3 Ways to Spot Manipulative Teen Friendships
As a girl developing teen friendships, it can be difficult to really know your identity, and whether or not your friendships would be considered a manipulative teen friendship. In my experience personally, I accepted other people’s views of me to be true. A lot of times teen girls in therapy sessions with our team are very focused on fitting in with the crowd and doing what is socially acceptable. They may feel that they will not be liked or that they will be judged if they do things differently that may be more true to them or their personality. If this sounds like you, you’re in the right place!
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An eBook with 10 mental health exercises every teen girl needs to know to:
- Improve focus
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- Develop self-compassion
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In my teen years, I would often feel very self conscious about my introversion and my lack of interest in going to parties and using substances like drugs and alcohol. It definitely got a lot easier to accept myself, after junior high and high school. Know that you are not alone in this feeling. You will have to accept that not everyone is going to like you, for reasons that may not have anything to even do with you. We all have our own perceptions, preferences and opinions. We cannot control how others feel about us because sometimes those people are not meant for us.
But, in my experience there will always be someone that can see your light and inner beauty. So, enjoy the people that can see how great you are and choose them as your friends. You need people in your life that will appreciate and uplift you. It is not about the quantity of friends or being “popular”, but it is about the quality of the relationships. Even having one close amazing friend that understands you is enough.
When you are getting to know someone, you may feel a strong connection, feel drawn towards them and feel good around them. You may have things in common, and you may finally feel understood or even at peace or at home with the person. This is sometimes a good thing, but there also can be manipulating people out there. Here are some tips to become aware of the types of relationships you are having, and ensure they are not manipulative.
3 Ways to Spot Manipulative Teen Friendships:
Spotting Manipulative Teen Friendships Tip #1:
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It is important to watch how you are being treated by them. If they are keeping secrets from you, being dishonest or misleading, or
disrespecting you– these are signs of an unhealthy relationship. Don’t blame yourself, because it may not be about you. Some people have trauma based on upbringing and past experiences and this can affect how they interact and treat other people. Maya Angelou said, when people show you who you are – believe them, the first time.
Sometimes what people say can be very contradicting to how they are acting towards you or how they make you feel. It is healthy for you to forgive, so you can be at peace with yourself but that does not mean that you have to accept the behavior or even continue talking to them.
>>> FREE DOWNLOAD: Mental Health Handbook for Teen Girls <<<
An eBook with 10 mental health exercises every teen girl needs to know to:
- Improve focus
- Boost happy hormones naturally
- Cope with trick feelings
- Develop self-compassion
Spotting Manipulative Teen Friendships Tip #2:
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Get to know someone really well before giving them a lot of trust. You might start to notice things in their character or personality, so it is important to really get to know someone well and to know when to walk away. If this person is hurting you emotionally, and makes you feel
worthless – it is time to take a good look at this relationship. This is still a difficult thing to do for me, but when a negative relationship ends there is usually someone a lot better waiting for you.
Spotting Manipulative Teen Friendships Tip #3:
Take time to analyze your family dynamics and how they may influence your friendships and/or partner. A lot of things can influence your relationships growing up, as well. Things such as your family life, and your relationships with your mother and father. It’s been said that relationships with your siblings will influence your choice of friends, while your relationship with your parents will influence your romantic relationships. So a lot of it has to do with how you were raised, and how your family dynamics are. Sometimes if we were raised in an unhealthy environment at home, we will see those same attributes in a friend or romantic partner because it is familiar to us. Then we will want to hang onto that, even though it is not healthy for us. This can be a very difficult thing because healthy relationships may seem boring and we feel less of a connection. The unhealthy relationships in comparison seem much more exciting. Things
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like this should be brought up in therapy, to address the underlying issues that we may not even be aware of.
If the same things keep happening in relationships, such as experiences with abusive behavior we have to take a look at what is getting us into these situations. If we want to live healthy, successful lives, it’s important to start treating ourselves with respect and care and avoid the situations that can cause serious harm and consequences to our lives. We all have the freedom of choice, so it’s important to recognize these types of people and make the decision to surround ourselves with the positive and uplifting ones.
Relationships are an essential part of our health and wellbeing. Just like eating healthy food vs. eating junk food, we need to make the best choices of what kind of people we associate ourselves with.
We are here to help you make the right choice, so you can be the best version of yourself! If you want to dive deeper into what a healthy friendship looks like, here are 7 Wise Friendship Must’s for Teen Girls, written by Psychologist Jessa Tiemstra on the Pyramid Psychology Team.
Love,
Kari
Admin Team Member at Pyramid Psychology
Building unbreakable mindsets for teen girls age 11-21 🧠💪🏻 (therapy and coaching)
Kari Bonnyman is a personal assistant from Nova Scotia, Canada. She is passionate about mental health and wellness and has first hand experience with strategies that have helped her navigate through the challenges of life. She loves doing breathwork, yoga, journalling, meditation, reading self help books related to mental health, volunteering to help others and focusing on her spiritual journey. When she is not working she can be found doing art, travelling, listening to spiritual/personal development podcasts, at the beach or in nature, and practicing French and Spanish.
Kari Bonnyman, Personal Assistant at Pyramid Psychology
What I would tell my younger self (younger sibling). When I ask this question 9 times out of 10, teens tell me their advice for their younger person would be to wait as long as they can before they start using social media, to avoid platforms that constantly show them videos and pictures they compare themselves to, and to enjoy things outside of screen time.
Hello, my name is Tara, and I am a graduate student in counselling, I will be doing my practicum at Pyramid Psychology and I am very excited to practice all the skills I have learned as well as develop new relationships.
I am a registered social worker with a Bachelor of Social Work with a major in psychology from the university of the Western Cape, and a Master’s in Clinical Social Work specialization with individuals, families, and groups from the University of Calgary.
