18 May
Anxiety, Counselling, Emotions, For Parents, For Teens, parenting teens, Relationships

What to Say to Support a Struggling Teen Girl

What to Say to Support a Struggling Teen Girl

Finding Peace in the Chaos, Emotional Teen Girl, Anxiety, Depression, Teen Therapy, Therapy for teen girls Emotional Support for Teen Girls: What to Say When They’re Struggling

 

What to say when your teen daughter is struggling? You’ve probably heard the phrase “this too shall pass” before. Maybe someone said it to comfort you once during a tough moment, or maybe you’ve seen it written somewhere and thought, “Yeah, but it doesn’t feel like it right now.” 

When you’re daughter is in the middle of something painful, overwhelming, or uncomfortable, those words can feel distant or even dismissive. But what if she knew something powerful: she already lives this truth every single day.

There’s a quiet strength in realizing that life is always changing and moving—like river water rushing over rocks. We are all part of that river, capable of riding its currents even when they feel strong.

Finding Peace in the Chaos.

 

Supporting Your Teen Through Intense Emotions- Self-Harm Guide For Parents  CLICK HERE FOR DETAILS <<<

Think about the everyday moments that support the truth that “this too shall pass”:

  • The end of sleep becomes the beginning of wakefulness.
  • The end of a fast is the beginning of eating.
  • The end of an inhale is the beginning of an exhale.
  • The end of one thought makes room for silence, and that silence becomes space for another thought.

Your teen is constantly transitioning from one thing to another. These shifts are happening often without even realizing. They can show her that change isn’t something to be feared—it’s something she are already doing. Over and over again. Each day.

So when she’s feeling stuck in a moment—maybe anxiety feels too loud, or sadness feels heavy, or stress has taken over—remind her: this too shall pass. Not in a way that rushes her to feel better, but in a way that lets her breathe and remember her strength. Emotions, like current, ebb and flow. Nothing stays forever, even the hardest moments.

If she’s in it right now and it feels like it won’t end- what to say when your teen daughter is struggling?

Here’s an invitation to share:

First, look at your day so far. Then, think what are 3 endings that have led to new beginnings? (Here are some ideas to get things going!)

  1. The end of your alarm marked the start of your morning.
  2. The end of a dream brought you back to waking life.
  3. The end of brushing your teeth led to your first smile.
  4. The end of hesitation turned into a small brave act.
  5. The end of a class gave you space to breathe.
  6. The end of scrolling turned into presence.
  7. The end of a sigh made way for calm.
  8. The end of silence began a conversation.
  9. The end of frustration opened the door to understanding.
  10. The end of one step moved you closer to where you’re going.

You are far more resilient than you realize. The chaos may swirl around you, but there’s a steady truth underneath it all: change is constant, and you are capable of flowing with it. 

When it feels like too much, anchor into this knowing. Just like the river over rocks—you will move through.

You’ve got this.

With gratitude and love,

Chantal 

Registered Psychologist & Teen Life Coach
Founder of Pyramid Psychology and The Happiness Path Group For Teen Girls

Chantal Côté, Pychologist teen girls, helping with anxiety. Teen group for teen girl. Raising self-esteem and confidence. Mental health support for teen girls. Group to help with anxiety. Emotional Support for Teen Girls: What to Say When They’re Struggling

04 Apr
Anxiety, Confidence, Counselling, Emotions, For Parents, For Teens, Friendships, parenting teens, Relationships, Self Image & Body Image, Self-Compassion, Teen Joy

Friendships Inside Jokes and Feeling Understood

The Magic of The Happiness Path (THP): Friendships, Inside Jokes, and Feeling Understood

There’s something truly special that happens in THP from the very first day. Most teen girls walk in feeling nervous, quiet, and unsure. But as we jump into lighthearted icebreakers, you start to see smiles forming and hear laughter bubbling up. One girl shares something vulnerable, and another nods, realizing she’s not alone. Over the weeks, inside jokes are born, and the group transforms into a place teens genuinely look forward to—whether they’ve had a rough day or an amazing one. With nourishing snacks, warm smiles, and a space where they’re welcomed just as they are, they begin to feel a sense of belonging.

Beyond the conversations and shared moments, THP helps girls build a deeper connection with themselves. During our movement days, they learn to listen to their bodies—not to judge them, but to appreciate them. Instead of seeing their bodies as something to fix, they start to move in ways that feel empowering. They try new things that push them just beyond their comfort zones, and in doing so, they realize they can handle challenges—and that it’s worth it.

The Happiness Path: Teen Coaching to Build Resiliency Against Anxiety & Social Awkwardness  CLICK HERE FOR DETAILS <<<

But if you ask them what they love most about THP, time and time again, they’ll tell you it’s the friendships, inside jokes, and feeling understood. It’s the pookie wookies (the inside jokes and silly moments that only they understand). It’s knowing they have a group of peers who see them, encourage them, and stand by them. In a world that can feel isolating, THP becomes a space where they can launch from to be real, brave, and deeply connected. And that, more than anything, is why we keep doing this work.

Chantal Côté
Registered Psychologist & Teen Life Coach
Founder of Pyramid Psychology and The Happiness Path

04 Apr
Anxiety, Confidence, Counselling, Emotions, For Parents, For Teens, Friendships, parenting teens, Relationships, Self Image & Body Image, Self-Compassion, Teen Joy

From Self-Doubt to Self-Discovery

From self-doubt to self-discovery: the happiness path (THP) transformation for teenage girlsFrom Self-Doubt to Self-Discovery: The Happiness Path (THP) Transformation for Teenage Girls

At first, it felt like nothing would change—constant overthinking, second-guessing every move, feeling stuck in jealousy and self-doubt. Maybe emotions felt too big to handle, or anxiety kept getting in the way of what could be fun. The pressure to fit in, to have it all figured out, to be enough—it was exhausting. But what if things could feel different?

Fast forward to today—more self-awareness, more confidence, and decisions that actually feel good. THP girls learn to challenge their self-talk, breathe through the stress, and take small (and REALLY BIG) powerful steps toward what they really want. “I’ve learned that I’m able to push myself out of my comfort zone,” one girl shared. Trying new things, speaking up, setting boundaries, and showing kindness (to themselves and others) isn’t just an idea—it’s actually happening. They’re encouraged to practice being at the edge of their comfort zone, and the results are clear: “I’ve started taking time to settle and breathe and use positive affirmations”. THP truly took her from self-doubt to self-discovery!

>>> FREE DOWNLOAD: Depression & Anxiety Toolkit for Parents Raising Teen Girls <<<

The biggest shift? They see their own strength. They recognize that they can handle tough emotions, that self-care isn’t selfish, and that growth happens one step at a time. THP isn’t just about feeling better in the moment—it’s about building lifelong roots of confidence and resilience. And for every girl who’s ever doubted herself? This is proof that change is possible.

Chantal Côté
Registered Psychologist & Teen Life Coach
Founder of Pyramid Psychology and The Happiness Path

28 Mar
Anxiety, Confidence, Counselling, Emotions, For Parents, For Teens, Relationships, Uncategorized

From Feeling Alone to Connected

Chantal THP Blog Cover feeling alone Chantal THP Blog Cover From Feeling Alone to Connected: Finding Your Way out of Loneliness

Sam scrolled through her phone for the twelfth time that night. She was watching her friends’ group chat light up with plans she wasn’t invited to. Maybe they don’t actually like me, she thought, her chest tightening. Lately, she’d felt invisible, surrounded by people all the time in the hallways at school and online in chats-  but it was like no one really saw her or cared if she was there. She wanted to reach out, but the fear of being rejected or bothering people kept her silent.

Feeling lonely can be overwhelming. No matter how lonely you feel, please know you’re not alone in this. So many teen girls experience the same thing—wanting deeper friendships but not knowing how to find them. Sometimes, the right people are closer than you think; it just takes the right space to learn how to connect. That’s why THP (The Happiness Path) was created—to bring girls together in a safe, supportive group where real friendships form and teens can start to feel confident to make new friends. After THP, teens can go from feeling alone to connected.

>>> FREE DOWNLOAD: Mental Health Handbook for Teen Girls <<<

In THP, girls like Sam learn how to build confidence in social situations, recognize their worth, and surround themselves with people who truly care. If you’ve ever felt like you don’t belong, THP can help you find the connections and confidence you’ve been looking for. You don’t have to do this alone—your people are out there, and this is your chance to find them.

With gratitude, 


Chantal Côté
Registered Psychologist & Teen Life Coach
Founder of Pyramid Psychology and The Happiness Path

28 Mar
Anxiety, Confidence, Counselling, Emotions, For Parents, For Teens, parenting teens, Relationships, Uncategorized

How to Help Your Teen Become Brave

How to Help Your Teen Become Brave

Did you know your teen daughter is likely having thoughts that they might fail at the important things in life?—whether it’s school, friendships, or future plans. The pressure to succeed and meet expectations can leave them so stressed, anxious, and stuck in self-doubt. While your instinct might be to encourage them to push through or think about it as a necessary part of getting to the next part of their journey, a powerful yet often overlooked tool is learning to pause and be present in the moment- this can help your teen become brave.

The Happiness Path: Teen Coaching to Build Resiliency Against Anxiety & Social Awkwardness  CLICK HERE FOR DETAILS <<<

 

Your Teen Can Become Resilient

Imagine guiding teen girls to tune into their thoughts, emotions, and surroundings, helping them break free from the cycle of replaying past events or constantly stressing over the future. When they practice mindfulness and self-awareness, they gain clarity and confidence. Instead of being consumed by “what ifs” and worst-case scenarios, they can find space between the moment and their response. This grows their power to face challenges with a sense of “I can handle this” and focus. This shift not only eases their anxiety but also empowers them to make choices that align with what matters most to them, rather than just doing what they think they should do.

In our 6-week group program, The Happiness Path (THP), we dedicate week 2 to helping teenagers experience being present and practice in real-time with creative and fun exercises. By strengthening their ability to be present, your daughter can navigate life’s pressures with resilience and intention. They learn that failure isn’t something to fear—it’s part of growth. And more importantly, they begin to see that success isn’t just about meeting expectations but about building a future that feels meaningful and fulfilling to them. And that is how we can help your teen become brave!

Chantal Côté
Registered Psychologist & Teen Life Coach
Founder of Pyramid Psychology and The Happiness Path

Confidence in Teen Girls, Raising Confident Teen Girls: How to Support Their Journey to Self-Worth
12 Jan
Anxiety, Confidence, Emotions, For Parents, Friendships, parenting teens, Relationships, Self-Compassion, Teen Joy

Raising Confident Teen Girls: How to Support Their Journey to Self-Worth

As a parent, few experiences are as heart-wrenching as seeing your teen daughter struggle to recognize the amazing qualities that shine so clearly to you. You see her brightness, kindness, and potential, but it can feel like an uphill battle as she grapples with self-doubt or emotional challenges. The more you focus on raising a confident teen girl and supporting her journey to self-worth, the easier navigating friendships, school, and life becomes—but teens (and all of us really!) require guidance to truly take root.

If your daughter is stuck in toxic friendships, constantly overthinking, or feeling paralyzed by the fear of disappointing others, know that these struggles are common. Thankfully, there are ways you can help her uncover her inner strength and build self-worth. Here’s how:

Cultivate Confidence by Acknowledging Her Challenges with Empathy

Many teen girls feel immense pressure to excel academically, socially, and personally. That pressure turns inward, leading to negative self-talk or, in some cases, harmful behaviors like self-harm when they feel overwhelmed. Your teen is likely struggling to know what to do with some of these feelings and unsure how to show herself some understanding and care. Creating a safe, judgment-free space allows her to open up and feel validated, a foundational step in cultivating confidence for teen girls.

>>> FREE DOWNLOAD: Depression & Anxiety Toolkit for Parents Raising Teen Girls <<<

Foster Positive Relationships

Friendships are central to a teen girl’s world, yet not all relationships are created equal. Toxic friendships can zap her confidence leaving her feeling isolated or anxious. Help her start to distinguish between supportive and harmful relationships by discussing what mutual respect, trust, and encouragement look like. Use real-life examples or share shows/movies that you think illustrate some of these qualities. Understanding the importance of boundaries and how to set them is a powerful skills to help her step away from unhealthy connections. Instead, building supportive friendships to significantly boost your teen’s confidence.

Have a look at our Blog on 3 Questions for Parents to Ask About Teen Boundaries.

two teen girls talking teen friendships

Photo by Andrea Tummons on Unsplash

Guide Her to Focus on the Present

Teens often get caught in a whirlwind of future-focused worries, whether it’s about upcoming tests, college, or social expectations. These anxieties can overshadow the experiences of the moment. Being future-focused all the time is also disorienting resulting in exhaustion and lack of motivation. Whenever you can introduce a present moment invitation, it’s an investment in her well-being. These can be simple like- when you’re cooking something, calling her over “come smell this”,  as your driving in the car together “look at mountains today”, introduce a new song to her “listen to this, I’m curious what you think”, or even asking the question “did you notice….?” can encourage more presence. Encouraging her to celebrate small victories or journal daily gratitudes can also help her reconnect with the present. Learning to anchor herself in the moment is essential for confidence-building.

Model Kindness Toward Yourself to Build Confidence From Within

Your daughter is constantly learning from how you navigate your own challenges. This is no easy task and it’s an ongoing journey. If she sees you celebrating wins, making self-care a priority, and respecting yourself, she will likely replicate those behaviors. Don’t forget to model a little self-compassion in there by showing grace for your mistakes, prioritizing your mental health, and setting boundaries. Explain that treating yourself with kindness is essential—not optional—and it’s a practice that builds confidence from within.

Equip Her with Confidence Coping Tools

I see parents get really good as problem solving. They have tons of ideas and solutions ready to fire off when their teen comes to them. But rather than solving problems for her, you will have a far more positive impact if you empower her to handle challenges independently. Teach practical skills like assertive communication, emotional regulation, and problem-solving. You might ask her “what’s one small step you could take to address this?”, “what’s your gut telling you?”, “what have you tried?”, “what do you think will happen if you try A?”-  More questions to develop problem solving questions here. Helping her find her own solutions builds both confidence and resilience, paving the way for long-term emotional strength.

>>> FREE DOWNLOAD: Depression & Anxiety Toolkit for Parents Raising Teen Girls <<<

teen confidence, parent communicating with teen, support, showing how to problem solve independently

Photo by sofatutor on Unsplash

Encourage External Support When Needed

Raising confident teen girls, while supporting their journey to self-worth sometimes requires us to seek guidance outside the family. Whether it’s a trusted mentor, school counsellor, professional coach, or mental health therapist, having a neutral third party to turn to can make a profound difference. Reassure her that seeking support is a sign of strength and courage, not weakness.

Discover THP: Helping Teen Girls Confidence Thrive

If your daughter is navigating self-doubt, struggling with friendships, or feeling overwhelmed by life’s demands, the Teen Happiness Pill (THP) program can provide the support she needs. THP is a transformative 6-week program for teen girls (ages 12-18) designed to help them move beyond anxiety and overwhelm into a space of confidence and empowerment. Through engaging activities and community support, THP helps participants:

  • Cultivate resilience and self-worth.
  • Build positive, healthy friendships.
  • Manage stress effectively and reduce overthinking.
  • Develop self-compassion and a growth mindset.

This program is available both in-person in YYC and online worldwide, ensuring flexibility and accessibility. With small group sizes, teens receive personalized attention while connecting with peers who understand their struggles. Each week, the program incorporates a unique wellness theme, including a fitness component that helps boost both physical and mental strength.

As a parent, you want to give your daughter every opportunity to thrive. By supporting her participation in THP, you can help her unlock her potential and gain the confidence to navigate life’s challenges with courage and grace.

Learn more about THP and enroll your teen today. Together, let’s help her discover the incredible qualities you’ve always known she possesses.

Resilient teen girls, teen wellness, overcoming anxiety, teen group for anxiety, raising confidence and self-esteem, the happiness pill confidence group

Photo by Canva Pro

                                  

 

 

 

 

About Me

Psychologist Teen Life Coach

Chantal Côté, Registered Psychologist & Teen Life Coach

Hi! My name is Chantal.

I am a registered psychologist and teen coach working with teen girls around the globe (and their parents) to help them build Unbreakable Mindsets.

I was born in Ontario and raised in Alberta. As a result of my family encouraging us to speak French growing up (I didn’t always love it as a teen though!), I am bilingual. I love being close to the mountains and am in awe every time I see the beautiful landscapes. One day I might trade my winter jacket in for a bathing suit and a pair of flip flops, but for now Calgary is home.

I look at mental wellness as part of a Whole System. “After food comes mood” and “You’re the average of the five people you spend the most time with” are sayings that make a lot of sense to me. Therefore, when I work with teens, I collaborate with them to get a clear picture of how their lifestyle, experiences, and biological makeup influence how they feel every day. I also believe it is so important to mine for their strengths and resources. Bringing those to life for teen girls, results in them becoming their most resilient and confident selves.

I help teen girls who are struggling with their confidence, are feeling anxious, overwhelmed, or shut down a lot of the time, and want things to be different. Most certainly the struggle is affecting their self-image, their relationships, and so importantly their mental wellness.

Over the years, I have given myself permission to explore my creative side. I’m also drawn to physical fitness and sport and feel so at home in nature. I work really well with teens who have some creative connections (whether that’s drawing, painting, writing, acting, fashion, playing and making music, etc.). I also get the world of sport and connect well with teens who have an athletic side.

This Article: “Raising Confident Teen Girls: How to Support Their Journey to Self-Worth” was written by: CHANTAL | Pyramid Psychology

20 Dec
For Parents, For Teens, Relationships, Teen Joy

5 Holiday Mindfulness Tips for Teens

5 Holiday Mindfulness Tips for Teens

It’s the most wonderful time of the year!

 … Except that it is also a time that comes with a long list of things to do: presents to buy, recipes to perfect, family relationships and social commitments to navigate, creating a welcoming and festive home, and covid considerations as well. Even writing this list I am reminding myself of all the things I have yet to do before Christmas arrives!

I don’t know about you, but for myself, these high expectations and competing demands can cause stress. This stress comes from originally setting good intentions for the holiday season to be full of warmth, meaningful connections, and elevated spirits. However, things can get warped when you lose sight of what you find truly important.

Ironically, becoming stressed is completely counterproductive to these original intentions of presence and connection.

 

>>> FREE DOWNLOAD: Mental Health Handbook for Teen Girls <<<

An eBook with 10 mental health exercises every teen girl needs to know to:

  • Improve focus
  • Boost happy hormones naturally
  • Cope with trick feelings
  • Develop self-compassion

I Want the Handbook!

 

Photo by Canva

With this in mind, here are five points of reflection for you and your family this holiday season:

1. Mindfulness Over the Holidays: Determine Your Priorities

What is important to you this holiday season? Recognizing the key points of the holiday can shift your focus away from things on your to-do list that aren’t a priority.

Here are some priorities that come to my mind or have been shared from clients:

  • Spending time with family and loved ones is more important than the setting.
  • Gift giving is a form of love during the holidays.
  • Hosting a family dinner and perfecting a new recipe is a source of holiday joy.
  • Slowing down for self-care is important over the holidays.
  • The holidays are a time to try new things and go on an adventure!

Whatever your priority is this season, know what it is for yourself and focus on that the most.

Photo by Canva

2. Mindfulness Over the Holidays: Set Boundaries

Setting self-care boundaries is essential, especially during a busy season like Christmas where there are numerous events, opportunities, and expectations.

Take a moment to check in with yourself to make informed decisions about what is best for you and your loved ones. If you are “running on empty” and finding yourself stressed, tired, or easily frustrated, maybe the best choice is to sit one of the social engagements out and spend some time “filling up your tank”.

Think of a few strategies that work best for you when you are feeling stressed, whether that be time with others, time alone, a specific activity, exercise, etc. Whatever destressing looks like for you, go for it!

It can also be helpful to have a discussion around holiday expectations and preventing stress with your family.

 

Photo by istock

3. Mindfulness Over the Holidays: Watch Your Thoughts

Thoughts can be tricky and can easily affect your feelings and behaviours if you are not mindful of them.

Some thoughts I’ve heard come up over the holidays that won’t necessarily serve you include: thinking that the house needs to be spotless, food needs to be extravagant, every social event must be attended, or that every loved one should get an individualized, thoughtful gift so they know how much they are love, etc. These are thoughts that can cause stress for the whole family over the holidays!

Notice the word choice in these statements – needs, must, should, every, everyone – words like these lead to black-and-white thinking and can place a lot of pressure on a person. 

While none of these are bad things to want, you can change your thought process by altering your statements around these words. Some examples: “it would be nice if…” or, “I will try my best, but what I really value here is connection over cleanliness”.

This small shift can do wonders in reducing the stress experienced from high expectations.

Your teen daughter can learn how to shift her thoughts in presence, too. Our team has written a blog article on it for your pleasure here.

Photo by Canva

4. Mindfulness Over the Holidays: Be Open to Different Ways of Doing Things

Just because something has always been a certain way does not mean it needs to continue to be that way.

If there are aspects of the holiday season that are causing you stress, consider other ways of doing things. Maybe that looks like a gift exchange or going to an event instead of buying gifts for each family member. Perhaps it looks like a potluck or ordering in instead of one or two people feeling pressure to host a big meal.

The sky is the limit!!

Better yet – what ideas do your kids or partner have for changing the routine? What a great family discussion!

 

Photo by Canva

5. Mindfulness Over the Holidays: Be Present

Once you know your priorities, have healthy boundaries, and are intentional with the time you do have, it becomes easier to be present in whatever relationship or activity you are engaged in.

Worrying about whether or not everything will be perfect on Christmas day or meet everyone’s expectations will not have a significant impact on the outcome and will only drain your energy.

Let tomorrow worry about itself and try to find those silver linings in the moment.

 If you have a teen that struggles with anxiety over the holidays (perhaps perfectionism) and/or depression, you can download our free Anxiety Toolkit for Parents Raising Teens. It comes with 10 tools you can immediately begin implementing for your family this holiday season, as well as a series of mini webinars.

Our gift to you!

 

Photo by Canva

And don’t forget that it is OK to need some extra support, at any time of the year. I offer therapy for teens and young adults, creating lifelong strategies to get through anxious times. You can find my availability and booking link here:

 

Book an Appointment

From all of us here at Pyramid Psychology, we wish you a happy holiday season!

Email us with any questions, any time: info@pyramidpsychology.com

Love,

Jessa

 

Jessa

Jessa is a provisional psychologist living and servicing teens and young adults in Calgary, Alberta.

Jessa is passionate about helping people become the best version of themselves and is continually learning how to best support her clients. She has experience with acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) and cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), but most importantly she emphasizes the therapeutic relationship.

A safe, authentic relationship is key for therapy to work. Jessa prioritizes compassion and nonjudgmental curiosity. Together, she can find out what matters most to you and how to get there.

If you think Jessa may be a good match for you, please feel free to reach out and set up a free consult or book a session. She is looking forward to hearing from you!

Once a month, she writes a blog article in response to issues she hears from the parents, teens and young adults she connects with. If you have something you’d like to read more on – email ideas and questions to info@pyramidpsychology.com or DM us via Instagram or Facebook.

winter break
05 Dec
For Teens, Friendships, Relationships

Making the Most of Winter Break for Teen Girls

Making the Most of Winter Break for Teen Girls

Yeayyyh!! You made it through tests and exams! I can only imagine what taking a break from school, waking up early, doing homework, having to be in bed at 9pm and repeat the cycle would look like for you… Winter break might be what you need right now. At the same time having a long break with nothing to do or look forward to can be frustrating and overwhelming. Some teens also experience some winter blues whereby you don’t have access to your school friends, and can’t engage in extracurricular activity as before as everything in relation to school might be closed. Here are some tips to make the most of winter break, and enjoy it!

 

>>> FREE DOWNLOAD: Mental Health Handbook for Teen Girls <<<

An eBook with 10 mental health exercises every teen girl needs to know to:

  • Improve focus
  • Boost happy hormones naturally
  • Cope with trick feelings
  • Develop self-compassion

I Want the Handbook!

 

winter break for teen girls

Photo by Yuri Levin on Unsplash

5 Ways to Make The Most of Winter Break

 

Tip #1 – Develop a Winter Break routine– Just as you have routine for your school week, you could do the same for your  winter break… make it fun and interesting such that you look forward to it every morning and at the end of your day. You can even title it Winter Morning Routine and Winter Night time Routine….

Tip #2 – Plan a family day/ friends day or camping trip- What would a great winter break look like with your loved ones… whatever that looks like for you… Do It. This is the time and moment to be creative and enjoy the outdoors.

Tip #3 – Get a Job for the winter break- Want to get some engaging responsibilities and develop some skills? Then getting a winter job could help with just that. Some creative ways to earn a few bucks could be…. Baby-sitting, dog walking, or retail, getting to maybe get paid by taking on some responsibilities at home, etc.

Tip #4 – Volunteer or be part of a group- Looking for ways to give back and be involved in community? Volunteering your time and effort will always go a long way. Some organizations you can volunteer at could include but not limited to: Youth Central is a good one, Diamond Willow if you are Indigenous), Calgary Sport, also City of Calgary has opportunities for youth

winter break for teen girls

Photo by Natasha Hall

Tip #5 – Start a club- As an individual who takes pride in reading for pleasure and can be fully immersed in a good read… having a book club does wonders for me. Not only does it keep me committed but also allows me to gain different perspectives on the book, the storyline and share in the beauty and humor in between chapters with others. You can do the same… start a book club, cooking club, start a knitting club etc.

Love,

Chipo

Register Social Worker offering counseling for female identifying teens (11-21 years old)

>>> FREE DOWNLOAD: Mental Health Handbook for Teen Girls <<<

An eBook with 10 mental health exercises every teen girl needs to know to:

  • Improve focus
  • Boost happy hormones naturally
  • Cope with trick feelings
  • Develop self-compassion

I Want the Handbook!

 

I am a registered social worker with a Bachelor of Social Work with a major in psychology from the university of the Western Cape, and a Master’s in Clinical Social Work specialization with individuals, families, and groups from the University of Calgary.

In my practice, I note the different intersectionalites that come into play, and I have adapted myself to understanding the effects thereof. I pride myself in working from a holistic and integrative approach using trauma-informed, anti-oppressive, and intersectional lenses in rendering services.

I am grounded by embracing my full humanness-being imperfectly perfect. My faith, family and friendships carry me through life and its happenings. I find being in nature very healing and so is savouring moments. When not working, I love to engage in some fitness, going on walks, journaling, catching up on Korean series, city adventures and reading for pleasure. I also believe in allowing my inner child come out sometimes through art, dancing, building sand castles you name it.

22 Sep
Anxiety, Confidence, For Teens, Friendships, Relationships

3 Ways to Help Your Teen Through Social Awkwardness

3 Ways to Help Your Teen Through Social Awkwardness

 

If you have a socially awkward teen daughter, know that it’s totally normal for her to experience this. And she can actively work through it with this blog article and your help!

 

>>> FREE DOWNLOAD: Depression & Anxiety Toolkit for Parents Raising Teen Girls <<<

10 tools you can immediately use to improve your female identifying teens’ mental health & build resistance against depression & anxiety:

 

Anxiety & Depression Toolkit for Parents Raising Teen Girls

 

‘Never Have I Ever Felt socially awkward’ is a statement NO ONE would win in the game “Never Have I Ever”. Everybody experiences moments of feeling kind of out of place. But when you combine the hyper-awareness of yourself that comes with being a teen it can feel 100 times worse. 

What leads teens to feel like every move they make highlights all their flaws? If you guessed their brain 🧠, you got it!

Photo by Norbu Gyachung on Unsplash

Teen brains are fascinating and undergoing some major changes well into their mid-20’s. The limbic system (emotion centers) are in full swing and the prefrontal cortex (reasoning, executive functioning, and problem-solving centers) are working hard to wire. This can lead teens to misinterpret facial expressions and emotional tones more negatively (read more about this HERE).

Teens are also at the peak of egocentrism. Ok sometimes this gets a bad rap – thinking that teens are only utterly self-involved. It’s not quite that. Their brains are so self-aware during adolescence, that it makes it hard to see the differences between their own perceptions and that of others.

This can sometimes lead to self-consciousness and insecurities. Your teen is also experimenting in the in-between worlds of letting go of some childlike behaviours and stepping into adult-like behaviours. This includes how to use different social skills in different settings. Your teen probably acts and speaks quite differently around their friends than they would with their  grandparent. 

It’s like those little whispers we sometimes have running in the background, “what if they don’t like me”, “what if they think I’m basic”, “what if they make fun of me”, “what if no one talks to me”, are full on shouting. Those thoughts can make anyone feel like they are under the microscope with their every move. 

So there’s a lot of stuff going on and I haven’t even mentioned the social and internal pressures to fit in, differences in abilities to interpret social cues, unique experiences, history, sociopolitical factors, and more. 

So how does one move from socially awkward to gracefully nailing every social interaction. Um…..If I figure that one out, I’ll be the first to share it! The reality is social stuff is not always going to be perfect nor pretty, but I can share a few things that can make things a little easier for your teen as she navigates this time in her life.

socially awkward teen

Photo by Yanapi Senaud on Unsplash

 

3 Tips to Share With Your Socially Awkward Teen Daughter:

Tip #1 – Building confidence- Trusting that you can get through challenging things and make it to the other side somehow is key to feeling less socially awkward. You might stutter, go blank, mess up someone’s name, but if you know that it’s going to be ok in the end and that you’ll figure it out, it goes a long way to continuing on. 

If you’re struggling to feel confident in social situations, here is a blog article with 10 rules to live by:

10 Rules for Being Confident When Talking to Others

tip #2 – Finding your people-  This doesn’t mean only liking those that have similar interests (‘cause where’s the variety in that). It’s more about connecting with people who you feel kind of comfortable with, those who leave you feeling good most of the time, people you can have

socially awkward teen

Photo by Mi Pham on Unsplash

fun with. In order to meet these people, sometimes you have to have a few (or many) fails. In the end it’s so worth finding your people. 

Refining your social skills- yeah some people seem to just have the hang of this social thing a little easier than others. However, it’s good to know that social skills are very teachable, so even if you didn’t win the lottery on it coming naturally, there are ways of learning how to make social interactions breezier. Important Note ***I want to make a distinction between learning social skills and encouraging masking behaviours in teens who are neurodivergent. Social skills will enhance communication, ability to read social cues, understanding of social situations, and a sense of connection to others. If you’re learning skills that make you feel like you’re forcing, faking, hiding yourself, unsafe, or exhausted, you might be more in masking territory and this could even make things worse. 

REMEMBER- everyone else is working through their own stuff about social interactions and are likely more in their own heads rather than noticing your little mistakes.  

 

>>> FREE DOWNLOAD: Depression & Anxiety Toolkit for Parents Raising Teen Girls <<<

10 tools you can immediately use to improve your female identifying teens’ mental health & build resistance against depression & anxiety:

 

Anxiety & Depression Toolkit for Parents Raising Teen Girls

 

And to finish, here is a list of movies and shows where the socially awkward characters are actually pretty freaking “adorkable” (wish I had coined this word!)- If you have some other suggestions, send them our way.

 

Movies and Shows With Socially Awkward Characters

  • Peter Parker – Spiderman
  • Mary Catherine Gallagher- Superstar
  • Allison Reynolds- Breakfast Club 
  • Mike Drinkwater- Drinkwater
  • Wednesday Adams – Wednesday 
  • Nadine Franklin – The Edge of Seventeen
  • George McFly- Back to the Future
  • Mia Thermopolis – Princess Diaries
  • Josie Geller- Never Been Kissed
  • Fogell McLovin- Superbad
  • Minnie goetz-  Diary of a teenage girl
  • Kayla Day- 8th grade 
  • Napoleon Dynamite- Napoleon Dynamite
  • Jess Day- New Girl
  • Daria Morgendorffer– Daria
  • Amy Santiago- Brooklyn 99 
  • Kevin Arnold- The Wonder Years
  • Emma Nelson- Degrassi Next Gen
  • Jenna Hamilton- Awkward
  • Hannah Horvath- Girls

Love,
Chantal
Psychologist, Teen Life Coach, and Founder of Pyramid Psychology

 

Chantal Côté (she/her) is a psychologist and teen life coach living in Calgary, Alberta. After over a decade in non-profit and community mental health, Chantal started Pyramid Psychology, a practice dedicated to supporting teens – a population she is constantly amazed by. Chantal is on a mission to help 100,000 teen girls (and their parents) build bulletproof mindsets so they can weather the ups and downs of life. As part of this goal, Chantal has had the privilege of speaking at various events – virtual and live – to support teens and parents.

Outside of this passion, Chantal is often in nature, writing poetry, playing ball hockey and hanging out with her loved ones.

Each week, Chantal writes a blog article in response to issues she hears from the parents and teens she connects with.

If you have something you’d like to read more on – email ideas and questions to info@pyramidpsychology.com or DM us via Instagram or Facebook.

15 Sep
For Teens, Friendships, Relationships

How to Build Community After Trauma – A Story for Teen Girls

How to Build Community After Trauma – A Story for Teen Girls

When I think of the importance of community after trauma, the saying “no man is an island” comes to mind…. Ever heard it? I have a couple of times…

And as a result of my own pain, suffering, trauma, and fear of being hurt I mastered the art of avoiding to share my personal struggles with others.

 

>>> FREE DOWNLOAD: Mental Health Handbook for Teen Girls <<<

An eBook with 10 mental health exercises every teen girl needs to know to:

  • Improve focus
  • Boost happy hormones naturally
  • Cope with trick feelings
  • Develop self-compassion

I Want the Handbook!

 

Yep. I ensured I looked like “I had it together”. This was not your typical act or performance. Rather, it was embroiled in my veins…. Be the emotional tool box for every other human being, don’t be vulnerable. It’s for the weak and if you are, what if you get hurt again.

Therapist discovering community after trauma

Chipo Bvindi, Register Social Worker supporting teens in YYC

Yes, that is a negotiation, I ensured I made, proactively and also at the end of the day resented people for always coming to me with their struggles, although this is what I wanted. I had a savior mentality, made me feel safe… I could save others, such that my own personal struggles had somewhere to lean on for support. By attending to other people’s needs, I DIDN’T HAVE TO DEAL WITH MY OWN… my own struggles with fear of abandonment…. Not only was this a maladaptive behavior, but it was killing me softly… as I held my own trauma within my body, faking it till you made it.

It wasn’t until one day my therapist was like what if you did try and test the waters… you don’t have to open up your whole being to everyone… you could share just bits of pieces and see how that goes… and maybe it might be time to renegotiate what your relationships should like moving forward.

You see, the thing is avoidance does not help at all. It keeps you stuck with rigidity and in the past… and it escalates situations as avoidance allows us to not delay with things that can later on become bigger problems. I cannot do life on my own, neither am I an island, avoiding to be hurt will not prevent me from being hurt anyways, I can learn.

Plus avoiding relationships in which there is reciprocity and vulnerability prevents me from healing… as on is isolated, alone and lonely…. No one knows what you are going through except you. And usually when we are alone that’s often the time our minds play “Yeah bet” lets overthink and it becomes a vicious cycle… where we cannot generate external perspective on situations affecting us. Avoiding relationships will not help you grow, rather we can make a conscious decision of being able to choose relationships that are healthy for us and meet our needs and speak to our values.

I also realized, that not everyone is out to get me, and when I do share and do not get the response or desired outcome, that is a learning for

Teen discovering community after trauma

Chipo Bvindi, Register Social Worker supporting teens in YYC

me. Not everyone has the capacity to help or respond empathetically and that’s okay. From there we can chose on how to proceed.

 

As I started to open up more and just be my authentic self… I felt lighter in my body, in my mind. I realized what I was missing, a sense of community, and a sense of belonging. That a problem shared, is a problem half solved. Nothing is greater than being listened to, to understand and being supported in the best way possible. Community care and social support is important, trust me. Nothing sucks more than doing life alone and for the record loneliness and isolation have been researched to lead to an increased risk of premature mortality.

Get out there and find your tribe; your community after trauma. You will never regret it. My goal this year is to be intentional and content with my friendships. Avoiding relationships will not help you know who is healthy for you… you can learn to choose people who are health for you. Building walls will not help you accomplish that. Healthy relationships are possible if you open yourself up to that process and responsibility it takes.

If you feel this journey is much too scary to do alone, as I did, you are welcome to seek support with me. I offer private therapy for teen girls ages 11-21 in Alberta. I work specifically on accepting yourself as a whole person as you find community after trauma.

Book a free consultation with me HERE.

(If you’re nervous, read our blog: “Everything You Need to Know About Therapy“.)

 

Love,

Chipo

Register Social Worker offering counseling for female identifying teens (11-21 years old)

 

>>> FREE DOWNLOAD: Mental Health Handbook for Teen Girls <<<

An eBook with 10 mental health exercises every teen girl needs to know to:

  • Improve focus
  • Boost happy hormones naturally
  • Cope with trick feelings
  • Develop self-compassion

I Want the Handbook!

 

I am a registered social worker with a Bachelor of Social Work with a major in psychology from the university of the Western Cape, and a Master’s in Clinical Social Work specialization with individuals, families, and groups from the University of Calgary.

In my practice, I note the different intersectionality’s that come into play, and I have adapted myself to understanding the effects thereof. I pride myself in working from a holistic and integrative approach using trauma-informed, anti-oppressive, and intersectional lenses in rendering services.

I am grounded by embracing my full humanness-being imperfectly perfect. My faith, family and friendships carry me through life and its happenings. I find being in nature very healing and so is savouring moments. When not working, I love to engage in some fitness, going on walks, journaling, catching up on Korean series, city adventures and reading for pleasure. I also believe in allowing my inner child come out sometimes through art, dancing, building sand castles you name it.

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