3 Tips to Model Teen Confidence for Your Daughter

If you have an adolescent girl in your life who is struggling with teen confidence, this short-and-sweet blog is for you.

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When it comes to teen confidence, this idea is SO important, especially for teen girls. It can be easy to encourage our loved ones to see their strengths and to be more confident, while in the same breath, thinking or speaking negatively about ourselves. At times, there can be something a little wonky about how we treat ourselves in comparison to the ones we hold dear in this life.

If we are being honest, this can send some mixed messages to teens. This may be all the more true for teenagers, as I often hear parents say something along the lines of “I just wish ‘Suzy’ could see herself how I see her!”. In a nutshell, we can be skilled at genuinely caring about others while picking out our own “shortcomings”. The teenage years are a time of identity and growth and having self-confidence can be especially challenging when you are still figuring out who you are!

When teens receive messages that they should believe they are beautiful, competent, and that effort matters more than outcome … but then see you pointing out your own physical “flaws” or getting down on yourself for making a mistake (or simply just being human) … how does a teen make sense of that? It can be confusing and challenging, and messages from society can make it even harder.

There is no easy fix or one-and-done solution to such a dynamic and complex topic, but I will share 3 tips with you below.

>>> FREE DOWNLOAD: Depression & Anxiety Toolkit for Parents Raising Teen Girls <<<

10 tools you can immediately use to improve your female identifying teens’ mental health & build resistance against depression & anxiety:

Anxiety & Depression Toolkit for Parents Raising Teen Girls

Modelling Teen Confidence Tip #1: Think about what confidence looks like

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We all receive messages about how confidence may look, but what is confidence really?

Going back to my teen years, I think I may have confused confidence with popularity.

I think I may have confused confidence with extraversion.

I certainly confused confidence with an appearance of not caring what others thought. Who knows what was happening beneath the surface?

I no longer see it that way.

Instead, I tend to see confidence as a dynamic way of being that is multi-layered and multi-faceted. Sometimes confidence is quiet, sometimes it is loud. To me, confidence is a willingness to learn, to grow, and to be wrong. Confidence is standing up for what is right even when it may be hard. It is knowing that your value goes deeper than whatever label may be tossed your way.

Modelling Teen Confidence Tip #2: Be the type of person you hope your daughter becomes

Internet rules for teens are a hot topic amongst parents, particularly as friendships are increasingly going or starting online for teens.

Parents bring up concerns about safety, appropriate messages, and cyberbullying.

Teens, in response, talk about how important the online platforms are for them to stay in contact with their friends or how “uncool” they would be to not be active on certain platforms.

Modelling Teen Confidence Tip #3: Have an honest talk

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Societal messages are not always kind or helpful, and there are a whole lot of messages out there about who we should or should not be. As a woman, I can certainly say that I have received many subtle and not-so-subtle messages about my worth being linked to my physical appearance.

 For some parents, it can be helpful to have an honest talk with their teen that having self-confidence and positive self-talk can genuinely be challenging. Creating some sort of “agreement” to encourage each other and gently challenge unhelpful and untrue thoughts can bring awareness, transparency, and mutual support. This isn’t meant to be a formal contract, but rather, an acknowledgement that having self-confidence is not a challenge that occurs only in the teen years. You can use the 7 qualities teens need for an unbreakable mindset as a starting point, in my colleagues blog article HERE.

This is a complex topic that I have barely scratched the surface of, but I hope these tips give you something to think about. If you have some thoughts, I would love to hear them! You can email our team with questions at info@pyramidpsychology.com.

Or, you can BOOK YOUR FREE CONSULTATION with me to create a personalized plan for you, and set up ongoing support for your daughter.

Love,

Jessa Tiemstra

Provisional Psychologist servicing teen girls and young adults.

Jessa is a provisional psychologist living and servicing teens and young adults in Calgary, Alberta.

Jessa is passionate about helping people become the best version of themselves and is continually learning how to best support her clients. She has experience with acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) and cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), but most importantly she emphasizes the therapeutic relationship.

A safe, authentic relationship is key for therapy to work. Jessa prioritizes compassion and nonjudgmental curiosity. Together, she can find out what matters most to you and how to get there.

If you think Jessa may be a good match for you, please feel free to reach out and set up a free consult or book a session. She is looking forward to hearing from you!

Once a month, she writes a blog article in response to issues she hears from the parents, teens and young adults she connects with. If you have something you’d like to read more on – email ideas and questions to info@pyramidpsychology.com or DM us via Instagram or Facebook.