For Teens, Friendships, Relationships

Understanding Your Spotlight (for Teen Girls)

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teen spotlight
12 Dec

Understanding Your Spotlight (for Teen Girls)

 

When we talk about stepping into your spotlight, it can be hard to know what the ‘spotlight’ is. How will you know when you have found your spotlight? Will you feel completely happy and that things are finally “perfect” when you have found it?

>>>FREE DOWNLOAD: Mental Health Handbook for Teen Girls <<<

An eBook with 10 mental health exercises every teen girl needs to know to improve focus, boost happy hormones, cope with tricky feelings, and develop self-compassion.

I Want the Handbook!

teen spotlight

Photo by Scott Webb on Unsplash

You may disagree with me, but I tend to define “stepping into your spotlight” as a dynamic process instead of a specific goal. Your spotlight may change over time and being in your spotlight may never feel 100% happy and fuzzy – it may feel challenging, scary, but at the core it is life-giving and meaningful. Stepping into your spotlight can be making progress towards a dream career, but it can also be all those little choices you make along the way, whether an end goal is in sight or not.

Thinking about my own teen years, I was never one of those people who knew from a young age what I wanted to be when I grew up. Now that I am a little bit older, and hopefully a little wiser, I think that question can be a bit confusing. Instead of thinking about “what” I want to be, I think about “who” I want to be.

Who I want to be applies to right now, in this moment, in addition to my future hopes and dreams. I think about how I can step into my spotlight, or be my most authentic self while pursuing my goals and living according to my values, within my current reality.

>>>FREE DOWNLOAD: Mental Health Handbook for Teen Girls <<<

An eBook with 10 mental health exercises every teen girl needs to know to improve focus, boost happy hormones, cope with tricky feelings, and develop self-compassion.

I Want the Handbook!

When I was considering what I wanted to be, my thoughts went into endless comparisons. It was impossible to make a “perfect” choice with so many hypotheticals and unknowns. My mind went back and forth between looking for the perfect end goal and determining that the grass is always greener on the other side. I have

teen spotlight

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash

since left this mindset behind, and have spent more time acknowledging that “the grass is greenest where you water it” (Neil Barringham).

If you already have a spotlight in mind, that is amazing! GO FOR IT!!

But if you’re like me, and you are less sure on what your spotlight looks like, know that you can find it along the way. You can read a little more about my process after high school graduation here: ‘Planning For The Future After High School Graduation’.

I am also available for 1:1 support to sort through the muck of figuring out what and who you want to be. Book your free consultation here.*

 

Love,

Jessa Tiemstra

Provisional Psychologist servicing teen girls and young adults.

*1:1 services available for teen girls living in Alberta, Canada

 

Jessa is a provisional psychologist living and servicing teens and young adults in Calgary, Alberta.

Jessa is passionate about helping people become the best version of themselves and is continually learning how to best support her clients. She has experience with acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) and cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), but most importantly she emphasizes the therapeutic relationship.

A safe, authentic relationship is key for therapy to work. Jessa prioritizes compassion and nonjudgmental curiosity. Together, she can find out what matters most to you and how to get there.

If you think Jessa may be a good match for you, please feel free to reach out and set up a free consult or book a session. She is looking forward to hearing from you!

Once a month, she writes a blog article in response to issues she hears from the parents, teens and young adults she connects with. If you have something you’d like to read more on – email ideas and questions to info@pyramidpsychology.com or DM us via Instagram or Facebook.

 

 

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12 Apr
Anxiety, For Teens, Uncategorized

What is EMDR and how will it benefit my daughter?

What is EMDR and how will it benefit my daughter? I had the opportunity to become trained in eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) last summer, and it has been cool to see how effective the approach has been for some of my clients. EMDR uses some type of bilateral stimulation, which is a fancy way of saying both sides of the body are being stimulated.

EMDR article creative

The classic stimulus is moving your eyes back and forth from left to right, but it can also be crossing your arms and tapping your;

  • Shoulders

  • Tapping your knees

  • Holding buzzers that buzz in your hands

  • Auditory tones…

While undergoing bilateral stimulation, I guide my clients through a process of remembering a traumatic memory and reprocessing said memory in a more healthy and positive way. Depending on the client, there may be only one memory to process, whereas others will have 10 or more.

While no one knows for sure how EMDR works (there are several theories out there), the research and client feedback continues to prove that it does work. What does “work” even mean, you may ask? That would be a good question.

At its core, EMDR therapy is based on the theory that previous unprocessed traumatic experiences are showing up as symptoms in the present.

The symptoms may be;

  • High anxiety

  • Panic

  • Triggers

  • Feeling overwhelmed

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When the previous traumatic experiences are reprocessed, the nervous system no longer responds in an over-reactive way to stimuli in the present. There are a lot of fascinating studies out there that show a remarkable difference in brain activity between before completing EMDR therapy and after if you’d like to see! 

A common response that I hear from clients is that when they think about the previous traumatic memory after completing EMDR.  They say that they no longer have an emotional reaction to it.

An incident or experience that previously resulted in sensations of anxiety or panic is now remembered in a more factual, calm manner. Clients also share that after several EMDR sessions (the number of sessions varies by client and circumstance), they notice that they are less triggered in the present. EMDR is not hypnosis or changing the facts, it’s just helping your brain process a previous experience that it was not able to at that point in time.

EMDR is not the best fit for everyone, and some of my clients prefer more traditional talk therapy over EMDR sessions. There are many paths to better health and wellness, and I am happy to take the client’s lead. I will say, however, that for clients who may not want to express previous traumas verbally, EMDR can be an incredible tool.

If you would like to learn more about EMDR and if it may be a good fit for you, please book a consult call or first session.

BOOK APPOINTMENT

This article: “What is EMDR and how will it benefit my daughter?” Written by:  Jessa Tiemstra 

 

talk about depression
27 Dec
Anxiety, Emotions, For Teens

Tips to Talk to Your Teen About Depression

Tips to Talk to Your Teen About Depression

Learning how to talk about depression with your teen is not an easy task; as a parent of a teen girl, and therapist working with teens too – I KNOW this can be a challenge! But when we recognize that are teens are struggling and something doesn’t feel right, as parents we need to step in. We want to step in because we want to help! Also, lot of us did not grow up with all this new mental health knowledge, our teens probably have a pretty good vocabulary and awareness on more than we give them credit for. As parents we know our teens best, we can often recognize when they are not themselves. So what do we do and how can we approach our kids when we begin to see them struggle. 

———

The Happiness Pill: Teen Coaching to Build Resiliency Against Anxiety & Social Awkwardness  CLICK HERE FOR DETAILS <<<

6 Weeks of group coaching to help teen girls navigate big emotions like anxiety and overwhelm, feel confident from the inside out (including with her body image), and handle social anxiety like a BOSS.

The Happiness Pill

———

talk to your teen about depression

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If your teen seems to be struggling with some intense feelings or their mood has visibly changed, maybe they have habits that seem different. It could all warrant a conversation. I would recommend approaching your teen when things are calmer in your house, i.e not right after school when chaos could be prevalent. You want to make sure that you are also in a good headspace, take a minute to make sure that you are coming from a place of love and concern. Once you have a calm atmosphere and you are calm yourself, I would try asking them if anything has happened lately. Mention that you have noticed that they are not spending time with their friends as much or doing the activities they love. Coming from a place of love tell them that you are concerned and want to know if there is anything that perhaps that could have occurred at school or an incident with friends. If your teen cannot pinpoint anything directly, it is a good time to open the discussion about mental health. You could ask them if they want to go for a walk or a coffee or play a game. By engaging in an activity, you kind of take the pressure off of your teen, and it can also help relax your teen making them more likely to engage in conversation. 

 

Depression and anxiety are very common, and everyone experiences feelings of sadness and anxiety at some point. Teens often don’t realize that this is normal and can get really worried about it. Telling your teen that this is normal and that it is ok to feel anxiety and depression, and just because they feel sad or anxious, does not mean you are depressed or have anxiety. Discussing these feelings in a safe place and space will help your teen feel more comfortable. Let them know that it is ok and that you are always there to help and to talk. Talking about it

talk to your teen about depression

Photo by Eric Ward on Unsplash

can help so much on its own! If your teen struggles with being open with you, that’s ok, try not to take it too personally. It may be a good time to look up a counsellor for your teen, as having someone trusted and confidential can really help. Let them know that seeing a counsellor is really just part of keeping your health in check. At Pyramid Psychology we are here to help, listen and provide tools for your teen when they are experiencing times of distress. Good luck, and please reach out for a free consultation HERE if you would like further support.

 

Love,

Tara Aldie

Graduate Student in Counselling offering affordable counselling for teen girls (11-18 years old) online, and in person in Airdrie, Alberta

*1:1 services available for teen girls living in Alberta, Canada – $40 per session. Free consultation here.

———

The Happiness Pill: Teen Coaching to Build Resiliency Against Anxiety & Social Awkwardness  CLICK HERE FOR DETAILS <<<

6 Weeks of group coaching to help teen girls navigate big emotions like anxiety and overwhelm, feel confident from the inside out (including with her body image), and handle social anxiety like a BOSS.

The Happiness Pill

———

 

About Tara

Hello, my name is Tara, and I am a graduate student in counselling, I will be doing my practicum at Pyramid Psychology and I am very excited to practice all the skills I have learned as well as develop new relationships.

I have experience working with youth and teens and I also navigate parenting to four of my own kids. I tend to work with a solution focused, client centred and cognitive behavioural approach. I know that being a teen is tough, and sometimes are problems exasperated by social media and technology.

I struggled with fitting in as a teen, and I really felt that I didn’t belong. After years of soul searching and many personal ups and downs, I realized that my uniqueness was a strength. My goal is to help navigate through these difficult times while promoting self-discovery and personal strengths.

I understand that parents can often feel confused and left out of their teen’s life. I look to bridge the gap between these differences through positive communication. Teens need all the support they can get; the world and relationships can often seem crazy and unrelatable. I work to help bring closeness within existing supports and help develop and foster relationships.

With art, music, writing, play and movement we can work together to help promote self-discovery. I look forward to creating a positive and healing journey with you!

Book a free consultation with me here.

Serving teens in Alberta age 11-18, online or in person (Airdrie, Alberta).

20 Dec
For Parents, For Teens, Relationships, Teen Joy

5 Holiday Mindfulness Tips for Teens

5 Holiday Mindfulness Tips for Teens

It’s the most wonderful time of the year!

 … Except that it is also a time that comes with a long list of things to do: presents to buy, recipes to perfect, family relationships and social commitments to navigate, creating a welcoming and festive home, and covid considerations as well. Even writing this list I am reminding myself of all the things I have yet to do before Christmas arrives!

I don’t know about you, but for myself, these high expectations and competing demands can cause stress. This stress comes from originally setting good intentions for the holiday season to be full of warmth, meaningful connections, and elevated spirits. However, things can get warped when you lose sight of what you find truly important.

Ironically, becoming stressed is completely counterproductive to these original intentions of presence and connection.

 

>>> FREE DOWNLOAD: Mental Health Handbook for Teen Girls <<<

An eBook with 10 mental health exercises every teen girl needs to know to:

  • Improve focus
  • Boost happy hormones naturally
  • Cope with trick feelings
  • Develop self-compassion

I Want the Handbook!

 

Photo by Canva

With this in mind, here are five points of reflection for you and your family this holiday season:

1. Mindfulness Over the Holidays: Determine Your Priorities

What is important to you this holiday season? Recognizing the key points of the holiday can shift your focus away from things on your to-do list that aren’t a priority.

Here are some priorities that come to my mind or have been shared from clients:

  • Spending time with family and loved ones is more important than the setting.
  • Gift giving is a form of love during the holidays.
  • Hosting a family dinner and perfecting a new recipe is a source of holiday joy.
  • Slowing down for self-care is important over the holidays.
  • The holidays are a time to try new things and go on an adventure!

Whatever your priority is this season, know what it is for yourself and focus on that the most.

Photo by Canva

2. Mindfulness Over the Holidays: Set Boundaries

Setting self-care boundaries is essential, especially during a busy season like Christmas where there are numerous events, opportunities, and expectations.

Take a moment to check in with yourself to make informed decisions about what is best for you and your loved ones. If you are “running on empty” and finding yourself stressed, tired, or easily frustrated, maybe the best choice is to sit one of the social engagements out and spend some time “filling up your tank”.

Think of a few strategies that work best for you when you are feeling stressed, whether that be time with others, time alone, a specific activity, exercise, etc. Whatever destressing looks like for you, go for it!

It can also be helpful to have a discussion around holiday expectations and preventing stress with your family.

 

Photo by istock

3. Mindfulness Over the Holidays: Watch Your Thoughts

Thoughts can be tricky and can easily affect your feelings and behaviours if you are not mindful of them.

Some thoughts I’ve heard come up over the holidays that won’t necessarily serve you include: thinking that the house needs to be spotless, food needs to be extravagant, every social event must be attended, or that every loved one should get an individualized, thoughtful gift so they know how much they are love, etc. These are thoughts that can cause stress for the whole family over the holidays!

Notice the word choice in these statements – needs, must, should, every, everyone – words like these lead to black-and-white thinking and can place a lot of pressure on a person. 

While none of these are bad things to want, you can change your thought process by altering your statements around these words. Some examples: “it would be nice if…” or, “I will try my best, but what I really value here is connection over cleanliness”.

This small shift can do wonders in reducing the stress experienced from high expectations.

Your teen daughter can learn how to shift her thoughts in presence, too. Our team has written a blog article on it for your pleasure here.

Photo by Canva

4. Mindfulness Over the Holidays: Be Open to Different Ways of Doing Things

Just because something has always been a certain way does not mean it needs to continue to be that way.

If there are aspects of the holiday season that are causing you stress, consider other ways of doing things. Maybe that looks like a gift exchange or going to an event instead of buying gifts for each family member. Perhaps it looks like a potluck or ordering in instead of one or two people feeling pressure to host a big meal.

The sky is the limit!!

Better yet – what ideas do your kids or partner have for changing the routine? What a great family discussion!

 

Photo by Canva

5. Mindfulness Over the Holidays: Be Present

Once you know your priorities, have healthy boundaries, and are intentional with the time you do have, it becomes easier to be present in whatever relationship or activity you are engaged in.

Worrying about whether or not everything will be perfect on Christmas day or meet everyone’s expectations will not have a significant impact on the outcome and will only drain your energy.

Let tomorrow worry about itself and try to find those silver linings in the moment.

 If you have a teen that struggles with anxiety over the holidays (perhaps perfectionism) and/or depression, you can download our free Anxiety Toolkit for Parents Raising Teens. It comes with 10 tools you can immediately begin implementing for your family this holiday season, as well as a series of mini webinars.

Our gift to you!

 

Photo by Canva

And don’t forget that it is OK to need some extra support, at any time of the year. I offer therapy for teens and young adults, creating lifelong strategies to get through anxious times. You can find my availability and booking link here:

 

Book an Appointment

From all of us here at Pyramid Psychology, we wish you a happy holiday season!

Email us with any questions, any time: info@pyramidpsychology.com

Love,

Jessa

 

Jessa

Jessa is a provisional psychologist living and servicing teens and young adults in Calgary, Alberta.

Jessa is passionate about helping people become the best version of themselves and is continually learning how to best support her clients. She has experience with acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) and cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), but most importantly she emphasizes the therapeutic relationship.

A safe, authentic relationship is key for therapy to work. Jessa prioritizes compassion and nonjudgmental curiosity. Together, she can find out what matters most to you and how to get there.

If you think Jessa may be a good match for you, please feel free to reach out and set up a free consult or book a session. She is looking forward to hearing from you!

Once a month, she writes a blog article in response to issues she hears from the parents, teens and young adults she connects with. If you have something you’d like to read more on – email ideas and questions to info@pyramidpsychology.com or DM us via Instagram or Facebook.

12 Dec
Anxiety, Confidence, Emotions, For Parents

10 Ways to Help Your Anxious Teen Enjoy Winter Break

10 Ways to Help Your Anxious Teen Enjoy Winter Break

I’m writing this blog because the other day I really had to take time to step into my client’s shoes. Christmas break is something I’ve always looked forward to… But that isn’t always the case for the teens I work with. Breaks from school can be stressful without having their friends around; they are alone a lot of the time. They loathe the idea of being stuck for hours on end with nothing to do. Hearing teens say these things gave me a glimpse into the reality that Christmas break is not all presents and joy.

 

(If this sounds like your daughter – here is an article I wrote just for her last year: 5 Practical Ways to Take Control of Your Happiness).

 

How to Raise Unbreakable Teen Girls: A guide for parents wanting to raise confident, resilient young women in today’s world. CLICK HERE FOR FREE DOWNLOAD <<<

9 tools you can immediately use to improve your teen’s mental health, strengthen her relationships, and boost her confidence.

Guide to Raise Unbreakable Teen Girls

 

If you have a teen daughter who:

  • Really thrives on routine
  • Seems nervous or on edge right now and it has nothing to do with how her school grades were
  • Struggles to initiate and put together plans with friends outside of school

She might be dreading Christmas break.

10 Ways to Help Your Anxious Teen Enjoy Christmas Break

#1 – Find Free Fun

Finding free fun. If you’re in a town or city, there’s usually a lot going on to celebrate the holidays. Checking ahead of time with your local library, city events sites, or even platforms like Eventbrite and Facebook will offer you loads of different and low-cost/free options (e.g. festivals, concerts, free library programming, etc.)

 

#2 -Try Something New Each Week

Try something new over the break! Novelty breathes excitement into life and teenage brains are designed to seek it more than at any age. Don’t know where to start on figuring out new things to try? Check out this article.

 

two women exchanging numbers

Photo from Canva Pro

#3 – Get Friends’ Contact Info

Get friend contact information (and parents if appropriate) ahead of time. Depending on your daughter’s age and skill level on planning and organizing, a little support from a loving parent may be a game changer. Little reminders and encouragement to make sure they can be in touch with friends through the summer can be helpful. Or even helping them to organize their first couple outings with friends outside of school.

 

#4 – Winter Camps

Summer camps. I know. Your teen may straight out balk at this idea. Other teens love them. Part of the secret to summer camp success is the fit. Try matching based on interest or attending with a friend to make this option a real success. 

 

#5 – Stick to A Routine

Staying up late and sleeping in is almost a quintessential part of Christmas break. But throwing routine completely out the window for 2 months is a recipe for exhaustion and bad moods. Encourage a summertime routine that continues to include rest, movement, and health hygiene.

 

Group of teens volunteering over summer break.

Photo by Canva Pro

#6 – Find Volunteer or Paid Opportunities

Line up some volunteer or paid opportunities. Even if it’s just a few hours a week, doing something that grows a skill, helps others, or puts money in her pockets is sure to be uplifting. If you’re in Calgary, Alberta you can check out Volunteer Connector HERE. You can also reach out to your YMCA, local churches, pools, libraries, neighbours and drum up some opportunities.

 

 

#7 – Make a Winter Bucket List

Make a Winter Bucket List. This is a fun family activity. Everyone puts down things they would like to do throughout the break and a list is created. You can decide if it’s “pick one random each day” or “each family member gets a weekend where they choose the activity of their choice and all the other members participate”. You can get really creative with these and they are sure to make cool memories.

 

#8 – Travel

Travel. I know this can get expensive really quickly. If travelling abroad or taking a plane is just not an option for you right now, travel can be a 45-minute drive out to the mountains, or a fun little day trip to a unique place of interest near your town or city. Did you know there’s a gopher museum? Check it out! 

 

#9 – Learn A New Skill

Learn a new skill. Mastering or getting better at something is so rewarding. Whether it’s winter break or another season. There are so many options: Learning to play an instrument, ride a horse, make jewelry, dance, make a piece of clothing, cook, build a toolbox, martial arts, grow a garden, crotchet, start a business, just to name a few.

 

#10 – Exercise and Movement

teen girl skateboarding on summer break

Photo by lisboa ind. on Unsplash

Exercise and movement. Staying active is a great way to release happy making natural chemicals into your body and brain, as well as lower

stress. It can also be a nice way to connect with others. Getting a Y membership for the summer or signing up for a class might be the way to go. Or maybe it’s more walking, hiking, biking, swimming that also ensures Vitamin D doses.

 

BONUS TIP:

Many teens won’t talk to you, their parent, about their anxieties over summer break. Offering your daughter a neutral person to talk to, and set summer goals with, can be extremely helpful to her mental health. I have gathered a powerful team of therapists in the Pyramid Psychology family who have room for more teen clients this summer. You can meet my team – Jessa, Chipo & Tara – as well as book a free consultation here:

I want summer break help for my teen!

 

Here’s to making your anxious teen daughter’s winter break something she’ll be excited to tell her friends about in the summer.

Love,

Chantal

Psychologist, Teen Life Coach, and Founder of Pyramid Psychology

 

How to Raise Unbreakable Teen Girls: A guide for parents wanting to raise confident, resilient young women in today’s world. CLICK HERE FOR FREE DOWNLOAD <<<

9 tools you can immediately use to improve your teen’s mental health, strengthen her relationships, and boost her confidence.

Guide to Raise Unbreakable Teen Girls

 

Chantal Côté (she/her) is a psychologist and teen life coach living in Calgary, Alberta. After over a decade in non-profit and community mental health, Chantal started Pyramid Psychology, a practice dedicated to supporting teens – a population she is constantly amazed by. Chantal is on a mission to help 100,000 teen girls (and their parents) build bulletproof mindsets so they can weather the ups and downs of life. As part of this goal, Chantal has had the privilege of speaking at various events – virtual and live – to support teens and parents.

Outside of this passion, Chantal is often in nature, writing poetry, playing ball hockey and hanging out with her loved ones.

Each week, Chantal writes a blog article in response to issues she hears from the parents and teens she connects with.

If you have something you’d like to read more on – email ideas and questions to info@pyramidpsychology.com or DM us via Instagram or Facebook.

winter break
05 Dec
For Teens, Friendships, Relationships

Making the Most of Winter Break for Teen Girls

Making the Most of Winter Break for Teen Girls

Yeayyyh!! You made it through tests and exams! I can only imagine what taking a break from school, waking up early, doing homework, having to be in bed at 9pm and repeat the cycle would look like for you… Winter break might be what you need right now. At the same time having a long break with nothing to do or look forward to can be frustrating and overwhelming. Some teens also experience some winter blues whereby you don’t have access to your school friends, and can’t engage in extracurricular activity as before as everything in relation to school might be closed. Here are some tips to make the most of winter break, and enjoy it!

 

>>> FREE DOWNLOAD: Mental Health Handbook for Teen Girls <<<

An eBook with 10 mental health exercises every teen girl needs to know to:

  • Improve focus
  • Boost happy hormones naturally
  • Cope with trick feelings
  • Develop self-compassion

I Want the Handbook!

 

winter break for teen girls

Photo by Yuri Levin on Unsplash

5 Ways to Make The Most of Winter Break

 

Tip #1 – Develop a Winter Break routine– Just as you have routine for your school week, you could do the same for your  winter break… make it fun and interesting such that you look forward to it every morning and at the end of your day. You can even title it Winter Morning Routine and Winter Night time Routine….

Tip #2 – Plan a family day/ friends day or camping trip- What would a great winter break look like with your loved ones… whatever that looks like for you… Do It. This is the time and moment to be creative and enjoy the outdoors.

Tip #3 – Get a Job for the winter break- Want to get some engaging responsibilities and develop some skills? Then getting a winter job could help with just that. Some creative ways to earn a few bucks could be…. Baby-sitting, dog walking, or retail, getting to maybe get paid by taking on some responsibilities at home, etc.

Tip #4 – Volunteer or be part of a group- Looking for ways to give back and be involved in community? Volunteering your time and effort will always go a long way. Some organizations you can volunteer at could include but not limited to: Youth Central is a good one, Diamond Willow if you are Indigenous), Calgary Sport, also City of Calgary has opportunities for youth

winter break for teen girls

Photo by Natasha Hall

Tip #5 – Start a club- As an individual who takes pride in reading for pleasure and can be fully immersed in a good read… having a book club does wonders for me. Not only does it keep me committed but also allows me to gain different perspectives on the book, the storyline and share in the beauty and humor in between chapters with others. You can do the same… start a book club, cooking club, start a knitting club etc.

Love,

Chipo

Register Social Worker offering counseling for female identifying teens (11-21 years old)

>>> FREE DOWNLOAD: Mental Health Handbook for Teen Girls <<<

An eBook with 10 mental health exercises every teen girl needs to know to:

  • Improve focus
  • Boost happy hormones naturally
  • Cope with trick feelings
  • Develop self-compassion

I Want the Handbook!

 

I am a registered social worker with a Bachelor of Social Work with a major in psychology from the university of the Western Cape, and a Master’s in Clinical Social Work specialization with individuals, families, and groups from the University of Calgary.

In my practice, I note the different intersectionalites that come into play, and I have adapted myself to understanding the effects thereof. I pride myself in working from a holistic and integrative approach using trauma-informed, anti-oppressive, and intersectional lenses in rendering services.

I am grounded by embracing my full humanness-being imperfectly perfect. My faith, family and friendships carry me through life and its happenings. I find being in nature very healing and so is savouring moments. When not working, I love to engage in some fitness, going on walks, journaling, catching up on Korean series, city adventures and reading for pleasure. I also believe in allowing my inner child come out sometimes through art, dancing, building sand castles you name it.

exam stress
02 Nov
Anxiety, Confidence, For Teens, Self-Compassion, Teen Joy

4 Waysto Have Fun Even With Exam Stress (for teen girls)

4 Ways to Have Fun With Exam Stress (for teen girls)

Exam stress is real….and this blog shares some practical ways that could help normalize this experience and make it fun!

 

>>> FREE DOWNLOAD: Mental Health Handbook for Teen Girls <<<

An eBook with 10 mental health exercises every teen girl needs to know to:

  • Improve focus
  • Boost happy hormones naturally
  • Cope with trick feelings
  • Develop self-compassion

I Want the Handbook!

 

exam stress

Photo by Naveen Kingsly on Unsplash

4 Ways for Teen Girls to Have Fun During Exam Stress

#1 – Normalize exam stress- Its important to note that exam season in itself is stressful, can promote worry, tension in relation to being in a test taking situation. It is normal to feel stress related to upcoming texts or exams which could also serve as a motivation to do your best, by being prepared. Could be tailored into “good stress”. Nonetheless, exam stress might as well trigger depression and anxiety, affect your eating and sleeping habits. If exam pressure and the taking of the exam in itself starts to take over your life, it would best to let others know, so you can be best supported as needed.

#2 – Do what makes you happy. Everyone has a way of managing stress or have tools that help them cope in stressful situations. These could include but not limited to, taking breaks in between study sessions, listening to music, going for a walk, having a change of scenery, watching a YouTube video, watching your favourite show, comedy, going through a bunch of memes, exercising, giving into your cravings, doodling and meditating. Engaging in suitable self-care could help, such as ensuring you are eating regularly, and you are keeping up with your sleep hygiene patterns.

#3 – Talk about exam stress with your peers, classmates, and friends. You might find that others might be experiencing or going through similar range of emotions as you are, when it comes to exams. They say, “a problem shared is a problem half solved”. This might not make you feel better but helps you understand that you are not alone. You have a tribe of other individuals experiencing similar things that you can actually relate too. Also, you might learn one or two things that could be of help in assisting you cope.

exam stress

Photo by Alexis Brown on Unsplash

#4 – You could join or create a study group- Working with and being a part of a study group could help boost your confidence in nailing your exams, by being able to practise exam questions together, get and share different perspectives on possible exam questions, laugh, cry together and hence build momentum to keep you going.

Also understand that this is a learning experience, doing your best whatever that looks is good enough.

Love,

Chipo

Register Social Worker offering counseling for female identifying teens (11-21 years old)

>>> FREE DOWNLOAD: Mental Health Handbook for Teen Girls <<<

An eBook with 10 mental health exercises every teen girl needs to know to:

  • Improve focus
  • Boost happy hormones naturally
  • Cope with trick feelings
  • Develop self-compassion

I Want the Handbook!

 

I am a registered social worker with a Bachelor of Social Work with a major in psychology from the university of the Western Cape, and a Master’s in Clinical Social Work specialization with individuals, families, and groups from the University of Calgary.

In my practice, I note the different intersectionalites that come into play, and I have adapted myself to understanding the effects thereof. I pride myself in working from a holistic and integrative approach using trauma-informed, anti-oppressive, and intersectional lenses in rendering services.

I am grounded by embracing my full humanness-being imperfectly perfect. My faith, family and friendships carry me through life and its happenings. I find being in nature very healing and so is savouring moments. When not working, I love to engage in some fitness, going on walks, journaling, catching up on Korean series, city adventures and reading for pleasure. I also believe in allowing my inner child come out sometimes through art, dancing, building sand castles you name it.

27 Oct
Anxiety, Emotions, For Teens, Teen Joy

How to Help Teen Girls with Test Anxiety

How to Help Teen Girls with Test Anxiety

Well, it looks like it is that time of year again – time to help teens with test anxiety!

The unfortunate reality of tests is the dreaded test anxiety that can sometimes go with it.

But its ok, we got you!

 

—————————————

How to Raise Unbreakable Teen Girls: A guide for parents wanting to raise confident, resilient young women in today’s world. CLICK HERE FOR FREE DOWNLOAD <<<

9 tools you can immediately use to improve your teen’s mental health, strengthen her relationships, and boost her confidence.

Guide to Raise Unbreakable Teen Girls

—————————————

Most often test anxiety is produced by the apprehension and pressure to do well on an evaluation. Test anxiety can show up in both physical (fight or flight) and mental (worry, about information recall). However, some anxiety is normal and can help one in a test while for others it can be debilitating. So, what can we do as parents to help support that test anxiety?

8 Ways to Help Teen Girls with Test Anxiety

talk to teen girls about test anxiety

Photo by Canva Pro

Tip #1: Talk About It

Well, step one talk about the test with your teen, what is causing worry? Perhaps it’s the material, maybe it’s the setting? Has your teen studied the material; do they understand it?

Talk about the worry. Talking about it can help it become much smaller.

 

Tip #2: Visualize

Visualize the test day… What does your teen need to have to be prepared? Have them imagine walking into the test feeling positive and prepared to write it. Talk about the test with them and go through how they want the test to be, and how they want the outcome result to be.

 

Tip #3: Expectations

Talk about rational expectations. If your teen has not been present in class or is missing key components, they might not be able to get the grades they wish for. And that is ok, try to work through any catastrophizing thoughts they may have, and discuss the reality of the situation.

 

Tip #4: Mindfulness

Mindfulness, talk about being in the present moment with your teen, especially when they begin to feel overly anxious. Focus on one task at a time. Stay in the moment and with each thought that appears don’t judge it, just recognize that it is just a thought and let it go.

talk to teen girls about test anxiety

Photo by Canva Pro on Unsplash

 

Tip #5: Negative Self-Talk

Encourage your teen to practice replacing negative self-talk with more rational thoughts. Remind them to take a moment to acknowledge how far they have come and give themselves praise.

 

—————————————

How to Raise Unbreakable Teen Girls: A guide for parents wanting to raise confident, resilient young women in today’s world. CLICK HERE FOR FREE DOWNLOAD <<<

9 tools you can immediately use to improve your teen’s mental health, strengthen her relationships, and boost her confidence.

Guide to Raise Unbreakable Teen Girls

—————————————

 

Tip #6: Name Anxiety

Talk to your teen about naming their test anxiety. Naming it creates the idea that it exists outside of your teen, putting distance between them and their uncomfortable thoughts.

 

talk to teen girls about test anxiety

Photo by Canva Pro on Unsplash

Tip #7: Self-Care

As parents we really want to focus on the basics here as well – good sleep hygiene, a healthy diet, and the inclusion of some moderate to light exercise to keep healthy. Look at other stressors in your teens life and look to reduce anything for a bit to help take some of the pressure off.

 

Tip #8: Celebrate

Celebrate small achievements your teen makes along the way. Congratulate them on trying. Celebrate that they did something that was hard and uncomfortable. Cheer when they study.

Check out 5 Ways to Make High School Exams Fun (blog written by a colleague in the Pyramid Psychology Family) to learn more ways to celebrate along the way.

Plan something for your teen to look forward to after their exams.

 

Take one of these tips at a time and implement them into life with your teen. You will be amazed at how much of a difference your support can make! (And you will feel less like you’re hopelessly watching on the outside, too).

Before I go, here is a BONUS TIP for your teen with exam anxiety! Offer for them to try a guided meditation the next time you’re driving them somewhere or there’s a quiet moment at home. Click here to listen to one I like.

Love,

Tara Aldie

Graduate Student in Counselling offering affordable counselling for teen girls (11-18 years old) online, and in person in Airdrie, Alberta

*1:1 services available for teen girls living in Alberta, Canada – $40 per session. Free consultation here.

 

—————————————

How to Raise Unbreakable Teen Girls: A guide for parents wanting to raise confident, resilient young women in today’s world. CLICK HERE FOR FREE DOWNLOAD <<<

9 tools you can immediately use to improve your teen’s mental health, strengthen her relationships, and boost her confidence.

Guide to Raise Unbreakable Teen Girls

—————————————

 

About Tara

Hello, my name is Tara, and I am a graduate student in counselling, I will be doing my practicum at Pyramid Psychology and I am very excited to practice all the skills I have learned as well as develop new relationships.

I have experience working with youth and teens and I also navigate parenting to four of my own kids. I tend to work with a solution focused, client centred and cognitive behavioural approach. I know that being a teen is tough, and sometimes are problems exasperated by social media and technology.

I struggled with fitting in as a teen, and I really felt that I didn’t belong. After years of soul searching and many personal ups and downs, I realized that my uniqueness was a strength. My goal is to help navigate through these difficult times while promoting self-discovery and personal strengths.

I understand that parents can often feel confused and left out of their teen’s life. I look to bridge the gap between these differences through positive communication. Teens need all the support they can get; the world and relationships can often seem crazy and unrelatable. I work to help bring closeness within existing supports and help develop and foster relationships.

With art, music, writing, play and movement we can work together to help promote self-discovery. I look forward to creating a positive and healing journey with you!

Book a free consultation with me here.

Serving teens in Alberta age 11-18, online or in person (Airdrie, Alberta).

13 Oct
Anxiety, Emotions, For Teens

How to Talk About Anxiety and Depression with Your Teen

How to Talk About Anxiety and Depression with Your Teen

Learning how to talk about anxiety and depression with your teen is not an easy task; as a parent of a teen girl, and therapist working with teens too – I KNOW this can be a challenge! But when we recognize that are teens are struggling and something doesn’t feel right, as parents we need to step in. We want to step in because we want to help! Also, lot of us did not grow up with all this new mental health knowledge, our teens probably have a pretty good vocabulary and awareness on more than we give them credit for. As parents we know our teens best, we can often recognize when they are not themselves. So what do we do and how can we approach our kids when we begin to see them struggle. 

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The Happiness Pill: Teen Coaching to Build Resiliency Against Anxiety & Social Awkwardness  CLICK HERE FOR DETAILS <<<

6 Weeks of group coaching to help teen girls navigate big emotions like anxiety and overwhelm, feel confident from the inside out (including with her body image), and handle social anxiety like a BOSS.

The Happiness Pill

———

Photo from Canva Pro

If your teen seems to be struggling with some intense feelings or their mood has visibly changed, maybe they have habits that seem different. It could all warrant a conversation. I would recommend approaching your teen when things are calmer in your house, i.e not right after school when chaos could be prevalent. You want to make sure that you are also in a good headspace, take a minute to make sure that you are coming from a place of love and concern. Once you have a calm atmosphere and you are calm yourself, I would try asking them if anything has happened lately. Mention that you have noticed that they are not spending time with their friends as much or doing the activities they love. Coming from a place of love tell them that you are concerned and want to know if there is anything that perhaps that could have occurred at school or an incident with friends. If your teen cannot pinpoint anything directly, it is a good time to open the discussion about mental health. You could ask them if they want to go for a walk or a coffee or play a game. By engaging in an activity, you kind of take the pressure off of your teen, and it can also help relax your teen making them more likely to engage in conversation. 

 

Photo from Canva Pro

Depression and anxiety are very common, and everyone experiences feelings of sadness and anxiety at some point. Teens often don’t realize that this is normal and can get really worried about it. Telling your teen that this is normal and that it is ok to feel anxiety and depression, and just because they feel sad or anxious, does not mean you are depressed or have anxiety. Discussing these feelings in a safe place and space will help your teen feel more comfortable. Let them know that it is ok and that you are always there to help and to talk. Talking about it can help so much on its own! If your teen struggles with being open with you, that’s ok, try not to take it too personally. It may be a good time to look up a counsellor for your teen, as having someone trusted and confidential can really help. Let them know that seeing a counsellor is really just part of keeping your health in check. At Pyramid Psychology we are here to help, listen and provide tools for your teen when they are experiencing times of distress. Good luck, and please reach out for a free consultation HERE if you would like further support.

 

Love,

Tara Aldie

Graduate Student in Counselling offering affordable counselling for teen girls (11-18 years old) online, and in person in Airdrie, Alberta

*1:1 services available for teen girls living in Alberta, Canada – $40 per session. Free consultation here.

———

The Happiness Pill: Teen Coaching to Build Resiliency Against Anxiety & Social Awkwardness  CLICK HERE FOR DETAILS <<<

6 Weeks of group coaching to help teen girls navigate big emotions like anxiety and overwhelm, feel confident from the inside out (including with her body image), and handle social anxiety like a BOSS.

The Happiness Pill

———

 

About Tara

Hello, my name is Tara, and I am a graduate student in counselling, I will be doing my practicum at Pyramid Psychology and I am very excited to practice all the skills I have learned as well as develop new relationships.

I have experience working with youth and teens and I also navigate parenting to four of my own kids. I tend to work with a solution focused, client centred and cognitive behavioural approach. I know that being a teen is tough, and sometimes are problems exasperated by social media and technology.

I struggled with fitting in as a teen, and I really felt that I didn’t belong. After years of soul searching and many personal ups and downs, I realized that my uniqueness was a strength. My goal is to help navigate through these difficult times while promoting self-discovery and personal strengths.

I understand that parents can often feel confused and left out of their teen’s life. I look to bridge the gap between these differences through positive communication. Teens need all the support they can get; the world and relationships can often seem crazy and unrelatable. I work to help bring closeness within existing supports and help develop and foster relationships.

With art, music, writing, play and movement we can work together to help promote self-discovery. I look forward to creating a positive and healing journey with you!

Book a free consultation with me here.

Serving teens in Alberta age 11-18, online or in person (Airdrie, Alberta).

06 Oct
Anxiety, Counselling, Emotions, For Teens, Self-Compassion

EDS Framework: 3 Simple Steps to Handle Big Emotions (for teens)

EDS Framework: 3 Simple Steps to Handle Big Emotions (for teens)

As a psychologist, one idea that I introduce to teens who are struggling with big emotions is to use the EDS framework: express, distract, and soothe to handle big teen emotions. No one tool will work all the time, so having a variety to choose from and which are personalized to you is a great way to be prepared when those big emotions roll around.

Many of the teens I work with keep a list or visual graphic handy to use when they are feeling overwhelmed. When emotions are running high, the logical part of our brain tends to not work quite as well, and having an external visual reminder can help bridge that gap.

 

———-

The Happiness Pill: Teen Coaching to Build Resiliency Against Anxiety & Social Awkwardness  CLICK HERE FOR DETAILS <<<

6 Weeks of group coaching to help teen girls navigate big emotions like anxiety and overwhelm, feel confident from the inside out (including with her body image), and handle social anxiety like a BOSS.

The Happiness Pill

———-

Here is the EDS framework to handle big emotions:

Express

There are a variety of ways to express your emotions. One of the first ways to express emotions that is mentioned is talking to a family member or friend. This could be face-to-face, but due to the rise in technology, teens are likely to use video chat or texting.

Expressing emotions to someone else is not the only form of expression, and some people even prefer to express emotions individually.

Photo from Canva Pro

Journaling, drawing, creative writing, or using other artistic mediums can all be helpful ways to process big emotions. Some teens that I have worked with also use movements – such as dance or kickboxing – as a way to physically express emotions.

Distract

Distraction tends to be a favourite coping strategy among the teens (and adults!) that I work with. Using technology, such as looking at social media, watching a favourite show, or playing a videogame, are go-to strategies for many teens. Other teens gravitate toward spending time with friends or family, playing a sport, reading, or immersing themselves in a favourite hobby as a form of distraction.

Distraction can be a highly effective tool in managing big emotions, but if it is the only tool used and used frequently, distraction can easily turn into avoidance. As many of the teens I have worked with will tell you, avoiding emotions tends to only make them bigger.

Soothe

Soothing strategies include anything that will help calm down and relax your body. Here are a few ideas that teens have found helpful:

Photo from Canva Pro

  •         Taking a shower or bath
  •         Using a calm box
  •         Snuggling pets
  •         Getting cozy in a blanket and lighting some candles
  •         Drinking a favourite beverage
  •         Eating your favourite comfort food
  •         Spending time on skincare or nail care
  •         Yoga or stretching
  •         Listening to music

    Photo from Canva Pro

  •         Looking at favourite photos
  •         Doing something creative with your hands
  •         Meditations or mindfulness
  •         Journalling
  •         Podcasts or audiobooks
  •         Doing an act of kindness

 

———-

The Happiness Pill: Teen Coaching to Build Resiliency Against Anxiety & Social Awkwardness  CLICK HERE FOR DETAILS <<<

6 Weeks of group coaching to help teen girls navigate big emotions like anxiety and overwhelm, feel confident from the inside out (including with her body image), and handle social anxiety like a BOSS.

The Happiness Pill

———-

There can be overlap between the three EDS pillars, as some ideas will apply to more than one category. The key is to understand what you are doing and why.

For continued reading on handling big teen emotions, depression specifically, read my blog article ‘4 Depression Tips for Teen Girls‘.

If you’re not sure how to implement the EDS framework into your self-care routine, I offer private 1:1 therapy for teens and young adults in Alberta. Book a free consultation with me here.

AND, if your emotions are big enough that you’re feeling depress

You can email our team with next steps at info@pyramidpsychology.com

Love, Jessa

 

Jessa is a registered psychologist living and servicing teens and young adults in Calgary, Alberta.

Jessa is passionate about helping people become the best version of themselves and is continually learning how to best support her clients. She has experience with acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) and cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), but most importantly she emphasizes the therapeutic relationship.

A safe, authentic relationship is key for therapy to work. Jessa prioritizes compassion and nonjudgmental curiosity. Together, she can find out what matters most to you and how to get there.

If you think Jessa may be a good match for you, please feel free to reach out and set up a free consult or book a session. She is looking forward to hearing from you!

Once a month, she writes a blog article in response to issues she hears from the parents, teens and young adults she connects with. If you have something you’d like to read more on – email ideas and questions to info@pyramidpsychology.com or DM us via Instagram or Facebook.

22 Sep
Anxiety, Confidence, For Teens, Friendships, Relationships

3 Ways to Help Your Teen Through Social Awkwardness

3 Ways to Help Your Teen Through Social Awkwardness

 

If you have a socially awkward teen daughter, know that it’s totally normal for her to experience this. And she can actively work through it with this blog article and your help!

 

>>> FREE DOWNLOAD: Depression & Anxiety Toolkit for Parents Raising Teen Girls <<<

10 tools you can immediately use to improve your female identifying teens’ mental health & build resistance against depression & anxiety:

 

Anxiety & Depression Toolkit for Parents Raising Teen Girls

 

‘Never Have I Ever Felt socially awkward’ is a statement NO ONE would win in the game “Never Have I Ever”. Everybody experiences moments of feeling kind of out of place. But when you combine the hyper-awareness of yourself that comes with being a teen it can feel 100 times worse. 

What leads teens to feel like every move they make highlights all their flaws? If you guessed their brain 🧠, you got it!

Photo by Norbu Gyachung on Unsplash

Teen brains are fascinating and undergoing some major changes well into their mid-20’s. The limbic system (emotion centers) are in full swing and the prefrontal cortex (reasoning, executive functioning, and problem-solving centers) are working hard to wire. This can lead teens to misinterpret facial expressions and emotional tones more negatively (read more about this HERE).

Teens are also at the peak of egocentrism. Ok sometimes this gets a bad rap – thinking that teens are only utterly self-involved. It’s not quite that. Their brains are so self-aware during adolescence, that it makes it hard to see the differences between their own perceptions and that of others.

This can sometimes lead to self-consciousness and insecurities. Your teen is also experimenting in the in-between worlds of letting go of some childlike behaviours and stepping into adult-like behaviours. This includes how to use different social skills in different settings. Your teen probably acts and speaks quite differently around their friends than they would with their  grandparent. 

It’s like those little whispers we sometimes have running in the background, “what if they don’t like me”, “what if they think I’m basic”, “what if they make fun of me”, “what if no one talks to me”, are full on shouting. Those thoughts can make anyone feel like they are under the microscope with their every move. 

So there’s a lot of stuff going on and I haven’t even mentioned the social and internal pressures to fit in, differences in abilities to interpret social cues, unique experiences, history, sociopolitical factors, and more. 

So how does one move from socially awkward to gracefully nailing every social interaction. Um…..If I figure that one out, I’ll be the first to share it! The reality is social stuff is not always going to be perfect nor pretty, but I can share a few things that can make things a little easier for your teen as she navigates this time in her life.

socially awkward teen

Photo by Yanapi Senaud on Unsplash

 

3 Tips to Share With Your Socially Awkward Teen Daughter:

Tip #1 – Building confidence- Trusting that you can get through challenging things and make it to the other side somehow is key to feeling less socially awkward. You might stutter, go blank, mess up someone’s name, but if you know that it’s going to be ok in the end and that you’ll figure it out, it goes a long way to continuing on. 

If you’re struggling to feel confident in social situations, here is a blog article with 10 rules to live by:

10 Rules for Being Confident When Talking to Others

tip #2 – Finding your people-  This doesn’t mean only liking those that have similar interests (‘cause where’s the variety in that). It’s more about connecting with people who you feel kind of comfortable with, those who leave you feeling good most of the time, people you can have

socially awkward teen

Photo by Mi Pham on Unsplash

fun with. In order to meet these people, sometimes you have to have a few (or many) fails. In the end it’s so worth finding your people. 

Refining your social skills- yeah some people seem to just have the hang of this social thing a little easier than others. However, it’s good to know that social skills are very teachable, so even if you didn’t win the lottery on it coming naturally, there are ways of learning how to make social interactions breezier. Important Note ***I want to make a distinction between learning social skills and encouraging masking behaviours in teens who are neurodivergent. Social skills will enhance communication, ability to read social cues, understanding of social situations, and a sense of connection to others. If you’re learning skills that make you feel like you’re forcing, faking, hiding yourself, unsafe, or exhausted, you might be more in masking territory and this could even make things worse. 

REMEMBER- everyone else is working through their own stuff about social interactions and are likely more in their own heads rather than noticing your little mistakes.  

 

>>> FREE DOWNLOAD: Depression & Anxiety Toolkit for Parents Raising Teen Girls <<<

10 tools you can immediately use to improve your female identifying teens’ mental health & build resistance against depression & anxiety:

 

Anxiety & Depression Toolkit for Parents Raising Teen Girls

 

And to finish, here is a list of movies and shows where the socially awkward characters are actually pretty freaking “adorkable” (wish I had coined this word!)- If you have some other suggestions, send them our way.

 

Movies and Shows With Socially Awkward Characters

  • Peter Parker – Spiderman
  • Mary Catherine Gallagher- Superstar
  • Allison Reynolds- Breakfast Club 
  • Mike Drinkwater- Drinkwater
  • Wednesday Adams – Wednesday 
  • Nadine Franklin – The Edge of Seventeen
  • George McFly- Back to the Future
  • Mia Thermopolis – Princess Diaries
  • Josie Geller- Never Been Kissed
  • Fogell McLovin- Superbad
  • Minnie goetz-  Diary of a teenage girl
  • Kayla Day- 8th grade 
  • Napoleon Dynamite- Napoleon Dynamite
  • Jess Day- New Girl
  • Daria Morgendorffer– Daria
  • Amy Santiago- Brooklyn 99 
  • Kevin Arnold- The Wonder Years
  • Emma Nelson- Degrassi Next Gen
  • Jenna Hamilton- Awkward
  • Hannah Horvath- Girls

Love,
Chantal
Psychologist, Teen Life Coach, and Founder of Pyramid Psychology

 

Chantal Côté (she/her) is a psychologist and teen life coach living in Calgary, Alberta. After over a decade in non-profit and community mental health, Chantal started Pyramid Psychology, a practice dedicated to supporting teens – a population she is constantly amazed by. Chantal is on a mission to help 100,000 teen girls (and their parents) build bulletproof mindsets so they can weather the ups and downs of life. As part of this goal, Chantal has had the privilege of speaking at various events – virtual and live – to support teens and parents.

Outside of this passion, Chantal is often in nature, writing poetry, playing ball hockey and hanging out with her loved ones.

Each week, Chantal writes a blog article in response to issues she hears from the parents and teens she connects with.

If you have something you’d like to read more on – email ideas and questions to info@pyramidpsychology.com or DM us via Instagram or Facebook.

15 Sep
For Teens, Friendships, Relationships

How to Build Community After Trauma – A Story for Teen Girls

  • Posted by author-avatar

How to Build Community After Trauma – A Story for Teen Girls

When I think of the importance of community after trauma, the saying “no man is an island” comes to mind…. Ever heard it? I have a couple of times…

And as a result of my own pain, suffering, trauma, and fear of being hurt I mastered the art of avoiding to share my personal struggles with others.

 

>>> FREE DOWNLOAD: Mental Health Handbook for Teen Girls <<<

An eBook with 10 mental health exercises every teen girl needs to know to:

  • Improve focus
  • Boost happy hormones naturally
  • Cope with trick feelings
  • Develop self-compassion

I Want the Handbook!

 

Yep. I ensured I looked like “I had it together”. This was not your typical act or performance. Rather, it was embroiled in my veins…. Be the emotional tool box for every other human being, don’t be vulnerable. It’s for the weak and if you are, what if you get hurt again.

Therapist discovering community after trauma

Chipo Bvindi, Register Social Worker supporting teens in YYC

Yes, that is a negotiation, I ensured I made, proactively and also at the end of the day resented people for always coming to me with their struggles, although this is what I wanted. I had a savior mentality, made me feel safe… I could save others, such that my own personal struggles had somewhere to lean on for support. By attending to other people’s needs, I DIDN’T HAVE TO DEAL WITH MY OWN… my own struggles with fear of abandonment…. Not only was this a maladaptive behavior, but it was killing me softly… as I held my own trauma within my body, faking it till you made it.

It wasn’t until one day my therapist was like what if you did try and test the waters… you don’t have to open up your whole being to everyone… you could share just bits of pieces and see how that goes… and maybe it might be time to renegotiate what your relationships should like moving forward.

You see, the thing is avoidance does not help at all. It keeps you stuck with rigidity and in the past… and it escalates situations as avoidance allows us to not delay with things that can later on become bigger problems. I cannot do life on my own, neither am I an island, avoiding to be hurt will not prevent me from being hurt anyways, I can learn.

Plus avoiding relationships in which there is reciprocity and vulnerability prevents me from healing… as on is isolated, alone and lonely…. No one knows what you are going through except you. And usually when we are alone that’s often the time our minds play “Yeah bet” lets overthink and it becomes a vicious cycle… where we cannot generate external perspective on situations affecting us. Avoiding relationships will not help you grow, rather we can make a conscious decision of being able to choose relationships that are healthy for us and meet our needs and speak to our values.

I also realized, that not everyone is out to get me, and when I do share and do not get the response or desired outcome, that is a learning for

Teen discovering community after trauma

Chipo Bvindi, Register Social Worker supporting teens in YYC

me. Not everyone has the capacity to help or respond empathetically and that’s okay. From there we can chose on how to proceed.

 

As I started to open up more and just be my authentic self… I felt lighter in my body, in my mind. I realized what I was missing, a sense of community, and a sense of belonging. That a problem shared, is a problem half solved. Nothing is greater than being listened to, to understand and being supported in the best way possible. Community care and social support is important, trust me. Nothing sucks more than doing life alone and for the record loneliness and isolation have been researched to lead to an increased risk of premature mortality.

Get out there and find your tribe; your community after trauma. You will never regret it. My goal this year is to be intentional and content with my friendships. Avoiding relationships will not help you know who is healthy for you… you can learn to choose people who are health for you. Building walls will not help you accomplish that. Healthy relationships are possible if you open yourself up to that process and responsibility it takes.

If you feel this journey is much too scary to do alone, as I did, you are welcome to seek support with me. I offer private therapy for teen girls ages 11-21 in Alberta. I work specifically on accepting yourself as a whole person as you find community after trauma.

Book a free consultation with me HERE.

(If you’re nervous, read our blog: “Everything You Need to Know About Therapy“.)

 

Love,

Chipo

Register Social Worker offering counseling for female identifying teens (11-21 years old)

 

>>> FREE DOWNLOAD: Mental Health Handbook for Teen Girls <<<

An eBook with 10 mental health exercises every teen girl needs to know to:

  • Improve focus
  • Boost happy hormones naturally
  • Cope with trick feelings
  • Develop self-compassion

I Want the Handbook!

 

I am a registered social worker with a Bachelor of Social Work with a major in psychology from the university of the Western Cape, and a Master’s in Clinical Social Work specialization with individuals, families, and groups from the University of Calgary.

In my practice, I note the different intersectionality’s that come into play, and I have adapted myself to understanding the effects thereof. I pride myself in working from a holistic and integrative approach using trauma-informed, anti-oppressive, and intersectional lenses in rendering services.

I am grounded by embracing my full humanness-being imperfectly perfect. My faith, family and friendships carry me through life and its happenings. I find being in nature very healing and so is savouring moments. When not working, I love to engage in some fitness, going on walks, journaling, catching up on Korean series, city adventures and reading for pleasure. I also believe in allowing my inner child come out sometimes through art, dancing, building sand castles you name it.

Teen girl in hijab smiling with self compassion
08 Sep
Anxiety, Emotions, For Teens

A Guide to Self-Compassion for Teen Girls

  • Posted by author-avatar

A Guide to Self-Compassion for Teen Girls

Have you realized that being compassionate and accepting of others, their mistakes and their flaws is quite easy to do? But when it comes to us, we struggle with exercising self-compassion ourselves… Ever wondered where this comes from? Well, most of the time we hold ourselves to a higher standard, which at times costs us our humanity. To add, it could also be influenced by how we are raised, natured, and cared for, cultural, and traditional factors and systematic exclusions too. Here are some tips to help build self-compassion: 

———

>>> FREE DOWNLOAD: Mental Health Handbook for Teen Girls <<<

An eBook with 10 mental health exercises every teen girl needs to know to:

  • Improve focus
  • Boost happy hormones naturally
  • Cope with trick feelings
  • Develop self-compassion

I Want the Handbook!

———

If you are struggling with self-compassion and feel stuck in a cycle of self-judgement and critique, ask yourself, how would you treat a friend in a similar situation? And then apply that response to your given situation. This allows you to learn and make room for mistakes, and at the end of the day, we are all human and you are not alone in being imperfect. As no one is.  What could also help is making time for caring for yourself and your needs? Self-care could be of great help to engaging in self-compassion as viewing yourself as deserving of care and engaging in self-care practices allows you to note how self-compassion is also a crucial part of your human experience. 

 

teen girl proud of herself as she builds self compassion

Photo by Alex McCarthy on Unsplash

Another tip would be to try to be more self-accepting of who you are and your own journey. Everyone is on their own unique path and how it lays out can be very different from our own. What difference would it make if you engaged in self-acceptance of your shortcomings, our critical self-talk and realized these elements do not make our whole existence and might actually take up about 1% of who we are? This can also allow one to focus on their strengths rather than weaknesses that do not define the overall you. We create space to discover what aligns and is important to us by letting go of what isn’t right or ours to carry. Self-acceptance allows us to accept things for what they are and hold space for emotions that come along. By paying attention to our emotions and feelings, we also master what they can be trying to tell us about what we really need in life and what is important to us. 

 

Exercising mindfulness could do wonders for the self. This means allowing yourself to live in the present moment, and accepting things as they are. Mindfulness can be an important practice as it allows us to be present, as at times our inner critique is often at the forefront of our decisions, and who we are as people, and thus dictates the narrative we choose to believe. Practising mindfulness, allows us to be mindful of where our thoughts go to (sometimes to the past or future), which can result in us beating ourselves up, for things we cannot change or beyond our control.  By practicing mindfulness, we allow the experience to be there as it is, examine what is going on, practice curiosity and attend to what to happening with mindfulness and care. As well as kindness. 

 

Here are some guided meditations that you could use when trying to practice self-compassion-related mindfulness: https://self-compassion.org/category/exercises/

teen girl meditating as part of her self compassion practice

Photo by Imani Bahati on Unsplash

 

Self compassion is an up and down journey that takes time to work through. Most adults still aren’t all the way there! If you would like 1:1 support, but aren’t sure if therapy is a good option for you, read our blog:

 

4 Ways to Tell If Teen Therapy Is Right For You

 

We have several therapists you can get to know, and book a free consultation with, here:

BOOK A FREE CONSULTATION (for Alberta teens aged 11-21)

 

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