15 Sep

How to Build Community After Trauma – A Story for Teen Girls

November 14, 2023
By admin

How to Build Community After Trauma – A Story for Teen Girls

When I think of the importance of community after trauma, the saying “no man is an island” comes to mind…. Ever heard it? I have a couple of times…

And as a result of my own pain, suffering, trauma, and fear of being hurt I mastered the art of avoiding to share my personal struggles with others.

>>> FREE DOWNLOAD: Mental Health Handbook for Teen Girls <<<

An eBook with 10 mental health exercises every teen girl needs to know to:

Improve focus

Boost happy hormones naturally

Cope with trick feelings

Develop self-compassion

I Want the Handbook!

Yep. I ensured I looked like “I had it together”. This was not your typical act or performance. Rather, it was embroiled in my veins…. Be the emotional tool box for every other human being, don’t be vulnerable. It’s for the weak and if you are, what if you get hurt again.

Therapist discovering community after trauma

Chipo Bvindi, Register Social Worker supporting teens in YYC

Yes, that is a negotiation, I ensured I made, proactively and also at the end of the day resented people for always coming to me with their struggles, although this is what I wanted. I had a savior mentality, made me feel safe… I could save others, such that my own personal struggles had somewhere to lean on for support. By attending to other people’s needs, I DIDN’T HAVE TO DEAL WITH MY OWN… my own struggles with fear of abandonment…. Not only was this a maladaptive behavior, but it was killing me softly… as I held my own trauma within my body, faking it till you made it.

It wasn’t until one day my therapist was like what if you did try and test the waters… you don’t have to open up your whole being to everyone… you could share just bits of pieces and see how that goes… and maybe it might be time to renegotiate what your relationships should like moving forward.

You see, the thing is avoidance does not help at all. It keeps you stuck with rigidity and in the past… and it escalates situations as avoidance allows us to not delay with things that can later on become bigger problems. I cannot do life on my own, neither am I an island, avoiding to be hurt will not prevent me from being hurt anyways, I can learn.

Plus avoiding relationships in which there is reciprocity and vulnerability prevents me from healing… as on is isolated, alone and lonely…. No one knows what you are going through except you. And usually when we are alone that’s often the time our minds play “Yeah bet” lets overthink and it becomes a vicious cycle… where we cannot generate external perspective on situations affecting us. Avoiding relationships will not help you grow, rather we can make a conscious decision of being able to choose relationships that are healthy for us and meet our needs and speak to our values.

I also realized, that not everyone is out to get me, and when I do share and do not get the response or desired outcome, that is a learning for

Chipo Bvindi, Register Social Worker supporting teens in YYC

me. Not everyone has the capacity to help or respond empathetically and that’s okay. From there we can chose on how to proceed.

As I started to open up more and just be my authentic self… I felt lighter in my body, in my mind. I realized what I was missing, a sense of community, and a sense of belonging. That a problem shared, is a problem half solved. Nothing is greater than being listened to, to understand and being supported in the best way possible. Community care and social support is important, trust me. Nothing sucks more than doing life alone and for the record loneliness and isolation have been researched to lead to an increased risk of premature mortality.

Get out there and find your tribe; your community after trauma. You will never regret it. My goal this year is to be intentional and content with my friendships. Avoiding relationships will not help you know who is healthy for you… you can learn to choose people who are health for you. Building walls will not help you accomplish that. Healthy relationships are possible if you open yourself up to that process and responsibility it takes.

If you feel this journey is much too scary to do alone, as I did, you are welcome to seek support with me. I offer private therapy for teen girls ages 11-21 in Alberta. I work specifically on accepting yourself as a whole person as you find community after trauma.

Book a free consultation with me HERE.

(If you’re nervous, read our blog: “Everything You Need to Know About Therapy“.)

Love,

Chipo

Register Social Worker offering counseling for female identifying teens (11-21 years old)

>>> FREE DOWNLOAD: Mental Health Handbook for Teen Girls <<<

An eBook with 10 mental health exercises every teen girl needs to know to:

Improve focus

Boost happy hormones naturally

Cope with trick feelings

Develop self-compassion

I Want the Handbook!

I am a registered social worker with a Bachelor of Social Work with a major in psychology from the university of the Western Cape, and a Master’s in Clinical Social Work specialization with individuals, families, and groups from the University of Calgary.

In my practice, I note the different intersectionality’s that come into play, and I have adapted myself to understanding the effects thereof. I pride myself in working from a holistic and integrative approach using trauma-informed, anti-oppressive, and intersectional lenses in rendering services.

I am grounded by embracing my full humanness-being imperfectly perfect. My faith, family and friendships carry me through life and its happenings. I find being in nature very healing and so is savouring moments. When not working, I love to engage in some fitness, going on walks, journaling, catching up on Korean series, city adventures and reading for pleasure. I also believe in allowing my inner child come out sometimes through art, dancing, building sand castles you name it.

08 Sep

Anxiety, Emotions, For Teens

A Guide to Self-Compassion for Teen Girls

November 14, 2023
By admin

A Guide to Self-Compassion for Teen Girls

Have you realized that being compassionate and accepting of others, their mistakes and their flaws is quite easy to do? But when it comes to us, we struggle with exercising self-compassion ourselves… Ever wondered where this comes from? Well, most of the time we hold ourselves to a higher standard, which at times costs us our humanity. To add, it could also be influenced by how we are raised, natured, and cared for, cultural, and traditional factors and systematic exclusions too. Here are some tips to help build self-compassion:

———

>>> FREE DOWNLOAD: Mental Health Handbook for Teen Girls <<<

An eBook with 10 mental health exercises every teen girl needs to know to:

Improve focus

Boost happy hormones naturally

Cope with trick feelings

Develop self-compassion

I Want the Handbook!

———

If you are struggling with self-compassion and feel stuck in a cycle of self-judgement and critique, ask yourself, how would you treat a friend in a similar situation? And then apply that response to your given situation. This allows you to learn and make room for mistakes, and at the end of the day, we are all human and you are not alone in being imperfect. As no one is. What could also help is making time for caring for yourself and your needs? Self-care could be of great help to engaging in self-compassion as viewing yourself as deserving of care and engaging in self-care practices allows you to note how self-compassion is also a crucial part of your human experience.

teen girl proud of herself as she builds self compassion

Photo by Alex McCarthy on Unsplash

Another tip would be to try to be more self-accepting of who you are and your own journey. Everyone is on their own unique path and how it lays out can be very different from our own. What difference would it make if you engaged in self-acceptance of your shortcomings, our critical self-talk and realized these elements do not make our whole existence and might actually take up about 1% of who we are? This can also allow one to focus on their strengths rather than weaknesses that do not define the overall you. We create space to discover what aligns and is important to us by letting go of what isn’t right or ours to carry. Self-acceptance allows us to accept things for what they are and hold space for emotions that come along. By paying attention to our emotions and feelings, we also master what they can be trying to tell us about what we really need in life and what is important to us.

Exercising mindfulness could do wonders for the self. This means allowing yourself to live in the present moment, and accepting things as they are. Mindfulness can be an important practice as it allows us to be present, as at times our inner critique is often at the forefront of our decisions, and who we are as people, and thus dictates the narrative we choose to believe. Practising mindfulness, allows us to be mindful of where our thoughts go to (sometimes to the past or future), which can result in us beating ourselves up, for things we cannot change or beyond our control. By practicing mindfulness, we allow the experience to be there as it is, examine what is going on, practice curiosity and attend to what to happening with mindfulness and care. As well as kindness.

Here are some guided meditations that you could use when trying to practice self-compassion-related mindfulness: https://self-compassion.org/category/exercises/

teen girl meditating as part of her self compassion practice

Photo by Imani Bahati on Unsplash

Self compassion is an up and down journey that takes time to work through. Most adults still aren’t all the way there! If you would like 1:1 support, but aren’t sure if therapy is a good option for you, read our blog:

4 Ways to Tell If Teen Therapy Is Right For You

We have several therapists you can get to know, and book a free consultation with, here:

BOOK A FREE CONSULTATION (for Alberta teens aged 11-21)

———

>>> FREE DOWNLOAD: Mental Health Handbook for Teen Girls <<<

An eBook with 10 mental health exercises every teen girl needs to know to:

Improve focus

Boost happy hormones naturally

Cope with trick feelings

Develop self-compassion

I Want the Handbook!

———

01 Sep

Anxiety, Emotions, For Parents, Teen Joy

The Impact of Test Pressure for Teen Girls

September 25, 2023
By admin

The Pressure on Teens to Achieve

Last June, one of my clients, a teen girl was telling me if her grades dropped below a certain mark, it would ruin her whole summer and the thought of writing her upcoming exam made her feel sick… I’ve been thinking a lot about her, as teen girls are re-entering the school year and feeling the pressure of another year. It is a stress so severe that it paralyzes the brightest young people I know. And I see it all too often.

And usually, I write from the perspective of offering tips and ideas. Today, I’m writing more of a reflective piece.

The Happiness Pill: Teen Coaching to Build Resiliency Against Anxiety & Social Awkwardness CLICK HERE FOR DETAILS <<<

6 Weeks of group coaching to help teen girls navigate big emotions like anxiety and overwhelm, feel confident from the inside out (including with her body image), and handle social anxiety like a BOSS.

The Happiness Pill

I have more questions than answers.

I’m not talking about the feel-goods that come with accomplishments or natural stresses associated with performance. I’m seeing the burden of pressure and high demands that teen girls carry on the rise. And it’s enough to make the strongest humans collapse.

Photo from Canva Pro

Why are our teens obsessing over results? Why are her survival mechanisms, the ones meant to keep her safe from serious threat, kicking into full gear when it comes to taking a test or handing in a paper?

They tell me it is not because someone expects them to get high-achieving results. (I mean it is a factor of not wanting to disappoint or let someone down). But for many, it is a self-imposed expectation. One that is placed at such a high value that if it is not met, it feels devastating.

Is this something that has gotten worse over time? In recent years, we have had a lot of distressing things come to light that have probably left many teens feeling like their lives are out of control. And when there is chaos, finding ways to gain a sense of control is a natural response. Taking control of how often you study, what grades you can achieve, what results you can pump out has probably become a focal point for some.

What kind of messages are we sending as a society about achievement? In a world of many opportunities, could it be incredibly naïve to think there wouldn’t be consequences? Having endless options brings along its own set of problems and pressures.

How are teen girls measuring their worth? External validation based on a number…. Holding onto labels like precious cargo, “The Golden Child”, “She’s so smart”, “School is easy for her”.

What measuring stick does she use to know her value in this world?

How do we as helpers, parents, society, nurture messages that encourage youth to thrive and put in solid effort in what they do without creating a generation whose identities are so tied up in (academic) achievement or getting it right. It’s worth questioning.

When I ask myself questions like this, I immediately look at the work I do for teens every day. What am I doing to guide teen girls in this world?

Photo from Canva Pro

The answer?

To create and build on their own resilience skills, from the inside out.

If teen girls are self-imposing high expectations for their grades and exams, it only makes sense (to me) that they be taught to recreate those expectations internally.

The Happiness Pill is a 6-week group coaching experience I created to do exactly that.

While building community with other teen girls just like them, your daughter will learn how to feel confident from the inside out – regardless of her grades or exam results. She will learn how to navigate big emotions like anxiety and depression. And she will also walk away with skills to deal with the social pressure of making friends, fighting off bullies, and staying true to herself.

We start our next round in mid October 2023, with early bird pricing on until September 30th. Get all the details and register HERE.

Love,

Chantal
Psychologist, Teen Life Coach, and Founder of Pyramid Psychology

The Happiness Pill: Teen Coaching to Build Resiliency Against Anxiety & Social Awkwardness CLICK HERE FOR DETAILS <<<

6 Weeks of group coaching to help teen girls navigate big emotions like anxiety and overwhelm, feel confident from the inside out (including with her body image), and handle social anxiety like a BOSS.

The Happiness Pill

Chantal Côté (she/her) is a psychologist and teen life coach living in Calgary, Alberta. After over a decade in non-profit and community mental health, Chantal started Pyramid Psychology, a practice dedicated to supporting teens – a population she is constantly amazed by. Chantal is on a mission to help 100,000 teen girls (and their parents) build bulletproof mindsets so they can weather the ups and downs of life. As part of this goal, Chantal has had the privilege of speaking at various events – virtual and live – to support teens and parents.

Outside of this passion, Chantal is often in nature, writing poetry, playing ball hockey and hanging out with her loved ones.

Each week, Chantal writes a blog article in response to issues she hears from the parents and teens she connects with.

If you have something you’d like to read more on – email ideas and questions to info@pyramidpsychology.com or DM us via Instagram or Facebook.

04 Aug

For Teens, Friendships, Relationships

4 Ways for Teen Girls to Have A Successful School Year

September 19, 2023
By admin

Yeahyyy! It’s back to school season! I am going to share 4 ways for teen girls to have a successful school year. Simple tips and tricks with a big impact!

>>> FREE DOWNLOAD: Mental Health Handbook for Teen Girls <<<

An eBook with 10 mental health exercises every teen girl needs to know to:

Improve focus

Boost happy hormones naturally

Cope with trick feelings

Develop self-compassion

I Want the Handbook!

Photo by Andrew Neel on Unsplash

Successful School Year, Tip #1: Switch Up Your Routine, Slowly But Surely

Coming back to school from a 2 month break can be hard. What could help is slowly adjusting yourself to the changes that will take place. E.g. come up with a back to school routine that you can slowly get into with changes each day.

Successful School Year, Tip #2: Prepare the Night Before and Make a To Do List

Get everything that you need done a night before such that, you can get to ease into your school day. With no rush or panic. E.g. things that could help is do your homework, prepare for the next day classes, plan your outfit. Go to bed on time such that you can wake up on time for school. Have a to do list for after school that you need to complete and one for the day of school. This helps you stay organized and top of things.

Successful School Year, Tip #3: Eat Your Breakfast

Eat your breakfast! Most important meal of the day! Ensure you are fed such that you can have some fuel to carry you through the school

Photo by Milada Vigerova on Unsplash

days

Successful School Year, Tip #4: No Man Is An Island, Stay Connected with Friends and Make Friends

Stay connected with friends be it at school or home. What makes school more fun is the company you keep, your go to’s for the ups and downs you will face in the school term, people that can be of support with school work in itself. E.g. if your friend is good in science and they can be of help to you in that subject be open to receiving. Same goes for you. We need each other, one way or the other.

Also, in the process, maintain healthy boundaries. It’s okay to let others down that is part of life especially if you do not have the capacity to be there for others. It’s okay to communicate that as well. Make new friends, as you grow and evolve some people will fall away, create room for new connections knowing that not everyone is for a life time but a season at times.

And, if you’re struggling with keeping friends, know that this is a skill to be learned – it isn’t something that comes naturally to all of us! I wrote an article to help you learn this skill: How to Be A Good Friend (for Teen Girls). Hope it helps!

As the school year continues, there will be ups and downs. It is not a journey that is meant to do alone! You can work with me 1:1 through anxiety, getting your routine right, and finding + keeping friends. Book a free consultation with me here (for Alberta residents).

Love,

Chipo

Register Social Worker offering counseling for female identifying teens (11-21 years old)

>>> FREE DOWNLOAD: Mental Health Handbook for Teen Girls <<<

An eBook with 10 mental health exercises every teen girl needs to know to:

Improve focus

Boost happy hormones naturally

Cope with trick feelings

Develop self-compassion

I Want the Handbook!

I am a registered social worker with a Bachelor of Social Work with a major in psychology from the university of the Western Cape, and a Master’s in Clinical Social Work specialization with individuals, families, and groups from the University of Calgary.

In my practice, I note the different intersectionalites that come into play, and I have adapted myself to understanding the effects thereof. I pride myself in working from a holistic and integrative approach using trauma-informed, anti-oppressive, and intersectional lenses in rendering services.

I am grounded by embracing my full humanness-being imperfectly perfect. My faith, family and friendships carry me through life and its happenings. I find being in nature very healing and so is savouring moments. When not working, I love to engage in some fitness, going on walks, journaling, catching up on Korean series, city adventures and reading for pleasure. I also believe in allowing my inner child come out sometimes through art, dancing, building sand castles you name it.

28 Jul

Emotions, For Parents, Friendships, Relationships

4 Depression Tips for Teen Girls

August 13, 2023
By admin

4 Depression Tips for Teen Girls

I am going to share 4 depression tips for teen girls, to help turn things around for you.

But first, I want to explain something… A theme in dialectical behavioural therapy (DBT) is that emotions love themselves. What does this mean, exactly?

Well, if you are feeling down and depressed, you are going to naturally want to do things that actually keep you feeling that way (or even make the feeling stronger!). For example, if you are feeling down, then you are likely to withdraw from others, maybe spend a lot of time in bed, or start listening to sad music.

As another example, if you are feeling angry, then you may have an urge to get into an argument with someone, slam doors, or even break something.

Teen Mental Health Handbook

>>> FREE DOWNLOAD: Mental Health Handbook for Teen Girls <<<

An eBook with 10 mental health exercises every teen girl needs to know to:

Improve focus

Boost happy hormones naturally

Cope with trick feelings

Develop self-compassion

I Want the Handbook!

When it comes to depression for teen girls, the feelings can be really strong, and motivation can be pretty low. Becoming more aware of how feelings of depression may end up leading to stronger feelings of depression is important to understand, because then we can start see how we can get stuck in a negative spiral. Here are a few tips to keep in mind if you are a teen struggling with depression!

4 Depression Tips for Teen Girls:

Try to have some kindness and compassion for yourself. Judging yourself harshly for having certain feelings or struggling to complete certain tasks only makes things worse. What might you say to a good friend who is struggling with depression? What would it look like for you to accept some of this advice?
Try to be curious about your emotions. Context matters, and our emotions are trying to tell us something and influence our actions. If
Photo by Domingo Alvarez E on Unsplash

you are feeling depressed, how would you be able to tell the difference between genuinely needing some time alone versus getting stuck in an emotion-loving-loop of withdrawal? Emotions do not like to be ignored, and spending some time being mindful and curious can help us choose our next step. (If you’d like help naming your emotions, here is a printable emotions wheel).
Sticking with the DBT theme, a strategy I sometimes introduce in my sessions is called the “opposite-action”. So, if you were feeling down or depressed, and the actions you were naturally drawn to were to withdraw or isolate, what would an opposite action look like? For some, it may be reaching out to a friend, or going for a walk, or practising self-care like taking a shower. What could it look like for you?
Make your next step so attainable that it is almost impossible to refuse. Sometimes we can get stuck by wanting everything to change at once, which is a good way to feel overwhelmed and keep the negative spiral going. What is one, small thing you can change today?

These are only a few ideas that come to mind to support you if you are struggling with depression – there are so many more resources out there.

The first way to start is to know that change is possible!

The second is to know you are not alone. There is support for you. START HERE TO GET HELP WITH DEPRESSION.

Love, Jessa

EMDR Certified and Registered Psychologist serving Alberta teens and young adults with Pyramid Psychology.

PS – Anxiety often goes hand in hand with depression. If you are experiencing anxiety, you can learn some valuable tips with our blog article: Anxiety and Choice.

>>> FREE DOWNLOAD: Mental Health Handbook for Teen Girls <<<

An eBook with 10 mental health exercises every teen girl needs to know to:

Improve focus

Boost happy hormones naturally

Cope with trick feelings

Develop self-compassion

I Want the Handbook!

Jessa is a registered, EMDR certified psychologist living and servicing teens and young adults in Calgary, Alberta.

Jessa is passionate about helping people become the best version of themselves and is continually learning how to best support her clients. She has experience with acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) and cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), but most importantly she emphasizes the therapeutic relationship.

A safe, authentic relationship is key for therapy to work. Jessa prioritizes compassion and nonjudgmental curiosity. Together, she can find out what matters most to you and how to get there.

If you think Jessa may be a good match for you, please feel free to reach out and set up a free consult or book a session. She is looking forward to hearing from you!

Once a month, she writes a blog article in response to issues she hears from the parents, teens and young adults she connects with. If you have something you’d like to read more on – email ideas and questions to info@pyramidpsychology.com or DM us via Instagram or Facebook.

21 Jul

Confidence, Emotions, For Teens

10 Inner Power Affirmations for Teen Girls

August 3, 2023
By admin

10 Inner Power Affirmations for Teen Girls

With these 10 inner power affirmations for teen girls, you can empower yourself in all things friendship, community, and relationships.

>>> FREE DOWNLOAD: Depression & Anxiety Toolkit for Parents Raising Teen Girls <<<

10 tools you can immediately use to improve your female identifying teens’ mental health & build resistance against depression & anxiety:

Anxiety & Depression Toolkit for Parents Raising Teen Girls

10 Inner Power Affirmations for Teen Girls

black girl writing teen affirmations in her journal

Photo by No Revisions on Unsplash

I am worthy of meaningful and healthy relationships.
I will do my best to cultivate healthy and meaningful relationships.
I deserve relationships where I can be my authentic self, without performance. Or pretence.
I am worthy as I am by just being me. My human worth is unmeasurable.
No one can be me and that is my superpower.
I will strive for consistency over perfection in my relationships with others.
I am deserving of the same level of compassion I give others.
I am my oldest friend and will do better in caring for myself.
I allowed being more than one thing. There are many parts to my existence—all matter.
I am abundance in human form. I have a ton of love that can go around.

Take the affirmations that resonate with you, and read/say them to yourself as often as you need!

Keep the list and review it regularly as well. The ones that resonate will likely change as your life does.

And, when you’re ready, you can add a gratitude practice to your affirmations. Teen Happiness: The Science Behind Teen Gratitude is an article (written by my colleague here at Pyramid Psychology) to help you get started!

And if you’d like support creating your own affirmations or gratitude practice for your personal situation, book a free consultation with me. I am a Registered Social Worker supporting teen girls like YOU to love themselves from the inside out. Affirmations are a great first step!

Love,

Chipo

Register Social Worker offering counseling for teen girls (11-21 years old)

I am a registered social worker with a Bachelor of Social Work with a major in psychology from the university of the Western Cape, and a Master’s in Clinical Social Work specialization with individuals, families, and groups from the University of Calgary.

In my practice, I note the different intersectionalites that come into play, and I have adapted myself to understanding the effects thereof. I pride myself in working from a holistic and integrative approach using trauma-informed, anti-oppressive, and intersectional lenses in rendering services.

I am grounded by embracing my full humanness-being imperfectly perfect. My faith, family and friendships carry me through life and its happenings. I find being in nature very healing and so is savouring moments. When not working, I love to engage in some fitness, going on walks, journaling, catching up on Korean series, city adventures and reading for pleasure. I also believe in allowing my inner child come out sometimes through art, dancing, building sand castles you name it.

14 Jul

For Teens, Friendships, Relationships

3 Ways to Spot Manipulative Teen Friendships

August 2, 2023
By admin

3 Ways to Spot Manipulative Teen Friendships

As a girl developing teen friendships, it can be difficult to really know your identity, and whether or not your friendships would be considered a manipulative teen friendship. In my experience personally, I accepted other people’s views of me to be true. A lot of times teen girls in therapy sessions with our team are very focused on fitting in with the crowd and doing what is socially acceptable. They may feel that they will not be liked or that they will be judged if they do things differently that may be more true to them or their personality. If this sounds like you, you’re in the right place!

>>> FREE DOWNLOAD: Mental Health Handbook for Teen Girls <<<

An eBook with 10 mental health exercises every teen girl needs to know to:

Improve focus

Boost happy hormones naturally

Cope with trick feelings

Develop self-compassion

I Want the Handbook!

girl in black and white depicting manipulative teen friendships

Photo by St Janko Ferlic on Unsplash

In my teen years, I would often feel very self conscious about my introversion and my lack of interest in going to parties and using substances like drugs and alcohol. It definitely got a lot easier to accept myself, after junior high and high school. Know that you are not alone in this feeling. You will have to accept that not everyone is going to like you, for reasons that may not have anything to even do with you. We all have our own perceptions, preferences and opinions. We cannot control how others feel about us because sometimes those people are not meant for us.

But, in my experience there will always be someone that can see your light and inner beauty. So, enjoy the people that can see how great you are and choose them as your friends. You need people in your life that will appreciate and uplift you. It is not about the quantity of friends or being “popular”, but it is about the quality of the relationships. Even having one close amazing friend that understands you is enough.

When you are getting to know someone, you may feel a strong connection, feel drawn towards them and feel good around them. You may have things in common, and you may finally feel understood or even at peace or at home with the person. This is sometimes a good thing, but there also can be manipulating people out there. Here are some tips to become aware of the types of relationships you are having, and ensure they are not manipulative.

3 Ways to Spot Manipulative Teen Friendships:

Spotting Manipulative Teen Friendships Tip #1:

Photo by Billie on Unsplash

It is important to watch how you are being treated by them. If they are keeping secrets from you, being dishonest or misleading, or

disrespecting you– these are signs of an unhealthy relationship. Don’t blame yourself, because it may not be about you. Some people have trauma based on upbringing and past experiences and this can affect how they interact and treat other people. Maya Angelou said, when people show you who you are – believe them, the first time.

Sometimes what people say can be very contradicting to how they are acting towards you or how they make you feel. It is healthy for you to forgive, so you can be at peace with yourself but that does not mean that you have to accept the behavior or even continue talking to them.

>>> FREE DOWNLOAD: Mental Health Handbook for Teen Girls <<<

An eBook with 10 mental health exercises every teen girl needs to know to:

Improve focus

Boost happy hormones naturally

Cope with trick feelings

Develop self-compassion

I Want the Handbook!

Spotting Manipulative Teen Friendships Tip #2:

two teen girls depicting manipulative teen friendships

Photo by Andrea Tummons on Unsplash

Get to know someone really well before giving them a lot of trust. You might start to notice things in their character or personality, so it is important to really get to know someone well and to know when to walk away. If this person is hurting you emotionally, and makes you feel

worthless – it is time to take a good look at this relationship. This is still a difficult thing to do for me, but when a negative relationship ends there is usually someone a lot better waiting for you.

Spotting Manipulative Teen Friendships Tip #3:

Take time to analyze your family dynamics and how they may influence your friendships and/or partner. A lot of things can influence your relationships growing up, as well. Things such as your family life, and your relationships with your mother and father. It’s been said that relationships with your siblings will influence your choice of friends, while your relationship with your parents will influence your romantic relationships. So a lot of it has to do with how you were raised, and how your family dynamics are. Sometimes if we were raised in an unhealthy environment at home, we will see those same attributes in a friend or romantic partner because it is familiar to us. Then we will want to hang onto that, even though it is not healthy for us. This can be a very difficult thing because healthy relationships may seem boring and we feel less of a connection. The unhealthy relationships in comparison seem much more exciting. Things

family dynamics determine possibility of struggles with teen friendships

Photo by Serhat Beyazkaya on Unsplash

like this should be brought up in therapy, to address the underlying issues that we may not even be aware of.

If the same things keep happening in relationships, such as experiences with abusive behavior we have to take a look at what is getting us into these situations. If we want to live healthy, successful lives, it’s important to start treating ourselves with respect and care and avoid the situations that can cause serious harm and consequences to our lives. We all have the freedom of choice, so it’s important to recognize these types of people and make the decision to surround ourselves with the positive and uplifting ones.

Relationships are an essential part of our health and wellbeing. Just like eating healthy food vs. eating junk food, we need to make the best choices of what kind of people we associate ourselves with.

We are here to help you make the right choice, so you can be the best version of yourself! If you want to dive deeper into what a healthy friendship looks like, here are 7 Wise Friendship Must’s for Teen Girls, written by Psychologist Jessa Tiemstra on the Pyramid Psychology Team.

Love,

Kari

Admin Team Member at Pyramid Psychology

Building unbreakable mindsets for teen girls age 11-21 🧠💪🏻 (therapy and coaching)

Kari Bonnyman is a personal assistant from Nova Scotia, Canada. She is passionate about mental health and wellness and has first hand experience with strategies that have helped her navigate through the challenges of life. She loves doing breathwork, yoga, journalling, meditation, reading self help books related to mental health, volunteering to help others and focusing on her spiritual journey. When she is not working she can be found doing art, travelling, listening to spiritual/personal development podcasts, at the beach or in nature, and practicing French and Spanish.

Kari Bonnyman, Personal Assistant at Pyramid Psychology

07 Jul

Emotions, For Parents, Friendships, Relationships

5 Ways to Beat Summer Break Boredom for Teens

July 24, 2023
By admin

When it comes to the school break and the boredom that settles in over the summer, it can be helpful to see it as an opportunity to do something completely different. The good news about summer break is that if you try something new and find out it’s not for you, you will be back to school in September anyways!

>>> FREE DOWNLOAD: Mental Health Handbook for Teen Girls <<<

An eBook with 10 mental health exercises every teen girl needs to know to:

Improve focus

Boost happy hormones naturally

Cope with trick feelings

Develop self-compassion

I Want the Handbook!

teen girl feeling nervous over summer break

Photo by Kyle Broad on Unsplash

Speaking for myself, it can be really easy to talk myself out of doing things. I have also heard similar thoughts from the teens and young adults that I work with:

“I might not like it…”

“It sounds kinda weird…”

“I’ve never done anything like that before.”

“I wouldn’t be very good at that.”

“I don’t have time for it.”

“I don’t want to commit to something I may not enjoy.”

(If this sounds like you – trust me, having someone by your side can make a world of difference! Book a free consultation with me to help keep you accountable to trying new things, and work out a plan to overcome your fears).

The list of reasons to not do something can go on and on.

With having no school, the reality is that you DO have time to try out new things. The new thing might be “weird”, but you might enjoy it or enjoy parts of it. You also don’t have to be good at it because that’s not the point.

What is the point? Well, that depends on the person. Maybe it is to learn more about yourself and to find new sparks. Maybe trying new

teen girl trying stretching over summer break

Photo by Christopher Campbell on Unsplash

things feels scary and you are proving to yourself that you can step outside of your comfort zone. Or maybe it is just a willingness to try, experience, and be open-minded to what the world has to offer.

That’s why the summer months can be the perfect opportunity to try out something new and completely different than what the rest of the year may look like. The popular saying “you don’t know until you try” exists for a reason. In trying something different, you may even be surprised at how much you enjoy it!

Trying something new can look completely different for different people. Here are a few ideas to get the brain juices flowing, but it is not an exhaustive list.

5 Ways to Beat School Break Boredom

#1 – Be a tourist in your city

I like this idea. There is so much that Calgary (and Alberta) has to offer, whether it is visiting typical tourist spots, supporting local businesses, or getting out to the mountains. Write down a bucket list of things you want to check out and be intentional with crossing off some of those items. Involving friends and family can also be a lot of fun.

#2 – Volunteer or find a part-time job

There are a lot of benefits to both volunteering and working part-time. These experiences can teach new skills and independence, and volunteering in particular can improve overall wellbeing.

Photo from Canva Pro

#3 – Slow down

Our society can be very go-go-go. Taking some time to slow down, self-reflect, and enjoy simple pleasures can be a new experience for a lot of teens. For some, this looks like journaling, but it doesn’t have to be. If journaling sounds interesting to you, here’s a fun website with 61 journal prompts. You can also use prompts as conversation starters with other teens, or people in your family!

#4 – Try a completely different hobby

As a few examples, if you like sports, it could be fun (or at least interesting!) to try out something artistic or creative. If you like social media and video games, maybe you could try something outdoors or more active. Other options could include cooking, something crafty, re-finishing projects, learning about a new topic, and so much more.

#5 – Take an existing interest to the next level

As a few examples:

If you love animals, consider volunteering at the Calgary Humane Society or one of the numerous organizations in the city dedicated to animal welfare.
Photo of the Pyramid Psychology office in Calgary, Alberta
If fashion is an interest, maybe learn to sew or volunteer with an organization that helps others learn to sew.
If you like sports, there may be summer camps or clubs that run throughout the summer to help further develop those skills.

One of the things I help teens with, is coming up with things they’d like to try over school break. Together, we work out what you’d like to try, possible blockages in the way (like fears coming up), and the logistics of trying something new. If you’d like the support, book a free consultation with me here (Alberta youth age 11 – 21).

>>> FREE DOWNLOAD: Mental Health Handbook for Teen Girls <<<

An eBook with 10 mental health exercises every teen girl needs to know to:

Improve focus

Boost happy hormones naturally

Cope with trick feelings

Develop self-compassion

I Want the Handbook!

There are so many options to look into depending on your interests. What your interests are, your mindset, and your choices can all make a big difference. Summer does not have to be boring. It really can be quite the opposite!

And, if you’re a teen with anxiety, summer can often be even harder. Here is a blog written by our Founder, Chantal, with 10 ways parents can help anxious teens enjoy their summer.

It is normal to want human interaction, and to get support, when you are trying something new. Consistent appointments with a therapist (like me) can give you a strong foundation to feeling confident, getting out of your comfort zone, and overcoming fears. Book a free consultation with me here.

Love, Jessa

Jessa is a registered psychologist living and servicing teens and young adults in Calgary, Alberta.

Jessa is passionate about helping people become the best version of themselves and is continually learning how to best support her clients. She has experience with acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) and cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), but most importantly she emphasizes the therapeutic relationship.

A safe, authentic relationship is key for therapy to work. Jessa prioritizes compassion and nonjudgmental curiosity. Together, she can find out what matters most to you and how to get there.

If you think Jessa may be a good match for you, please feel free to reach out and set up a free consult or book a session. She is looking forward to hearing from you!

Once a month, she writes a blog article in response to issues she hears from the parents, teens and young adults she connects with. If you have something you’d like to read more on – email ideas and questions to info@pyramidpsychology.com or DM us via Instagram or Facebook.

30 Jun

Anxiety, Confidence, Emotions, For Parents

10 Ways to Help Your Anxious Teen Enjoy Summer Break

July 3, 2023
By admin

10 Ways to Help Your Anxious Teen Enjoy Summer Break

I’m writing this blog because the other day I really had to take time to step into my client’s shoes. Summer break has always been a time that I’ve looked forward to. A time when I associate sunny days, adventure, freedom, and fun.

But as this 14-year-old tear-filled girl looked back at me, describing the stress of not having her friends around, being alone most of the time because of working parents, and loathing the idea of being stuck for hours on end with nothing to do, it gave me a glimpse into the reality that summer break is not all ice cream and butterflies.

(If this sounds like your daughter – here is an article I wrote just for her last year: 5 Practical Ways to Take Control of Your Happiness).

How to Raise Unbreakable Teen Girls: A guide for parents wanting to raise confident, resilient young women in today’s world. CLICK HERE FOR FREE DOWNLOAD <<<

9 tools you can immediately use to improve your teen’s mental health, strengthen her relationships, and boost her confidence.

Guide to Raise Unbreakable Teen Girls

If you have a teen daughter who:

Really thrives on routine
Seems nervous or on edge right now and it has nothing to do with how her school grades were
Struggles to initiate and put together plans with friends outside of school

She might be dreading summer.

10 Ways to Help Your Anxious Teen Enjoy Summer

#1 – Find Free Fun

Finding free fun. If you’re in a town or city, there’s usually a lot going on during the summer months. Checking ahead of time with your local library, city events sites, or even platforms like Eventbrite and Facebook will offer you loads of different and low-cost/free options (e.g. festivals, concerts, free library programming, etc.)

#2 -Try Something New Each Week

Trying something new each week. Novelty breathes excitement into life and teenage brains are designed to seek it more than at any age. Don’t know where to start on figuring out new things to try? Check out this article.

Photo from Canva Pro

#3 – Get Friends’ Contact Info

Get friend contact information (and parents if appropriate) ahead of time. Depending on your daughter’s age and skill level on planning and organizing, a little support from a loving parent may be a game changer. Little reminders and encouragement to make sure they can be in touch with friends through the summer can be helpful. Or even helping them to organize their first couple outings with friends outside of school.

#4 – Summer Camp

Summer camps. I know. Your teen may straight out balk at this idea. Other teens love them. Part of the secret to summer camp success is the fit. Try matching based on interest or attending with a friend to make this option a real success.

#5 – Stick to A Routine

Staying up late and sleeping in is almost a quintessential part of summertime. But throwing routine completely out the window for 2 months is a recipe for exhaustion and bad moods. Encourage a summertime routine that continues to include rest, movement, and health hygiene.

Group of teens volunteering over summer break.

Photo by Canva Pro

#6 – Find Volunteer or Paid Opportunities

Line up some volunteer or paid opportunities. Even if it’s just a few hours a week, doing something that grows a skill, helps others, or puts money in her pockets is sure to be uplifting. If you’re in Calgary, Alberta you can check out Volunteer Connector HERE. You can also reach out to your YMCA, local churches, pools, libraries, neighbours and drum up some opportunities.

#7 – Make a Summer Bucket List

Make a Summer Bucket List. This is a fun family activity. Everyone puts down things they would like to do throughout the summer and a list is created. You can decide if it’s “pick one random each week” or “each family member gets a week where they choose the activity of their choice and all the other members participate”. You can get really creative with these and they are sure to make cool memories.

#8 – Travel

Travel. I know this can get expensive really quickly. If travelling abroad or taking a plane is just not an option for you right now, travel can be a 45-minute drive out to the mountains, a bike ride to a location in the city that you have never been to before, or a fun little day trip to a unique place of interest near your town or city. Did you know there’s a gopher museum? Check it out!

#9 – Learn A New Skill

Learn a new skill. Mastering or getting better at something is so rewarding. Whether it’s summer or another season. There are so many options: Learning to play an instrument, ride a horse, make jewelry, dance, make a piece of clothing, cook, build a toolbox, martial arts, grow a garden, crotchet, start a business, just to name a few.

#10 – Exercise and Movement

Photo by lisboa ind. on Unsplash

Exercise and movement. Staying active is a great way to release happy making natural chemicals into your body and brain, as well as lower

stress. It can also be a nice way to connect with others. Getting a Y membership for the summer or signing up for a class might be the way to go. Or maybe it’s more walking, hiking, biking, swimming that also ensures Vitamin D doses.

BONUS TIP:

Many teens won’t talk to you, their parent, about their anxieties over summer break. Offering your daughter a neutral person to talk to, and set summer goals with, can be extremely helpful to her mental health. I have gathered a powerful team of therapists in the Pyramid Psychology family who have room for more teen clients this summer. You can meet my team – Jessa, Chipo & Tara – as well as book a free consultation here:

I want summer break help for my teen!

Here’s to making your anxious teen daughter’s summer break something she’ll be excited to tell her friends about in the summer.

Love,

Chantal

Psychologist, Teen Life Coach, and Founder of Pyramid Psychology

How to Raise Unbreakable Teen Girls: A guide for parents wanting to raise confident, resilient young women in today’s world. CLICK HERE FOR FREE DOWNLOAD <<<

9 tools you can immediately use to improve your teen’s mental health, strengthen her relationships, and boost her confidence.

Guide to Raise Unbreakable Teen Girls

Chantal Côté (she/her) is a psychologist and teen life coach living in Calgary, Alberta. After over a decade in non-profit and community mental health, Chantal started Pyramid Psychology, a practice dedicated to supporting teens – a population she is constantly amazed by. Chantal is on a mission to help 100,000 teen girls (and their parents) build bulletproof mindsets so they can weather the ups and downs of life. As part of this goal, Chantal has had the privilege of speaking at various events – virtual and live – to support teens and parents.

Outside of this passion, Chantal is often in nature, writing poetry, playing ball hockey and hanging out with her loved ones.

Each week, Chantal writes a blog article in response to issues she hears from the parents and teens she connects with.

If you have something you’d like to read more on – email ideas and questions to info@pyramidpsychology.com or DM us via Instagram or Facebook.

23 Jun

Confidence, Emotions, For Teens, Self Image & Body Image, Self-Compassion

4 Questions to Separate Teen Self-Worth from Exam Results

June 27, 2023
By admin

Teen self-worth, self-esteem, self-what?

It is exam time for many of the teens that I have the privilege of working with, and many, like you, are feeling some level of stress or anxiety about studying and what final grade they will end up with. There is certainly a healthy level of stress that can motivate you to study, work hard, and perform better on tests (check out the Yerkes-Dodson Law!). For others, however, the stress and anxiety can be so high that it starts to feel debilitating.

If you are experiencing these high levels of stress yourself, it can be helpful to look at both practical strategies and explore deeper-level factors. As some of my lovely colleagues have already written blogs providing practical tips and tools, in this blog I’ll focus on something else: self-worth.

>>> FREE DOWNLOAD: Mental Health Handbook for Teen Girls <<<

Teen Mental Health Handbook

An eBook with 10 mental health exercises every teen girl needs to know to:

Improve focus

Boost happy hormones naturally

Cope with trick feelings

Develop self-compassion

I Want the Handbook!

When I say self-worth, I mean that deep sense of knowing you have inherent value and are worthy of respect no matter what. It is not influenced by the grade you got. It is not impacted by athletic ability or creativity. It does not depend on any personal beliefs you may hold.

Photo by
Ömer Haktan Bulut

And it’s certainly not impacted by what others may be saying or not saying at school. Self-worth is a part of who you are. It is not dependent on what you do.

For teens who are struggling during exam time, I am often curious to hear what they have to say about the idea of teen self-worth.

Do the grades of others define their worth? (“No!”)
Do you treat classmates differently depending on what grades they are getting in school? (“No”)
Do your grades define your worth as a human being? (“…no”)

Hmmm… interesting!

Even when teens can answer these questions, they often say that it still feels like their worth is dependent on their grades. That feeling is a hard thing to shake, especially after so many years of positive reinforcement from that good feeling we get when we get a good grade in school. Just because we feel a certain way, however, it does not make it true. Untrue thoughts are known as thinking traps. My mentor and the Founder of Pyramid Psychology wrote a blog on thinking traps HERE.

I can sit here and type out what I think about self-worth, but in truth, this topic will be significantly more meaningful to you if you spend some time reflecting. Here are a few ideas to think about, journal on, or even explore with someone you know:

4 Journal Questions to Separate Your Teen Self-Worth from Exam Results

Photo by No Revisions on Unsplash

What is the difference between who I am and what I do? How do academics and grades fit into this?
What is self-worth, what is self-esteem, and what may be different between the two concepts?
What feedback am I using to inform how I see myself? Are these sources true, helpful, or accurate?
Am I letting feedback, such as grades or what other people think, impact my deeper sense of self-worth?

It can be disappointing when we get lower grades than we are hoping for. In taking time to think about some of these ideas, I hope that the disappointment is directed at the grade and does not turn inward to negatively affect your self-worth. Your self-worth does not depend on your grades.

If you find yourself struggling with teen self-worth, or connecting your worth to exam results, I want you to know you aren’t alone.

I offer 1:1 support to work through these emotions and build strategies for the future. You can book a free consultation with me HERE (for teens in Alberta, Canada).

>>> FREE DOWNLOAD: Mental Health Handbook for Teen Girls <<<

Teen Mental Health Handbook

An eBook with 10 mental health exercises every teen girl needs to know to:

Improve focus

Boost happy hormones naturally

Cope with trick feelings

Develop self-compassion

I Want the Handbook!

As a bonus question, you may find it helpful to know that in my sessions with teens, concerns about “trauma dumping”, people pleasing, and avoiding (healthy) conflict often come up. How might these concerns fit into the concept of healthy boundaries?

If starting this conversation with your teen brings up more questions, we would love to hear from you!

You can email our team with next steps at info@pyramidpsychology.com

Love, Jessa

Jessa is a registered psychologist living and servicing teens and young adults in Calgary, Alberta.

Jessa is passionate about helping people become the best version of themselves and is continually learning how to best support her clients. She has experience with acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) and cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), but most importantly she emphasizes the therapeutic relationship.

A safe, authentic relationship is key for therapy to work. Jessa prioritizes compassion and nonjudgmental curiosity. Together, she can find out what matters most to you and how to get there.

If you think Jessa may be a good match for you, please feel free to reach out and set up a free consult or book a session. She is looking forward to hearing from you!

Once a month, she writes a blog article in response to issues she hears from the parents, teens and young adults she connects with. If you have something you’d like to read more on – email ideas and questions to info@pyramidpsychology.com or DM us via Instagram or Facebook.