teen trauma

Teen Trauma and The Importance of Community

Teen Trauma and The Importance of Community

Community is a very important part of healing through teen trauma. Here is my own story of trauma and community.

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>>> FREE DOWNLOAD: Mental Health Handbook for Teen Girls <<<

 

teen friendship

Teen Mental Health Handbook

An eBook with 10 mental health exercises every teen girl needs to know to:

 

  • Improve focus
  • Boost happy hormones naturally
  • Cope with trick feelings
  • Develop self-compassion

I Want the Handbook!

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No man is an Island…. Ever heard of that saying? I have a couple of times…. And as a result of my own pain, suffering, trauma, and fear of being hurt I mastered the art of avoiding sharing my personal struggles with others.

Yep. I ensured I looked like “I had it together”.

This was not your typical act or performance. Rather, it was embroiled in my veins….

The message to myself was this:

‘Be the emotional toolbox for every other human being, don’t be vulnerable. It’s for the weak. And if you are vulnerable, what if you get hurt

teen trauma

Photo by Larm Rmah on Unsplash

again?”

This is a negotiation I ensured I made, proactively. And yet at the end of the day, I resented people for always coming to me with their struggles, even though this is what I wanted.

I had a savior mentality that made me feel safe… I could save others, such that my own personal struggles had somewhere to lean on for support. By attending to other people’s needs, I DIDN’T HAVE TO DEAL WITH MY OWN… My own struggles with the fear of abandonment…

Not only was this a maladaptive behavior, but it was killing me softly… as I held my own trauma within my body, faking it till I made it.

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>>> FREE DOWNLOAD: Mental Health Handbook for Teen Girls <<<

An eBook with 10 mental health exercises every teen girl needs to know to:

  • Improve focus
  • Boost happy hormones naturally
  • Cope with trick feelings
  • Develop self-compassion

I Want the Handbook!

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Until one day my therapist was like “what if you did try and test the waters… you don’t have to open up your whole being to everyone… you could share just bits of pieces and see how that goes… and maybe it might be time to renegotiate what your relationships should be like moving forward.”

teen trauma

Photo by Kulli Kittus on Unsplash

You see, the thing is avoidance does not help at all. It keeps you stuck with rigidity and in the past… and it escalates situations as avoidance allows us to delay things that can later on become bigger problems.

I realized I cannot do life on my own, and neither am I an island. Avoiding being hurt will not prevent me from being hurt anyways, I can learn. Plus avoiding relationships in which there is reciprocity and vulnerability prevents me from healing… as being on island is isolating and lonely…. No one knows what you are going through except you. 

And usually, when you are alone that’s often the time your mind plays with you. “Yeah bet” let’s overthink and it becomes a vicious cycle… where you cannot generate an extvernal perspective on situations affecting you.

Avoiding relationships will not help you grow, rather we can make a conscious decision of being able to choose relationships that are healthy for us and meet our needs and speak to our values.

I also realized, that not everyone is out to get me, and when I do share and do not get the response or desired outcome, that is a learning for me. Not everyone has the capacity to help or respond empathetically and that’s okay.

From there you can choose how to proceed.

As I started to open up more and just be my authentic self… I felt lighter in my body, in my mind. I realized what I was missing, a sense of

teen trauma

Photo by Vonecia Carswell

community, and a sense of belonging. That a problem shared, is a problem half solved.

Nothing is greater than being listened to, and being supported in the best way possible. Community care and social support is important, trust me. Nothing sucks more than doing life alone and for the record loneliness and isolation have been researched to lead to an increased

risk of premature mortality.

Get out there and find your tribe.

You will never regret it.

Avoiding relationships will not help you know who is healthy for you… you can learn to choose people who are healthy for you.

Building walls will not help you accomplish that.

Healthy relationships are only possible if you open yourself up to the process and responsibility it takes to trust in your community.

Love,

Chipo Bvindi

Registered Social Worker offering counselling for teen girls (11-18 years old)

*1:1 services available for teen girls living in Alberta, Canada. Free consultation here.

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help teen girls

Teen Mental Health Handbook Cover

>>> FREE DOWNLOAD: Mental Health Handbook for Teen Girls <<<

An eBook with 10 mental health exercises every teen girl needs to know to:

  • Improve focus
  • Boost happy hormones naturally
  • Cope with trick feelings
  • Develop self-compassion

I Want the Handbook!

 


I am a registered social worker with a Bachelor of Social Work with a major in psychology from the university of the Western Cape, and a Master’s in Clinical Social Work specialization with individuals, families, and groups from the University of Calgary.

In my practice, I note the different intersectionalites that come into play, and I have adapted myself to understanding the effects thereof. I pride myself in working from a holistic and integrative approach using trauma-informed, anti-oppressive, and intersectional lenses in rendering services.

I am grounded by embracing my full humanness-being imperfectly perfect. My faith, family and friendships carry me through life and its happenings. I find being in nature very healing and so is savouring moments. When not working, I love to engage in some fitness, going on walks, journaling, catching up on Korean series, city adventures and reading for pleasure. I also believe in allowing my inner child come out sometimes through art, dancing, building sand castles you name it.

help teen girls

3 Ways Parents Can Help Teen Girls Find Themselves

3 Ways Parents Can Help Teen Girls Find Themselves

If you’re raising a girl, have you ever wondered what could help teen girls step into their spotlight? AKA a place where they are embracing who they truly are and the ebbs and flow of life… If so, this blog post is for you.

Here are my top 3 suggestions for helping teen girls step into their spotlight (and I will elaborate more below):

  1. Pay attention to them
  2. Support them to develop coping, communication, and social skills
  3. Be a role model with your own spotlight

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>>> FREE DOWNLOAD: Mental Health Handbook for Teen Girls <<<

help teen girls

Teen Mental Health Handbook

An eBook with 10 mental health exercises every teen girl needs to know to:

  • Improve focus
  • Boost happy hormones naturally
  • Cope with trick feelings
  • Develop self-compassion

I Want the Handbook!

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Paying Attention

Trust me, it pays to pay attention to your teen and ensure they feel valued, needed and supported. Pay attention to what they say, what they share with you, their goals and aspirations.

Teen girls have the ability to pick up on being heard and listened to. Sometimes, I have heard teens make remarks such as “oh well that does not matter anyways, mom or dad do not care and they won’t listen to what I have to say anyways”… And I don’t think these statements just come out like that, it’s a result of continued observation of how parents or guardians display paying attention or not. Or even an indication that they don’t care, they are the parent and have authority over their kids. 

help teen girls

Photo from Canva Pro

Developing Coping, Communication & Social Skills

You can use your own stories to share skills with teen girls that will help them navigate life’s challenges. Share some of the similar challenges you have experienced as a teen at one point in your life and how you addressed these challenges, whether it was an epic fail or success.

I think at times as parents or guardians we want to always reflect the good in what we do, but what if we shed a spotlight on our failures and shortcomings? This could help teens in developing resilience that life is not always perfect but they can strive for progress over perfection always even if their lives are flipped upside down along their journeys. This helps teen girls learn that failing or rather not getting things right is a part of life. What you do with life falling apart or not going as planned is what matters and could help teens develop skills of diverting control to what’s in their frame of control. 

 

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help teen girls

Teen Mental Health Handbook Cover

>>> FREE DOWNLOAD: Mental Health Handbook for Teen Girls <<<

An eBook with 10 mental health exercises every teen girl needs to know to:

  • Improve focus
  • Boost happy hormones naturally
  • Cope with trick feelings
  • Develop self-compassion

I Want the Handbook!

 

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Being A Role Model

I know no one is born or comes to planet earth with a manual on how to be a great parent. However, the least you can do is be a positive role model. By the age of 7 most of our patterns of behaviour, our beliefs and our habits are formed. This is very crucial to note in terms of development and behavioural adaptations kids may have and at the earliest this is also influenced by what they see and observe at home.

Are you a parent that shuts down when confronted. Are you a parent who yells and projects anger when in distress? Do you cope with stress by scrolling on social media for a number of hours? Do you rage at other drivers on the road? Are you able to address how you feel, and process your emotions in a healthy way? Are you taking care of your physical health too?

 Teen girls are watching and also adapting some of these behaviours into their own lives. You can help them by showing them that you are working through your flaws. 

help teen girls

Photo from Canva Pro

This blog article is food for thought and I hope it gives you an opportunity to reflect, develop some self-awareness and also think about the legacy you want to leave behind. Let’s help teen girls step into their spotlight together.

I offer private 1:1 therapy sessions to help teen girls with all of the above. I provide them with someone that is paying attention, a positive role model, and offer them various strategies to cope with life’s challenges.

If you are an Alberta resident, book your free consultation with me here.

 

Love,

Chipo Bvindi

Registered Social Worker offering counselling for teen girls (11-18 years old)

*1:1 services available for teen girls living in Alberta, Canada

 


I am a registered social worker with a Bachelor of Social Work with a major in psychology from the university of the Western Cape, and a Master’s in Clinical Social Work specialization with individuals, families, and groups from the University of Calgary.

In my practice, I note the different intersectionalites that come into play, and I have adapted myself to understanding the effects thereof. I pride myself in working from a holistic and integrative approach using trauma-informed, anti-oppressive, and intersectional lenses in rendering services.

I am grounded by embracing my full humanness-being imperfectly perfect. My faith, family and friendships carry me through life and its happenings. I find being in nature very healing and so is savouring moments. When not working, I love to engage in some fitness, going on walks, journaling, catching up on Korean series, city adventures and reading for pleasure. I also believe in allowing my inner child come out sometimes through art, dancing, building sand castles you name it.