Tag Archives: psychologist in Calgary Alberta

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Whether you are jumping up to junior high, have just moved to a new school, or are preparing to start the world of “adulting”, school transitions are no joke. They are the epitome of change and stretching yourself into a world of unknown. 

When I was in grade 8, my dad got a job in a different city. Our family moved in the middle of the year. I still remember the feeling of walking into class on that first day at a new school, wearing my new floral bodysuit (yeah they were cool then) and feeling like I was going to throw up. My long time best friend says to me she remembers how pale I was that morning, “almost translucent”. That’s about how I felt. If I could have disappeared that day, I would have. The first few weeks were pretty rough and I spent a lot of time crying in the bathroom. But then things slowly got better. I started to make friends. I started to settle in. And those horrifying first few weeks didn’t feel as big and terrible anymore. 

It wasn’t all bad. I made some amazing friends, laughed a lot, and found some things I was good at. Best of all, I got through this thing that was really tough for me and I survived and that helped build my confidence in knowing I could handle some tough things. 

If you are in a transition year or you have just started at a new school, and your brain is freaking out, here are some strategies that will make things smoother. I’ve broken it down into 4 categories- Elementary to Junior High, Junior to Senior high (or High School), Grade 12 is almost over, and just moved to a new school.

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Elementary To Junior High

This one can be a doozy. Not only are you typically going to a new school, but you also have to contend with class changes, combination locks, no more recess, and starting as the youngest in the pecking order of your new school.

On top of that, your body is rapidly hitting you with hormone and physical changes. So fun! … Not really.

First off, the bad news. Research tells us that many students transitioning from elementary to junior high experience a drop in their self-esteem and grades as well as an increase in anxiety and school absences. You may have fears around bullying or getting lost as you get used to the school and how everything works. Then there’s how to make friends, fitting in, and how to get all your work done. It’s a lot of change. A LOT.

The good news. You are not alone and these are really normal responses. The even better news: there are things you can do to help this change feel easier.

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1. Make a friend (the good kind). Find someone who likes some of the things you do or who is part of a club or group that you are also in. Maybe it’s someone who sits next to you in class and seems kind. Not sure how to make friends? Click here for some ideas! I like to start with asking questions about them and the things they like, smiling, or giving a sincere compliment to break the ice.

2. Join a group or club. At the time of writing this blog, this part may be tricky because a lot of programs are on hold. If your school has a club or a group that meets up at lunch and you are even remotely curious, join! What have you got to lose? You may learn that you really like something new and will probably make a friend or two. If there aren’t any clubs, consider starting one (e.g. drama club, mindfulness, craft, social change, just to name a few).

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3. Size up the teachers and find some you can trust. I know there are some teachers out there that seem like they are out to make you suffer, but there are others that really care and want to know about you and your life. Find those that you click with and make a point to talk to them on a regular basis.

4. Practice using a lock ahead of time. Believe it or not, figuring how to open a combination lock is one of students’ top fears when transitioning to junior high. Ask your parents to buy you a lock and start practicing. It will be one less thing for you to worry about on your first day of grade 7.

5. Visit your junior high before you start. Ask your parent(s) to set up an opportunity for you to visit the school and meet with staff. Your school may already be offering something like this.

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6. Pick your options as soon as possible. You will likely have some option classes that will give you a chance to learn some new skills. As soon as you can, pick your favourite options to make it more likely that you will get those. Then you will have something to look forward to in those moments where everything is feeling a bit scary and awkward.

7. Watch some junior high movies (Warning, movies are not always an accurate picture of the junior high experience, so take everything with a grain of salt and maybe a couple laughs or tears). Here are a few examples:
a) Max Keeble’s Big Move
b) Akeelah and the Bee
c) Middle School: The Worst Years of My Life
d) Diary of a Wimpy Kid
e) 8th grade

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8. Talk to your parents about school. Let them know what you like and don’t like. They were grade 7 students once upon a time (Parents, if you’re reading this, give your teen some time to complain about the things they aren’t loving and share about the things they are).

9. Have a hobby or after school thing. Again at the time of writing this, it may be a bit tricky to have these things going. Be a part of something you enjoy and have connections to others (e.g. sports, art, girl guides, etc.)

10. Get to know your school counsellor. Most junior highs have a school counsellor. They can be a great resource to check in with and help you solve problems. Think of them as a bit of a coach or a guide that is there for you when you need.

Here is an extra read if being forgetful of new things is something you’re worried about.

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Junior High to High School

Things can get dicey here and in a way feel familiar (oh good ole grade 7 transition all over again, but not really!) High school brings new stressors and pressures to achieve school success, more academic demands trying to balance responsibilities like work and school, a lot more exposure to drugs, alcohol, sex, and dating, and starting to think about your future.

That’s a mouthful and it’s a complex web of social, psychological, and emotional experiences to navigate. 

Parents, there are a couple articles you can read on this here and here. 
​
Teens, pull out your road map because this journey requires a little bit of guidance along the way:
​
 1. Brush up on your social skills. You will have tons of new experiences in high school and some repeat experiences. It is good to know how to say ‘No’, how to start a conversation, how to act at a party, and how to navigate relationships and sex issues. Check out this checklist (thank you www.learningforapurpose.com!) and see how comfortable you are in these 50 different social skills for teens.

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2. Know your supports. Who are the adults in your life that you can talk to? Who are the people your age you can talk to? Where can you look for the answers to some of your questions? Having an idea of where to go for support can be super helpful.

3. Make a friend. Find someone who likes some of the things you do or who is part of a club, sports team or group that you are also in, or maybe someone who sits next to you in your biology class and seems kind. Not sure how to make friends? Check this out.

4. Class choices. Plan ahead, talk to your parent(s), teachers, and school counsellor before starting high school and map out your class choices. You may have a plan of what you want to do later on or have no clue. Plan to leave as many doors open as you can without causing unsurmountable stress.

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5. Go to the high school beforehand. Oftentimes there will be tours or open house events at various high schools. Go to a few and compare your options. Get a feel for the school, the staff, and the programs they offer.

6. Get involved. Try out for the school sports team or join a club at school. This can help you connect with like-minded people and build your confidence.

7. Give yourself a pep talk yourself. It can be easy to get caught up in the “high school is hard” nightmare. Adults in your life may commiserate with you in “high school being the worst years of my life”. That isn’t always the case and it doesn’t need to be the case. You get to decide what to make of these years. Give yourself a pep talk and encourage yourself to make the most of this time and know that you’ve got this… One day at a time.

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8. Connect with the school counsellor. The school counsellor can be a really helpful resource to talk about now problems, future problems, or just to check-in. They can be a wealth of knowledge so take advantage of their availability.

9. Master your study skills. Get really good at figuring out what works for you. Block specific times for studying. Have a usual space to do work. Find accountability and study buddies. There are many strategies, so start honing in on the ones that work best for you​!

10. Get to know You. This time in your life is all about gaining independence from the nest (your family) and a process called individuation (who am I?) Take time to learn about yourself, what you like, don’t like, what kind of people you want to surround yourself with, your dreams and hopes, talents and skills, etc. Give yourself opportunities to try new things and take some risks (maybe not the dangerous might kill you kind) to help you better get to know yourself. Check out this article I wrote on all the reasons why being You, is the best thing to be!

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High School is Almost Over

When high school is coming to a close it can mark a really significant period in a teen’s life. This is where adulting comes into play and some people say it is like stepping into the real world. Students nowadays have options like taking a gap year, going to post-secondary (college, university, trade school), or entering the workforce. There are a lot of options and it can sometimes feel overwhelming. The next 10 ideas are going to help you know what steps to take.

You may also want to check out “Race to Nowhere”, a documentary (2010) that was created to get our society to start critically thinking and challenging our current thoughts around how we teach our young generations to prepare for success.

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1. Self-care. There are more responsibilities, loads of new experiences and more big decisions to make, so “filling your bucket” is important. Take social media breaks, get outdoors, spend time with the important people in your life, practice gratitude, and take regular breaks.

2. Advocacy. Be aware of your learning style, your strengths and needs when it comes to learning. Being able to advocate for yourself becomes more important as you increase your independence. As you prepare to advocate for yourself, run your script past a trusted adult or a friend first to help with the process.

3. Get all the freebies. Attend orientations and seminars whenever you can. It will give you an opportunity to see what it is like on various campuses you are considering. Scope out campus websites and maybe attend some free events on campus before you select your post-secondary institution to really get a feel for things.

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4. Talk to adults about adulting. It can be helpful to ask questions and learn about what it’s like after high school from those that are living it. Caution – don’t let that hold you back from your own dreams and ideas about life after high school. Some ways of doing this are through job shadowing opportunities, volunteering, talking to the adults in your life, talking to a career counsellor, etc.

5. Have fun. This is a special time in life where there are so many opportunities. Embrace the independence and the experiences that can be fun and adventurous.

6. Grow. As you complete high and move towards the next step in your journey, there will be moments when you will find yourself thinking- “Oh I don’t know how to do that” or “I don’t know how to manage this.” One thing Luki Danukarjanto writes in their blog to try is adding the word YET to some of these thoughts as a way of adding possibility and compassion to your mind as you grow into new experiences. E.g. Oh I don’t know how to do that yet. I’m not sure how to manage this yet. Sounds different right?!

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7. Time audit. This can be a great exercise to do as you go into any transition. Try grabbing some markers. Imagine that each represents 1 hour of your day. Give yourself 24 markers and break it down into the different things that you do. Having a visual and seeing how many hours you spend at school, with friends, doing your hobby, sleeping, etc. can be a real eye opener and guide to where you might want to make some changes.

 8. Friend audit. The transition between high school and the next chapter can be a great opportunity to appreciate and deepen the important friendships in your life, to let go of some friendships that are not really supporting you, and to develop some new ones.

9. Contribute. Spend some time volunteering or helping out in some way in your community or at your post-secondary school. It feels good to contribute to a cause you care about it and feel like you’re a part of something bigger. It can also be a great place to meet new people and may open some doors for your future.

10. Gather your team. Figure out who is going to be a part of your support team- parents, counsellors, coaches, mentors, friends, etc.

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Just Moved To A New School

When it comes to moving to a new school midyear, most of the strategies above can apply to help you. Take it one day at a time. Give yourself some encouragement, some yet statements (I haven’t made any friends yet), and some time to get settled. It will get better. And if it doesn’t, there are always choices and options.

Share this with someone you know who is about to make a school transition.

Love,
Chantal

Chantal Côté (she/her) is a psychologist and teen life coach living in Calgary, Alberta. After over a decade in non-profit and community mental health, Chantal started Pyramid Psychology, a practice dedicated to supporting teens – a population she is constantly amazed by. Chantal is on a mission to help 100,000 teen girls (and their parents) build bulletproof mindsets so they can weather the ups and downs of life. As part of this goal, Chantal has had the privilege of speaking at various events – virtual and live – to support teens and parents.

Outside of this passion, Chantal is often in nature, writing poetry, playing ball hockey and hanging out with her loved ones.

Each week, Chantal writes a blog article in response to issues she hears from the parents and teens she connects with.

If you have something you’d like to read more on – email ideas and questions to info@pyramidpsychology.com or DM us via Instagram or Facebook.

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So many parents have been saying to me lately, “my teen is just really sad” and “my teen just doesn’t have any motivation”. Their lives have been flipped upside down with the lack of social interaction with friends, group programs and sports teams on hold, constant changes happening in their schools and here in Calgary contending with a lockdown. It is not an easy time for anyone, let alone teens who are developmentally wired to be seeking independence from their families and social engagement with their peers. To add to this, we are in a time of mass communication and teens are fed information at lightning speed on all kinds of topics and important issues that their developing brains somehow need to make sense of.

There are many things at play that are impacting how teens are navigating and coping with the current state of things. I am just skimming the surface. This is not the first generation to face massive changes and hardship.

We are in a time of opportunity; the opportunity to look at how to help teens learn new ways to cope with what is going on in their world and learn how to surf the waves instead of drowning. If you are ready to seize this opportunity, here are a few ideas that you can try.

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Grief and Loss

As 2020 winds down, I am aware of such a level of grief and loss of the way things used to be. Although some days, my hope remains that things might go back to being how they were, I also recognize there will be changes that are here to stay. Acknowledging the losses felt by teens over these past months can help put those sad feelings into context. Along with the sadness is probably some anger, numbness, confusion, anxiety, and so on. Teens have experienced losses in all areas of their lives throughout the pandemic. Loss of school structures that were familiar, loss of face to face time with friends, loss of group interactions, loss of a sense of control and predictability, loss of some of their independence, loss of some future plans and dreams, just to name a few.

What you can do: Acknowledge the losses. Let your teen know you see the suck. Create some space to allow your teen to share about what’s been hardest for them or what they miss the most.

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Self Compassion

In moments of suffering and hardship,  being kind and caring towards ourselves, the way we would be with a close friend, can be a powerful coping tool. Studies, like this one, that focus on teens and self-compassion have found it to be a strong predictor of health, achievement, social connections, optimism, positive affect, and overall life satisfaction.

​On the other hand, these studies have also found that practicing self-compassion reduces feelings of depression and anxiety, rumination, cognitive distortion (inaccurate thinking), social anxiety, fear of judgement, internet addiction, and goal avoidance. 

Self-compassion is not about strictly having good feelings or feeling sorry for yourself. It is based in good will towards yourself and being supportive through the suffering and human experience.

What you can do: Try a few self-compassion exercises yourself and share with your teen the ones that were supportive for you or the ones that you think might be easiest for them to try. Here are a couple places to start looking: ​

• https://self-compassion.org/category/exercises/#exercises
• https://centerformsc.org/msc-teens-adults/
• https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/33776111-the-self-compassion-workbook-for-teens

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Seeing Through the Weeds

It is super important not to gloss over the suffering and hardship part. Acknowledging and offering some empathy (putting yourself in their shoes) is the first step for sure. Saying that, if you are only looking at the weeds, it is easy to get caught and stay there. The next step is to help teens see through the weeds and grow some of their coping skills. The more resources your teen accesses, the better they are able to pull themselves out of those difficult moments of thoughts and feelings. The trick here is practice, practice, practice and repeat. It is like learning to play an instrument or riding a bike, you have to really practice and you need to do it often to get better.

The other thing is to use strategies that work for them and go with those. Each person will have their go to tools and they will change with time, so it is a great idea to often try new ones and kind of do a spring cleaning of mental health strategies.

What you can do: Do a little inventory of coping strategies to get through tough moments. I like to use ESD as an acronym for my resources. If you and your teen use this tool – it’s interesting to notice which category you have more and less of.

​Challenge yourself to find 5 (or more) in each.

E – Express – Journaling or writing down feeling and thoughts, making a mood playlist, writing a poem, exercise, writing a letter to my future self, talking to friends

S – Settle or Soothe – Gratitude practice: write 3 things I’m grateful for every day, walking my dog, making an inspirational or relaxing playlist, getting outdoors, taking a bubble bath, snuggling with a pet and soft blanket 

D – Distract – Doing something for others, hanging out with friends (virtually I guess), watching videos, skating, exercise, setting a goal

If you and your teen want to learn more about how to cope with difficult thoughts and feelings, follow me on Instagram @therapywithchantal for weekly tips, ideas and resources.

Chantal Côté (she/her) is a psychologist and teen life coach living in Calgary, Alberta. After over a decade in non-profit and community mental health, Chantal started Pyramid Psychology, a practice dedicated to supporting teens – a population she is constantly amazed by. Chantal is on a mission to help 100,000 teen girls (and their parents) build bulletproof mindsets so they can weather the ups and downs of life. As part of this goal, Chantal has had the privilege of speaking at various events – virtual and live – to support teens and parents.

Outside of this passion, Chantal is often in nature, writing poetry, playing ball hockey and hanging out with her loved ones.

Each week, Chantal writes a blog article in response to issues she hears from the parents and teens she connects with.

If you have something you’d like to read more on – email ideas and questions to info@pyramidpsychology.com or DM us via Instagram or Facebook.

Gone are the days of 6am wake ups because they want to play with you and here are the mornings of whines and moans to get them out of bed and ready for school. A dad was sharing how every school morning is a 45-minute battle, ending with a stressed out dad and teen.

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If you would rather be making your smoothie in the morning, here are 10 ideas that you can try:

1. Lights, Camera, Action – This one works well in our house (most of the time!). About 10 minutes before my kids need to get ready, I turn the lights on and I am talking to them about their day and about getting up. It’s kind of like a monologue because no one replies but the stimulus gets them to start that process of waking.

2. Prepare Ahead of Time – Anything that can be the night before is worth doing. Have your teen make their lunch, pick their clothes out for the next day, charge electronics, and pack their bag. The less there is to do in the morning, the less stress on both you and them.

3. Think about Sleep First Thing in the Morning – Your quality of sleep is impacted by all the choices you make throughout your day (thanks Brittany for sharing this information with me!) Have your teen consider things like how much caffeine they are having throughout the day and when, what kind of food they are consuming, other substances that might affect sleep, how much stress they are exposed to, if they have a consistent bedtime, etc. See where they can clean it up a bit.

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4. Turn Down the Blue Light – Screens emit blue light which suppresses the body’s natural melatonin production (gets us ready for sleep). Ideally, screens should be turned off an hour before sleep. Realistically, this can be a challenge to put into practice. Consider reducing exposure to blue light before bed, whether it’s turning off screens or using something (like blue light blocking glasses) that helps filter out the blue light.

5. Sleeping in your Tomorrow Wear – This is not one I have personally tried, but some teens swear by sleeping in the clothes they will wear the next day and this avoids a ton of morning stress.

6. Nightmares of Being at School in your Underwear – Natural consequences may be the way to go if you’re not getting any traction. The thought of arriving at school in pajamas (or underwear) may be enough to motivate a morning routine that works. 

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7. Throw the Alarm Clock Across the Room – Get an alarm clock (definitely wouldn’t recommend using a phone – way too tempting) and place it just far enough so they have to get up to turn it off. The biggest downside to this is that it might drive you crazy before it actually wakes your teen up lol. ​

8. Negotiations at the Table – Is your teen looking for an extra 30 mins to hang out with their friends in the evening? Some extra screen time? Have a discussion with them. Be clear on what expectations you have for them in the morning to reduce stress for everyone. Negotiate around incentives that might motivate a cheerful (ok perhaps not quite cheerful) morning disposition.

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9. I like to Move it Move it! – Bodies need to be in motion every day. It helps relieve stress, improve mood, and establish healthy sleep patterns. Have your teen aim for 30 minutes a day of movement and exercise and see if they can get that to an hour. (Strong Girls Fitness Society is a good resource.)

10. Consult a Sleep Expert – Folks like Brittany Andrejcin are experts in teaching people how to optimize sleep. Check out online resources or consider working with someone to help improve the quality of your teen’s sleep, which ultimately will lead to stress-less mornings.

​What is one thing that works well in your family to reduce the stress of school mornings?

Chantal Côté (she/her) is a psychologist and teen life coach living in Calgary, Alberta. After over a decade in non-profit and community mental health, Chantal started Pyramid Psychology, a practice dedicated to supporting teens – a population she is constantly amazed by. Chantal is on a mission to help 100,000 teen girls (and their parents) build bulletproof mindsets so they can weather the ups and downs of life. As part of this goal, Chantal has had the privilege of speaking at various events – virtual and live – to support teens and parents.

Outside of this passion, Chantal is often in nature, writing poetry, playing ball hockey and hanging out with her loved ones.

Each week, Chantal writes a blog article in response to issues she hears from the parents and teens she connects with.

If you have something you’d like to read more on – email ideas and questions to info@pyramidpsychology.com or DM us via Instagram or Facebook.