22 Feb
Anxiety, Counselling, Emotions, For Parents, Self-Compassion

Why Does Self Harm Happen in Teens?

Self-harm among teenagers is a growing concern that many parents, caregivers, and educators struggle to understand. It can be alarming to discover that a teen is engaging in self-injury, and the immediate reaction is often fear, confusion, or even frustration. Therefore, many parents wonder, why does self harm happen in teens?
In effect, self-harm is not simply about seeking attention—it is a coping mechanism that signals deep emotional distress.

Why Does Self Harm Happen in Teens?

Self-harm, such as cutting, burning, or scratching, is often a response to overwhelming emotions. Additionally, while the reasons behind it can vary from person to person, common factors include:

  1. Emotional Distress & Regulation

Because of emotional distress, many teens use self-harm as a way to cope. So, they may not have the skills to express these feelings in a healthy way, and they turn to self-injury as a means of relief.

>>>>>>To download our self sooth kit for teens struggling with self harm: click here <<<<<<<<<<<

distressed teen

  1. A Sense of Control

In addition, for some- life can feel unpredictable and chaotic. Therefore, engaging in self-harm gives them a sense of control over their pain, especially when they feel powerless in other areas of their lives.

  1. Relief from Numbness

Surprisingly, some teens self-harm not because they feel too much but because they feel too little. Therefore, emotional numbness or dissociation can lead them to self-injury as a way to feel something—even if it is pain.

  1. Expression of Inner Pain

Also, teens who struggle to verbalize their emotions may use self-harm as a way to communicate their distress. Furthermore, it is often a silent cry for help rather than a deliberate attempt to seek attention.

  1. Peer Influence & Social Pressures

With the rise of social media, self-harm can sometimes be normalized within certain online communities. So, teens may be exposed to others engaging in self-injury and feel encouraged to do the same.

self harm group

  1. Underlying Mental Health Concerns

It is important to realize self-harm is often linked to conditions such as depression, anxiety, trauma, or borderline personality disorder. Therefore, addressing these root issues is key to helping a teen move toward healing.

>>>>>>To download our self sooth kit for teens struggling with self harm: click here <<<<<<<<<<<

How Can You Help Your Teen That is Self Harming?

In summary: if you suspect a teen in your life is self-harming, it is specifically crucial to respond with compassion rather than judgment. Here are some ways to support them:

  • Start the conversation – Let them know you are there to listen without pressure or criticism.
  • Encourage professional help – Therapy can provide teens with healthier coping mechanisms and emotional support.
  • Help them develop new skills – Journaling, art, mindfulness, and exercise are all positive outlets for emotional expression.
  • Create a safe environment – Reducing stress and providing reassurance can make a significant difference.

conversation

Seeking Support for Self Harm in Teens

Likewise, if your teen or someone you know is struggling with self-harm, and you’d like to dive further into why does self harm happen in teens- professional support can help them navigate these emotions in a safe and constructive way. Moreover, as a therapist specializing in adolescent mental health, I offer a compassionate and non-judgmental space where teens can explore their feelings, develop coping strategies, and begin their journey to healing.

With this in mind, you don’t have to go through this alone. Reach out today to schedule a session and take the first step toward understanding and support.

>>>To download our self sooth kit for teens struggling with self harm: click here <<<<<<<<<<<
For other blogs related to self harm: How to Handle When Your Teen Is Self Harming • Pyramid Psychology

 

About Chipo
Chipo is a Registered Social Worker with a Master’s in Clinical Social Work, providing compassionate and culturally competent therapy to teens, adults, and families. With advanced training in Trauma-Informed Therapy, Narrative Therapy, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT), Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), and Mindfulness, Chipo helps clients address a range of challenges, including anxiety, depression, trauma, grief, and life transitions.
Through a trauma-informed, anti-oppressive, and intersectional lens, Chipo creates a safe and inclusive environment where each client feels genuinely heard and understood. To book a session with Chipo click here

11 Feb
Emotions, For Parents, parenting teens

Helping Your Teen Build Friendships

Helping Your Teen Build Healthy Friendships: The Power of Perspective-Taking

Parenting a teen girl is like navigating a constantly shifting landscape. One of the most valuable skills they can develop during this time is perspective-taking. The ability to see the larger picture beyond their experience.  Being that a teen’s nature is to be egocentric (focused on themselves) your support as a parent to model and ask curious questions goes a long way in helping your teen build friendships.

At this age, friendships and social interactions take center stage in their minds. So when challenges arise—whether it’s a difficult friendship, a social letdown, or a situation where you clearly see the red flags—it’s natural to want to protect them by pointing out the negatives. However, jumping into this often creates backfire. Moreover, your teen daughter might be even more sunk into the drama and the toxic friendship. Shifting the conversation to get curious about what qualities bring happiness and fulfillment can be a powerful tool. Also, it can work towards helping your teen build friendships.

How to Raise Unbreakable Teen Girls: A guide for parents wanting to raise confident, resilient young women in today’s world. CLICK HERE FOR FREE DOWNLOAD <<<

helping your teens build healthy friendships

The Power of Perspective to Help Your Teen Build Friendships

For example, highlighting why a particular friendship may not be serving them might not be beneficial. Instead, you can try inviting your teen into a different kind of reflection:

“Which friends bring you the most joy? Who do you feel good around most of the time?”

This subtle shift encourages them to observe their own emotional responses.  Therefore, it doesn’t focus on perceived external judgment about their friend choices. This also starts to fine tune their listening to their own internal guide for healthy relationships. So it’s no longer about saying, “This friend is bad for you” but rather, “You get to decide what makes a friendship fulfilling.”

Imagine your teen beginning to think:

“Friend A and B are both in my life. However, I feel positive emotions 90% of the time with Friend A, while with Friend B it’s only about 10% of the time. The 10% of frustrating moments with Friend A aren’t a dealbreaker because there’s a lot of good brought into my life. Moreover, if I only feel positive feelings around Friend B a small fraction of the time, maybe that’s not enough to outweigh the negativity.”

This kind of self-driven reflection leads to natural boundary-setting, rather than a parent-imposed rule of who to hang out with.

How to Raise Unbreakable Teen Girls: A guide for parents wanting to raise confident, resilient young women in today’s world. CLICK HERE FOR FREE DOWNLOAD <<<

Building the Muscle of Perspective-Taking

Being there for her in tough moments is invaluable so this is not about trying to see the bright side all the time or looking through rosy coloured glasses. This is about validating and being supporting WHILE helping broaden their lens to empower their growing perspective taking skills. 

Helping your teen daughter develop this mindset requires gentle, consistent practice. In addition, here are a few simple ways to reinforce perspective-taking in daily conversations:

Ask Curious Open-Ended Questions
Instead of focusing on the difficult aspects of relationships most of the time, encourage curiosity:

  • “What was the best part of your day today?”
  • “Who made you laugh the most?”
  • “What’s one moment you really appreciated?How to Raise Unbreakable Teen Girls: A guide for parents wanting to raise confident, resilient young women in today’s world. CLICK HERE FOR FREE DOWNLOAD <<<

helping your teen build healthy friendships

Shift the Narrative from Problems to Patterns

  • If they’re venting about a friendship, you can validate their feelings while guiding them toward a bigger picture:
    • “I can see why that was frustrating. Do you notice this happens a lot in this friendship, or was today just a tough moment?”
    • “Who in your life makes you feel the opposite of this?”

Encourage Reflection, Not Immediate Action

  • Teens don’t always need to act on an issue right away. Sometimes, a simmer to notice the pattern first is the next helpful step. A simple check-in like, “Let’s pay attention to what you notice and how it feels over the next couple of weeks,” can help them process things at their own pace, which can go a long way in helping your teen build friendships.

helping your teen build healthy friendships

Why Perspective-Taking Matters

Developing this skill is about more than just friendships. It’s about emotional regulation, resilience, and self-awareness—all key tools for navigating life’s challenges. The ability to step back and make intentional choices will serve your teen in school, relationships, and eventually, in adulthood.

And the best part? You don’t have to have all the answers.


Just by modeling this approach, validating their experiences, and redirecting the focus toward the relationships and experiences that bring them joy, you’re helping them develop the internal compass they’ll use for years to come.

What’s one small way you could practice perspective-taking today to work towards helping your teen build friendships? We’d love to hear what’s been working for you.

Further Reading

If you liked this blog, be sure to check out our other blogs about communicating with teens such as this one: The Power of Language to Communicate with Teens • Pyramid Psychology

About Chantal

helping your teen build healthy friendships

Hi! My name is Chantal.

I am a registered psychologist and teen coach working with teen girls around the globe (and their parents) to help them build Unbreakable Mindsets.

I was born in Ontario and raised in Alberta. As a result of my family encouraging us to speak French growing up (I didn’t always love it as a teen though!), I am bilingual. I love being close to the mountains and am in awe every time I see the beautiful landscapes. For now my RV is home and I offer virtual sessions.

 

21 Jan
Anxiety, Emotions, For Teens

What’s Your Learning Style?

To take the “What’s Your Learning Style” quiz in PDF format, click here

 

Exams, Finals, and Tests: The Ultimate Guide to Supporting Stressed Teens (and Staying Sane)

Exams and tests can feel like monumental events for teens, even though as a parent, you might see them as A STEP in the larger journey of life. Understanding why this phase feels so overwhelming—and how you can support your teen effectively—can help ease their stress and strengthen your connection.

Why do exams feel like a big deal to teens?  What happens in the brain when teens are stressed, and how do we help them navigate these moments? 

>>> FREE DOWNLOAD: Depression & Anxiety Toolkit for Parents Raising Teen Girls <<<

Why Exams Feel So Big to Teens

During the teenage years, the brain is in a phase of rapid growth and development, particularly in the prefrontal cortex—the part responsible for decision-making, impulse control, and understanding long-term consequences. Because this area isn’t fully developed, it means teens often feel like the stakes are incredibly high in the present moment.

Combine this with heightened emotions, peer pressure, and their own internal expectations, and it’s no wonder exams can feel like a “make or break” moment of their lives. As adults, we know that one test won’t define their future, but for teens, this perspective is harder to grasp fully.

>>> FREE DOWNLOAD: Depression & Anxiety Toolkit for Parents Raising Teen Girls <<<

What Happens in the Brain During Stress?

When teens experience stress, their brain activates the amygdala, the part responsible for the fight-flight-freeze response. This increases endorphins and cortisol- all those wonderful natural chemicals that prepare them to deal with a threat, which can make them feel anxious, irritable, or even panicked.

In this state, it’s harder to focus, retain information, and think clearly. So understanding this can help you approach their stress with more calm and empathy. 

>>> FREE DOWNLOAD: Depression & Anxiety Toolkit for Parents Raising Teen Girls <<<

3 Ways to Support Your Teen Through Exam Stress

1. Listen First, Fix Later

As much as you might want to jump in and encourage better study habits, the most impactful thing you can do is listen.

  • Ask questions like, “What’s feeling overwhelming right now?” or “What do you feel is putting the most pressure on you?”
  • Be curious about their expectations and what’s driving their stress.
  • Avoid minimizing their feelings. Instead, validate them by saying, “That does sound like a lot to handle right now.”

By creating space for them to express their worries, you show them that you’re in their corner, which can instantly relieve some of the weight they’re carrying

thinking learning style

  1. Take a Breath (Literally)

Teens don’t just learn from what we say—they absorb our emotional states too. This is called co-regulation. If you’re feeling calm, their nervous system picks up on that and starts to mirror it.

Before you respond to their stress, take a moment to breathe deeply and ground yourself. This simple act helps you model calmness and reinforces a sense of stability for your teen.

 

  1. Validate and Empathize

You may not know exactly what it feels like to be a 15-year-old girl about to write a social studies final today, but you do know what it’s like to feel stressed, overwhelmed, or misunderstood.

  • Acknowledge their feelings without judgment.
  • Maybe try, “I can see why this feels so big to you right now,” or “It makes sense that you’re feeling this way.”

Validation builds trust and shows them that you’re not dismissing their experience, even if you view it differently.

Practical Tips for Supporting Study Habits

Once you’ve connected emotionally, your teen might be more open to exploring with you ways to study effectively. 

Want to know more about your teens, dominant learning style, and how to best study accordingly?  Download our quiz and information on representational systems here. 

Here are a few ideas based on their dominant learning style:

>>> FREE DOWNLOAD: Depression & Anxiety Toolkit for Parents Raising Teen Girls <<<

Visual Learners

visual learning style

With this learning style teens can benefit from:

  • A clean, organized study space with minimal distractions.
  • Color-coded notes, diagrams, or flashcards.
  • Using mind maps to organize information.

Auditory Learners


With this learning style teens can benefit from:

  • Background music (without lyrics or the same song on repeat) to create a focused atmosphere.
    Reading notes out loud or recording themselves and playing it back.
  • Studying in a space where they can talk through concepts aloud.

Kinesthetic Learners

  • Using colorful pens and tactile materials like sticky notes.
  • Incorporating movement into studying, such as pacing while reviewing notes.
  • Writing and rewriting information to help it stick.

Helping Teens Find What Works

Many teens are still figuring out how they learn best. The traditional education system teaches for the masses, but learning is highly individualized. Encourage your teen to experiment with different methods and environments to discover what feels most effective for them.

For example, instead of long hours of studying, they might benefit from shorter, focused sessions with frequent breaks. Some teens benefit from a body double or studying with friends while others find that super distracting. 

Celebrate small wins, like when they retain information more easily or feel less stressed during a study session.

>>> FREE DOWNLOAD: Depression & Anxiety Toolkit for Parents Raising Teen Girls <<<

Shifting the Perspective

Exams might feel high-stakes for your teen, but they’re also opportunities for growth. With your support, they can start to see these moments as learning opportunities—not reflections of their worth.

By listening, staying calm, and helping them experiment with tools that work for them, you’re showing them that success isn’t about perfection. It’s about resilience, effort, and having trusted allies by their side.

With so much love,
Chantal

Note taking

 

 

 

 

 

 

To take the “what’s your learning style” quiz in PDF format, click here

Chantal Cote
I am a registered psychologist and teen coach working with teen girls around the globe (and their parents) to help them build Unbreakable Mindsets.

I was born in Ontario and raised in Alberta. As a result of my family encouraging us to speak French growing up (I didn’t always love it as a teen though!), I am bilingual. I love being close to the mountains and am in awe every time I see the beautiful landscapes. One day I might trade my winter jacket in for a bathing suit and a pair of flip flops, but for now Calgary is home.

I look at mental wellness as part of a Whole System. “After food comes mood” and “You’re the average of the five people you spend the most time with” are sayings that make a lot of sense to me. Therefore, when I work with teens, I collaborate with them to get a clear picture of how their lifestyle, experiences, and biological makeup influence how they feel every day. I also believe it is so important to mine for their strengths and resources. Bringing those to life for teen girls, results in them becoming their most resilient and confident selves.

I help teen girls who are struggling with their confidence, are feeling anxious, overwhelmed, or shut down a lot of the time, and want things to be different. Most certainly the struggle is affecting their self-image, their relationships, and so importantly their mental wellness.

Over the years, I have given myself permission to explore my creative side. I’m also drawn to physical fitness and sport and feel so at home in nature. I work really well with teens who have some creative connections (whether that’s drawing, painting, writing, acting, fashion, playing and making music, etc.). I also get the world of sport and connect well with teens who have an athletic side.

If you’re curious about the specialized areas of training I have:

  • Acceptance and Commitment Therapy
  • Expressive Arts Therapy
  • Compassion Focused Therapy
  • Trauma focused (through the expressive arts, progressive counting, trauma sensitive yoga, and narrative approaches)
  • Grief and Loss
  • Functional Family Therapy
  • Nutrition for Mental Health
  • Attachment based parenting
  • Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction (MBSR)
  • HeartMath

Chantal is registered for direct billing with the following insurance providers:

  • Canada Life
  • Manulife
  • Green Shield
  • Blue Cross
  • NIHB
  • Medavie Blue Cross
  • Lethbridge School Division benefits

Other insurance providers may have the option for reimbursement. Please check with your provider.

Confidence in Teen Girls, Raising Confident Teen Girls: How to Support Their Journey to Self-Worth
12 Jan
Anxiety, Confidence, Emotions, For Parents, Friendships, parenting teens, Relationships, Self-Compassion, Teen Joy

Raising Confident Teen Girls: How to Support Their Journey to Self-Worth

As a parent, few experiences are as heart-wrenching as seeing your teen daughter struggle to recognize the amazing qualities that shine so clearly to you. You see her brightness, kindness, and potential, but it can feel like an uphill battle as she grapples with self-doubt or emotional challenges. The more you focus on raising a confident teen girl and supporting her journey to self-worth, the easier navigating friendships, school, and life becomes—but teens (and all of us really!) require guidance to truly take root.

If your daughter is stuck in toxic friendships, constantly overthinking, or feeling paralyzed by the fear of disappointing others, know that these struggles are common. Thankfully, there are ways you can help her uncover her inner strength and build self-worth. Here’s how:

Cultivate Confidence by Acknowledging Her Challenges with Empathy

Many teen girls feel immense pressure to excel academically, socially, and personally. That pressure turns inward, leading to negative self-talk or, in some cases, harmful behaviors like self-harm when they feel overwhelmed. Your teen is likely struggling to know what to do with some of these feelings and unsure how to show herself some understanding and care. Creating a safe, judgment-free space allows her to open up and feel validated, a foundational step in cultivating confidence for teen girls.

>>> FREE DOWNLOAD: Depression & Anxiety Toolkit for Parents Raising Teen Girls <<<

Foster Positive Relationships

Friendships are central to a teen girl’s world, yet not all relationships are created equal. Toxic friendships can zap her confidence leaving her feeling isolated or anxious. Help her start to distinguish between supportive and harmful relationships by discussing what mutual respect, trust, and encouragement look like. Use real-life examples or share shows/movies that you think illustrate some of these qualities. Understanding the importance of boundaries and how to set them is a powerful skills to help her step away from unhealthy connections. Instead, building supportive friendships to significantly boost your teen’s confidence.

Have a look at our Blog on 3 Questions for Parents to Ask About Teen Boundaries.

two teen girls talking teen friendships

Photo by Andrea Tummons on Unsplash

Guide Her to Focus on the Present

Teens often get caught in a whirlwind of future-focused worries, whether it’s about upcoming tests, college, or social expectations. These anxieties can overshadow the experiences of the moment. Being future-focused all the time is also disorienting resulting in exhaustion and lack of motivation. Whenever you can introduce a present moment invitation, it’s an investment in her well-being. These can be simple like- when you’re cooking something, calling her over “come smell this”,  as your driving in the car together “look at mountains today”, introduce a new song to her “listen to this, I’m curious what you think”, or even asking the question “did you notice….?” can encourage more presence. Encouraging her to celebrate small victories or journal daily gratitudes can also help her reconnect with the present. Learning to anchor herself in the moment is essential for confidence-building.

Model Kindness Toward Yourself to Build Confidence From Within

Your daughter is constantly learning from how you navigate your own challenges. This is no easy task and it’s an ongoing journey. If she sees you celebrating wins, making self-care a priority, and respecting yourself, she will likely replicate those behaviors. Don’t forget to model a little self-compassion in there by showing grace for your mistakes, prioritizing your mental health, and setting boundaries. Explain that treating yourself with kindness is essential—not optional—and it’s a practice that builds confidence from within.

Equip Her with Confidence Coping Tools

I see parents get really good as problem solving. They have tons of ideas and solutions ready to fire off when their teen comes to them. But rather than solving problems for her, you will have a far more positive impact if you empower her to handle challenges independently. Teach practical skills like assertive communication, emotional regulation, and problem-solving. You might ask her “what’s one small step you could take to address this?”, “what’s your gut telling you?”, “what have you tried?”, “what do you think will happen if you try A?”-  More questions to develop problem solving questions here. Helping her find her own solutions builds both confidence and resilience, paving the way for long-term emotional strength.

>>> FREE DOWNLOAD: Depression & Anxiety Toolkit for Parents Raising Teen Girls <<<

teen confidence, parent communicating with teen, support, showing how to problem solve independently

Photo by sofatutor on Unsplash

Encourage External Support When Needed

Raising confident teen girls, while supporting their journey to self-worth sometimes requires us to seek guidance outside the family. Whether it’s a trusted mentor, school counsellor, professional coach, or mental health therapist, having a neutral third party to turn to can make a profound difference. Reassure her that seeking support is a sign of strength and courage, not weakness.

Discover THP: Helping Teen Girls Confidence Thrive

If your daughter is navigating self-doubt, struggling with friendships, or feeling overwhelmed by life’s demands, the Teen Happiness Pill (THP) program can provide the support she needs. THP is a transformative 6-week program for teen girls (ages 12-18) designed to help them move beyond anxiety and overwhelm into a space of confidence and empowerment. Through engaging activities and community support, THP helps participants:

  • Cultivate resilience and self-worth.
  • Build positive, healthy friendships.
  • Manage stress effectively and reduce overthinking.
  • Develop self-compassion and a growth mindset.

This program is available both in-person in YYC and online worldwide, ensuring flexibility and accessibility. With small group sizes, teens receive personalized attention while connecting with peers who understand their struggles. Each week, the program incorporates a unique wellness theme, including a fitness component that helps boost both physical and mental strength.

As a parent, you want to give your daughter every opportunity to thrive. By supporting her participation in THP, you can help her unlock her potential and gain the confidence to navigate life’s challenges with courage and grace.

Learn more about THP and enroll your teen today. Together, let’s help her discover the incredible qualities you’ve always known she possesses.

Resilient teen girls, teen wellness, overcoming anxiety, teen group for anxiety, raising confidence and self-esteem, the happiness pill confidence group

Photo by Canva Pro

                                  

 

 

 

 

About Me

Psychologist Teen Life Coach

Chantal Côté, Registered Psychologist & Teen Life Coach

Hi! My name is Chantal.

I am a registered psychologist and teen coach working with teen girls around the globe (and their parents) to help them build Unbreakable Mindsets.

I was born in Ontario and raised in Alberta. As a result of my family encouraging us to speak French growing up (I didn’t always love it as a teen though!), I am bilingual. I love being close to the mountains and am in awe every time I see the beautiful landscapes. One day I might trade my winter jacket in for a bathing suit and a pair of flip flops, but for now Calgary is home.

I look at mental wellness as part of a Whole System. “After food comes mood” and “You’re the average of the five people you spend the most time with” are sayings that make a lot of sense to me. Therefore, when I work with teens, I collaborate with them to get a clear picture of how their lifestyle, experiences, and biological makeup influence how they feel every day. I also believe it is so important to mine for their strengths and resources. Bringing those to life for teen girls, results in them becoming their most resilient and confident selves.

I help teen girls who are struggling with their confidence, are feeling anxious, overwhelmed, or shut down a lot of the time, and want things to be different. Most certainly the struggle is affecting their self-image, their relationships, and so importantly their mental wellness.

Over the years, I have given myself permission to explore my creative side. I’m also drawn to physical fitness and sport and feel so at home in nature. I work really well with teens who have some creative connections (whether that’s drawing, painting, writing, acting, fashion, playing and making music, etc.). I also get the world of sport and connect well with teens who have an athletic side.

This Article: “Raising Confident Teen Girls: How to Support Their Journey to Self-Worth” was written by: CHANTAL | Pyramid Psychology

05 Dec
Uncategorized

How Wearing Star Spangled Glasses Can Help Teens Clean and Improve their Grades

As a psychologist and teen life coach, I have some of the best conversations with teens every day! They are sometimes raw and full of emotion. They are witty and contradictory and they are also some of the most hilarious conversations I have ever had, such as how wearing glasses can help teens clean 🙂 

I wish I could record every one of my sessions to disperse the insights, reflections, and Ah-ha wisdom that comes from these conversations. Other than that being HIGHLY unethical lol, there is something pretty sacred that happens in the space when a teen is able to be vulnerable and share their truth with someone they feel will not judge or jump to solve what’s going on for them.

What do star spangled glasses have to do with clean rooms and better grades?

Let me tell you a story about the power of perspective.

>>> FREE DOWNLOAD: Depression & Anxiety Toolkit for Parents Raising Teen Girls <<<

10 tools you can immediately use to improve your female identifying teens’ mental health & build resistance against depression & anxiety

Once upon a time, there was a young girl whose grandmother had asked her to clean up her art supplies.

This young girl was so creative and loved to paint.

She painted faces and landscapes non-stop. She painted using acrylics and watercolors. And when she painted, she lost track of time and her surroundings (a few spilt paint bottles and water later). She loved to paint so much that most of her clothes had little bits of Startling Orange, Snugglepuss Purple, and Hazy Blue clinging to the fabric wash after wash.  

This young girl felt at peace when she painted and couldn’t wait for another moment to cover a canvas with her creations.

Her grandmother had been looking after her ever since her mom died two years before. She loved her granddaughter so much and saw much of her own daughter when she looked at her.

But she had not had a teenager in her home in a long time and the loud daily chat with friends, dirty dishes and cosmetology bar where there was once a bathroom, were a challenge at times. 

Requests to clean up were often met with “I will” only to ask again in an hour or the next day. 

This sunny afternoon, grandma had guests coming to visit and there was no question about having canvases and paint all over the dining room table. After having asked for the third time, she sternly said, “either you clean up now or all of your paint supplies will be going into the trash”. This angered the young girl, who stormed off to her room. 

>>> FREE DOWNLOAD: Depression & Anxiety Toolkit for Parents Raising Teen Girls <<<

10 tools you can immediately use to improve your female identifying teens’ mental health & build resistance against depression & anxiety

After a few moments, grandma decided to give it another try, maybe explaining why it was important for it to be done now would help. As she walked down the hall towards the girl’s bedroom, she passed a box of her daughter’s things as she did many times each day. But this day, a little glimmer caught her eye. She bent down to see what was shining underneath the college degree certificate to find a bedazzled pair of star spangled sunglasses with tinted blue shades. Perhaps wearing glasses could help teens clean?..

She remembered buying these for her daughter during a trip to Montana when she was just a little younger than her granddaughter was now. She smiled at the memory. It softened her heart. She clung to the glasses as the bedroom door opened. A stormy teenager emerged “I’m going to clean it now” she muttered as she passed her grandmother. 

As the teen stood by the dining room table about to pick up the first canvas, grandma slid the glasses across the table and said “wear these to clean”. The young girl grimaced at the ridiculous shades in front of her and popped there on her face almost to say “There! Are you happy?”.  

Standing off in a moment of silence, the two broke out into laughter. The words barely came rolling out- “You’ll be able to …. clean…. so … much better this way!”. …. “I ….look….great…. don’t….I?”

The art supplies were cleaned and the inside joke birthed. Any time the young girl faced a boring task or lacked motivation, the invitation to put on the special lenses was suggested and the mere thought of it made her smile and brought a little play to the mundane. 

It’s all a matter of perspective – perhaps wearing glasses could help teens clean.

>>> FREE DOWNLOAD: Depression & Anxiety Toolkit for Parents Raising Teen Girls <<<

10 tools you can immediately use to improve your female identifying teens’ mental health & build resistance against depression & anxiety

Inspired by some special teens in my world. 

With love, 

Chantal

Chantal is a registered psychologist and teen coach working with teen girls around the globe (and their parents) to help them build Unbreakable Mindsets. She helps teen girls who are struggling with their confidence, are feeling anxious, overwhelmed, or shut down a lot of the time, and want things to be different. Most certainly the struggle is affecting their self-image, their relationships, and so importantly their mental wellness. She specializes in:

  • Acceptance and Commitment Therapy
  • Expressive Arts Therapy
  • Compassion Focused Therapy
  • Trauma focused (through the expressive arts, progressive counting, trauma sensitive yoga, and narrative approaches)
  • Grief and Loss
  • Functional Family Therapy
  • Nutrition for Mental Health
  • Attachment based parenting
  • Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction (MBSR)
  • HeartMath

To book with Chantal: BOOK HERE

19 Nov
Uncategorized

How to Handle When Your Teen Is Self Harming

Many of the teens I work with have used self-harm as a coping behaviour. Teens sometimes feel full of emotions and thoughts and don’t know who to turn to or how to express them. They might try a range of coping behaviours and sometimes feel like self-harm is one that gives some temporary relief. Like with any coping strategy, there are those that are more effective, those that are less effective, and they all have some tradeoffs (aka consequences). It can be terrifying for parents who discover this and feel unsure of how to help with their teens’ pain and suffering, so it is very beneficial for parents to know how to handle when their teen is self harming.

If you are a concerned parent of a teen who is self-injuring, this information will share some of the what’s, the why’s, and the how’s behind self harming.

WHAT IS SELF-INJURY AND SELF-HARM?

Self-harm and self-injury can be used interchangeably and they are behaviours such as cutting, hitting, scratching, pulling out hair, punching hard objects, etc. that cause injury to one’s body in some way. This is different from participating in a high risk activity that may cause self-injury in that the purpose of self-harming behaviours are to cope with psychological/emotional pain, numbness and overwhelm.

>>> FREE DOWNLOAD: Depression & Anxiety Toolkit for Parents Raising Teen Girls <<<

10 tools you can immediately use to improve your female identifying teens’ mental health & build resistance against depression & anxiety:

WHY DO PEOPLE SELF-HARM?

We know that self-harming behaviours are used as a coping method to deal with psychological and emotional suffering. Some teens know what thoughts, emotions, and situations trigger the urges to self-harm, others are less aware, or less able to articulate. Feeling numb or void of sensation can also lead to self-injuring behaviour. Sometimes parents will ask me, “is my teen doing this to get attention?”. The short answer is: Yes. But not attention in the way of “look at me” but more so as a plea for support or a way of saying “I’m really struggling right now and I’m not sure how to deal with these emotions/thoughts”. 

Parents have also asked me if this means their teen is thinking of suicide. A lot of the time suicide is not the desired outcome. Teens who are self-harming may also have thoughts of suicide, but the self-harming behaviour is not usually intended as a lethal means. 

>>> FREE DOWNLOAD: Depression & Anxiety Toolkit for Parents Raising Teen Girls <<<

10 tools you can immediately use to improve your female identifying teens’ mental health & build resistance against depression & anxiety

In short, self-harming behaviours are often used as a way to get relief in managing emotional and psychological pain of sorts. Whether it is to numb, express, or release pain or a way of gaining a sense of control over emotional overwhelm. With that being said, nobody knows better than your teen about what their experience is and what is leading them to self-harm, so approaching them with care, compassion and curiosity is the best way to understand. 

 

Some of the tradeoffs (or consequences) of self-harm as a coping method is that it provides temporary relief, meaning the psychological and emotional pain comes back and sometimes with a vengeance, which keeps a person in a cycle of self-harm. Also, physiologically there is a release of neurotransmitters and endorphins that are linked to that sense of relief. The more a person engages in self-harming behaviours, the more the body habituates and people tend to do it more in order to get the same physiological response.  This means higher risk in the behaviour which can lead to more dangerous outcomes and unwanted consequences (e.g. infection, scarring, etc.)

HOW YOU CAN HELP WHEN YOUR TEEN IS SELF-HARMING?

The first thing is to take it seriously. The sooner you can respond with caring, compassion, and curiosity, the quicker you can turn around this coping strategy. If your teen is scraping their legs or rubbing themselves really hard in response to a situation, this still warrants your attention. You can help early on and avoid the behaviours from escalating. 

 

Responding with caring, compassion, and curiosity can include: 

  • Letting your teen know you have noticed the behaviour
  • Letting your teen know you love them no matter what 
  • Letting your teen know you are there to support 
  • Letting your teen know you are concerned
  • Letting your teen know they do not have to feel shame about this but it is important to get some help and get to the root cause
  • Letting your teen know you are there for them and want to help
  • Letting your teen know a therapist or trained coach can be additional resources
  • Asking your teen to tell you about what is leading to the behaviour
  • Asking your teen about what’s going on in their world, what’s going well, what’s feeling heavy, etc. 
  • Asking your teen about what they’re enjoying these days and what’s annoying them

>>> FREE DOWNLOAD: Depression & Anxiety Toolkit for Parents Raising Teen Girls <<<

10 tools you can immediately use to improve your female identifying teens’ mental health & build resistance against depression & anxiety:

Coming up with a plan (with your teen) to help them stay safe and reduce the risk of self-harm is an important step in how to handle when your teen is self harming. Consider bridging a professional into this conversation if it makes sense for your family.

 

Try the TTURN acronym to help TTURN things around. 

When I feel _______________________________ and I have the urge to self-harm, I can: 

 

T – Tell a trusted adult 

(have your teen name 1+ adults they can talk to if they have the urge to self-harm, e.g. parent, teacher, coach, relative, etc.)

T – Tag your triggers 

(ask about things, people, situations, thoughts, and emotions that increase the urge to self-harm)

U – Up your self-care 

(have your teen collaborate on a list of things they enjoy doing or people that bring them comfort, e.g. reading, listening to music, going for tea, hugs, doing their hair, exercising, hanging out with friends, etc.)

R – Replacement behaviours 

(understanding why your teen is using self-harming behaviours will help you come up with alternative behaviours that have less risky consequences. For example, if it is about numbing pain which releases endorphins, look at some behaviours that release endorphins such as, exercising, punching a pillow, eating dark chocolate, laughing, etc.)

N – Negotiating Harm Reduction 

(come up with ways to reduce the risk such as making sharp objects less accessible, having them paint or draw on the body parts instead of injuring, using rubber bands or ice instead of sharp objects, etc.)​

 

You don’t have to go at this alone. Working with a therapist or trained coach for additional support can be super helpful for you to handle when your teen is self harming. The root cause of self-harming behaviours may be related to managing feelings such as anxiety, fear, stress, anger, depression etc. It may also be related to larger mental health concerns or a lack of coping tools and strategies. A therapist can work alongside your teen (and your family as needed) to help them develop other strategies and offer them a safe place to express their thoughts and emotions.

 

Information is empowering. If you found this helpful, pass it on by emailing it to a friend or sharing it on your socials- Thanks!

 

With love, 

Chantal with Pyramid Psychology 

Helping Teen Girls Build Unbreakable Mindsets

www.pyramidpsychology.com

 

 

Chantal is a registered psychologist and teen coach working with teen girls around the globe (and their parents) to help them build Unbreakable Mindsets. She helps teen girls who are struggling with their confidence, are feeling anxious, overwhelmed, or shut down a lot of the time, and want things to be different. Most certainly the struggle is affecting their self-image, their relationships, and so importantly their mental wellness. She specializes in:

  • Acceptance and Commitment Therapy
  • Expressive Arts Therapy
  • Compassion Focused Therapy
  • Trauma focused (through the expressive arts, progressive counting, trauma sensitive yoga, and narrative approaches)
  • Grief and Loss
  • Functional Family Therapy
  • Nutrition for Mental Health
  • Attachment based parenting
  • Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction (MBSR)
  • HeartMath

To book with Chantal: BOOK HERE

27 Sep
Uncategorized

Why should I choose coaching over therapy?

There is a lot of misconception and confusion out there surrounding life coaching and traditional psychotherapy. Many people are not sure what life coaching even is- they may have never heard of it. Some people think it’s something to do with getting fitness or health expert advice, some think it’s really just therapy in disguise with someone that may not be licensed, and the list goes on. Traditional psychotherapy is certainly a very popular option (and probably the default option) for most people out there. You have a problem, you talk to a therapist who helps you work through the issue, you feel better. But have you considered that there may be something out there that is even more refined to suit your needs and could help you progress further than you had initially thought?

This is where life coaching comes in.

While traditional psychotherapy can certainly be necessary and needed, it’s not a one-size-fits-all solution; and sometimes it can be better to branch off and explore different avenues for healing. The two can certainly be done at the same time, and sometimes coaching actually cannot even commence until psychotherapy has taken place. It depends on the client, and the situation. A good example of a client who may require both a therapist and a coach could be: a teen that may have gone through a traumatic event, now suffers from many symptoms of PTSD, and her sense of self worth and confidence is so low that she does not feel motivated anymore- but her goal was to be able to speak publicly in front of a large audience.

Therapy can be much more beneficial in treating mental health conditions (including depression, anxiety, PTSD, etc) and focusing on working through that to help bring clients to a healthy and functioning level.

Coaching can be thought of as an action-oriented healing modality where the client is already at a functioning level, but wants to progress much further in life than where they are now. It can be thought of as more focused on the future, where therapy can be focused more on the past. There may be stuck points that coaching clients also need to work through, and a life coach can certainly help with that. Perhaps the client is able to function in their day-to-day tasks, but inside feels disempowered and not living their full potential. Maybe they are limiting themselves, or not even sure of what step to take next in life. These are all things a life coach can dive into with you. Life coaches can help you perform better mentally and emotionally. They can help you work through emotional discomfort and achieve your goals.

A life coach will assess you and your needs and determine if they can assist you with their services. If not, they will refer you to a therapist or another healer that would be more suitable. It is important to note that life coaches are not medical professionals and cannot diagnose or treat mental health conditions. 

However, a big benefit to life coaching is that coaches can meet with anyone, anywhere. Therapists are only able to meet with clients in the province where they live and practice therapy.

There are certainly some crossovers and similarities between therapy and life coaching.

The main thing is that both therapists and coaches share a common goal, and that is to see you succeed! We want to help you better yourself, so you can build a bulletproof mindset and thrive.

If you’ve made it this far and think that coaching is more in alignment with your needs- click here to book a consultation (offered in English or Spanish) with our Teen Life Coach, Kari:

Book Online | Pyramid Psychology (janeapp.com)

19 Sep
Uncategorized

Why Teen Girls Will Love The Happiness Pill 

Navigating the teen years can be one of the most challenging yet rewarding experiences for both you and your daughter. If you’re looking for a way to support her in building confidence, resilience, and supportive connections during this important time, let me introduce you to The Happiness Pill (THP)—our signature 6-week support group coaching program for teens.

Here’s why The Happiness Pill support group coaching program for teens could be exactly what your daughter needs to thrive this start of the school year:

1. Discover Inner Strengths

The Happiness Pill is all about helping your teen daughter uncover and embrace her own inner strengths. We are not teaching girls passively, we are engaging them in activities, simple reflective art, games, and discussions about real topics they face every day.

be strong confident support group coaching for teens

2. Build Meaningful Friendships

One of the greatest gifts of The Happiness Pill is the opportunity for your teen to connect with other teen girls who are on similar journeys. Our program is all about creating a safe, welcoming, and supportive community where she can build lasting connections with peers who understand and support her. 

3. Enjoy a Fun and Engaging Experience

We believe that personal growth doesn’t have to be dull. That’s why The Happiness Pill support group coaching program for teens blends learning with fun. From creative art activities to interactive games and lively group discussions, the program is designed to make the process of self-discovery enjoyable and dynamic. Your daughter will look forward to each session and leave feeling things like calm, inspired and uplifted.

confident girl

4. Practical Tools for Everyday Life

The Happiness Pill isn’t just about talk; it’s about equipping your teen daughter with practical tools she can use in her daily life. She’ll learn mindfulness techniques, self-care strategies, and coping skills that help manage stress and boost her mood. These practical skills will not only enhance her well-being but also prepare her for future challenges with a healthier mindset.

5. Step into Her Best Self

Our goal with The Happiness Pill is to help your daughter become the most confident and resilient version of herself. Gaining tools and practicing the mindset needed to grow healthy relationships to self, others, and her environment. It’s all about helping her shine brightly and embracing her full potential.

masterclass

6. Parent Masterclasses for Extra Support

We understand that supporting your teen daughter’s journey is just as important as the program itself. That’s why we offer weekly Parent Masterclasses alongside The Happiness Pill. These masterclasses are designed to provide you with insights and strategies to better support your daughter’s growth and well-being. You’ll gain a deeper understanding of the program’s content and learn how to reinforce its benefits at home, creating a nurturing environment that supports her development. As well as being able to celebrate the wonderful things you are already doing as a parent! 

If you’re interested in learning more about how this program can make a difference in your daughter’s life, or if you’re ready to enroll, check out this link. Together, let’s empower your daughter to embrace her potential, thrive with confidence, and create a joyful and fulfilling future.

With so much love and gratitude, 

 

Chantal and the Pyramid Psychology Team. 

10 Sep
Uncategorized

The Power of Language to Communicate with Teens

Language is powerful. The words we use with our teens can shape their self-esteem, influence
their decisions, and either strengthen or strain our relationships with them. As a parent, the way
you  use language to communicate with teens matters more than you might realize.

1. Words Have Impact

Imagine telling your teen, “You are getting fat.” While you might intend to motivate them to be
healthier, these words can damage their self-esteem and lead to long-term issues with body
image. Instead, try using the language, “Let’s focus on being healthy together.” This shifts the communication
to positive action without shaming.

2. Listening Over Lecturing

Teens often feel misunderstood, which can lead to shutting down or acting out. Instead of
lecturing, try active listening. When your teen communicates something, listen fully before responding.
This simple act shows that you value their thoughts and feelings, making them more likely to
open up in the future.

3. Validate Their Feelings

If your teen says, “I hate school,” the natural response might be to dismiss it with, “You have to
go; it’s important.” But validating their feelings and changing the language—“I hear that you’re frustrated; let’s talk about what’s bothering you”—can open up a productive dialogue and help you understand what they’re truly experiencing.

4. Stay Calm During Conflict

During arguments, it’s easy to let emotions take over and say things we don’t mean. Instead, try
taking a deep breath and responding calmly. For example, if your teen says, “You never
understand me,” instead of reacting defensively, you might respond with, “I want to understand;
let’s figure this out together.”

Why This Matters

Positive communication builds trust, promotes emotional well-being, and strengthens your
relationship with your teen. It’s not just about avoiding negative language but actively choosing
words that encourage, support, and uplift.

A Personal Note

As a mental health therapist with a Master’s in Social Work (clinical specialization), I’ve seen
how the right words can make all the difference in a parent-teen relationship. If you’re struggling
to connect with your teen, I’m here to help.

Taking New Clients

If you’re ready to improve the way you use language to communicate and strengthen your relationship with your teen, I’m currently accepting new clients. Let’s work together to create a more open and supportive family dynamic.
Chipo Bvindi
To book a session with Chipo please click here:
 
02 Jul
Uncategorized

Anxiety and Tests, How to Cope?

 

Well, it looks like it is that time of year again! End of a school year. And you know what that means, right? Tests! Lots of tests. The unfortunate reality of tests is the dreaded test anxiety that can sometimes go with it. But its ok, we know how to help you cope!
Most often test anxiety is produced by the apprehension and pressure to do well on an evaluation. Test anxiety can show up in both physical (fight or flight) and mental (worry about information recall). However, some anxiety is normal and can help one in a test while for others it can be debilitating. So, what can we do as parents to help support that test anxiety?
Well, step one: talk about the test with your teen, what is causing worry? Perhaps it’s the material, maybe it’s the setting? Has your student studied the material; do they understand it? Talk about the worry, talking about it can help it become much smaller. Here are some other tips parents can use to help their teen with test anxiety and help them crush their goals.
Visualize the test day, what does your student need to have to be prepared, have them imagine walking into the test and feeling positive and prepared to write it. Talk about the test with them and go through how they want the test to be, and how they want the outcome result to be.
Talk about rational expectations. If your teen has not been present in class or is missing key components, they might not be able to get the grades they wish for. And that is ok, try to work through any catastrophizing thoughts they may have, and discuss the reality of the situation.
Mindfulness is a good strategy for how to cope with stress during tests. Talk about being in the present moment with your teen, especially when they begin to feel overly anxious. Focus on one task at a time. Stay in the moment and with each thought that appears don’t judge it, just recognize that it is just a thought and let it go.


Practice replacing negative self-talk with more rational thoughts. Take a moment to acknowledge how far you have come and give yourself praise.
Name your test anxiety, naming it creates the idea that it exists outside of yourself, putting distance to the uncomfortable thought.
Self-care, acknowledge that this time will pass. Plan something to look forward to do after the test.

anxiety stress coping tests
Celebrate those small achievements, congratulate them on trying. Celebrate that they did something that was hard and uncomfortable.
As parents we really want to focus on the basics here as well, good sleep hygiene, a healthy diet, and the inclusion of some moderate to light exercise to keep healthy. Look at other stressors in your teens life and look to reduce anything for a bit to help take some of the pressure off.

I hope that some of these ideas, and skills can help you parents work with your teens through some of these big academic challenges so that they can cope with stress and anxiety during tests. I know June can be a busy time for parents, and kids alike. If you would like any further support, please contact us here at Pyramid Psychology and we would be happy to help.

Guided meditation for test anxiety
https://youtu.be/AtF0T2fPvbI

>>> FREE DOWNLOAD: Depression & Anxiety Toolkit for Parents Raising Teen Girls <<<

10 tools you can immediately use to improve your female identifying teens’ mental health & build resistance against depression & anxiety:

 

 

This topic came up from one of our parents, who suggested that kids are being ‘bubble wrapped’ these days. I started to think about what this really means and how this could be the perception from some adults. I wanted to address what this could possibly means and look like. As a parent and someone who works with youth, I think that the mentality of them being bubble wrapped may be coming from a place of diverse experiences from ourselves as parents and what our kids are experiencing. I know when I look at my childhood experiences and life compared to what my kids have and their experiences, there is a big disparity. The world has changed and is continuing to do so at a rapid rate. Some differences I have noticed, well social media and access to knowledge is huge. There is a period of possible trauma during covid…
A lot of homes have dual income parents leaving a lot of kiddos with time to themselves. Parents wanting to keep up with what their kids want and what expectations are perceived through society.
So, what do we do as parents, how to we help our kiddos to see the world and experience life without wearing rose colored glasses.
 I think that as parents having our kids involved in finances is a big life learning
experience. Let them know what some of the bills are, and rent.
 Let them fail, as humans we learn through practice and trying things that ultimately
don’t work all the time, celebrate the fact for trying and normalize failures.

exam stress test anxiety coping
 Encourage new experiences, friends.anxiety stress coping tests
 Give them more responsibilities, what can they do to help themselves and the family
out. Can they make dinner for a night, are they maintaining certain areas of the house?

Raising teens is not easy, and the world can be a tough hard place for even the strongest of individuals. Learning about ourselves is a constant process. By taking some time for yourself as a parent and stepping back at how you communicate with your teen can be a useful way to look at how you’re connecting with your teen. I know sometimes I hear my parents when I am parenting, and I need to ask if this is what I am in line with or if this a learned way of thinking?
I hope that this can help some parents gain some insight and perspective into helping your teens learn to navigate the world. There is a lot out there to offer and I know your teens have so much to offer the world. Let’s help them get out there and live more experiences!

 

Tara Aldie

 

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