27 Feb

Emotions, For Teens, Friendships, Relationships

Teen Trauma and The Importance of Community

February 28, 2023
By admin

Teen Trauma and The Importance of Community

Community is a very important part of healing through teen trauma. Here is my own story of trauma and community.

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An eBook with 10 mental health exercises every teen girl needs to know to:

Improve focus

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Cope with trick feelings

Develop self-compassion

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No man is an Island…. Ever heard of that saying? I have a couple of times…. And as a result of my own pain, suffering, trauma, and fear of being hurt I mastered the art of avoiding sharing my personal struggles with others.

Yep. I ensured I looked like “I had it together”.

This was not your typical act or performance. Rather, it was embroiled in my veins….

The message to myself was this:

‘Be the emotional toolbox for every other human being, don’t be vulnerable. It’s for the weak. And if you are vulnerable, what if you get hurt

Photo by Larm Rmah on Unsplash

again?”

This is a negotiation I ensured I made, proactively. And yet at the end of the day, I resented people for always coming to me with their struggles, even though this is what I wanted.

I had a savior mentality that made me feel safe… I could save others, such that my own personal struggles had somewhere to lean on for support. By attending to other people’s needs, I DIDN’T HAVE TO DEAL WITH MY OWN… My own struggles with the fear of abandonment…

Not only was this a maladaptive behavior, but it was killing me softly… as I held my own trauma within my body, faking it till I made it.

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>>> FREE DOWNLOAD: Mental Health Handbook for Teen Girls <<<

An eBook with 10 mental health exercises every teen girl needs to know to:

Improve focus

Boost happy hormones naturally

Cope with trick feelings

Develop self-compassion

I Want the Handbook!

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Until one day my therapist was like “what if you did try and test the waters… you don’t have to open up your whole being to everyone… you could share just bits of pieces and see how that goes… and maybe it might be time to renegotiate what your relationships should be like moving forward.”

Photo by Kulli Kittus on Unsplash

You see, the thing is avoidance does not help at all. It keeps you stuck with rigidity and in the past… and it escalates situations as avoidance allows us to delay things that can later on become bigger problems.

I realized I cannot do life on my own, and neither am I an island. Avoiding being hurt will not prevent me from being hurt anyways, I can learn. Plus avoiding relationships in which there is reciprocity and vulnerability prevents me from healing… as being on island is isolating and lonely…. No one knows what you are going through except you.

And usually, when you are alone that’s often the time your mind plays with you. “Yeah bet” let’s overthink and it becomes a vicious cycle… where you cannot generate an extvernal perspective on situations affecting you.

Avoiding relationships will not help you grow, rather we can make a conscious decision of being able to choose relationships that are healthy for us and meet our needs and speak to our values.

I also realized, that not everyone is out to get me, and when I do share and do not get the response or desired outcome, that is a learning for me. Not everyone has the capacity to help or respond empathetically and that’s okay.

From there you can choose how to proceed.

As I started to open up more and just be my authentic self… I felt lighter in my body, in my mind. I realized what I was missing, a sense of

Photo by Vonecia Carswell

community, and a sense of belonging. That a problem shared, is a problem half solved.

Nothing is greater than being listened to, and being supported in the best way possible. Community care and social support is important, trust me. Nothing sucks more than doing life alone and for the record loneliness and isolation have been researched to lead to an increased

risk of premature mortality.

Get out there and find your tribe.

You will never regret it.

Avoiding relationships will not help you know who is healthy for you… you can learn to choose people who are healthy for you.

Building walls will not help you accomplish that.

Healthy relationships are only possible if you open yourself up to the process and responsibility it takes to trust in your community.

Love,

Chipo Bvindi

Registered Social Worker offering counselling for teen girls (11-18 years old)

*1:1 services available for teen girls living in Alberta, Canada. Free consultation here.

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Teen Mental Health Handbook Cover

>>> FREE DOWNLOAD: Mental Health Handbook for Teen Girls <<<

An eBook with 10 mental health exercises every teen girl needs to know to:

Improve focus

Boost happy hormones naturally

Cope with trick feelings

Develop self-compassion

I Want the Handbook!

I am a registered social worker with a Bachelor of Social Work with a major in psychology from the university of the Western Cape, and a Master’s in Clinical Social Work specialization with individuals, families, and groups from the University of Calgary.

In my practice, I note the different intersectionalites that come into play, and I have adapted myself to understanding the effects thereof. I pride myself in working from a holistic and integrative approach using trauma-informed, anti-oppressive, and intersectional lenses in rendering services.

I am grounded by embracing my full humanness-being imperfectly perfect. My faith, family and friendships carry me through life and its happenings. I find being in nature very healing and so is savouring moments. When not working, I love to engage in some fitness, going on walks, journaling, catching up on Korean series, city adventures and reading for pleasure. I also believe in allowing my inner child come out sometimes through art, dancing, building sand castles you name it.

06 Feb

For Teens, Friendships, Relationships

7 Steps to Handle Big Teen Emotions

February 7, 2023
By admin

7 Steps to Handle Big Teen Emotions

If you’re a teen looking to manage big emotions, this blog article is for you.

teen emotions

>>> FREE DOWNLOAD: Mental Health Handbook for Teen Girls <<<

An eBook with 10 mental health exercises every teen girl needs to know to:

Improve focus

Boost happy hormones naturally

Cope with trick feelings

Develop self-compassion

I Want the Handbook!

Is there a big feeling that you have been experiencing recently? Anger? Sadness? Frustration? Loneliness? Guilt?

It’s hard to be a teen. There are so many things going on in your life and sometimes it can feel like no one understands you.

As a teenager, there are many ways to manage these big feelings and sometimes it might feel as though these are taking over your life. If you’re looking for ways to manage some of these big emotions, read on!

7 Steps to Handle Big Emotions

Photo from Canva Pro

It’s time to use your creativity and imagination. Let’s do an exercise together…..

Step 1: Pick one emotion that you have recently been feeling. As an example, I’ll pick sadness.

Step 2: If you had to imagine what sadness looks like, what shape would it be? What colour(s) is sadness? Does sadness look big or small?

Tip: You may be thinking, what is this blogger talking about?! Stay with me and experiment!

Step 3: To the best of your ability, draw sadness on a blank sheet of paper.

Tip: Have you watched the movie Inside Out? Perhaps this will give you some ideas on how to draw the emotion that is currently visiting you.

Here are some examples to spark your creativity:

Sadness:

www.easydrawingguides.com

Anger:

www.nytimes.com

>>> FREE DOWNLOAD: Mental Health Handbook for Teen Girls <<<

Teen Mental Health Handbook

An eBook with 10 mental health exercises every teen girl needs to know to:

Improve focus

Boost happy hormones naturally

Cope with trick feelings

Develop self-compassion

I Want the Handbook!

It is natural for teen feelings of self-acceptance to fluctuate over the course of your life, especially as you work through the teen years. You are continually evolving and growing! Remember that self-acceptance is a journey.

The practice of meditation is unique to each individual. One person will not have the same experience as another, so don’t compare yourself to anyone else as you go down this path.

Step 4: Now, write the following answer to these questions beside your drawing:

When does sadness grow?
When does sadness shrink?
When does sadness visit less often? More often?
When sadness is around what are you doing?
If sadness was not around, what would you be doing?
When was a time when sadness disappeared? What were you doing before it disappeared? What were you doing after sadness disappeared? What did you do to help sadness leave?

Photo from Canva Pro

Step 5: If you feel comfortable, share the drawing with someone special in your life. Talk to them about the answers to your questions. Perhaps there is an opportunity to ask them these same questions. If you are working with a therapist who works with teens, like the therapists at Pyramid Psychology, ask them to talk to you more about your drawing and the answers to some of the questions above.

My colleague wrote an article to help you decide if teen therapy is a good option for you: 4 Ways To Tell If Teen Therapy Is For You.

Step 6: When sadness comes to visit you again, pull out this drawing or picture it in your mind. Sadness may visit for a while. Pay close attention to when sadness grows and when it shrinks. What did you do before and after?

Step 7: Keep the picture of sadness with you in your backpack or store it safely at home. Take a look at it when sadness appears. Over time, the answers to your questions might evolve – that’s a natural part of dealing with big feelings.v

If you have any questions about teen emotions, shoot me a note and we can connect 🙂 My email address is fazilah@pyramidpsychology.com

If you are an Alberta, Canada resident you can also book a free consultation with me HERE.

Love, Fazilah

Registered Social Worker with Pyramid Psychology

Helping 100,000 Teen Girls Build Unbreakable Mindsets

Teen Mental Health Handbook

>>> FREE DOWNLOAD: Mental Health Handbook for Teen Girls <<<

An eBook with 10 mental health exercises every teen girl needs to know to:

Improve focus

Boost happy hormones naturally

Cope with trick feelings

Develop self-compassion

I Want the Handbook!

Is your teen having challenges navigating their current circumstances? Do you want your teen to obtain the skills and tools they need to navigate the peaks and valleys that come their way?

Are you looking for someone who can support your teen to step into their spotlight, have great relationships, and find their confidence? I speak teen. My strength is connecting with and relating to teenagers. I strive to provide a balance of learning and laughter during my sessions. Teens need a coach and therapist who they can trust to talk to about the hard stuff in their lives.

I work with teens from a range of life experiences and backgrounds. My specialities include working with teens who identify as BIPOC (black, indigenous, and people of colour) and/or LGBTQIA+ (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, questioning, intersex, asexual, and more).

I have a Master of Social Work and a Master of Health Administration. I am also a Registered Social Worker. I have worked across the healthcare sector and served on numerous boards of directors for not-for-profit organizations.

28 Nov

For Teens, Friendships, Relationships

4 Easy Meditation Tips for Teens

November 29, 2022
By admin

4 Easy Meditation Tips for Teens

Meditation is a powerful tool that you can use throughout your self-acceptance journey as a teen. There are many scientific studies showing the benefits of meditation in generating positive feelings toward yourself and others, promoting emotional health, enhancing self-awareness, and much more!

>>> FREE DOWNLOAD: Depression & Anxiety Toolkit for Parents Raising Teen Girls <<<

10 tools you can immediately use to improve your female identifying teens’ mental health & build resistance against depression & anxiety:

Anxiety & Depression Toolkit for Parents Raising Teen Girls

Photo by Motoki Tonn on Unsplash.

It is natural for your feelings of self-acceptance to fluctuate over the course of your life, especially as you work through the teen years. You are continually evolving and growing! Remember that self-acceptance is a journey.

The practice of meditation is unique to each individual. One person will not have the same experience as another, so don’t compare yourself to anyone else as you go down this path.

Here are some easy meditation tips to integrate meditation into your life:

Determine if this will be a solo or group practice – it could also be a mix of both. Do you want to do this with a parent, friend, or sibling? Or do you prefer to do this alone?
Test out guided and silent meditation to see what you are drawn towards. Would you like to listen to someone talk to guide the meditation? Would you prefer to listen to calming music? Would you like to sit in silence? Start with one method and modify it as needed. (If you are drawn to exploring with someone, I offer affordable 1:1 therapy for teens in Alberta, Canada HERE).
Consider seeking encouragement from others who are trying similar things. YouTuber Grow With Supreet is on my go-to list! Check out her ‘Meditation’ playlist.
Does meditation integrate into existing avenues in your life such as a spiritual or religious practice? Some people associate meditation with their spiritual beliefs, others approach this practice as scientific in nature, and others are somewhere in between. The wonderful thing about meditation is that it is completely up to you how you define this for yourself!

>>> FREE DOWNLOAD: Depression & Anxiety Toolkit for Parents Raising Teen Girls <<<

10 tools you can immediately use to improve your female identifying teens’ mental health & build resistance against depression & anxiety:

Anxiety & Depression Toolkit for Parents Raising Teen Girls

Document your journey. If possible, document your meditation journey once a week, even if it is just a few sentences. This shouldn’t be an onerous task. Note

Photo by ‘No Revisions’ on Unsplash

where you are having challenges with self-acceptance and the areas that you are rocking.

Be Kind to Yourself. Be gentle with yourself as you explore your meditation practice. The journey is not intended to aim for perfection. It will most likely be a winding road. Some days it will be easier to engage in the practice and other days it may be a bit more challenging.

On a personal note: In the future, you may even look back at this exploration with warm fuzzies in your heart. I have lovely memories of waking up early and meditating with my father. After meditating we would have a cup of chai and talk about anything that was on our minds. Meditation, paired with quality time with my dad, encouraged self-acceptance. These moments were incredibly special for me and are memories that will be in my heart forever.

Remember, you can choose to do this journey on your own if you’d like. If you would rather do it with someone in a safe, accepting place, I am happy to join you. Book a free consultation with me HERE.

Is your teen having challenges navigating their current circumstances? Do you want your teen to obtain the skills and tools they need to navigate the peaks and valleys that come their way?

Are you looking for someone who can support your teen to step into their spotlight, have great relationships, and find their confidence? I speak teen. My strength is connecting with and relating to teenagers. I strive to provide a balance of learning and laughter during my sessions. Teens need a coach and therapist who they can trust to talk to about the hard stuff in their lives.

I work with teens from a range of life experiences and backgrounds. My specialities include working with teens who identify as BIPOC (black, indigenous, and people of colour) and/or LGBTQIA+ (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, questioning, intersex, asexual, and more).

I have a Master of Social Work and a Master of Health Administration. I am also a Registered Social Worker. I have worked across the healthcare sector and served on numerous boards of directors for not-for-profit organizations.

31 Oct

For Teens, Friendships, Relationships

3 Ways to Improve the Quality of Teen Relationships

October 30, 2022
By admin

3 Ways to Improve the Quality of Teen Relationships

Support circles are only as strong as the quality of your teen relationships. Learn how to improve the quality of your relationships in this article.

>>> FREE DOWNLOAD: Depression & Anxiety Toolkit for Parents Raising Teen Girls <<<

10 tools you can immediately use to improve your female identifying teens’ mental health & build resistance against depression & anxiety:

Anxiety & Depression Toolkit for Parents Raising Teen Girls

3 Reasons Why the Quality of Our Relationships Matter

Photo by Omar Lopez on Unsplash

You can lean on the right people for the type of support that you need.

Support comes in many forms. Can you identify who you might go to when you need the following type of support?

Emotional support
Tangible support
Informational support
Affirmational support

When you have deeper relationships with others, you learn more about yourself. These are relationships where you obtain support, encouragement, and constructive feedback on your growing edges in a way that helps you feel uplifted and supported. Each relationship will provide you with something unique and different.

You are four times more likely to feel good about yourself and life when you feel close to people.

>>> FREE DOWNLOAD: Depression & Anxiety Toolkit for Parents Raising Teen Girls <<<

10 tools you can immediately use to improve your female identifying teens’ mental health & build resistance against depression & anxiety:

Anxiety & Depression Toolkit for Parents Raising Teen Girls

3 Ways to Increase the Quality of Our Relationships

#1 Time and Effort – Be consistent in your efforts to connect with those who you care about and that care about you.

#2 Be Present – Keep the cell phone away from you. Rather than placing the cell phone on the table, for example, keep it in a backpack or bag. This signifies to the

Photo by Brooke Cagle on Unsplash

other person that you are attentive to them and will not get distracted by a social media notification, phone call, or text message. Don’t underestimate the power of being attentive!

#3 Express Appreciation – Sincere statements such as “thank you”, “I appreciate your insight”, and “You are important to me”, go a long way to strengthening our connections with others. When people hear a sincere statement of appreciation, this invites them to open their hearts and minds. If you are not used to expressing yourself in this way, practice in front of the mirror or when you are alone in your room. It might feel funny at first! Give it a try and see what happens.

These are three ways you can begin to improve your relationships, which is part of being a good friend. To dive further into improving relationships (specifically friendships) you can read my colleague’s blog article: ‘How To Be A Good Friend‘.

If you are looking for unbiased support to learn social skills, gain confidence in your relationships, and be a great friend, I would be honoured to be part of your support circle. I offer affordable therapy ($40 per session) in Calgary, Alberta (online appointments available to Alberta residents). If you’re ready to create a solid foundation for your relationships, book a free consultation here:

Book Your Free Consultation

Let me know how your journey is going and if you have any questions!

Fazilah Shariff MSW, MHA, RSW

Is your teen having challenges navigating their current circumstances? Do you want your teen to obtain the skills and tools they need to navigate the peaks and valleys that come their way?

Are you looking for someone who can support your teen to step into their spotlight, have great relationships, and find their confidence? I speak teen. My strength is connecting with and relating to teenagers. I strive to provide a balance of learning and laughter during my sessions. Teens need a coach and therapist who they can trust to talk to about the hard stuff in their lives.

I work with teens from a range of life experiences and backgrounds. My specialities include working with teens who identify as BIPOC (black, indigenous, and people of colour) and/or LGBTQIA+ (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, questioning, intersex, asexual, and more).

I have a Master of Social Work and a Master of Health Administration. I am also a Registered Social Worker. I have worked across the healthcare sector and served on numerous boards of directors for not-for-profit organizations.