The Pressure on Teens to Achieve
Last June, one of my clients, a teen girl was telling me if her grades dropped below a certain mark, it would ruin her whole summer and the thought of writing her upcoming exam made her feel sick… I’ve been thinking a lot about her, as teen girls are re-entering the school year and feeling the pressure of another year. It is a stress so severe that it paralyzes the brightest young people I know. And I see it all too often.
And usually, I write from the perspective of offering tips and ideas. Today, I’m writing more of a reflective piece.
The Happiness Pill: Teen Coaching to Build Resiliency Against Anxiety & Social Awkwardness CLICK HERE FOR DETAILS <<<
6 Weeks of group coaching to help teen girls navigate big emotions like anxiety and overwhelm, feel confident from the inside out (including with her body image), and handle social anxiety like a BOSS.
I have more questions than answers.
I’m not talking about the feel-goods that come with accomplishments or natural stresses associated with performance. I’m seeing the burden of pressure and high demands that teen girls carry on the rise. And it’s enough to make the strongest humans collapse.
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Why are our teens obsessing over results? Why are her survival mechanisms, the ones meant to keep her safe from serious threat, kicking into full gear when it comes to taking a test or handing in a paper?
They tell me it is not because someone expects them to get high-achieving results. (I mean it is a factor of not wanting to disappoint or let someone down). But for many, it is a self-imposed expectation. One that is placed at such a high value that if it is not met, it feels devastating.
Is this something that has gotten worse over time? In recent years, we have had a lot of distressing things come to light that have probably left many teens feeling like their lives are out of control. And when there is chaos, finding ways to gain a sense of control is a natural response. Taking control of how often you study, what grades you can achieve, what results you can pump out has probably become a focal point for some.
What kind of messages are we sending as a society about achievement? In a world of many opportunities, could it be incredibly naïve to think there wouldn’t be consequences? Having endless options brings along its own set of problems and pressures.
How are teen girls measuring their worth? External validation based on a number…. Holding onto labels like precious cargo, “The Golden Child”, “She’s so smart”, “School is easy for her”.
What measuring stick does she use to know her value in this world?
How do we as helpers, parents, society, nurture messages that encourage youth to thrive and put in solid effort in what they do without creating a generation whose identities are so tied up in (academic) achievement or getting it right. It’s worth questioning.
When I ask myself questions like this, I immediately look at the work I do for teens every day. What am I doing to guide teen girls in this world?
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The answer?
To create and build on their own resilience skills, from the inside out.
If teen girls are self-imposing high expectations for their grades and exams, it only makes sense (to me) that they be taught to recreate those expectations internally.
The Happiness Pill is a 6-week group coaching experience I created to do exactly that.
While building community with other teen girls just like them, your daughter will learn how to feel confident from the inside out – regardless of her grades or exam results. She will learn how to navigate big emotions like anxiety and depression. And she will also walk away with skills to deal with the social pressure of making friends, fighting off bullies, and staying true to herself.
We start our next round in mid October 2023, with early bird pricing on until September 30th. Get all the details and register HERE.
Love,
Chantal
Psychologist, Teen Life Coach, and Founder of Pyramid Psychology
The Happiness Pill: Teen Coaching to Build Resiliency Against Anxiety & Social Awkwardness CLICK HERE FOR DETAILS <<<
6 Weeks of group coaching to help teen girls navigate big emotions like anxiety and overwhelm, feel confident from the inside out (including with her body image), and handle social anxiety like a BOSS.
Chantal Côté (she/her) is a psychologist and teen life coach living in Calgary, Alberta. After over a decade in non-profit and community mental health, Chantal started Pyramid Psychology, a practice dedicated to supporting teens – a population she is constantly amazed by. Chantal is on a mission to help 100,000 teen girls (and their parents) build bulletproof mindsets so they can weather the ups and downs of life. As part of this goal, Chantal has had the privilege of speaking at various events – virtual and live – to support teens and parents.
Outside of this passion, Chantal is often in nature, writing poetry, playing ball hockey and hanging out with her loved ones.
Each week, Chantal writes a blog article in response to issues she hears from the parents and teens she connects with.
If you have something you’d like to read more on – email ideas and questions to info@pyramidpsychology.com or DM us via Instagram or Facebook.
What I would tell my younger self (younger sibling). When I ask this question 9 times out of 10, teens tell me their advice for their younger person would be to wait as long as they can before they start using social media, to avoid platforms that constantly show them videos and pictures they compare themselves to, and to enjoy things outside of screen time.
Hello, my name is Tara, and I am a graduate student in counselling, I will be doing my practicum at Pyramid Psychology and I am very excited to practice all the skills I have learned as well as develop new relationships.
I am a registered social worker with a Bachelor of Social Work with a major in psychology from the university of the Western Cape, and a Master’s in Clinical Social Work specialization with individuals, families, and groups from the University of Calgary.
