EDS Framework: 3 Simple Steps to Handle Big Emotions (for teens)

EDS Framework: 3 Simple Steps to Handle Big Emotions (for teens)

As a psychologist, one idea that I introduce to teens who are struggling with big emotions is to use the EDS framework: express, distract, and soothe to handle big teen emotions. No one tool will work all the time, so having a variety to choose from and which are personalized to you is a great way to be prepared when those big emotions roll around.

Many of the teens I work with keep a list or visual graphic handy to use when they are feeling overwhelmed. When emotions are running high, the logical part of our brain tends to not work quite as well, and having an external visual reminder can help bridge that gap.

 

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The Happiness Pill: Teen Coaching to Build Resiliency Against Anxiety & Social Awkwardness  CLICK HERE FOR DETAILS <<<

6 Weeks of group coaching to help teen girls navigate big emotions like anxiety and overwhelm, feel confident from the inside out (including with her body image), and handle social anxiety like a BOSS.

The Happiness Pill

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Here is the EDS framework to handle big emotions:

Express

There are a variety of ways to express your emotions. One of the first ways to express emotions that is mentioned is talking to a family member or friend. This could be face-to-face, but due to the rise in technology, teens are likely to use video chat or texting.

Expressing emotions to someone else is not the only form of expression, and some people even prefer to express emotions individually.

Photo from Canva Pro

Journaling, drawing, creative writing, or using other artistic mediums can all be helpful ways to process big emotions. Some teens that I have worked with also use movements – such as dance or kickboxing – as a way to physically express emotions.

Distract

Distraction tends to be a favourite coping strategy among the teens (and adults!) that I work with. Using technology, such as looking at social media, watching a favourite show, or playing a videogame, are go-to strategies for many teens. Other teens gravitate toward spending time with friends or family, playing a sport, reading, or immersing themselves in a favourite hobby as a form of distraction.

Distraction can be a highly effective tool in managing big emotions, but if it is the only tool used and used frequently, distraction can easily turn into avoidance. As many of the teens I have worked with will tell you, avoiding emotions tends to only make them bigger.

Soothe

Soothing strategies include anything that will help calm down and relax your body. Here are a few ideas that teens have found helpful:

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  •         Taking a shower or bath
  •         Using a calm box
  •         Snuggling pets
  •         Getting cozy in a blanket and lighting some candles
  •         Drinking a favourite beverage
  •         Eating your favourite comfort food
  •         Spending time on skincare or nail care
  •         Yoga or stretching
  •         Listening to music

    Photo from Canva Pro

  •         Looking at favourite photos
  •         Doing something creative with your hands
  •         Meditations or mindfulness
  •         Journalling
  •         Podcasts or audiobooks
  •         Doing an act of kindness

 

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The Happiness Pill: Teen Coaching to Build Resiliency Against Anxiety & Social Awkwardness  CLICK HERE FOR DETAILS <<<

6 Weeks of group coaching to help teen girls navigate big emotions like anxiety and overwhelm, feel confident from the inside out (including with her body image), and handle social anxiety like a BOSS.

The Happiness Pill

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There can be overlap between the three EDS pillars, as some ideas will apply to more than one category. The key is to understand what you are doing and why.

For continued reading on handling big teen emotions, depression specifically, read my blog article ‘4 Depression Tips for Teen Girls‘.

If you’re not sure how to implement the EDS framework into your self-care routine, I offer private 1:1 therapy for teens and young adults in Alberta. Book a free consultation with me here.

AND, if your emotions are big enough that you’re feeling depress

You can email our team with next steps at info@pyramidpsychology.com

Love, Jessa

 


Jessa is a registered psychologist living and servicing teens and young adults in Calgary, Alberta.

Jessa is passionate about helping people become the best version of themselves and is continually learning how to best support her clients. She has experience with acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) and cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), but most importantly she emphasizes the therapeutic relationship.

A safe, authentic relationship is key for therapy to work. Jessa prioritizes compassion and nonjudgmental curiosity. Together, she can find out what matters most to you and how to get there.

If you think Jessa may be a good match for you, please feel free to reach out and set up a free consult or book a session. She is looking forward to hearing from you!

Once a month, she writes a blog article in response to issues she hears from the parents, teens and young adults she connects with. If you have something you’d like to read more on – email ideas and questions to info@pyramidpsychology.com or DM us via Instagram or Facebook.

Emotions to help with tips for teen depression

4 Depression Tips for Teen Girls

4 Depression Tips for Teen Girls

I am going to share 4 depression tips for teen girls, to help turn things around for you.

But first, I want to explain something… A theme in dialectical behavioural therapy (DBT) is that emotions love themselves. What does this mean, exactly?

Well, if you are feeling down and depressed, you are going to naturally want to do things that actually keep you feeling that way (or even make the feeling stronger!). For example, if you are feeling down, then you are likely to withdraw from others, maybe spend a lot of time in bed, or start listening to sad music.

As another example, if you are feeling angry, then you may have an urge to get into an argument with someone, slam doors, or even break something.

 

teen self-worth

Teen Mental Health Handbook

>>> FREE DOWNLOAD: Mental Health Handbook for Teen Girls <<<

An eBook with 10 mental health exercises every teen girl needs to know to:

  • Improve focus
  • Boost happy hormones naturally
  • Cope with trick feelings
  • Develop self-compassion

I Want the Handbook!

 

When it comes to depression for teen girls, the feelings can be really strong, and motivation can be pretty low. Becoming more aware of how feelings of depression may end up leading to stronger feelings of depression is important to understand, because then we can start see how we can get stuck in a negative spiral. Here are a few tips to keep in mind if you are a teen struggling with depression!

4 Depression Tips for Teen Girls:

  1.     Try to have some kindness and compassion for yourself. Judging yourself harshly for having certain feelings or struggling to complete certain tasks only makes things worse. What might you say to a good friend who is struggling with depression? What would it look like for you to accept some of this advice?
  2.     Try to be curious about your emotions. Context matters, and our emotions are trying to tell us something and influence our actions. If
    Emotions to help with tips for teen depression

    Photo by Domingo Alvarez E on Unsplash

    you are feeling depressed, how would you be able to tell the difference between genuinely needing some time alone versus getting stuck in an emotion-loving-loop of withdrawal? Emotions do not like to be ignored, and spending some time being mindful and curious can help us choose our next step. (If you’d like help naming your emotions, here is a printable emotions wheel).

  3.     Sticking with the DBT theme, a strategy I sometimes introduce in my sessions is called the “opposite-action”. So, if you were feeling down or depressed, and the actions you were naturally drawn to were to withdraw or isolate, what would an opposite action look like? For some, it may be reaching out to a friend, or going for a walk, or practising self-care like taking a shower. What could it look like for you?


  4.     Make your next step so attainable that it is almost impossible to refuse. Sometimes we can get stuck by wanting everything to change at once, which is a good way to feel overwhelmed and keep the negative spiral going. What is one, small thing you can change today?

These are only a few ideas that come to mind to support you if you are struggling with depression – there are so many more resources out there.

The first way to start is to know that change is possible!

The second is to know you are not alone. There is support for you. START HERE TO GET HELP WITH DEPRESSION.

Love, Jessa

EMDR Certified and Registered Psychologist serving Alberta teens and young adults with Pyramid Psychology.

 

PS – Anxiety often goes hand in hand with depression. If you are experiencing anxiety, you can learn some valuable tips with our blog article: Anxiety and Choice.

 

>>> FREE DOWNLOAD: Mental Health Handbook for Teen Girls <<<

An eBook with 10 mental health exercises every teen girl needs to know to:

  • Improve focus
  • Boost happy hormones naturally
  • Cope with trick feelings
  • Develop self-compassion

I Want the Handbook!

 

 


Jessa is a registered, EMDR certified psychologist living and servicing teens and young adults in Calgary, Alberta.

Jessa is passionate about helping people become the best version of themselves and is continually learning how to best support her clients. She has experience with acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) and cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), but most importantly she emphasizes the therapeutic relationship.

A safe, authentic relationship is key for therapy to work. Jessa prioritizes compassion and nonjudgmental curiosity. Together, she can find out what matters most to you and how to get there.

If you think Jessa may be a good match for you, please feel free to reach out and set up a free consult or book a session. She is looking forward to hearing from you!

Once a month, she writes a blog article in response to issues she hears from the parents, teens and young adults she connects with. If you have something you’d like to read more on – email ideas and questions to info@pyramidpsychology.com or DM us via Instagram or Facebook.

teen trying horse riding over summer break

5 Ways to Beat Summer Break Boredom for Teens

When it comes to the school break and the boredom that settles in over the summer, it can be helpful to see it as an opportunity to do something completely different. The good news about summer break is that if you try something new and find out it’s not for you, you will be back to school in September anyways!

 

>>> FREE DOWNLOAD: Mental Health Handbook for Teen Girls <<<

An eBook with 10 mental health exercises every teen girl needs to know to:

  • Improve focus
  • Boost happy hormones naturally
  • Cope with trick feelings
  • Develop self-compassion

I Want the Handbook!

 

teen girl feeling nervous over summer break

Photo by Kyle Broad on Unsplash

Speaking for myself, it can be really easy to talk myself out of doing things. I have also heard similar thoughts from the teens and young adults that I work with:

“I might not like it…”

“It sounds kinda weird…”

“I’ve never done anything like that before.”

“I wouldn’t be very good at that.”

“I don’t have time for it.”

“I don’t want to commit to something I may not enjoy.”

(If this sounds like you – trust me, having someone by your side can make a world of difference! Book a free consultation with me to help keep you accountable to trying new things, and work out a plan to overcome your fears).

The list of reasons to not do something can go on and on.

With having no school, the reality is that you DO have time to try out new things. The new thing might be “weird”, but you might enjoy it or enjoy parts of it. You also don’t have to be good at it because that’s not the point.

What is the point? Well, that depends on the person. Maybe it is to learn more about yourself and to find new sparks. Maybe trying new

teen girl trying stretching over summer break

Photo by Christopher Campbell on Unsplash

things feels scary and you are proving to yourself that you can step outside of your comfort zone. Or maybe it is just a willingness to try, experience, and be open-minded to what the world has to offer.

That’s why the summer months can be the perfect opportunity to try out something new and completely different than what the rest of the year may look like. The popular saying “you don’t know until you try” exists for a reason. In trying something different, you may even be surprised at how much you enjoy it!  

Trying something new can look completely different for different people. Here are a few ideas to get the brain juices flowing, but it is not an exhaustive list.

5 Ways to Beat School Break Boredom

#1 – Be a tourist in your city

I like this idea. There is so much that Calgary (and Alberta) has to offer, whether it is visiting typical tourist spots, supporting local businesses, or getting out to the mountains. Write down a bucket list of things you want to check out and be intentional with crossing off some of those items. Involving friends and family can also be a lot of fun.

 

#2 – Volunteer or find a part-time job

There are a lot of benefits to both volunteering and working part-time. These experiences can teach new skills and independence, and volunteering in particular can improve overall wellbeing.

 

teen girl journaling on summer break

Photo from Canva Pro

#3 – Slow down

Our society can be very go-go-go. Taking some time to slow down, self-reflect, and enjoy simple pleasures can be a new experience for a lot of teens. For some, this looks like journaling, but it doesn’t have to be.  If journaling sounds interesting to you, here’s a fun website with 61 journal prompts. You can also use prompts as conversation starters with other teens, or people in your family!

 

#4 – Try a completely different hobby

As a few examples, if you like sports, it could be fun (or at least interesting!) to try out something artistic or creative. If you like social media and video games, maybe you could try something outdoors or more active. Other options could include cooking, something crafty, re-finishing projects, learning about a new topic, and so much more.

 

#5 – Take an existing interest to the next level

As a few examples:

  • If you love animals, consider volunteering at the Calgary Humane Society or one of the numerous organizations in the city dedicated to animal welfare.
    teen therapy over summer break

    Photo of the Pyramid Psychology office in Calgary, Alberta

  • If fashion is an interest, maybe learn to sew or volunteer with an organization that helps others learn to sew.
  • If you like sports, there may be summer camps or clubs that run throughout the summer to help further develop those skills.

One of the things I help teens with, is coming up with things they’d like to try over school break. Together, we work out what you’d like to try, possible blockages in the way (like fears coming up), and the logistics of trying something new. If you’d like the support, book a free consultation with me here (Alberta youth age 11 – 21).

 

>>> FREE DOWNLOAD: Mental Health Handbook for Teen Girls <<<

An eBook with 10 mental health exercises every teen girl needs to know to:

  • Improve focus
  • Boost happy hormones naturally
  • Cope with trick feelings
  • Develop self-compassion

I Want the Handbook!

 

There are so many options to look into depending on your interests. What your interests are, your mindset, and your choices can all make a big difference. Summer does not have to be boring. It really can be quite the opposite!

And, if you’re a teen with anxiety, summer can often be even harder. Here is a blog written by our Founder, Chantal, with 10 ways parents can help anxious teens enjoy their summer.

It is normal to want human interaction, and to get support, when you are trying something new. Consistent appointments with a therapist (like me) can give you a strong foundation to feeling confident, getting out of your comfort zone, and overcoming fears. Book a free consultation with me here.

Love, Jessa

 


Jessa is a registered psychologist living and servicing teens and young adults in Calgary, Alberta.

Jessa is passionate about helping people become the best version of themselves and is continually learning how to best support her clients. She has experience with acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) and cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), but most importantly she emphasizes the therapeutic relationship.

A safe, authentic relationship is key for therapy to work. Jessa prioritizes compassion and nonjudgmental curiosity. Together, she can find out what matters most to you and how to get there.

If you think Jessa may be a good match for you, please feel free to reach out and set up a free consult or book a session. She is looking forward to hearing from you!

Once a month, she writes a blog article in response to issues she hears from the parents, teens and young adults she connects with. If you have something you’d like to read more on – email ideas and questions to info@pyramidpsychology.com or DM us via Instagram or Facebook.

teen boundaries

3 Questions for Parents to Ask About Teen Boundaries

There is a certain b-word that comes up frequently in my sessions: boundaries. Specifically, teen boundaries. Let’s figure out what they are, and how to discuss them with your teen!

 

 

At the core, boundaries are the lines that differentiate between things that are acceptable and unacceptable. In therapy, we explore the boundaries that are personal to the individual and are set within the context of relationships. Relationships in this context refer to any connection between two people, whether that is romantic, friendship, or family-based.

Personal boundaries vary between individuals and may also vary significantly across time and context.  When thinking about boundaries there are many distinct aspects to consider, some examples being emotional boundaries, physical boundaries, temporal boundaries, and intellectual boundaries.

There is a visual about boundaries that I use from TherapistAid to explore boundaries with my teen clients, and I have included it below for your own use:

 

 

(You can go directly to TherapistAid and print the visual HERE.

I invite you to reflect or collaborate with your teen (or your parent, if you are a teen!) on the following questions:

 

teen boundaries

Photo from Canva Pro

3 Questions for Parents to Help With Teen Boundaries

1) What relationships in my life may fall under porous boundaries, healthy boundaries, and rigid boundaries?

2) What are the impacts of these different types of boundaries? How do I feel in a rigid boundary relationship or a porous boundary relationship, in comparison to a healthy boundary relationship?

3) How can I move toward healthier boundaries, if I notice I may be using porous or rigid boundaries in my relationships?

>>> FREE DOWNLOAD: Depression & Anxiety Toolkit for Parents Raising Teen Girls <<<

10 tools you can immediately use to improve your female identifying teens’ mental health & build resistance against depression & anxiety:

 

Anxiety & Depression Toolkit for Parents Raising Teen Girls

As a bonus question, you may find it helpful to know that in my sessions with teens, concerns about “trauma dumping”, people pleasing, and avoiding (healthy) conflict often come up. How might these concerns fit into the concept of healthy boundaries?

 

If starting this conversation with your teen brings up more questions, we would love to hear from you!

You can email our team with next steps at info@pyramidpsychology.com

Love, Jessa

 


Jessa is a registered psychologist living and servicing teens and young adults in Calgary, Alberta.

Jessa is passionate about helping people become the best version of themselves and is continually learning how to best support her clients. She has experience with acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) and cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), but most importantly she emphasizes the therapeutic relationship.

A safe, authentic relationship is key for therapy to work. Jessa prioritizes compassion and nonjudgmental curiosity. Together, she can find out what matters most to you and how to get there.

If you think Jessa may be a good match for you, please feel free to reach out and set up a free consult or book a session. She is looking forward to hearing from you!

Once a month, she writes a blog article in response to issues she hears from the parents, teens and young adults she connects with. If you have something you’d like to read more on – email ideas and questions to info@pyramidpsychology.com or DM us via Instagram or Facebook.

3 Ways to Respond To Teen Behaviours

What to do once you understand the need driving teen behaviours?

If you ask me, trying to understand why the behaviour is occurring is the hard part, especially when there may be tears, yelling, walking away, or whatever your teen’s favourite way to show that something isn’t quite right is.

Photo by Canva

Your mind may not automatically go to “Hmm… my daughter is having another meltdown before piano lessons… she must be expressing a need to have more choice or to be understood!” But understanding this why, or at least potential whys, can open up so many doors for communication, relationship-building, or for your daughter to be known and supported in decision making. If you’re currently unsure why your teen is acting in certain ways, you can read Chantal Côté ’s blog article: 5 Tips to Learning WHY Teens Behave the Way They Do (Teen Behaviours)’.

Once you have a potential why (or two), it is important to check in with your teen when she is in a calmer state. You may say something along the lines of “I wonder if you are resisting piano lessons so much because you feel you didn’t get a say in the matter?” Your teen may immediately jump to agree, or perhaps she has another idea as simple as not having time to eat a snack before the lesson or the piano lesson conflicting with another activity your teen is interested in. Checking in, being curious, and collaborating on the why together is incredibly important, because you both need to agree on the actual why for the “what” to be relevant and helpful.

Photo by canva

There are three general categories that immediately come to mind when I think about potential courses of action once the why is understood. These include self-awareness, skill development, and communication.

Responding to Teen Behaviours Category #1: Self-Awareness

Self-awareness is a big one. Sometimes it can be hard for your teen to understand why they are feeling the way they are or acting the way they do. Taking time to slow things down, to become comfortable with some discomfort, and to use both their thoughts and emotions to guide our actions are all key aspects of self-awareness.

As a parent, simple check-ins can help develop your teen’s self-awareness. Playful questions like “if your mood was the weather, what kind of day would it be?” can get your teen thinking about their internal experience. Using other less-direct strategies like looking at a feelings wheel together, watching Inside Out, or even taking online personality or love language quizzes can be useful tools in encouraging greater self-awareness.

Below is a feelings wheel, which shares not only the emotions your teen may be feeling, but the needs that could be behind the emotion as well. (If you would like a free printable version, email our team at info@pyramidpsychology.com).

 

 

Responding to Teen Behaviours Category #2: Skill Development

Depending on what the need is, sometimes there is a real opportunity for skill development. Let’s use the case of your teen not completing her homework as an example:

Potential unmet need #1: Need to be supported

In this case, a teen may be avoiding completing her homework due to not understanding the material and feeling anxious about the potential of being negatively judged.

A potential “what”: re-affirm your teen that you love her no matter what and that effort is more important than the outcome. In a case like this, your teen may benefit from some quality time, words of affirmation, or a break from the feelings of anxiety or inadequacy – maybe something completely fun and different like trying pottery, a paint night, or getting out to the mountains. Relevant skill development here includes greater self-awareness, communication, and a willingness to be authentic.

Photo by Canva

Potential unmet need #2: Need for peace

In this second scenario, your teen may be struggling to complete her homework due to an unmet need for peace. Maybe there is a lot happening at your home, maybe your teen is a little on the messy side, or maybe your teen does not have a quiet place to complete her work.

Photo by Canva

A potential “what”: find a quiet place with fewer distractions in your home to help your teen focus. If a consequence is appropriate for your teen not completing her homework, cleaning out a space could be a relevant consequence to meet that need for more peace. Helping other family members understand to keep the volume level down may be helpful as well. Relevant skill development includes aspects like self-advocacy, self-discipline, and organisational skills.

 Potential unmet need #3: Need for independence and choice

As another example, your teen may be choosing not to complete her homework due to a sense of not having enough independence or choice. I have met a few teens who are a little on the rebellious side and tend to push back against any loss of freedom, real or imagined.

Photo by Canva

A potential “what” –  have an open and honest conversation with your teen about what areas are appropriate to have choice in and what areas are not. Teens need to go to school, and part of that is completing homework and assignments. However, there may be some room for choice about how and when to do the homework, such as after dinner instead of right after school. Relevant skill development may include completing tasks even when you do not want to and understanding relevant consequences, both good and bad, of personal choices.

Responding to Teen Behaviours Category #3: Communication

Help your teen understand that you are not a mind reader, and that communication is key to everyone’s wellbeing. My wonderful colleague Ally will be writing on this topic for next week’s blog!

Photo by Canva

Discussing things such as the feelings wheel, self awareness, and needs behind behaviours, are what 1:1 therapy is all about for your teen. Having a neutral person they can let out their emotions to, and then safely discuss what’s going on behind the emotion, is important. You can book a free consultation to learn more about therapy for teens, here:

Book a Free Consultation

 

You can also discover more tips for parents around teen behaviours with another one of our team’s blogs: 4 Tips for Parents to Manage Teen Behaviours’.

 



Jessa is a provisional psychologist living and servicing teens and young adults in Calgary, Alberta.

Jessa is passionate about helping people become the best version of themselves and is continually learning how to best support her clients. She has experience with acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) and cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), but most importantly she emphasizes the therapeutic relationship.

A safe, authentic relationship is key for therapy to work. Jessa prioritizes compassion and nonjudgmental curiosity. Together, she can find out what matters most to you and how to get there.

If you think Jessa may be a good match for you, please feel free to reach out and set up a free consult or book a session. She is looking forward to hearing from you!

Once a month, she writes a blog article in response to issues she hears from the parents, teens and young adults she connects with. If you have something you’d like to read more on – email ideas and questions to info@pyramidpsychology.com or DM us via Instagram or Facebook.