20 Dec
For Parents, For Teens, Relationships, Teen Joy

5 Holiday Mindfulness Tips for Teens

5 Holiday Mindfulness Tips for Teens

It’s the most wonderful time of the year!

 … Except that it is also a time that comes with a long list of things to do: presents to buy, recipes to perfect, family relationships and social commitments to navigate, creating a welcoming and festive home, and covid considerations as well. Even writing this list I am reminding myself of all the things I have yet to do before Christmas arrives!

I don’t know about you, but for myself, these high expectations and competing demands can cause stress. This stress comes from originally setting good intentions for the holiday season to be full of warmth, meaningful connections, and elevated spirits. However, things can get warped when you lose sight of what you find truly important.

Ironically, becoming stressed is completely counterproductive to these original intentions of presence and connection.

 

>>> FREE DOWNLOAD: Mental Health Handbook for Teen Girls <<<

An eBook with 10 mental health exercises every teen girl needs to know to:

  • Improve focus
  • Boost happy hormones naturally
  • Cope with trick feelings
  • Develop self-compassion

I Want the Handbook!

 

Photo by Canva

With this in mind, here are five points of reflection for you and your family this holiday season:

1. Mindfulness Over the Holidays: Determine Your Priorities

What is important to you this holiday season? Recognizing the key points of the holiday can shift your focus away from things on your to-do list that aren’t a priority.

Here are some priorities that come to my mind or have been shared from clients:

  • Spending time with family and loved ones is more important than the setting.
  • Gift giving is a form of love during the holidays.
  • Hosting a family dinner and perfecting a new recipe is a source of holiday joy.
  • Slowing down for self-care is important over the holidays.
  • The holidays are a time to try new things and go on an adventure!

Whatever your priority is this season, know what it is for yourself and focus on that the most.

Photo by Canva

2. Mindfulness Over the Holidays: Set Boundaries

Setting self-care boundaries is essential, especially during a busy season like Christmas where there are numerous events, opportunities, and expectations.

Take a moment to check in with yourself to make informed decisions about what is best for you and your loved ones. If you are “running on empty” and finding yourself stressed, tired, or easily frustrated, maybe the best choice is to sit one of the social engagements out and spend some time “filling up your tank”.

Think of a few strategies that work best for you when you are feeling stressed, whether that be time with others, time alone, a specific activity, exercise, etc. Whatever destressing looks like for you, go for it!

It can also be helpful to have a discussion around holiday expectations and preventing stress with your family.

 

Photo by istock

3. Mindfulness Over the Holidays: Watch Your Thoughts

Thoughts can be tricky and can easily affect your feelings and behaviours if you are not mindful of them.

Some thoughts I’ve heard come up over the holidays that won’t necessarily serve you include: thinking that the house needs to be spotless, food needs to be extravagant, every social event must be attended, or that every loved one should get an individualized, thoughtful gift so they know how much they are love, etc. These are thoughts that can cause stress for the whole family over the holidays!

Notice the word choice in these statements – needs, must, should, every, everyone – words like these lead to black-and-white thinking and can place a lot of pressure on a person. 

While none of these are bad things to want, you can change your thought process by altering your statements around these words. Some examples: “it would be nice if…” or, “I will try my best, but what I really value here is connection over cleanliness”.

This small shift can do wonders in reducing the stress experienced from high expectations.

Your teen daughter can learn how to shift her thoughts in presence, too. Our team has written a blog article on it for your pleasure here.

Photo by Canva

4. Mindfulness Over the Holidays: Be Open to Different Ways of Doing Things

Just because something has always been a certain way does not mean it needs to continue to be that way.

If there are aspects of the holiday season that are causing you stress, consider other ways of doing things. Maybe that looks like a gift exchange or going to an event instead of buying gifts for each family member. Perhaps it looks like a potluck or ordering in instead of one or two people feeling pressure to host a big meal.

The sky is the limit!!

Better yet – what ideas do your kids or partner have for changing the routine? What a great family discussion!

 

Photo by Canva

5. Mindfulness Over the Holidays: Be Present

Once you know your priorities, have healthy boundaries, and are intentional with the time you do have, it becomes easier to be present in whatever relationship or activity you are engaged in.

Worrying about whether or not everything will be perfect on Christmas day or meet everyone’s expectations will not have a significant impact on the outcome and will only drain your energy.

Let tomorrow worry about itself and try to find those silver linings in the moment.

 If you have a teen that struggles with anxiety over the holidays (perhaps perfectionism) and/or depression, you can download our free Anxiety Toolkit for Parents Raising Teens. It comes with 10 tools you can immediately begin implementing for your family this holiday season, as well as a series of mini webinars.

Our gift to you!

 

Photo by Canva

And don’t forget that it is OK to need some extra support, at any time of the year. I offer therapy for teens and young adults, creating lifelong strategies to get through anxious times. You can find my availability and booking link here:

 

Book an Appointment

From all of us here at Pyramid Psychology, we wish you a happy holiday season!

Email us with any questions, any time: info@pyramidpsychology.com

Love,

Jessa

 

Jessa

Jessa is a provisional psychologist living and servicing teens and young adults in Calgary, Alberta.

Jessa is passionate about helping people become the best version of themselves and is continually learning how to best support her clients. She has experience with acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) and cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), but most importantly she emphasizes the therapeutic relationship.

A safe, authentic relationship is key for therapy to work. Jessa prioritizes compassion and nonjudgmental curiosity. Together, she can find out what matters most to you and how to get there.

If you think Jessa may be a good match for you, please feel free to reach out and set up a free consult or book a session. She is looking forward to hearing from you!

Once a month, she writes a blog article in response to issues she hears from the parents, teens and young adults she connects with. If you have something you’d like to read more on – email ideas and questions to info@pyramidpsychology.com or DM us via Instagram or Facebook.

winter break
05 Dec
For Teens, Friendships, Relationships

Making the Most of Winter Break for Teen Girls

Making the Most of Winter Break for Teen Girls

Yeayyyh!! You made it through tests and exams! I can only imagine what taking a break from school, waking up early, doing homework, having to be in bed at 9pm and repeat the cycle would look like for you… Winter break might be what you need right now. At the same time having a long break with nothing to do or look forward to can be frustrating and overwhelming. Some teens also experience some winter blues whereby you don’t have access to your school friends, and can’t engage in extracurricular activity as before as everything in relation to school might be closed. Here are some tips to make the most of winter break, and enjoy it!

 

>>> FREE DOWNLOAD: Mental Health Handbook for Teen Girls <<<

An eBook with 10 mental health exercises every teen girl needs to know to:

  • Improve focus
  • Boost happy hormones naturally
  • Cope with trick feelings
  • Develop self-compassion

I Want the Handbook!

 

winter break for teen girls

Photo by Yuri Levin on Unsplash

5 Ways to Make The Most of Winter Break

 

Tip #1 – Develop a Winter Break routine– Just as you have routine for your school week, you could do the same for your  winter break… make it fun and interesting such that you look forward to it every morning and at the end of your day. You can even title it Winter Morning Routine and Winter Night time Routine….

Tip #2 – Plan a family day/ friends day or camping trip- What would a great winter break look like with your loved ones… whatever that looks like for you… Do It. This is the time and moment to be creative and enjoy the outdoors.

Tip #3 – Get a Job for the winter break- Want to get some engaging responsibilities and develop some skills? Then getting a winter job could help with just that. Some creative ways to earn a few bucks could be…. Baby-sitting, dog walking, or retail, getting to maybe get paid by taking on some responsibilities at home, etc.

Tip #4 – Volunteer or be part of a group- Looking for ways to give back and be involved in community? Volunteering your time and effort will always go a long way. Some organizations you can volunteer at could include but not limited to: Youth Central is a good one, Diamond Willow if you are Indigenous), Calgary Sport, also City of Calgary has opportunities for youth

winter break for teen girls

Photo by Natasha Hall

Tip #5 – Start a club- As an individual who takes pride in reading for pleasure and can be fully immersed in a good read… having a book club does wonders for me. Not only does it keep me committed but also allows me to gain different perspectives on the book, the storyline and share in the beauty and humor in between chapters with others. You can do the same… start a book club, cooking club, start a knitting club etc.

Love,

Chipo

Register Social Worker offering counseling for female identifying teens (11-21 years old)

>>> FREE DOWNLOAD: Mental Health Handbook for Teen Girls <<<

An eBook with 10 mental health exercises every teen girl needs to know to:

  • Improve focus
  • Boost happy hormones naturally
  • Cope with trick feelings
  • Develop self-compassion

I Want the Handbook!

 

I am a registered social worker with a Bachelor of Social Work with a major in psychology from the university of the Western Cape, and a Master’s in Clinical Social Work specialization with individuals, families, and groups from the University of Calgary.

In my practice, I note the different intersectionalites that come into play, and I have adapted myself to understanding the effects thereof. I pride myself in working from a holistic and integrative approach using trauma-informed, anti-oppressive, and intersectional lenses in rendering services.

I am grounded by embracing my full humanness-being imperfectly perfect. My faith, family and friendships carry me through life and its happenings. I find being in nature very healing and so is savouring moments. When not working, I love to engage in some fitness, going on walks, journaling, catching up on Korean series, city adventures and reading for pleasure. I also believe in allowing my inner child come out sometimes through art, dancing, building sand castles you name it.

22 Sep
Anxiety, Confidence, For Teens, Friendships, Relationships

3 Ways to Help Your Teen Through Social Awkwardness

3 Ways to Help Your Teen Through Social Awkwardness

 

If you have a socially awkward teen daughter, know that it’s totally normal for her to experience this. And she can actively work through it with this blog article and your help!

 

>>> FREE DOWNLOAD: Depression & Anxiety Toolkit for Parents Raising Teen Girls <<<

10 tools you can immediately use to improve your female identifying teens’ mental health & build resistance against depression & anxiety:

 

Anxiety & Depression Toolkit for Parents Raising Teen Girls

 

‘Never Have I Ever Felt socially awkward’ is a statement NO ONE would win in the game “Never Have I Ever”. Everybody experiences moments of feeling kind of out of place. But when you combine the hyper-awareness of yourself that comes with being a teen it can feel 100 times worse. 

What leads teens to feel like every move they make highlights all their flaws? If you guessed their brain 🧠, you got it!

Photo by Norbu Gyachung on Unsplash

Teen brains are fascinating and undergoing some major changes well into their mid-20’s. The limbic system (emotion centers) are in full swing and the prefrontal cortex (reasoning, executive functioning, and problem-solving centers) are working hard to wire. This can lead teens to misinterpret facial expressions and emotional tones more negatively (read more about this HERE).

Teens are also at the peak of egocentrism. Ok sometimes this gets a bad rap – thinking that teens are only utterly self-involved. It’s not quite that. Their brains are so self-aware during adolescence, that it makes it hard to see the differences between their own perceptions and that of others.

This can sometimes lead to self-consciousness and insecurities. Your teen is also experimenting in the in-between worlds of letting go of some childlike behaviours and stepping into adult-like behaviours. This includes how to use different social skills in different settings. Your teen probably acts and speaks quite differently around their friends than they would with their  grandparent. 

It’s like those little whispers we sometimes have running in the background, “what if they don’t like me”, “what if they think I’m basic”, “what if they make fun of me”, “what if no one talks to me”, are full on shouting. Those thoughts can make anyone feel like they are under the microscope with their every move. 

So there’s a lot of stuff going on and I haven’t even mentioned the social and internal pressures to fit in, differences in abilities to interpret social cues, unique experiences, history, sociopolitical factors, and more. 

So how does one move from socially awkward to gracefully nailing every social interaction. Um…..If I figure that one out, I’ll be the first to share it! The reality is social stuff is not always going to be perfect nor pretty, but I can share a few things that can make things a little easier for your teen as she navigates this time in her life.

socially awkward teen

Photo by Yanapi Senaud on Unsplash

 

3 Tips to Share With Your Socially Awkward Teen Daughter:

Tip #1 – Building confidence- Trusting that you can get through challenging things and make it to the other side somehow is key to feeling less socially awkward. You might stutter, go blank, mess up someone’s name, but if you know that it’s going to be ok in the end and that you’ll figure it out, it goes a long way to continuing on. 

If you’re struggling to feel confident in social situations, here is a blog article with 10 rules to live by:

10 Rules for Being Confident When Talking to Others

tip #2 – Finding your people-  This doesn’t mean only liking those that have similar interests (‘cause where’s the variety in that). It’s more about connecting with people who you feel kind of comfortable with, those who leave you feeling good most of the time, people you can have

socially awkward teen

Photo by Mi Pham on Unsplash

fun with. In order to meet these people, sometimes you have to have a few (or many) fails. In the end it’s so worth finding your people. 

Refining your social skills- yeah some people seem to just have the hang of this social thing a little easier than others. However, it’s good to know that social skills are very teachable, so even if you didn’t win the lottery on it coming naturally, there are ways of learning how to make social interactions breezier. Important Note ***I want to make a distinction between learning social skills and encouraging masking behaviours in teens who are neurodivergent. Social skills will enhance communication, ability to read social cues, understanding of social situations, and a sense of connection to others. If you’re learning skills that make you feel like you’re forcing, faking, hiding yourself, unsafe, or exhausted, you might be more in masking territory and this could even make things worse. 

REMEMBER- everyone else is working through their own stuff about social interactions and are likely more in their own heads rather than noticing your little mistakes.  

 

>>> FREE DOWNLOAD: Depression & Anxiety Toolkit for Parents Raising Teen Girls <<<

10 tools you can immediately use to improve your female identifying teens’ mental health & build resistance against depression & anxiety:

 

Anxiety & Depression Toolkit for Parents Raising Teen Girls

 

And to finish, here is a list of movies and shows where the socially awkward characters are actually pretty freaking “adorkable” (wish I had coined this word!)- If you have some other suggestions, send them our way.

 

Movies and Shows With Socially Awkward Characters

  • Peter Parker – Spiderman
  • Mary Catherine Gallagher- Superstar
  • Allison Reynolds- Breakfast Club 
  • Mike Drinkwater- Drinkwater
  • Wednesday Adams – Wednesday 
  • Nadine Franklin – The Edge of Seventeen
  • George McFly- Back to the Future
  • Mia Thermopolis – Princess Diaries
  • Josie Geller- Never Been Kissed
  • Fogell McLovin- Superbad
  • Minnie goetz-  Diary of a teenage girl
  • Kayla Day- 8th grade 
  • Napoleon Dynamite- Napoleon Dynamite
  • Jess Day- New Girl
  • Daria Morgendorffer– Daria
  • Amy Santiago- Brooklyn 99 
  • Kevin Arnold- The Wonder Years
  • Emma Nelson- Degrassi Next Gen
  • Jenna Hamilton- Awkward
  • Hannah Horvath- Girls

Love,
Chantal
Psychologist, Teen Life Coach, and Founder of Pyramid Psychology

 

Chantal Côté (she/her) is a psychologist and teen life coach living in Calgary, Alberta. After over a decade in non-profit and community mental health, Chantal started Pyramid Psychology, a practice dedicated to supporting teens – a population she is constantly amazed by. Chantal is on a mission to help 100,000 teen girls (and their parents) build bulletproof mindsets so they can weather the ups and downs of life. As part of this goal, Chantal has had the privilege of speaking at various events – virtual and live – to support teens and parents.

Outside of this passion, Chantal is often in nature, writing poetry, playing ball hockey and hanging out with her loved ones.

Each week, Chantal writes a blog article in response to issues she hears from the parents and teens she connects with.

If you have something you’d like to read more on – email ideas and questions to info@pyramidpsychology.com or DM us via Instagram or Facebook.

15 Sep
For Teens, Friendships, Relationships

How to Build Community After Trauma – A Story for Teen Girls

How to Build Community After Trauma – A Story for Teen Girls

When I think of the importance of community after trauma, the saying “no man is an island” comes to mind…. Ever heard it? I have a couple of times…

And as a result of my own pain, suffering, trauma, and fear of being hurt I mastered the art of avoiding to share my personal struggles with others.

 

>>> FREE DOWNLOAD: Mental Health Handbook for Teen Girls <<<

An eBook with 10 mental health exercises every teen girl needs to know to:

  • Improve focus
  • Boost happy hormones naturally
  • Cope with trick feelings
  • Develop self-compassion

I Want the Handbook!

 

Yep. I ensured I looked like “I had it together”. This was not your typical act or performance. Rather, it was embroiled in my veins…. Be the emotional tool box for every other human being, don’t be vulnerable. It’s for the weak and if you are, what if you get hurt again.

Therapist discovering community after trauma

Chipo Bvindi, Register Social Worker supporting teens in YYC

Yes, that is a negotiation, I ensured I made, proactively and also at the end of the day resented people for always coming to me with their struggles, although this is what I wanted. I had a savior mentality, made me feel safe… I could save others, such that my own personal struggles had somewhere to lean on for support. By attending to other people’s needs, I DIDN’T HAVE TO DEAL WITH MY OWN… my own struggles with fear of abandonment…. Not only was this a maladaptive behavior, but it was killing me softly… as I held my own trauma within my body, faking it till you made it.

It wasn’t until one day my therapist was like what if you did try and test the waters… you don’t have to open up your whole being to everyone… you could share just bits of pieces and see how that goes… and maybe it might be time to renegotiate what your relationships should like moving forward.

You see, the thing is avoidance does not help at all. It keeps you stuck with rigidity and in the past… and it escalates situations as avoidance allows us to not delay with things that can later on become bigger problems. I cannot do life on my own, neither am I an island, avoiding to be hurt will not prevent me from being hurt anyways, I can learn.

Plus avoiding relationships in which there is reciprocity and vulnerability prevents me from healing… as on is isolated, alone and lonely…. No one knows what you are going through except you. And usually when we are alone that’s often the time our minds play “Yeah bet” lets overthink and it becomes a vicious cycle… where we cannot generate external perspective on situations affecting us. Avoiding relationships will not help you grow, rather we can make a conscious decision of being able to choose relationships that are healthy for us and meet our needs and speak to our values.

I also realized, that not everyone is out to get me, and when I do share and do not get the response or desired outcome, that is a learning for

Teen discovering community after trauma

Chipo Bvindi, Register Social Worker supporting teens in YYC

me. Not everyone has the capacity to help or respond empathetically and that’s okay. From there we can chose on how to proceed.

 

As I started to open up more and just be my authentic self… I felt lighter in my body, in my mind. I realized what I was missing, a sense of community, and a sense of belonging. That a problem shared, is a problem half solved. Nothing is greater than being listened to, to understand and being supported in the best way possible. Community care and social support is important, trust me. Nothing sucks more than doing life alone and for the record loneliness and isolation have been researched to lead to an increased risk of premature mortality.

Get out there and find your tribe; your community after trauma. You will never regret it. My goal this year is to be intentional and content with my friendships. Avoiding relationships will not help you know who is healthy for you… you can learn to choose people who are health for you. Building walls will not help you accomplish that. Healthy relationships are possible if you open yourself up to that process and responsibility it takes.

If you feel this journey is much too scary to do alone, as I did, you are welcome to seek support with me. I offer private therapy for teen girls ages 11-21 in Alberta. I work specifically on accepting yourself as a whole person as you find community after trauma.

Book a free consultation with me HERE.

(If you’re nervous, read our blog: “Everything You Need to Know About Therapy“.)

 

Love,

Chipo

Register Social Worker offering counseling for female identifying teens (11-21 years old)

 

>>> FREE DOWNLOAD: Mental Health Handbook for Teen Girls <<<

An eBook with 10 mental health exercises every teen girl needs to know to:

  • Improve focus
  • Boost happy hormones naturally
  • Cope with trick feelings
  • Develop self-compassion

I Want the Handbook!

 

I am a registered social worker with a Bachelor of Social Work with a major in psychology from the university of the Western Cape, and a Master’s in Clinical Social Work specialization with individuals, families, and groups from the University of Calgary.

In my practice, I note the different intersectionality’s that come into play, and I have adapted myself to understanding the effects thereof. I pride myself in working from a holistic and integrative approach using trauma-informed, anti-oppressive, and intersectional lenses in rendering services.

I am grounded by embracing my full humanness-being imperfectly perfect. My faith, family and friendships carry me through life and its happenings. I find being in nature very healing and so is savouring moments. When not working, I love to engage in some fitness, going on walks, journaling, catching up on Korean series, city adventures and reading for pleasure. I also believe in allowing my inner child come out sometimes through art, dancing, building sand castles you name it.

04 Aug
For Teens, Friendships, Relationships

4 Ways for Teen Girls to Have A Successful School Year

Yeahyyy! It’s back to school season! I am going to share 4 ways for teen girls to have a successful school year. Simple tips and tricks with a big impact!

 

>>> FREE DOWNLOAD: Mental Health Handbook for Teen Girls <<<

An eBook with 10 mental health exercises every teen girl needs to know to:

  • Improve focus
  • Boost happy hormones naturally
  • Cope with trick feelings
  • Develop self-compassion

I Want the Handbook!

 

Photo by Andrew Neel on Unsplash

Successful School Year, Tip #1: Switch Up Your Routine, Slowly But Surely

Coming back to school from a 2 month break can be hard. What could help is slowly adjusting yourself to the changes that will take place. E.g. come up with a back to school routine that you can slowly get into with changes each day.

Successful School Year, Tip #2: Prepare the Night Before and Make a To Do List

Get everything that you need done a night before such that, you can get to ease into your school day. With no rush or panic. E.g. things that could help is do your homework, prepare for the next day classes, plan your outfit. Go to bed on time such that you can wake up on time for school. Have a to do list for after school that you need to complete and one for the day of school. This helps you stay organized and top of things. 

Successful School Year, Tip #3: Eat Your Breakfast

Eat your breakfast! Most important meal of the day! Ensure you are fed such that you can have some fuel to carry you through the school

Photo by Milada Vigerova on Unsplash

days

Successful School Year, Tip #4: No Man Is An Island, Stay Connected with Friends and Make Friends

Stay connected with friends be it at school or home. What makes school more fun is the company you keep, your go to’s for the ups and downs you will face in the school term, people that can be of support with school work in itself. E.g. if your friend is good in science and they can be of help to you in that subject be open to receiving. Same goes for you. We need each other, one way or the other.

Also, in the process, maintain healthy boundaries. It’s okay to let others down that is part of life especially if you do not have the capacity to be there for others. It’s okay to communicate that as well. Make new friends, as you grow and evolve some people will fall away, create room for new connections knowing that not everyone is for a life time but a season at times. 

And, if you’re struggling with keeping friends, know that this is a skill to be learned – it isn’t something that comes naturally to all of us! I wrote an article to help you learn this skill: How to Be A Good Friend (for Teen Girls). Hope it helps!

 

As the school year continues, there will be ups and downs. It is not a journey that is meant to do alone! You can work with me 1:1 through anxiety, getting your routine right, and finding + keeping friends. Book a free consultation with me here (for Alberta residents).

Love,

Chipo

Register Social Worker offering counseling for female identifying teens (11-21 years old)

 

 

>>> FREE DOWNLOAD: Mental Health Handbook for Teen Girls <<<

An eBook with 10 mental health exercises every teen girl needs to know to:

  • Improve focus
  • Boost happy hormones naturally
  • Cope with trick feelings
  • Develop self-compassion

I Want the Handbook!

 

I am a registered social worker with a Bachelor of Social Work with a major in psychology from the university of the Western Cape, and a Master’s in Clinical Social Work specialization with individuals, families, and groups from the University of Calgary.

In my practice, I note the different intersectionalites that come into play, and I have adapted myself to understanding the effects thereof. I pride myself in working from a holistic and integrative approach using trauma-informed, anti-oppressive, and intersectional lenses in rendering services.

I am grounded by embracing my full humanness-being imperfectly perfect. My faith, family and friendships carry me through life and its happenings. I find being in nature very healing and so is savouring moments. When not working, I love to engage in some fitness, going on walks, journaling, catching up on Korean series, city adventures and reading for pleasure. I also believe in allowing my inner child come out sometimes through art, dancing, building sand castles you name it.

Emotions to help with tips for teen depression
28 Jul
Emotions, For Parents, Friendships, Relationships

4 Depression Tips for Teen Girls

4 Depression Tips for Teen Girls

I am going to share 4 depression tips for teen girls, to help turn things around for you.

But first, I want to explain something… A theme in dialectical behavioural therapy (DBT) is that emotions love themselves. What does this mean, exactly?

Well, if you are feeling down and depressed, you are going to naturally want to do things that actually keep you feeling that way (or even make the feeling stronger!). For example, if you are feeling down, then you are likely to withdraw from others, maybe spend a lot of time in bed, or start listening to sad music.

As another example, if you are feeling angry, then you may have an urge to get into an argument with someone, slam doors, or even break something.

 

teen self-worth

Teen Mental Health Handbook

>>> FREE DOWNLOAD: Mental Health Handbook for Teen Girls <<<

An eBook with 10 mental health exercises every teen girl needs to know to:

  • Improve focus
  • Boost happy hormones naturally
  • Cope with trick feelings
  • Develop self-compassion

I Want the Handbook!

 

When it comes to depression for teen girls, the feelings can be really strong, and motivation can be pretty low. Becoming more aware of how feelings of depression may end up leading to stronger feelings of depression is important to understand, because then we can start see how we can get stuck in a negative spiral. Here are a few tips to keep in mind if you are a teen struggling with depression!

4 Depression Tips for Teen Girls:

  1.     Try to have some kindness and compassion for yourself. Judging yourself harshly for having certain feelings or struggling to complete certain tasks only makes things worse. What might you say to a good friend who is struggling with depression? What would it look like for you to accept some of this advice?
  2.     Try to be curious about your emotions. Context matters, and our emotions are trying to tell us something and influence our actions. If
    Emotions to help with tips for teen depression

    Photo by Domingo Alvarez E on Unsplash

    you are feeling depressed, how would you be able to tell the difference between genuinely needing some time alone versus getting stuck in an emotion-loving-loop of withdrawal? Emotions do not like to be ignored, and spending some time being mindful and curious can help us choose our next step. (If you’d like help naming your emotions, here is a printable emotions wheel).

  3.     Sticking with the DBT theme, a strategy I sometimes introduce in my sessions is called the “opposite-action”. So, if you were feeling down or depressed, and the actions you were naturally drawn to were to withdraw or isolate, what would an opposite action look like? For some, it may be reaching out to a friend, or going for a walk, or practising self-care like taking a shower. What could it look like for you?


  4.     Make your next step so attainable that it is almost impossible to refuse. Sometimes we can get stuck by wanting everything to change at once, which is a good way to feel overwhelmed and keep the negative spiral going. What is one, small thing you can change today?

These are only a few ideas that come to mind to support you if you are struggling with depression – there are so many more resources out there.

The first way to start is to know that change is possible!

The second is to know you are not alone. There is support for you. START HERE TO GET HELP WITH DEPRESSION.

Love, Jessa

EMDR Certified and Registered Psychologist serving Alberta teens and young adults with Pyramid Psychology.

 

PS – Anxiety often goes hand in hand with depression. If you are experiencing anxiety, you can learn some valuable tips with our blog article: Anxiety and Choice.

 

>>> FREE DOWNLOAD: Mental Health Handbook for Teen Girls <<<

An eBook with 10 mental health exercises every teen girl needs to know to:

  • Improve focus
  • Boost happy hormones naturally
  • Cope with trick feelings
  • Develop self-compassion

I Want the Handbook!

 

 

Jessa is a registered, EMDR certified psychologist living and servicing teens and young adults in Calgary, Alberta.

Jessa is passionate about helping people become the best version of themselves and is continually learning how to best support her clients. She has experience with acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) and cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), but most importantly she emphasizes the therapeutic relationship.

A safe, authentic relationship is key for therapy to work. Jessa prioritizes compassion and nonjudgmental curiosity. Together, she can find out what matters most to you and how to get there.

If you think Jessa may be a good match for you, please feel free to reach out and set up a free consult or book a session. She is looking forward to hearing from you!

Once a month, she writes a blog article in response to issues she hears from the parents, teens and young adults she connects with. If you have something you’d like to read more on – email ideas and questions to info@pyramidpsychology.com or DM us via Instagram or Facebook.

two teen girls depicting manipulative teen friendships
14 Jul
For Teens, Friendships, Relationships

3 Ways to Spot Manipulative Teen Friendships

3 Ways to Spot Manipulative Teen Friendships

 

As a girl developing teen friendships, it can be difficult to really know your identity, and whether or not your friendships would be considered a manipulative teen friendship. In my experience personally, I accepted other people’s views of me to be true. A lot of times teen girls in therapy sessions with our team are very focused on fitting in with the crowd and doing what is socially acceptable. They may feel that they will not be liked or that they will be judged if they do things differently that may be more true to them or their personality. If this sounds like you, you’re in the right place!

 

>>> FREE DOWNLOAD: Mental Health Handbook for Teen Girls <<<

An eBook with 10 mental health exercises every teen girl needs to know to:

  • Improve focus
  • Boost happy hormones naturally
  • Cope with trick feelings
  • Develop self-compassion

I Want the Handbook!

 

girl in black and white depicting manipulative teen friendships

Photo by St Janko Ferlic on Unsplash

In my teen years, I would often feel very self conscious about my introversion and my lack of interest in going to parties and using substances like drugs and alcohol. It definitely got a lot easier to accept myself, after junior high and high school. Know that you are not alone in this feeling. You will have to accept that not everyone is going to like you, for reasons that may not have anything to even do with you. We all have our own perceptions, preferences and opinions. We cannot control how others feel about us because sometimes those people are not meant for us.

But, in my experience there will always be someone that can see your light and inner beauty. So, enjoy the people that can see how great you are and choose them as your friends. You need people in your life that will appreciate and uplift you. It is not about the quantity of friends or being “popular”, but it is about the quality of the relationships. Even having one close amazing friend that understands you is enough.

When you are getting to know someone, you may feel a strong connection, feel drawn towards them and feel good around them. You may have things in common, and you may finally feel understood or even at peace or at home with the person. This is sometimes a good thing, but there also can be manipulating people out there. Here are some tips to become aware of the types of relationships you are having, and ensure they are not manipulative.

 

3 Ways to Spot Manipulative Teen Friendships:

 

Spotting Manipulative Teen Friendships Tip #1:

two girls depicting teen friendships

Photo by Billie on Unsplash

It is important to watch how you are being treated by them. If they are keeping secrets from you, being dishonest or misleading, or

disrespecting you–  these are signs of an unhealthy relationship. Don’t blame yourself, because it may not be about you. Some people have trauma based on upbringing and past experiences and this can affect how they interact and treat other people. Maya Angelou said, when people show you who you are – believe them, the first time.

Sometimes what people say can be very contradicting to how they are acting towards you or how they make you feel. It is healthy for you to forgive, so you can be at peace with yourself but that does not mean that you have to accept the behavior or even continue talking to them.

 

>>> FREE DOWNLOAD: Mental Health Handbook for Teen Girls <<<

An eBook with 10 mental health exercises every teen girl needs to know to:

  • Improve focus
  • Boost happy hormones naturally
  • Cope with trick feelings
  • Develop self-compassion

I Want the Handbook!

 

Spotting Manipulative Teen Friendships Tip #2:

two teen girls depicting manipulative teen friendships

Photo by Andrea Tummons on Unsplash

Get to know someone really well before giving them a lot of trust. You might start to notice things in their character or personality, so it is important to really get to know someone well and to know when to walk away. If this person is hurting you emotionally, and makes you feel

worthless – it is time to take a good look at this relationship. This is still a difficult thing to do for me, but when a negative relationship ends there is usually someone a lot better waiting for you.

Spotting Manipulative Teen Friendships Tip #3:

Take time to analyze your family dynamics and how they may influence your friendships and/or partner. A lot of things can influence your relationships growing up, as well. Things such as your family life, and your relationships with your mother and father. It’s been said that relationships with your siblings will influence your choice of friends, while your relationship with your parents will influence your romantic relationships. So a lot of it has to do with how you were raised, and how your family dynamics are. Sometimes if we were raised in an unhealthy environment at home, we will see those same attributes in a friend or romantic partner because it is familiar to us. Then we will want to hang onto that, even though it is not healthy for us. This can be a very difficult thing because healthy relationships may seem boring and we feel less of a connection. The unhealthy relationships in comparison seem much more exciting. Things

family dynamics determine possibility of struggles with teen friendships

Photo by Serhat Beyazkaya on Unsplash

like this should be brought up in therapy, to address the underlying issues that we may not even be aware of.

If the same things keep happening in relationships, such as experiences with abusive behavior we have to take a look at what is getting us into these situations. If we want to live healthy, successful lives, it’s important to start treating ourselves with respect and care and avoid the situations that can cause serious harm and consequences to our lives. We all have the freedom of choice, so it’s important to recognize these types of people and make the decision to surround ourselves with the positive and uplifting ones. 

Relationships are an essential part of our health and wellbeing. Just like eating healthy food vs. eating junk food, we need to make the best choices of what kind of people we associate ourselves with.

We are here to help you make the right choice, so you can be the best version of yourself! If you want to dive deeper into what a healthy friendship looks like, here are 7 Wise Friendship Must’s for Teen Girls, written by Psychologist Jessa Tiemstra on the Pyramid Psychology Team.

 

Love,

Kari

Admin Team Member at Pyramid Psychology

Building unbreakable mindsets for teen girls age 11-21 🧠💪🏻 (therapy and coaching)

 

Kari Bonnyman is a personal assistant from Nova Scotia, Canada. She is passionate about mental health and wellness and has first hand experience with strategies that have helped her navigate through the challenges of life. She loves doing breathwork, yoga, journalling, meditation, reading self help books related to mental health, volunteering to help others and focusing on her spiritual journey. When she is not working she can be found doing art, travelling, listening to spiritual/personal development podcasts, at the beach or in nature, and practicing French and Spanish.

teen strengths

Kari Bonnyman, Personal Assistant at Pyramid Psychology

teen trying horse riding over summer break
07 Jul
Emotions, For Parents, Friendships, Relationships

5 Ways to Beat Summer Break Boredom for Teens

When it comes to the school break and the boredom that settles in over the summer, it can be helpful to see it as an opportunity to do something completely different. The good news about summer break is that if you try something new and find out it’s not for you, you will be back to school in September anyways!

 

>>> FREE DOWNLOAD: Mental Health Handbook for Teen Girls <<<

An eBook with 10 mental health exercises every teen girl needs to know to:

  • Improve focus
  • Boost happy hormones naturally
  • Cope with trick feelings
  • Develop self-compassion

I Want the Handbook!

 

teen girl feeling nervous over summer break

Photo by Kyle Broad on Unsplash

Speaking for myself, it can be really easy to talk myself out of doing things. I have also heard similar thoughts from the teens and young adults that I work with:

“I might not like it…”

“It sounds kinda weird…”

“I’ve never done anything like that before.”

“I wouldn’t be very good at that.”

“I don’t have time for it.”

“I don’t want to commit to something I may not enjoy.”

(If this sounds like you – trust me, having someone by your side can make a world of difference! Book a free consultation with me to help keep you accountable to trying new things, and work out a plan to overcome your fears).

The list of reasons to not do something can go on and on.

With having no school, the reality is that you DO have time to try out new things. The new thing might be “weird”, but you might enjoy it or enjoy parts of it. You also don’t have to be good at it because that’s not the point.

What is the point? Well, that depends on the person. Maybe it is to learn more about yourself and to find new sparks. Maybe trying new

teen girl trying stretching over summer break

Photo by Christopher Campbell on Unsplash

things feels scary and you are proving to yourself that you can step outside of your comfort zone. Or maybe it is just a willingness to try, experience, and be open-minded to what the world has to offer.

That’s why the summer months can be the perfect opportunity to try out something new and completely different than what the rest of the year may look like. The popular saying “you don’t know until you try” exists for a reason. In trying something different, you may even be surprised at how much you enjoy it!  

Trying something new can look completely different for different people. Here are a few ideas to get the brain juices flowing, but it is not an exhaustive list.

5 Ways to Beat School Break Boredom

#1 – Be a tourist in your city

I like this idea. There is so much that Calgary (and Alberta) has to offer, whether it is visiting typical tourist spots, supporting local businesses, or getting out to the mountains. Write down a bucket list of things you want to check out and be intentional with crossing off some of those items. Involving friends and family can also be a lot of fun.

 

#2 – Volunteer or find a part-time job

There are a lot of benefits to both volunteering and working part-time. These experiences can teach new skills and independence, and volunteering in particular can improve overall wellbeing.

 

teen girl journaling on summer break

Photo from Canva Pro

#3 – Slow down

Our society can be very go-go-go. Taking some time to slow down, self-reflect, and enjoy simple pleasures can be a new experience for a lot of teens. For some, this looks like journaling, but it doesn’t have to be.  If journaling sounds interesting to you, here’s a fun website with 61 journal prompts. You can also use prompts as conversation starters with other teens, or people in your family!

 

#4 – Try a completely different hobby

As a few examples, if you like sports, it could be fun (or at least interesting!) to try out something artistic or creative. If you like social media and video games, maybe you could try something outdoors or more active. Other options could include cooking, something crafty, re-finishing projects, learning about a new topic, and so much more.

 

#5 – Take an existing interest to the next level

As a few examples:

  • If you love animals, consider volunteering at the Calgary Humane Society or one of the numerous organizations in the city dedicated to animal welfare.
    teen therapy over summer break

    Photo of the Pyramid Psychology office in Calgary, Alberta

  • If fashion is an interest, maybe learn to sew or volunteer with an organization that helps others learn to sew.
  • If you like sports, there may be summer camps or clubs that run throughout the summer to help further develop those skills.

One of the things I help teens with, is coming up with things they’d like to try over school break. Together, we work out what you’d like to try, possible blockages in the way (like fears coming up), and the logistics of trying something new. If you’d like the support, book a free consultation with me here (Alberta youth age 11 – 21).

 

>>> FREE DOWNLOAD: Mental Health Handbook for Teen Girls <<<

An eBook with 10 mental health exercises every teen girl needs to know to:

  • Improve focus
  • Boost happy hormones naturally
  • Cope with trick feelings
  • Develop self-compassion

I Want the Handbook!

 

There are so many options to look into depending on your interests. What your interests are, your mindset, and your choices can all make a big difference. Summer does not have to be boring. It really can be quite the opposite!

And, if you’re a teen with anxiety, summer can often be even harder. Here is a blog written by our Founder, Chantal, with 10 ways parents can help anxious teens enjoy their summer.

It is normal to want human interaction, and to get support, when you are trying something new. Consistent appointments with a therapist (like me) can give you a strong foundation to feeling confident, getting out of your comfort zone, and overcoming fears. Book a free consultation with me here.

Love, Jessa

 

Jessa is a registered psychologist living and servicing teens and young adults in Calgary, Alberta.

Jessa is passionate about helping people become the best version of themselves and is continually learning how to best support her clients. She has experience with acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) and cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), but most importantly she emphasizes the therapeutic relationship.

A safe, authentic relationship is key for therapy to work. Jessa prioritizes compassion and nonjudgmental curiosity. Together, she can find out what matters most to you and how to get there.

If you think Jessa may be a good match for you, please feel free to reach out and set up a free consult or book a session. She is looking forward to hearing from you!

Once a month, she writes a blog article in response to issues she hears from the parents, teens and young adults she connects with. If you have something you’d like to read more on – email ideas and questions to info@pyramidpsychology.com or DM us via Instagram or Facebook.

parent relationship with teens
26 May
For Teens, Friendships, Relationships

5 Ways to Fortify Your Parent Relationship With Your Teen Daughter

5 Ways to Fortify Your Parent Relationship With Your Teen Daughter

The #1 question I get from parents in sessions is “how can I strengthen (AKA fortify) my parent relationship with my daughter?”. Your daughter’s teen years are an exciting time or growth and independence… And it can also be a terrifying time when you feel like you’re in the dark and disconnected from her.

 

How to Raise Unbreakable Teen Girls: A guide for parents wanting to raise confident, resilient young women in today’s world. CLICK HERE FOR FREE DOWNLOAD <<<

9 tools you can immediately use to improve your teen’s mental health, strengthen her relationships, and boost her confidence.

Guide to Raise Unbreakable Teen Girls

 

Raising a teen is not easy and I’m smack dab in the middle of it as I write this. I remind myself every day that the relationship with

parent relationship with teens

Photo created with elements on Canva Pro

him matters more now than ever.

 

And yet… As I wait for my my son in the dentist’s office, ocean dreams with colourful fish swimming through the waters playing on the TV monitor, I find myself strangely at ease. 

Words you need to hear as a parent of a teenage daughter:

5 Ways to Fortify Your Parent Relationship With Your Teen Daughter

#1 – Give yourself some grace and kindness

The world of adolescence is complex and filled with more questions than answers. How do you know if you’re doing the right thing? How do you guide them to make smart decisions? How do you help them when they’re struggling? 

Wheeewwwww – take a breath with me – it can be heavy. You are not alone and you are doing the best you can with what you know right now. Start there 🧡

 

#2 – See the world through their eyes

Remember what it was like to be 12? 16? Imagine what it’s like to be 12 or 16 today…. Imagine what it’s like to be your daughter right now. 

parent relationship with teens

Photo from Canva Pro

I become like the grinch at the end of the movie when I think of this. My heart grows 3 times bigger. 

 

#3 – Learn to Speak her love language 

Not everyone shows and receives love in the same way. Even in families, there can be big differences in how each member displays their affection and care towards each other.

Take a minute to learn yours and your teen daughter’s love language. It’ll go a long way in bonding your relationship. You can both take a free quiz here to get started: Love Languages Quiz.

 

#4 – Say yes to connecting

Her timing might be off sometimes. Her desire might be little. Her sharing might be spontaneous. What’s more, you might not be in the mood for a heart to heart. 

But I promise those moments, no matter how small or brief, make such a huge difference.

Whether it’s a high five, a smile, sharing a Matcha tea together, or talking about her hopes and dreams while lying side-by-side in her bed, say yes to connect.

 

#5 – When all else fails, Laugh. 

parent relationship with teens

Photo by Joel Mott on Unsplash

Humour has the power of diffusing tense situations. It has the potential of opening doors around sensitive topics. It has the possibility to

change moods and uplift. It has the potency to  release stress. It has the power to connect and the gift of perspective. 

Obviously, laughter is not the solution to everything but bringing some levity and lightness to any relationship can bring more ease.

Find that playful part of you, maybe tucked away deep inside. Give yourself permission to laugh at yourself once in a while, make light of something that brings the two of you together, and help your daughter find the “not so serious” about things at times.

Some final words that stuck with me the other day-. 

“You will teach them to fly, but they will not fly your flight. You will teach them to dream, but they will not dream your dream. You will teach them to live, but they will not live your life”.- Raising Teens Today 

Love,

Chantal

Psychologist, Teen Life Coach, and Founder of Pyramid Psychology

FREE DOWNLOAD: Mental Health Handbook for Teen Girls

An eBook with 10 mental health exercises every teen girl needs to know to:

  • Improve focus
  • Boost happy hormones naturally
  • Cope with trick feelings
  • Develop self-compassion

I Want the Handbook!

 

Chantal Côté (she/her) is a psychologist and teen life coach living in Calgary, Alberta. After over a decade in non-profit and community mental health, Chantal started Pyramid Psychology, a practice dedicated to supporting teens – a population she is constantly amazed by. Chantal is on a mission to help 100,000 teen girls (and their parents) build bulletproof mindsets so they can weather the ups and downs of life. As part of this goal, Chantal has had the privilege of speaking at various events – virtual and live – to support teens and parents.

Outside of this passion, Chantal is often in nature, writing poetry, playing ball hockey and hanging out with her loved ones.

Each week, Chantal writes a blog article in response to issues she hears from the parents and teens she connects with.

If you have something you’d like to read more on – email ideas and questions to info@pyramidpsychology.com or DM us via Instagram or Facebook.

teen boundaries
20 May
Emotions, For Parents, Friendships, Relationships

3 Questions for Parents to Ask About Teen Boundaries

There is a certain b-word that comes up frequently in my sessions: boundaries. Specifically, teen boundaries. Let’s figure out what they are, and how to discuss them with your teen!

 

 

At the core, boundaries are the lines that differentiate between things that are acceptable and unacceptable. In therapy, we explore the boundaries that are personal to the individual and are set within the context of relationships. Relationships in this context refer to any connection between two people, whether that is romantic, friendship, or family-based.

Personal boundaries vary between individuals and may also vary significantly across time and context.  When thinking about boundaries there are many distinct aspects to consider, some examples being emotional boundaries, physical boundaries, temporal boundaries, and intellectual boundaries.

There is a visual about boundaries that I use from TherapistAid to explore boundaries with my teen clients, and I have included it below for your own use:

 

 

(You can go directly to TherapistAid and print the visual HERE.

I invite you to reflect or collaborate with your teen (or your parent, if you are a teen!) on the following questions:

 

teen boundaries

Photo from Canva Pro

3 Questions for Parents to Help With Teen Boundaries

1) What relationships in my life may fall under porous boundaries, healthy boundaries, and rigid boundaries?

2) What are the impacts of these different types of boundaries? How do I feel in a rigid boundary relationship or a porous boundary relationship, in comparison to a healthy boundary relationship?

3) How can I move toward healthier boundaries, if I notice I may be using porous or rigid boundaries in my relationships?

>>> FREE DOWNLOAD: Depression & Anxiety Toolkit for Parents Raising Teen Girls <<<

10 tools you can immediately use to improve your female identifying teens’ mental health & build resistance against depression & anxiety:

 

Anxiety & Depression Toolkit for Parents Raising Teen Girls

As a bonus question, you may find it helpful to know that in my sessions with teens, concerns about “trauma dumping”, people pleasing, and avoiding (healthy) conflict often come up. How might these concerns fit into the concept of healthy boundaries?

 

If starting this conversation with your teen brings up more questions, we would love to hear from you!

You can email our team with next steps at info@pyramidpsychology.com

Love, Jessa

 

Jessa is a registered psychologist living and servicing teens and young adults in Calgary, Alberta.

Jessa is passionate about helping people become the best version of themselves and is continually learning how to best support her clients. She has experience with acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) and cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), but most importantly she emphasizes the therapeutic relationship.

A safe, authentic relationship is key for therapy to work. Jessa prioritizes compassion and nonjudgmental curiosity. Together, she can find out what matters most to you and how to get there.

If you think Jessa may be a good match for you, please feel free to reach out and set up a free consult or book a session. She is looking forward to hearing from you!

Once a month, she writes a blog article in response to issues she hears from the parents, teens and young adults she connects with. If you have something you’d like to read more on – email ideas and questions to info@pyramidpsychology.com or DM us via Instagram or Facebook.

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