every single day about one quality (inner and outer) that makes you, You. So important to practice this every day.

List 3 things you like about your body and Check out this body image booster download

Practice Body Awareness

Notice which clothes feel good on your body. Tune in and take the time to stretch, breathe and ask yourself how your body is feeling in this moment.

Notice the messages you are saying to yourself about your body- how do they make you feel? If you were talking to a close friend would you say the same thing?

Photo by Gemma Chua-Tran on Unsplash

By following these tips and taking care of your body with what you put in it, how much you rest you get, and staying active every day, you will bring confidence, clarity, and strength to your life.

​If you found this post helpful, pass it on by emailing a friend or sharing it on Twitter or Facebook- Thanks!

– Chantal Côté, R.Psych, Pyramid Psychology- helping older children, teens, and young adults learn how to build bulletproof mindsets

Chantal Côté (she/her) is a psychologist and teen life coach living in Calgary, Alberta. After over a decade in non-profit and community mental health, Chantal started Pyramid Psychology, a practice dedicated to supporting teens – a population she is constantly amazed by. Chantal is on a mission to help 100,000 teen girls (and their parents) build bulletproof mindsets so they can weather the ups and downs of life. As part of this goal, Chantal has had the privilege of speaking at various events – virtual and live – to support teens and parents.

Outside of this passion, Chantal is often in nature, writing poetry, playing ball hockey and hanging out with her loved ones.

Each week, Chantal writes a blog article in response to issues she hears from the parents and teens she connects with.

If you have something you’d like to read more on – email ideas and questions to info@pyramidpsychology.com or DM us via Instagram or Facebook.

19 Aug
For Parents, For Teens, Relationships, Teen Joy

How to Connect With Your Teen So They Feel Understood

When my kids do something pretty outrageous, my first urge is yell- “what were you thinking?!?!”
​
It’s a work in progress, I take a lot of deep breaths, and repeat my 3 mantras. I still often default to – what were they thinking ?!

Connecting with your teens can be hard, especially if you are met with sarcasm, mean words, and attitude that would pierce even the hardest of heart shells.

Photo by Kevin Lehtla on Unsplash

What’s Going On With Their Brain

Tween and teen brains are undergoing many different developmental changes and their identities are forming. Their limbic system (emotion centre, reward, pleasure, and motivation) is ON and their pre-frontal system (rational, impulse control, decision making) is still wiring.

This means youth are much more prone to interpret body language, tone, and words as judgmental and self-focused. You might say “Oh, new shirt?” and it may be received as “you look bad” or “I’m noticing all of your imperfections”.

This can make it hard to say the right thing or not have a 40 foot wall suddenly appear between the two of you.

If you want to flip some of those interactions and connect with your teen, even though you are tired and don’t need another thing for your brain to take in, here is a no-brainer I have found super helpful.

I stick to these 3 mantras to guide me:

  1. I want to understand
  2. I am listening with empathy
  3. I may not like it, but we can get to that

Photo by Nick Fewings on Unsplash

I Want To Understand

I follow the L.I.S.T.E.N acronym: Listen, Inquire, Self-Regulate, Tone, Empathy, No advice giving. I want to understand is about 100% curiosity and trying to understand as best you can their experience. It’s not an interrogation. It’s not a solution giveaway. This is a great way to get your teen to build their reflective and awareness skills. There will be opportunities for advice, guidance and coaching, but to start off with, using LISTEN can really help open up that dialogue.

I am Listening With Empathy

I already said empathy I know, but this one deserves its own mantra. The definition of empathy, courtesy of Brené Brown is “to be nonjudgmental, understand another person’s feelings, and to communicate your understanding of that person’s feelings”.

When all I want to do is give the solution, explain my stance, or just tell them to stop, these are my red flags that I am not listening with empathy. I pause and reset and authentically say something from a place of empathy like, “that sounds really hard”, “I know it doesn’t seem fair”, “I can’t imagine…”.

​It’s a game changer.

Photo by Canva

I May Not Like It, But We Can Get To That

Some things will be hard to listen to! There are going to be times when you will have to clarify expectations, help them navigate safety in situations, and give some helpful suggestions. “But We can get to that” reminds me that I always want to start with the first two mantras.

You can always come back to things that are important in another conversation. Your relationship with your teen and the conversations that go with it are not a One Shot Deal.

If you follow these 3 mantras you are sure to feel more connected to your teen and stay a support in their squad.

​If you found this post helpful, pass it on by emailing a friend or sharing it on Twitter or Facebook- Thanks!

Chantal Côté (she/her) is a psychologist and teen life coach living in Calgary, Alberta. After over a decade in non-profit and community mental health, Chantal started Pyramid Psychology, a practice dedicated to supporting teens – a population she is constantly amazed by. Chantal is on a mission to help 100,000 teen girls (and their parents) build bulletproof mindsets so they can weather the ups and downs of life. As part of this goal, Chantal has had the privilege of speaking at various events – virtual and live – to support teens and parents.

Outside of this passion, Chantal is often in nature, writing poetry, playing ball hockey and hanging out with her loved ones.

Each week, Chantal writes a blog article in response to issues she hears from the parents and teens she connects with.

If you have something you’d like to read more on – email ideas and questions to info@pyramidpsychology.com or DM us via Instagram or Facebook.

07 Aug
Confidence, Emotions, For Parents, For Teens, Teen Joy

10 Rules for Being Confident When Talking to Others That Your Teens Need to Know

I have heard from many teens I work with – I don’t get how people are so confident when talking to others. ⁣Variations of this wondering brings me back to when I was younger and my teen self totally relates- sometimes even now I still do.

It can be hard to talk to others, especially new people. If you feel shy sometimes, you’ve probably had your mind go blank in the middle of a conversation, feeling your face grow hot, and feeling at a loss to keep going.

Photo by Canva

Great News: Confidence is a skill. ⁣
⁣
Sure, some people struggle less with confidence for various reasons (brain wiring, genetics, environment) but confidence is something you can train every day, like a muscle, for it to become stronger. ⁣

Practice by sticking to these 10 rules:

1. 𝐊𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐅𝐞𝐚𝐫 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐋𝐨𝐠𝐢𝐜– when you feel nervous or worried about what others are thinking, your flight or fight takes over. The best antidote is to bring your thinking brain back online. Try being extra logical about your fear beforehand- what’s the worst that can happen and then what, what has changed?⁣

Photo by Canva

2. 𝐂𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐭𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨𝐩𝐢𝐜𝐬– A little each day and diversify. Find one or two things you find interesting. These can help you start small talk which is often the hardest part of conversation⁣ with others.
⁣
3. 𝐀𝐬𝐤 𝐨𝐩𝐞𝐧 𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐝 𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬– When you are talking with someone to help keep the conversation going, use some open ended questions- What do you think? What’s your favourite? How do you? And, listen- don’t be getting ready for the next thing you’re going to say in your head⁣.

​4. 𝐁𝐞 𝐚𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐩𝐨𝐭𝐥𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐞𝐟𝐟𝐞𝐜𝐭– The “oh crap everyone is looking at me” effect- research says you overestimate on average 2x the amount of people who are actually noticing you in any given moment⁣.
⁣
5.𝗪𝐢𝐠𝐠𝐥𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐭𝐨𝐞𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐫𝐬– keeping yourself present and connected to your body will help with checked out nerves⁣.

​​6. 𝐔𝐬𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐒𝐩𝐨𝐤𝐞𝐬 𝐦𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐝– Imagine a conversation like a bike wheel. The topic is the centre of the wheel and all the possible conversations are the spokes. If the main topic is something you know little about, that is OK . Think of things that are related to the topic and questions you can ask. ⁣

Photo by James Mason on Unsplash

⁣
For example, someone starts talking about Crossfit, your conversation spokes might be- working out, exercise routines, staying healthy, personal challenges and some questions might be – what do you like about Crossfit? When did you start ? ⁣How does it work?
​
7. 𝐓𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐋𝐚𝐝𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐄𝐱𝐞𝐫𝐜𝐢𝐬𝐞– You can go from “I suck at talking to others” to “I am confident to have a conversation with anyone”. Imagine your thoughts as if they were on rungs of a ladder. The first one (I suck) is on the bottom rung and the ultimate one (I am confident) at the top. Now map out 3-4 other thoughts that would be between these two. Practice them one rung at a time, starting at the second rung until each feels more believable before moving to the next⁣.
⁣
8. 𝐋𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐧 𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐞𝐝𝐢𝐭𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬– try some related to confidence and grounding⁣.

Photo by Nalau Nobel on Unsplash

9. 𝐊𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐄𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥𝐬 𝐧𝐞𝐫𝐯𝐨𝐮𝐬 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞⁣- everyone has things that are out of their comfort zone and some things that feel downright terrifying. You are not alone in your experience and most people have some level of questioning their confidence when it comes to talking to others in some contexts.
⁣
10.𝐏𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐞 𝐏𝐨𝐰𝐞𝐫 𝐏𝐨𝐬𝐞– your body language affects how you feel percent. What we know about an expansive posture is that it helps you breathe in a way that relaxes your nervous system and helps reduce stress. So 30 seconds every day, stand tall with your hands on your hips- kind of like Wonder Woman ⁣

Practice these 10 rules and talking to others will become the least of your stressors.

​If you found this post helpful, pass it on by emailing a friend or sharing it on Twitter or Facebook- Thanks!

Chantal Côté (she/her) is a psychologist and teen life coach living in Calgary, Alberta. After over a decade in non-profit and community mental health, Chantal started Pyramid Psychology, a practice dedicated to supporting teens – a population she is constantly amazed by. Chantal is on a mission to help 100,000 teen girls (and their parents) build bulletproof mindsets so they can weather the ups and downs of life. As part of this goal, Chantal has had the privilege of speaking at various events – virtual and live – to support teens and parents.

Outside of this passion, Chantal is often in nature, writing poetry, playing ball hockey and hanging out with her loved ones.

Each week, Chantal writes a blog article in response to issues she hears from the parents and teens she connects with.

If you have something you’d like to read more on – email ideas and questions to info@pyramidpsychology.com or DM us via Instagram or Facebook.

03 Aug
Emotions, For Teens, Self Image & Body Image, Self-Compassion

What Boredom Will Teach You About Self-Love

If you are a tween or teen or the parent of tween or teen who has uttered these words “I’m bored”, read on.

Have you been thinking this? Feeling this? Or, saying this lately?

Dozens of my clients are struggling with feeling unmotivated, lacking excitement in life and feeling down a lot of the time. Covid isolation and the domino effect of changes has been a drastic 180° for many activities and routines that guaranteed some sort of social interaction.

If you’re wondering what you should do to overcome this feeling, check out the 7 boredom busters below :

Photo by Canva

Hobbies: 
What kind of hobby do you enjoy? Is there something you’ve been thinking of learning or trying? Pinterest, Etsy and YouTube are some great places to find ideas of things to try. You don’t have to obsess over it or even perfect it, it’s about trying something and discovering what you enjoy.

Routine:
routine might sound like the root of boredom, same thing all the time…..Boring! Well turns out that some amount of routine actually helps with boredom!

If you have a solid routine on some of the basics (sleep, hygiene, exercise), it frees up brain power to focus on things that are fun and creative like new adventures. Also, having predictable routines in the areas of exercise, nutrition, sleep, and hygiene help boost your feel good endorphins- and a brain that is feeling calm and feeling good is much less likely to feel bored.

Mindfulness: 
Practicing mindfulness and becoming aware of your thoughts and feelings in the present moment can help you better understand your boredom. Being bored is the surface state, but a curious deep dive may allow you to discover if it’s about feeling lonely, disconnected, unmotivated,  tired, etc.

The more you know and name your experience, the less power it has over you and the more it leads you to knowing the action and choices needed to change the feeling.

Photo by Canva

Creativity:
If boredom is a lack of something, then creativity is the opposite. Music, games, art, reading, challenges, anything that gets the right side of your brain engaged can be great for ending boredom. So grab your markers, paint, headphones, a good book and let creativity in.

Get to know Thy Self:
I am aging myself big time here, but reading teen magazines back in the day (yeah like the paper kind) and filling in those quizzes to know more about what kind of friend I was or what was my dating style was always interesting.

I would always take the results with a grain of salt, but there was usually something I could relate to that helped me learn a thing or two about myself. Take some time to get to know who you are!

Photo by Canva

Get to know Thy Roommate :
Spend time with your roomies. Your roommates, whether they are mom, dad, siblings, or other, can be a source of boredom no more. Get to know them a little better by joining them during an activity or asking them questions. It might be interesting to learn about a hidden talent, memory or story that you didn’t know before.

Laugh:
What makes you laugh? I mean belly moving, watery eyes, laugh? Laughter releases feel good endorphins that are sure to help in those moments of boredom. You could try laughter yoga, comedy shows, try not to laugh videos, pranks, hanging out with a funny friend- let the laughter flow.

Being bored can be a fantastic thing.

It can spring you into action to resolve the feeling and it is where the most creative and fun ideas are born.

If you found this post helpful, pass it on by emailing a friend or sharing it on Twitter or Facebook- Thanks!

– Chantal Côté, R.Psych, Pyramid Psychology- helping older children, teens, and young adults learn how to build bulletproof mindsets

Chantal Côté (she/her) is a psychologist and teen life coach living in Calgary, Alberta. After over a decade in non-profit and community mental health, Chantal started Pyramid Psychology, a practice dedicated to supporting teens – a population she is constantly amazed by. Chantal is on a mission to help 100,000 teen girls (and their parents) build bulletproof mindsets so they can weather the ups and downs of life. As part of this goal, Chantal has had the privilege of speaking at various events – virtual and live – to support teens and parents.

Outside of this passion, Chantal is often in nature, writing poetry, playing ball hockey and hanging out with her loved ones.

Each week, Chantal writes a blog article in response to issues she hears from the parents and teens she connects with.

If you have something you’d like to read more on – email ideas and questions to info@pyramidpsychology.com or DM us via Instagram or Facebook.

15 May
Emotions, For Parents, For Teens, Teen Joy

Anxiety In Children and Teens: What You Need To Know

In these times with uncertainty in a world that is changing more rapidly than we can sometimes imagine, knowledge can be like medicine.

If you are a child or teen impacted by anxiety or you are caring for someone with anxiety, I hope this blog will provide you with some helpful information.

Lets Start From The Beginning – What Is Anxiety?

Well anxiety is a state caused by your perceived sense of threat to an event, person, or situation. In other words, anxiety is a combination of thoughts and feelings that activate your Stress Response, calling your body and mind to take action to try and keep you safe and minimize threat and danger.

When put that way, I kind of think of anxiety as a superpower. A superpower that every human being has.
​
If anxiety can activate your body’s stress response, putting you in a state of action, and doing this in a matter of mere seconds- that’s pretty impressive!

Photo by Canva

I want to say a little more about how anxiety is useful. We can probably agree that everyone experiences stress at some point. Perhaps you even agree that our stress response to perceived danger and threat is one very important way to keep you safe.

Our body and mind’s response to danger is part of your evolutionary hardwiring for survival- this is most useful if the goal is to live.

The response is automatic, meaning you don’t have to think about activating your stress response. If a rabid tiger (do tigers get rabies?) ran into this room right now, you would not want to waste time thinking about whether or not it is dangerous or what you should do. You need to act right away and that’s what anxiety helps you do- ACT NOW.

Anxiety is useful in the tiger situation, but let’s face it, you may not encounter this scenario too often. Anxiety can also be useful in handling situations that require some stress for best outcomes. A situation like a performance, maybe a sports performance or an art performance require some degree of stress to mobilize memory, muscles, blood flow, and breathing.

​Anxiety can be useful and it can also become problematic and I will talk more about that below.

​Keypoints to remember:

  • Everyone experiences stress and anxiety some of the time
  • Anxiety is like a superpower designed to detect and respond to perceived threat and danger
  • Our stress response is automatic and it happens in mere seconds
  • Anxiety in doses, can be useful for performance

​The world you live in today is much different than the world of 50 years ago. You experience stimulus at a much faster rate. Take a second and think of how many sources of information and the amount of information coming at you, even in the last 30 minutes.

I have probably checked my emails (yes more than one), glanced at instagram, received text messages from people I know, half read a couple articles that piqued my interest on Facebook, all while eating a burrito and petting my dog. This statement gives you plenty to judge me on, but I’m hoping to highlight that we live in a world with a lot going on a lot of the time.

Why Is It Important To Talk About Anxiety These Days? 

Your body and mind need to sift through information (stimuli) at lightning speed and determine what is a threat and what is not. That’s a taxing job, even for a superpower.
​
Research tells us that severe anxiety and mood disorders are on the rise in young populations. We need to talk about anxiety so we can come together as a community, share ideas, support one another, and create spaces and states that feel safe.

It’s also important to talk about because stress and anxiety have larger consequences on the body and mind if not attended to. Stress has different levels, one of those being adaptive stress or as some call it, healthy stress. This kind of stress causes a response in your body that has quick recovery times which is great because you can manage that. Prolonged stress or toxic stress however, is more taxing on the body and mind and has slower recovery times which can cause significant negative consequences to your health.

Photo by Canva

Key points to remember:

  • Our mind is sifting through enormous amounts of stimulus at lightning speed to determine what is a threat and what is not.
  • Research tells us severe anxiety is on the rise in young populations
  • Prolonged or toxic stress can have long term consequences on your health

What Does Anxiety Look Like? 

Ok, remember anxiety is a state that activates a response in your body to perceived danger or threat. That response brings on-line our sympathetic system, which is also known as the flight, fight, freeze response. This is a survival response that mobilizes your body to take actions required to keep you out of danger.
You might notice:

  • Increased heart rate
  • Shallow, quicker breathing
  • Increases in some of your senses (smell, sight)
  • Dilated pupils
  • Distributed blood flow to certain parts of the brain and muscles

Photo by Fernando @dearferdo on Unsplash

Now if you continue to have anxious thoughts and feelings, the body continues to mobilize resources, but has to make some changes to sustain this flight, fight, freeze mode.
​
Now your system is:

  • Releasing cortisol (stress hormone)
  • Suppressing pain response
  • Reduces hearing
  • Increasing activity in the amygdala (alarm system in brain) and hippocampus (memory bank of brain)
  • Decreasing activity in pre-frontal cortex (planning and reasoning part of brain)
  • Increasing blood clotting activity
  • Interfering with sleep
  • Suppressing immune system

Keep in mind your stress response is proportional to the degree of perceived threat. If you think something is super dangerous, your body and mind will respond in a big way!
​
Also, the longer your body and mind are sustained in an anxious state the longer the recovery time. This part is really important. If you imagine anxiety as a superpower and you use it all up to deal with your nemesis DANGER and THREAT, you are going to need time to rest and rebuild your energy stores.

Key points to remember:

  • Anxiety triggers your sympathetic system (flight, fight and freeze)
  • Anxiety and stress require recovery time
  • The bigger the stress response, the longer the recovery

Different Types of Anxiety

Anxiety in and of itself is a very useful state to have to keep us safe and responsive. However, when anxious thoughts and feelings lead to symptoms that interfere with day to day functioning it can become problematic.
Anxiety disorders can be a way of labelling when anxiety becomes problematic.
​
Some types of anxiety known in children and teens:

Phobias
Experiencing very anxious and fearful thoughts and feelings, often irritational, linked to situations, objects, or things. More common phobias are dying, flying, spiders, vomiting, needles, etc.

​Separation anxiety
Experiencing very anxious thoughts and feelings when separated from parents or caregivers. Usually feeling worried that something bad will happen to self or someone you love while you are apart. May result in refusing to participate in playdates, school, daycare, camps, or sleepovers.

Social anxiety
Experiencing very anxious thoughts and feelings related to social situations. Heightened stress and self-consciousness around others with strong worries about being embarrassed, humiliated, or judged.

Generalized Anxiety disorder
Experiencing very anxious thoughts and feelings about everyday events for prolonged periods.

Panic disorders
Experiencing sudden and unexpected panic attacks. You would also experience very anxious thoughts and feelings about having another panic attack in public or in undesirable situations and usually avoid places where a panic attack might occur.

PTSD
PTSD (posttraumatic stress disorder) is when you experience ongoing symptoms after a terrifying event(s). Usually experience very anxious and frightening thoughts and memories of the past event(s). The event(s) was/were terrifying to you physically, emotionally, and psychologically.

OCD
OCD (Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder) has two parts- obsessions, which are persistent, intrusive and unwanted thoughts, images or impulses (urges) and compulsions, which are repeated behaviours that can decrease the anxiety temporarily. Often, you may know the obsessions are irrational or unconventional but unable to control them. Some common compulsions may include, washing, checking, repeated walking patterns, touching, counting.

Key points to remember:

  • when anxious thoughts and feelings lead to symptoms that interfere with day to day functioning (for many different reasons) it can become problematic. 
  • Anxiety disorders are a way of labelling when anxiety becomes problematic

How To Cope

Photo by TK Hammonds on Unsplash

If anxiety is just doing its thing and keeping you away from danger, this is great. Thank anxiety for being such an amazing superpower and keep it up.
If this superpower is out of control and interfering with daily life, there are things you can do to harness its energy.

If you want to talk to someone about what’s going on or you have more questions, consider reaching out to a healthcare professional or another trusted adult. It may be a parent, family friend, coach, doctor, school counsellor, therapist, etc.

​Don’t suffer alone!

Here are some ideas that might help harness the power of anxiety.

Photo by Canva

Grounding and settling:
Finding a way to settle your body and mind is like adding water to a flame- it can soothe and lower your anxiety response. A lot of these ideas start with the body and are designed to kick in your parasympathetic system (rest and relax) which is the opposite of the sympathetic system that kicks in when you are anxious. Some examples of this are:

  • Focused breathing
  • Tense and release exercise
  • visualizations
  • Stretching and yoga movements
  • Sensory exercises to bring you to the here and now (54321, rainbow spotting, hearing challenges, etc.)
  • Brain gym
  • Calming art or music

Self-Compassion:
Often times, you might find yourself having harsh thoughts about anxiety. It can be easy to go to a place of what’s wrong with me, why can’t I control this, this is my fault etc. Self-compassion is an invitation to bring in a gentler, kinder voice (maybe like a kind friend or a great sidekick) that can offer some new possibilities in understanding and handling anxiety. Some examples of this are:

  • Mindfulness exercises
  • Compassion and kindness exercises
  • Exploring feelings with curiosity rather than judgement
  • Art to help explore

​Thought work:
Anxiety is about your perceived sense of threat or danger, so it is not necessarily the truth of how things are but rather how you think they are. If you have ways to understand and challenge your thoughts this can be very helpful in harnessing anxiety. Some examples of this are:

  • Mapping your thoughts
  • Thought ladders
  • Thought stopping
  • Thought challenging
  • Understanding thinking traps

​Containment:
Imagine (I know I’m really going with this superpower metaphor) anxiety is a powerful ray of light that shoots from your body uncontrollably anytime you feel you are in danger. Containment is a way to centralize and focus that beam of light to one area or to keep it locked up for a bit while you work on some other harnessing strategies. Some examples of this are:

  • Worry boxes
  • Worry trees
  • Things I can control and things I can’t control exercises
  • Container visualizations, imagery, art

Photo by Dustin Belt on Unsplash

​Habits and Hygiene:
Just like anything in life, if we are well rested and refreshed, we tend to show up in a much more capable way vs. when we are feeling exhausted and depleted. Considering the different habits and different hygiene practices you have can be very helpful in harnessing anxiety. Some examples of this are:

  • Having consistent quality sleep
  • Eating regularly and eating foods high in nutrients and vitamins
  • Having routines that are supportive like around bedtime or when you first wake up
  • Bringing supportive relationships closer and distancing self from harmful relationships
  • Having regular self-care practices such as sport, art, exercise, spending time with friends, laughing, relaxing, etc.
  • Limiting alcohol and drug use which mess with our body chemistry and can quickly make anxiety feel out of control

​Key points to remember:

  • There are so many different things you can do to help harness anxiety
  • Don’t suffer alone, talk to someone if you are struggling with anxiety

Photo by Jude Beck on Unsplash

If you found this post helpful, pass it on by emailing a friend or sharing it on Twitter or Facebook- Thanks!

Comment below on how you manage anxiety.

Chantal Côté (she/her) is a psychologist and teen life coach living in Calgary, Alberta. After over a decade in non-profit and community mental health, Chantal started Pyramid Psychology, a practice dedicated to supporting teens – a population she is constantly amazed by. Chantal is on a mission to help 100,000 teen girls (and their parents) build bulletproof mindsets so they can weather the ups and downs of life. As part of this goal, Chantal has had the privilege of speaking at various events – virtual and live – to support teens and parents.

Outside of this passion, Chantal is often in nature, writing poetry, playing ball hockey and hanging out with her loved ones.

Each week, Chantal writes a blog article in response to issues she hears from the parents and teens she connects with.

If you have something you’d like to read more on – email ideas and questions to info@pyramidpsychology.com or DM us via Instagram or Facebook.

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